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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why can't some men stand up to domineering and controlling women?      Home login  
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 Chanelle2
Joined: 12/6/2009
Msg: 1
Why can't some men stand up to domineering and controlling women?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I'm just curious. I have a friend who reconnected with his highschool sweetheart during a tumultuous time in his marriage (he got cancer after living in an abusive marriage). He ended up having an affair with this woman and when he pressed her to leave her husband she said "no". She justed wanted him as her "mistress". THen when he had had enough and was calling it quits, she intentionally got pregnant. This womans husband apparently didn't care. She didn't tell him that he had a daughter for over two years. He decided to change his life and move on a year ago. So finally divorcing his wife and the woman who had his child from the affair is now threatening him to continue the affair or he cant see his daughter. I told him he needed to take her to court since she refuses to sign papers, do paternity and get a visitation schedule. Sad part is, he finally met the woman of his dreams who is anything like these two abusive, domineering and controlling women and his new girlfriend can't stand the drama and wants him to give her boundaries by finalizing his divorce from wife and establishing visitation with his daughter. Fortunately there are no children with his wife. What I can't understand is why he can't stand up to these women who were so abusive to him? Is it the same for men as for women? I don't get it. And what advise do you have for the new love of his life who has put the breaks on their relationship?
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 2
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Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/9/2009 10:54:12 PM
If he really wanted to he would, if he really hated the drama he wouldn't have dived head long into it at least twice, and watch our for #3 because he probably sees something attractive about her that he also saw in the other two, she may just be hiding the proof at the moment. It's unlikely that someone who seeks drama and lives in the middle of it while whining about it, would be attracted to someone who's not going to be a drama queen also. These things didn't just happen to this man, he chose this life.
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 3
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Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/9/2009 10:56:37 PM
Dip your pen in an inkwell you have no business dipping in, you deserve the drama that follows.
His poor choices followed and are biting him.
All you can do is watch the train wreck.
 tarotdream
Joined: 10/12/2008
Msg: 4
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Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/9/2009 11:04:32 PM

I don't get it. And what advise do you have for the new love of his life who has put the breaks on their relationship?


Sounds like the new girl is smart, knows what she's about and refuses to stompi nto a big pile of poop. Tell your friend to do exactly what she tells him to do.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 5
Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/9/2009 11:10:40 PM
Where'd you get this story, the soap opera channel?

First off if he was her mistress, wouldn't he be her misteress?

ASSuming this story to be true, this isn't a woman, this is a b1tch. Her picture probably appears in the dictionary next to the word. Before anything he needs a paternity test, with someone like this, I wouldn't believe a damn thing. After that he needs to go to court, if he so chooses, but he can expect to be there every 2 months, because she will make visitation a living he11.

Now I know you'll all hate me for what I am about to say, but the best is for him to walk away right now. If the b1tch wants child support, she'll take him to court, he can get paternity then and establish visitation. If not she will only turn the child against him, so best he should just live his own life.

He should get with the new woman, move on and live his life.

Also he should post a reward for anyone who finds his balls and backbone. You deal with life straight on or it runs you over.
 honeyangel1985
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 6
Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/9/2009 11:24:02 PM
Ok so let me get this mess straight...

1. Your friend is a cheater.
2. You assume she got pregnant on purpose. Evidence?
3. You claim he was abused by his wife? Evidence?

I certainly hope he is being a financially responsible, decent parent and paying child support to the mother of his child. If not, he deserves to be dragged into court about the issue. He owes 2 plus years of child support if he hasn't paid anything.

If was his new love, I'd walk away from his drama. He's still legally married, thus cheating and neglects his daughter.

So how is a mother protecting the needs of her child controlling, abusive, and domineering? She's not!
Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/9/2009 11:32:04 PM


THen when he had had enough and was calling it quits, she intentionally got pregnant.

He had enough, but nevertheless, he had sex with her. She's not the only one responsible. Didn't he know that sex could lead to pregnancy?



when he pressed her to leave her husband she said "no"

I don't see why is it fair for him to press for that. Just because they slept with each other doesn't mean they get an ownership right for each other. He was free to go at that moment, but he decided to stick around.

It seems like he actively puts himself in bad situations. It's not a matter or not being able to stand up to people, it's not knowing when to leave.
 w3bb3r
Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 8
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Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/9/2009 11:35:49 PM
One train wreck to another and the third one is on the way. Wow, the third one is the charm. Your friend's inability to stand up to women is the main thing that kept him crashing from one drama to another. It is possible that his exposure to strong women would give him the opportunity grow a pair and make decisions that really mattered. However, by the time he grew those manly things, he might find himself in alot of trouble than he is already in at this point.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 9
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Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/9/2009 11:43:06 PM
He likes domineering and controlling women, for reasons he probably doesn't even understand... or even know
 Takmeaziam
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 10
Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/9/2009 11:46:31 PM
What drama! Something in the water? Or just a bunch of people who don't know how to say no? Or practice self control, responsibility, and accountability?

He met the woman of his dreams, and he hasn't even dealt with the two woman in his life he currently has, and a baby? Um, no.

And there is a baby...A man, who is a man, an adult, does not get involved in situations that he is not responsible and accountable for. Neither, do women. This sounds like a story about a bunch of self indulgent brats, who have ALL of their priorities screwed up. And there is a baby!!! sigh....

...what was the question?
 *november babee*
Joined: 2/19/2009
Msg: 11
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Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/9/2009 11:48:20 PM
his new girlfriend can't stand the drama and wants him to give her boundaries by finalizing his divorce from wife and establishing visitation with his daughter.


how is this any less controlling than the other 2...?
hes jumped out of the fire into what seems like the frying pan, maybe she is a little more subtle about the control or manipulation but its there none the less.... she is telling him the relationship can only continue IF he sorts out his divorce, which she knew about at the beginning i presume, and IF he establishes visitation with his daughter,

and if you then argue that she is not controlling, and hates the drama and thats why she wants all this sorted,why pick a guy who has enough drama for his own mini-series...

just doesnt ring true to me.....


And what advise do you have for the new love of his life who has put the breaks on their relationship?



are you the 'friend' the one putting on the brakes that needs the advise...? if you are.. i would say leave this philandering man well alone... if he can cheat on his wife with a married woman .. well i shouldnt need to say more.....
 blowmydoorsoff
Joined: 11/15/2009
Msg: 12
Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/10/2009 12:01:43 AM
My 1st thought is gawd your f'ing hawt woman. Followed by this is a weird thread, are U the new luv ?

Your question is really badly phrased, should be why cant this man ( not men ) stand up to etc. And my answer would be, becuz he's liking something about the situation. It fills some need and obviously he doesnt view it as intolerable himself. He evidentally is attracted to that kind of woman. ( ie: broken picker syndrome ) If his HS luv and woman he took to be his wife. Were both according to him/U controlling, domineering, evil bytches. There's a saying, ..... consider the source. Also something tells me, he may be glossing over the part he played in it all.

Some people feed on and into drama. This noble creature U describe was fecking around on his wife. He wasnt some poor victim driven into the arms of another woman, he went out of his way. Supposedly knocked up a girl, who was also married and cheating on her husband. My heart is bleeding for all these characters.

As for the overall situation, wouldnt believe that even was my daughter, without tests. Or for that matter wouldnt believe your "friend", as to what actually happened. Its not like he's da wellspring of integrity and virtue.

Sounds like a so so plot for a romance novel to me, or a soap opera episode. Any hope of U emailing and telling me the ending ?
 Aisfor_Amanda
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 13
Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/10/2009 12:06:06 AM
How? How did she 'intentionally get pregnant'? He was there. He was having sex with her. So he obviously hadn't had enough at the time. She didn't tell him for 2 years? But...he dumped her so chances are he did one of those 'don't call me, I'll call you' kind of dumps so she took him at his word.
 curiousaboutu77
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 14
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Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/10/2009 12:15:32 AM
This dude really does sound like a sucker for pain, even im getting frustrated by the situation. I would prefer it if he didn't move on to another relationship so soon as he should get the issues with his daughter (if she is his daughter that is) like child support and visitation out of the way and then get on with his life getting to know his new woman. Lets hope he has picked wisely this time and i think it is more then reasonable for his date to ask him to end this mess because they can't really enjoy each others company with that mess in the background. I think she should just move on if he isn't going to settle it all quickly and im actually surprised she didn't just say from the start to get back to her after all is sorted out and if she is still single, they can date then.
 Eldrida
Joined: 11/13/2009
Msg: 15
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Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/10/2009 4:14:39 AM
I don't feel terribly sorry for your friend over having a child with this woman. If you don't want a child, you need to take responsibility for your own birth control. Wrap it or don't bother, it's that simple, guys.

I find also that some people, women and men, like to be domineered and controlled.

I also find that lots of people, both women and men, like to embellish or just plain lie about their relationships with other people, especially when things get ugly.

Honestly, the whole "that whore got pregnant to him on purpose, the poor man" rubs me up the wrong way big time. There is no way, outside of science fiction, that a woman can become pregnant by a man who is being responsible about his own birth control (using a condom, getting a vasectomy, or just plain saying no.)
 CompletelyDone
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 16
Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/10/2009 4:37:19 AM
If it makes you feel any better OP - You're not the FIRST person to want to buy into someone's stories about being cheated on and abused by EVERY ex they ever had. It makes for a nice smokescreen to be able to claim that he was simply an innocent victim of all those "domineering and controlling women" and if it suits your desire to be with him, I'm sure you would strongly prefer that to believe that it's true at this point.

When I was younger and far less experienced in the dating realm, I also bought into a guy holding his exes up in front of him so that I couldn't see who he was. I have to own that I wanted to believe it was possible for someone with a bad picker so that I didn't have to look at the flaws in him or end the potential relationship. I paid for that in spades when I became one of the names on his list of horrid women and I hadn't even thought of cheating on him. (shuddering at the memory here).

Take a look at your own unwillingness (or that of your "friend's") to see his own contributions to what has happened in his life AND most significantly, his REASONS for attempting to convince you that he is a victim. I think he's counting on your compassion to get through the door. Sooner or later, you will end up wondering why you overlooked a few important things and at why he NEEDED you to overlook them.

There's a substantial likelihood that it won't be pretty...

 sbee91
Joined: 3/29/2009
Msg: 17
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Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/10/2009 5:09:25 AM
this is why u need to be divorced before u have an affair

this is why u always use protection

this is why part of the population should be steralized
 Jewlsey*
Joined: 1/24/2009
Msg: 18
Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/10/2009 5:12:29 AM
OMG - your friend doesn't sound much better than the women he gets involved with. It takes 2 people to create drama - he's a willing participant.

The reason he can't stand up to these women is the same reason why he had an affair. He lacks character and a spine - he's a coward.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 19
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Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/10/2009 5:16:46 AM
He doesn't WANT to be in control, b/c then he has to take responsibility, get blamed when his decisions don't work, etc.

but out and out abuse? Check how his parents treated him. What is his self esteem like, etc.

As for ms. nice? don't be surprised when that story changes....
 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 20
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Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/10/2009 5:40:32 AM
Such messed up adults...what chance do the kids have?
SAD.
 indefatigabilis
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 21
Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/10/2009 6:11:12 AM
Evil women and stupid men are more entertaining when paired than are evil men and stupid women. What's best is for evil and evil to mate, and stupid and stupid to mate. The problem in particular when an evil women gets hold of a stupid man is the pathetic evocation and misplacement of undeserved sympathy he gets from compassionate women onlookers. He is getting exactly what he bargained for, so shed no tears for his plight. Evil women are impossible for a man to get with, let alone stay with, unless his stupidity is intentional. Their evil powers operate by virtue of voluntary sacrifice on the part of their victims.
 SoftAndHappy
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 22
Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/10/2009 6:14:52 AM
I don't trust people who have sob stories where everything in their life has gone wrong and they think none of it is their fault. I find that when you dig deeper, they usually played a pretty big role in the whole mess.

About the wife - He got cancer and she was abusive - therefore he must cheat? This really isn't an excuse to cheat. If things were bad, he should have divorced his wife and looked to friends and family for support. Or does he have some kind of drama with friends and family that he couldn't do that?? (Hint: That would be an even bigger red flag) I highly suspect that this woman wasn't even abusive. It just makes him look a little better if he SAYS she was abusive. He's not taking responsibility for his own actions here.

About the 'other' woman - She intentionally got pregnant but then did not tell him about the child? What would be the point in that? Think about the mind set someone would have to be in for either of these scenarios to occur. Either you get pregnant intentionally or it's unintentional and you don't tell about the kid. Not both. That simply does not make sense.

To say that BOTH these women are acting in ways that defies logic... defies logic.

About the 'new' woman - I think her intentions are pure... based on his story, he really SHOULD set boundaries. The problem is that it's all a lie - so now SHE is going to look like the psycho to the other two women when all of a sudden he changes his tune. They won't understand what lies he's telling and think that SHE is the domineering one.

His problem is not with controlling women. It's with lying.

My advice to the new woman? RUN.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 23
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Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/10/2009 6:27:55 AM
Let me guess...this guy also likes to take a bath in a mud bog in an attempt to get clean. This isn't a case of domineering and controlling women as much as it's a case of a man who is out of control himself. He makes poor choices and then refuses to acknowledge his own culpability and then does the blame game. I see no redeeming qualities about him and I'd be telling the new woman to run, not walk, away from this train wreck unless she has a morbid desire to become part of the carnage.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 24
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Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/10/2009 6:32:47 AM
Domineering and controlling women are what this guy is sexually attracted to, he does not want an equal partner or a woman that will defer to him for any reason.
If his story is true, he needs to get his life in order before adding yet another woman to the mix. In one line you say his divorce is final and the next it is not???
Until a DNA test is taken he has no idea as to the paternity of this child, chances are the GF is stalling either to save her marriage or because she is positive the baby is her husbands.
PS: Your friend is a cheater, probably a liar and not very bright.
 Takmeaziam
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 25
Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/10/2009 8:59:55 AM
Soft and Happy, you hit the nail on the head: His problem is not with controlling women. It's with lying.

All of these people are lying, and yet they want to know why they are so unhappy.

Go figure.
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