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 *Grasshopper*
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 1
Bend or Break ?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I am curious about people's dealbreakers or boundaries ~ whichever you choose to call them. Have you ever thought you had something written in stone in your heart or head, yet when the situation became reality, you chose to bend instead of just break?
 Maesbaby763
Joined: 12/6/2009
Msg: 2
Bend or Break ?
Posted: 12/28/2009 8:19:39 PM
Yes, I bend quite frequently as a matter of fact. My whole family does as we keep trying and trying and don't know when to give up but then I get to a certain point and then I break.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 3
Bend or Break ?
Posted: 12/28/2009 8:20:12 PM
No sorry, I will break!!
 e*Musing
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 4
Bend or Break ?
Posted: 12/28/2009 8:27:03 PM
But obviously not curious enough to do a search before posting another highly redundant topic.

Read first, then ask. Or do you really need validation on something you're already thinking?

 zyx33
Joined: 12/23/2009
Msg: 5
Bend or Break ?
Posted: 12/28/2009 8:39:11 PM
Bend a lot, never break. Bending can make you flexable . If I'm not happy with the consequence of bending I bounce back to my original desires and keep swimming.
 WesternWildRose
Joined: 9/15/2008
Msg: 6
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Bend or Break ?
Posted: 12/28/2009 8:50:20 PM
I use to bend a lot.... and many times break.
Now.... I am willing to bend.... I don't ever 'break'.... I just quit...walk away content knowing I tried.

it does not make me feel defeated, depressed, sad or angry.... I don't allow that 'break' attitude to take me over.
 singleagain66
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 7
Bend or Break ?
Posted: 12/28/2009 8:53:49 PM
Use to bend some but now I am not gonna do that alot less than I use to and I never break that asking to much.
 ManicMelanie
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 8
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Bend or Break ?
Posted: 12/28/2009 9:04:39 PM
Kinda. Sorta.

Smoking.

I made a no-smoking rule for LTRs. I made an exception for a guy who I had dated briefly before I made the rule, since I already knew that he smoked. He's actually a LOT of the reason I made the rule to begin with. Lol.

I have friends that smoke. I will even go out on a "date" with a guy that smokes.

I still don't want it in my everyday, long-term life. No thanks.

 1kindMan4U
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 9
Bend or Break ?
Posted: 12/28/2009 9:22:37 PM
No. Not at the point of accepting responsibility for my life..

right is right

Wrong is wrong.

Crime is NOT excuseable. I would have my own kids arrested if they did a crime. If we make exceptions for wrong.. based upon our FEELINGS, instead of an OBJECTIVE standard.. then we wind up with NO standards and anarchy reigns.

The namby-pamby excuse making is what has turned things upside down in current society.. and we are paying the price.

My deal breakers are just that.. dealbreakers.

for example.. there is a thread on here where a GUY got involved with a smoking woman and STAYED with her for a year and a half.. and is NOW whining about her being an addict.

HE had a dealbreaker.. "smoking" which turned out NOT to be a dealbreaker.. My comment to him was.. she must have had a DD cup. Cause he COMPROMISED his principles about smoking..

Dealbreakers just ARE. They cant be compromised to people of will and mental strength.. They ARENT wishywashy.

Same with boundaries.. Set them.. they become principles and foundation.

It will NEVER be OK to rape my wife or my daughter.. UNbendable

It will NEVER be ok to steal from me.. UNbendable

It will NEVER be ok to do me physical harm.. I'll retaliate and I will remain alive..

It's really that simple

There is no GRAY.. Weak willed people MAKE gray.. when they are UNWILLING to take the hard stand on the white side of black or white.. cause they are afraid.

I..... am NOT afraid.. It's sad the world is.
 bikramyogaguy780
Joined: 12/21/2009
Msg: 10
Bend or Break ?
Posted: 12/28/2009 9:34:46 PM
I bended but ended up broke
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 11
Bend or Break ?
Posted: 12/28/2009 9:39:30 PM
There are many things on which I'm willing to compromise but there are a few that are non-negotiable. I will not bend when it comes to drugs or alcohol abuse. I will not bend when it comes to honesty and fidelity. I will not bend when it comes to tolerating someone who has a bad temper. Those are absolute deal-breakers for me and I'm sure, if I thought about it longer, I could think of a few others.
 magikarp
Joined: 9/7/2009
Msg: 12
Bend or Break ?
Posted: 12/28/2009 9:52:48 PM
When I was looking to date, I had dealbreakers that I was never flexible on. On the other hand, I've found the ladies I dated to be often flexible about the truth of such things. Smoking is a big dealbreaker to me and when women say they don't smoke, I assume that means they don't smoke ever, not simply on occasion.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 13
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Bend or Break ?
Posted: 12/28/2009 10:07:10 PM
Well, I get recovering alkies thinking if I say "nondrinker" it means I will accept a recovering alcoholic. I mean one who does not drink period. I will bend on a guy who once in awhile has a drink on a special occasion.

I break on these recovering alckies. They will sneak a drink lots of thimes and remember alcoholics are always in denial. I get pics of such recoveries who look all shtfaced.. No deal!
 somephxguy
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 14
Bend or Break ?
Posted: 12/28/2009 10:10:06 PM

Have you ever thought you had something written in stone in your heart or head, yet when the situation became reality, you chose to bend instead of just break?

No. But I think mine are pretty well thought out and as simplistic as I can make them.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 15
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Bend or Break ?
Posted: 12/28/2009 10:12:10 PM
~OP~ Happy holiday!!

~OT~ Yep. I bent. And a few months later I was broken. I then thought, "WTF am I doing here?" That was enough bending for me. I had to remember my own reality: if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got. No thanks, life is too short. JMO
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 16
Bend or Break ?
Posted: 12/28/2009 10:14:53 PM
Bending is not so bad, you get to experience something new regardless of the outcome. If trees didn't bend they'd be uprooted with the slightest storm.
 missinghimalready
Joined: 2/7/2006
Msg: 17
Bend or Break ?
Posted: 12/29/2009 2:42:02 AM

But obviously not curious enough to do a search before posting another highly redundant topic.


awww come on czmyles, bend a little
get it " bend " the rules... ?

ok, Dork Alert....but at least I crack myself up
 Eldrida
Joined: 11/13/2009
Msg: 18
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Bend or Break ?
Posted: 12/29/2009 2:44:12 AM
I'm fairly bendable, but there ARE dealbreakers I won't move on... for example, I'm "bendable" about whether a guy is single or divorced (I'd prefer not to have the hassle of The Ex, especially if children are involved) , but being married is a dealbreaker. And then, there are obvious dealbreakers: serious crime and drug use, racism, misogyny, bigotry, extremely poor hygiene, that kind of thing :)
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 19
Bend or Break ?
Posted: 12/29/2009 3:00:56 AM
soberkitty wrote: I am curious about people's dealbreakers or boundaries ~ whichever you choose to call them. Have you ever thought you had something written in stone in your heart or head, yet when the situation became reality, you chose to bend instead of just break?


Mentally healthy adults who know what they can and cannot live with or without, pretty much don't need to bend and rarely if ever break. I wont bend when it comes to having someone in my life who smokes, uses drugs, eats unhealthy, drinks and drives, is lazy, doesn't bathe, wants to be FWB, gambles, uses profanity, etc.

~Beth~
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 20
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Bend or Break ?
Posted: 12/29/2009 5:26:41 AM
The difference between "bending" rules and "breaking" them, is self-delusion.
 indefatigabilis
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 21
Bend or Break ?
Posted: 12/29/2009 5:29:33 AM
I have a rare few times made the mistake of doing what I knew was likely to go wrong, and it did. I may again if I feel the same conflicted way, with judgment absent and desire overly influential. If I do, I will know as before that I am begging for trouble. I have only a small set of rules, and they exist of necessity and are very clear, and the rest of things are bendy to suit and can be fun to pose like a Gumby toy.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 22
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Bend or Break ?
Posted: 12/29/2009 5:35:09 AM
OP -- We most all have certain limitations imposed on ourselves that we would consider dealbreakers. Some stay fast. Some waffle a bit and bend quite easy. It's all subjective.

In some cases I have been known to bend and sway myself...with certain things I believe, or value, or put stock in...and reality comes along and I se some swing in there...not near as rigid as I led myself to believe or promote.

But dealbreakers are called that for a reason generally. It means the line(s) that cannot be crossed. The quickest way to get to the last page of your book, so to speak. The thing, or things that make you sound out the death knell when broached.

In that, my dealbreakers are firm and unmoving. No bend at all. Even if I convince myself that it may be better for me to embrace this or that, and apply a little lenience on a case by case basis...even if I genuinely see some merit or "worth" in whatever...my stance is unwavering on certain things. A dealbreaker to me is just that - a way to break the deal. If that line, or those lines get crossed...it's game over.

I can bend. Just not ever with my own dealbreakers.
 *Grasshopper*
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 23
Bend or Break ?
Posted: 12/29/2009 5:49:44 AM
Thanks for all the responses. To a certain poster, no ... I don't need validation. Can't we just be curious to know how others view, and live life?

I believe boundaries help define who we are, our morals, values, and standards. I have compromised these to some extent over the course of my life ... sometimes it was a good thing, sometimes it wasn't. There are 'flaws' I simply choose not to put up with, others I may bend a little on ~ if it truly compromises who I am and what I believe in, then bending is not an option.

May 2010 spark happiness, growth, health, and prosperity for all!
 BBQ Spider
Joined: 11/9/2009
Msg: 24
Bend or Break ?
Posted: 12/29/2009 6:51:25 AM
I started out on my own with a world view the size of a postage stamp. So I've broken many times, only to reform again, and break again.

Some would call it growth in the right direction, some would call it the highway to hell, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 25
Bend or Break ?
Posted: 12/29/2009 7:02:41 AM
I will bend for most things to a point, but for "core" values (example honesty or fidelity): never.

It's all part of your integrity and morality.
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