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 greatkisser1984
Joined: 3/31/2009
Msg: 1
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Minimum number of emails before asking for a phone numberPage 1 of 1    
I like to spend as little time online as possible. I feel I can get to know someone better hearing their voice and seeing their face. Unfortunately, almost every time I ask for a number or ask her to text me, I get ignored or politely declined. While it's possible that she was looking for an excuse to stop talking, I doubt that was the reason every single time.

Comments welcome, but also please tell me roughly how many times you would have to email a guy before you would feel comfortable giving out your number.
 smartypants24
Joined: 8/3/2009
Msg: 2
Minimum number of emails before asking for a phone number
Posted: 12/23/2009 10:49:49 PM
I prefer an invitation for MSN/off-site email first, after a couple POF emails. After a few good conversations on MSN, I'm okay with requests for my number, or even setting up a meet if we both live in the same city
 SassySky
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 3
Minimum number of emails before asking for a phone number
Posted: 12/23/2009 10:51:19 PM
I don't think there is a set number, I have asked for a number as quick as 2 emails and have taken as long as a month just depends on the person.

I am a phone or in person person also so I want the voice inflections sooner than later.
 AmberTemerity09
Joined: 11/20/2009
Msg: 4
Minimum number of emails before asking for a phone number
Posted: 12/23/2009 10:59:08 PM
Personally, when a guy gives me his number and asks me to text/call him, I'm immediately put-off (but that's just me, I'm old-fashioned, I guess). I want the guy to call me and really it just depends on how well we click. Normally, 3-5 e-mails if they're actually conversation-worthy.
 starbright89
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 5
Minimum number of emails before asking for a phone number
Posted: 12/23/2009 10:59:26 PM
There's no set amount for me, I like to talk to him on yim or off site a little first before giving out my number, but I text a lot, and texting is a great way for me to get to know someone better. I have had guys ask to call me, but I'd rather stick to texting for a while (I am not much of a phone person anyway!)

So...to me, there is no set time. Just whenever I feel comfortable enough for him to have my number.
 Eowyn1776
Joined: 11/15/2009
Msg: 6
Minimum number of emails before asking for a phone number
Posted: 12/24/2009 8:10:40 AM
Depends entirely on the conversations via email. I too like to have at least a conversation on yahoo, but I absolutly have offered my number with strictly POF emails, if they didn't have yahoo. If the email gives no sence of this person's personality, then I wouldn't but if I truely enjoyed the bantor back and forth, I would send my digits to them in a heartbeat. Other times if I've gotten a number, and I'm not interested, I will say thanks, but not offer mine.

I actually though was pleasently surprised when someone sent me their number, said the same thing OP, they like to be on the compy as little as possible, but said it was ok if I called and blocked my number. I really liked that.

~Eowyn
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 7
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Minimum number of emails before asking for a phone number
Posted: 12/24/2009 8:43:16 AM
Here's my take on this. Two people who are a good match for each other will graduate to phone conversations at a certain point naturally, and both look forward to doing so (example - you want to ask/they're hoping you ask or vice versa). If you have to stop and think about it, it's contrived and the person you're considering probaby isn't on your wavelength.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 8
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Minimum number of emails before asking for a phone number
Posted: 12/24/2009 9:13:47 AM
I don't give out my number until I've already met the guy and we've mutually decided to pursue things further. After establishing an e-mail rapport of about a dozen or so messages both ways, I'll suggest we meet up for a drink.
 AZWendySH
Joined: 6/23/2009
Msg: 9
Minimum number of emails before asking for a phone number
Posted: 12/24/2009 2:00:05 PM
It's going to be different for everyone, and likely different every time.

The biggest issue for me is when they offer their number or ask for mine in a way that puts pressure on me to USE it. If someone offers their number with the invitation to use it (or not) and something complimentary on why they want to talk on the phone, it's not only not a turnoff, it's a real plus. Logistical reasons for why they want to talk on the phone ease the process too.

A couple ways I've had it put (paraphrased from memory):
"I'd love to be able to hear your voice. If I gave you my number, would you call me?"
"I don't have computer access at work, any chance I can get your number so I could call you on my break?"
 AllieOpps
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 10
Minimum number of emails before asking for a phone number
Posted: 12/24/2009 2:18:48 PM
Everyone is different. Some, like me, like to take things slow. I find that men seem to be more open on line than in a face to face when they may be nervous, apprehensive and anxious. You can be more calm and collective on line and get your points across better because you can delete and think about what you are saying. After you become a little more comfortable with the person you will be ready for phone and actual meeting. Then you won't be fighting for conversation,have silent periods, or trying to find things to talk about because you will know somethings already to help break through that ice. I think you can have missed out on some good friends or possibilities because you rushed things and hit them at their worse when they were in the dark and nervous.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 11
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Minimum number of emails before asking for a phone number
Posted: 12/24/2009 2:30:23 PM
Since every woman seems to have a different attitude about this, I recommend asking in an email what her preference is. That way you can let her know that while you are interested and prefer to talk on the phone sooner rather than later, you are also respectful of her preferences or comfort level with this.

Some women, like me, feel more comfortable if the man gives his number. (For me in real life, it's the opposite of online. In real life, I prefer to have the man call me. Different circumstances; different reasons; different preference.)

One thing I totally agree with you about is that I'd rather meet someone sooner than email forever. I am interested in real live dates, not pen pals. So the email is just a screening process. If a man has a very short profile and doesn't provide much info in his emails, though, I will either email long enough to get a better idea of who he is or politely say no thanks.

Good luck and happy fishing!
 whzcheatinwho
Joined: 4/8/2006
Msg: 12
Minimum number of emails before asking for a phone number
Posted: 12/24/2009 2:48:41 PM
There is no set number of e-mails, everyone is different. I get the sense that you are rushing things a bit, obviously they aren't ready to share that info yet, so maybe slow down and give you BOTH enough time to get to the phone stage.

Like someone else said, if we can't have an interesting, intelligent e-mail conversation you probably don't need my phone #.... I don't give mine out until I've determined that I actually want someone to call me.
 AmoAngelus
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 13
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Minimum number of emails before asking for a phone number
Posted: 12/25/2009 1:00:19 PM
I will only give out my number when we have set a meeting time and date up. This is so if anything happens, we can let each other know. If you ask before, I won't give it to you.
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 14
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Minimum number of emails before asking for a phone number
Posted: 12/25/2009 2:50:24 PM
The question is not “How many e-mails before you give them your number” but rather “How do you approach wanting to give them your number?”.

If you have simply offered your number in the past and have not heard back from them then, the approach may not be the best. As you get to know them and see that the comfort lever has been reached, simply mention it to them that you would like to meet them for supper and that they can let you know when and if they too would like that.

Bare in mind that that could take eons before it was to happen and if that's the case, then that's part of the game.
 xblackmyheartx
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 15
Minimum number of emails before asking for a phone number
Posted: 12/25/2009 4:47:25 PM
I've gotten numbers from just one email several times from girls. Most of the time they answer what i asked in the email followed by here's my number txt me.
 socailguy
Joined: 10/31/2009
Msg: 16
Minimum number of emails before asking for a phone number
Posted: 12/25/2009 8:21:12 PM
Myself I want to email back and forth at least 5 times to see if there is enough in common before offering or accepting phone numbers. Many here feel differently in fact I think the normal thing may be 2 emails based on my experience here.
 greatkisser1984
Joined: 3/31/2009
Msg: 17
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Minimum number of emails before asking for a phone number
Posted: 12/27/2009 11:26:40 PM
Wow, 16 posts and no two are alike. JP1111, I think your advice jives with me the most, and I will be giving it a try. Thank you all for your input.
 Mominatrix
Joined: 7/5/2006
Msg: 18
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Minimum number of emails before asking for a phone number
Posted: 12/29/2009 8:18:10 AM
Everyone is different. There is no set number, nor will there be.

Don't ask, wait until they offer.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 19
Minimum number of emails before asking for a phone number
Posted: 12/29/2009 8:43:04 AM
OP: There is no set number for this. However, I won't have email/IM marathons with a man. I exchange a few and then I want to make sure he does not sound like Donald Duck via the phone.
 American-Boy
Joined: 5/24/2007
Msg: 20
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Minimum number of emails before asking for a phone number
Posted: 12/29/2009 9:33:06 AM
The answer should be what YOU want. If you tolerate lots of emails before speaking on the phone then be prepared for some women to waste weeks and months of your time and then never actually talk on the phone with you. There are serial pen pals out there. Beware.

For me - a dozen messages back and forth is INSANE. I won't do it unless she is straightforward and lets me know she requires it to feel comfortable. If she cops this attitude of "oh no he did something wrong so I will stop talking to him and not say what he did wrong" because I asked to talk on the phone too early - well then, too bad for her.

Email is just a filtering device and not a way to get a good sense of the other person or determine compatibility, IMO.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 21
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Minimum number of emails before asking for a phone number
Posted: 12/29/2009 9:06:33 PM

Email is just a filtering device and not a way to get a good sense of the other person or determine compatibility, IMO.


In my opinion, the phone isn't a good way to get a sense of the other person or determine compatibility, either. That's why I go straight from e-mail to face-to-face conversation.
 SexyKG74
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 22
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Minimum number of emails before asking for a phone number
Posted: 12/30/2009 12:55:30 PM
I don't necessarily have a 'set #' of emails before offering my tel#...

If the emails are flowing nicely and if he's mentioned things about himself and what he's looking for in a potential relationship appear to be compatible with me/what I'm looking for, I then feel comfortable providing my number.

On average, it can be anywhere from 3-5 emails...
 twinmd77
Joined: 8/3/2009
Msg: 23
Minimum number of emails before asking for a phone number
Posted: 12/31/2009 9:58:56 AM
Just one guy's experience. 3 maybe 5 emails tops, then propose meeting or phone. After that people either disappear or you get mail marathons that don't go anywhere. Similarly with texting, this is a dating site not Junior High. (There are exceptions for distances, but I've found those contacts are rarely successful.)

I realize this is contrary to many of the posts from the ladies, but after a while of doing this I think the OP is spot on. Online is for introductions and the sooner there is real contact the better.
 The Brunette Bombshell
Joined: 12/28/2009
Msg: 24
Minimum number of emails before asking for a phone number
Posted: 12/31/2009 10:54:59 PM
After having to change my number 3 times from giving to guys online I perfer to not give it out anymore.

I think its best to meet in person, if you are interested when you do so then ask her for her number. As a woman I know I feel more comfortable giving my number to a man face to face then I do sending it over the computer.
 Eldrida
Joined: 11/13/2009
Msg: 25
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Minimum number of emails before asking for a phone number
Posted: 12/31/2009 11:40:32 PM
I think it's less a specific number of emails and more a comfort progression. Better yet, give the other person YOUR number. If they are into you, they'll respond by giving you theirs.
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