| | How many guys let women do the chasing?Page 1 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) | So, the traditional "wisdom" is that guys like to chase, and if you don't play hard-to-get they'll lose interest.
But lately on PoF I've read a couple of guys saying that they won't chase anymore, they let women do the chasing.
At least from my observations, it seems that often time with good-looking guys they get a girlfriend by being laid-back and letting women chase them.
How many of you guys are like that, where you let or even expect women do more work to keep things going during the dating stage than you do? | |
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| How many guys let women do the chasing?
Posted: 12/14/2009 2:14:06 AM |
How many of you guys are like that, where you let or even expect women do more work to keep things going during the dating stage than you do?
Pick me.
I'm JUST like that. I've been that way since I was about 19 or so come to think of it.
I don't do the chase anymore. Far too boring and predictable for me. Not only that, but in the day and age of equality (which I'm all for) then why not make women chase after men, right? Let them court US. Let them woo US. Let them pursue US. Let them lavish and dote on US.
Someone told me once, and I have to share this (lmao)...she told me that I'm a dominant and cunning hunter but I'll only bare my fangs and growl in their direction, then I'll turn away and start walking in the opposite direction...and they will follow me now. Chase me. I couldn't help but laugh. I was also told that I don't play hard to get - I play hard to want...and to some, that curiosity factor and mild annoyance becomes somewhat intoxicating to them. Go figure.
Chasing ain't for me any more though. Hasn't been for a long time now. If I was pressed to do it again, I just wouldn't bother. More hassle than it's worth.
JMO. | |
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| How many guys let women do the chasing?
Posted: 12/14/2009 3:29:03 AM | | Well, the best relationship I have ever had was one where we both wooed one another, the interest was there on both counts and neither played any games hiding that fact. Now that I have had this experience, I wont do anything one sided, ever again. Anyone who thinks they should not put in any effort to build trust and the anticipation of seeing one another will not be in my romantic life, that is for sure. Life is too short for games and drama. You're either in, or you're in my way. LOL | |
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| How many guys let women do the chasing?
Posted: 12/14/2009 4:03:53 AM | I don't chase either it is just a waste of time. It when I totally ignore them is when they become interested. It not that I"m not interested in dating, it that I can be pickier who I choose to date. I don' t have to pay stupid amounts of money to date women either. Of course I would prefer to pay my own way. I don't kiss a$$ and I don't expect a woman to either. The way I see it's all about confidence. If a guy is chasing a woman, spending money on her and trying to impress her he is just a plain wussy.
I see online dating total waste of time for me I am just for the forums. | |
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| How many guys let women do the chasing?
Posted: 12/14/2009 4:42:46 AM | If there's chasing being done, it means that one person is less vested than the other and really, it's not worth the time or energy.
I won't chase and I won't date a man that chases me... | |
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Fartz
| | Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 6 | |
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| How many guys let women do the chasing?
Posted: 12/14/2009 6:12:48 AM | If there's chasing being done, it means that one person is less vested than the other and really, it's not worth the time or energy.
I won't chase and I won't date a man that chases me...
I totally agree with this. If someone's chasing in my case, someone else is running. Not attractive.
I get better results when I approach, and I allow someone to actually be interested back and show effort. If one is doing all the work and the other is always sitting back then it's obviously one sided. | |
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| How many guys let women do the chasing?
Posted: 12/14/2009 6:23:26 AM | Despite all the protests, my experience has been that men want to chase.
On a very rare occasion back when I was looking for someone, I would occasionally send out an introductory email to a guy.
To date, not one of them ever responded. | |
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Fartz
| | Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 9 | |
| How many guys let women do the chasing?
Posted: 12/14/2009 6:27:50 AM |
To date, not one of them ever responded.
You must not have sent too many of them then because I am fairly sure that many men respond to pretty much all e-mails.
I think that men enjoy being chased in the to and fro kind of way. Perhaps a challenge seems more delectable to some. | |
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| How many guys let women do the chasing?
Posted: 12/14/2009 7:02:01 AM | | I run on one direction, they run in the opposite direction, and it works out. I think the basic idea is that at some point while we are running away from each other we will slam into someone else and get stuck together that way, a tangle of arms and legs, too stunned to react until it's too late to escape. | |
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| How many guys let women do the chasing?
Posted: 12/14/2009 7:05:52 AM |
- Waiting for me to call you
- Wait for me to come up with date ideas
- Wait for me to ask you out
- Make me guess
Recipe for lonely nights.
Most people who wait for things leave empty handed. | |
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MrP.
| | Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 13 | |
| How many guys let women do the chasing?
Posted: 12/14/2009 7:08:52 AM | What BMF said.
I'd also like to add the following:
There are few things that women do that turn me off faster than playing hard-to-get. It tells me that you are insecure, immature, and frankly not worthy of my time or effort.
I don't expect women to do more work to keep things going during the dating stage, but it would be really nice if she did SOME of it. A lot of guys I know are just sick and tired of having to do EVERYTHING during the dating phase. A certain amount of balance would make for a better relationship imo. | |
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| How many guys let women do the chasing?
Posted: 12/14/2009 7:11:12 AM | What is the actually "definition" of chasing?
I don't expect or want a man to be the only one making the effort but If a guy doesn't make any effort then I would take that as lack of interest and I wouldn't pursue it, as there is no need (too many other fish in the sea so to speak lol).
There are certain things I tend to "do" only because I can be a little bit shy sometimes when getting to know people, like I don't ask a guy for his number first or ask him out first... BUT I do make sure he knows I'm interested and don't keep him guessing and once the "first" is out of the way and I'm more relaxed I have no issues with calling or whatever... So i don't think that would be considered expeccting someone to chase me, is it? or maybe it is... LOL I have no idea  | |
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| How many guys let women do the chasing?
Posted: 12/14/2009 7:14:47 AM | Well, part of the reason I'm asking I guess, is that in every case with the few guys I've dated, I felt like I was doing the majority of the work in terms of calling and setting up plans, etc.
Now a lot of people would say that means they just weren't into me. Which may be true, but I was wondering if there was also more to it. | |
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| How many guys let women do the chasing?
Posted: 12/14/2009 7:16:26 AM | ^^^I agree that you might have a lukewarm guy on your hands in that case. I'd say once a guy knows you're interesed if he's into you - he'll clearly make an effort to match your moves.
If not, he's either "sort of" into you - or he's way too passive in life generally and will let others run him, and that's not someone you want to date either. | |
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| How many guys let women do the chasing?
Posted: 12/14/2009 7:19:36 AM | Ever seen Dirty Dancing? She chased him to the end. Most of my long terms went like that. You can't leave it up to guys sometimes. You have to show up when he is thinking about you, show up when he is doubting you, and show up just when he thinks you don't want him enough. If not it is too easy to lose him once he starts "thinking". I find if he gets to see you and touch you, those beginning fears can melt away instead of becoming huge and you can't fix it because you waited for him to come to you.
So I long for the good old days, when showing up at your new partners house to hang out didn't make you a stalker. Now I am forced to let a guy chase me. I can call his voice mail and email him on his 3 accounts he gave me (I so wouldn't lol) but he can just ignore it. No matter what I do, if he don't chase me I am just talking to myself. And it makes it really hard you know. It is just way to easy for a guy to shoot himself in the foot and throw the baby out with the bath water.
Hate that! | |
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MrP.
| | Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 18 | |
| How many guys let women do the chasing?
Posted: 12/14/2009 7:21:17 AM |
Well, part of the reason I'm asking I guess, is that in every case with the few guys I've dated, I felt like I was doing the majority of the work in terms of calling and setting up plans, etc.
Now a lot of people would say that means they just weren't into me. Which may be true, but I was wondering if there was also more to it.
He could be just lazy, but I would agree that it's most likely that they weren't into you. An interested guy will almost always exert a good amount of effort when dating. | |
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| How many guys let women do the chasing?
Posted: 12/14/2009 7:30:48 AM | Ive always had men chasing me.....oh,ok,im exaggerating.......but a "few" have.....
And,ive usually kept running the other way.................... 
But,if *I'm* interested ive slowed down so they can catch me!!!
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| How many guys let women do the chasing?
Posted: 12/14/2009 7:32:39 AM |
I agree that you might have a lukewarm guy on your hands in that case. I'd say once a guy knows you're interesed if he's into you - he'll clearly make an effort to match your moves.
If not, he's either "sort of" into you - or he's way too passive in life generally and will let others run him, and that's not someone you want to date either.
Well then, apparently I've never dated an interested guy.
Although, there was that one guy who I stopped talking to after he did something that made me uncomfortable. Previously, I'd thought he wasn't that into me anyway, since I felt I'd done the majority of the work and he didn't seem to desire to talk to me that often. After I /stopped/ talking to him, however, he kept trying to call me for a year afterwards.
I'm definitely an A-type personality; I'm a woman who speaks her mind and always has been, and every guy I've dated has been self-described "shy". So maybe they /are/ used to being more passive in relationships? I don't know... | |
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| How many guys let women do the chasing?
Posted: 12/14/2009 8:22:51 AM | | Well OP - in any relationship of any substance I've ever had - we chased each other I guess. I don't do games, and I don't like guys who play them either. | |
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| How many guys let women do the chasing?
Posted: 12/14/2009 8:31:56 AM | I don't chase or appreciate being chased but I have no problem approaching people.
And the last time I checked, men were (still) considered people;)
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| How many guys let women do the chasing?
Posted: 12/14/2009 8:49:17 AM | | I don't chase. If she shows interest in me (e.g., an initial contact), and I'm interested in her, then we can mutually develop a relationship. If she wants to back off and play games, she'll be playing alone. I just want some balance in the effort, and will happily give such a woman my full attention. | |
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| How many guys let women do the chasing?
Posted: 12/14/2009 8:50:06 AM | There is a subset of men who enjoy the proverbial chase (I'm not one of them, BTW). These are usually the players, the guys who see dating as a predator/prey interaction rather than as a search for companionship. They often claim--usually falsely--that they never chase women. What they really mean is they target women with low self-esteem, shower them with attention, then ignore them. They women often begin to wonder why they are being ignored, and "chase" the man, which bolsters his ego. It is a pretty sick game, but there it is.
Most guys learn pretty quickly that waiting for women to chase them is foolish. The reason is becuase most attractive, unattached women are being pursued by a number of different men at any given time. A guy takes a passive approach like waiting for her to chase him is usually going to lose out. He's just going to knocked out of the picture by another guy who is more aggressive. | |
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| How many guys let women do the chasing?
Posted: 12/14/2009 9:10:43 AM |
The reason is becuase most attractive, unattached women are being pursued by a number of different men at any given time.
I don't know about that. It seems to me there are many more guys who believe that than women who believe that. I have a few single friends who I think are pretty attractive, and I don't think they're being pursued by anyone right now either.
Maybe it's just that guys tend to want ladies who are significantly better looking than they are themselves? That too I'd call human nature, I guess. | |
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