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 byonick
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 1
Ex wants me back after 13 yearsPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I just found out my ex wants to get back together with me, I have fun with him and my boys and feel good that we can all be together and get along and have a blast.
It kills me that he cheated on me when I was pregnant and just slept with a friend ( i known her for 18 yrs) I brought over to his house a year ago, she's a ho anyways and has LOTS of issues.
I have been thinking about getting back with him , which nobody close to me knows this.
My fear is the cheating , can I trust him again over the 13 years ,,,trust him?
We where not together when he slept with my friend, so should I care?
I know how i feel about this whole thing, but I maybe wrong and need others opinion's ..
Please help!
 Annie Was Here
Joined: 12/18/2009
Msg: 2
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/29/2009 11:49:16 PM
You say that you were not together when he "cheated" on you so really there was no cheating involved. At the time you were both free agents who could do whatever they wanted with whoever they wanted. Now whether or not you want to get back together with him is really up to you. Do you think it would be worth it? Would you and your children benefit from having their father back in their lives with their mom full time? Only you can answer that.
 byonick
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 3
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/29/2009 11:52:28 PM
He cheated on me when I was pregnant to confirm , and yes I your right about us no being together, I have to meditate on that positive thought.

He is in there life, we share custody, and we live close to eachother.
 Annie Was Here
Joined: 12/18/2009
Msg: 4
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/29/2009 11:56:49 PM
Your story is confusing me. Did he cheat on you with another woman when you were pregnant and then later had sex with your ho friend when you were no longer together?
 gentlebear22
Joined: 8/30/2006
Msg: 5
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Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/29/2009 11:57:05 PM
It is great that he is good with the kids. But that does not make an relationship on that alone. He betrayed you before and most likely will do it again.
 byonick
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 6
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/30/2009 12:00:31 AM
Yes, thats correct
 Moitas_V_PT
Joined: 12/25/2009
Msg: 7
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/30/2009 12:10:40 AM
well, he cheated and that there shows a lack of respect toward you and as the age ole saying goes "once a cheater always a cheater"

and also, if you do get back with him he probably will end up doing it again as he knows you would probably take him back again and try to guilt you using the kids as a reason why you should be together!!

I say, no go!! you do not need to be with him for him to be involved in the kids life!!
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 8
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Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/30/2009 12:17:33 AM
OP, your ex cheated on you 13 years ago? That is what it sounds like with your post, that you split up 13 years ago so if I am wrong, please straighten out the time line.

My take on the rest of it, a year ago when you were not together you introduced him to your ho friend and they had sex, but you weren't together so that's not cheating.

If I am right about the 13 years, did he cheat on someone else he was with during that time? I don't think that someone that cheats will necessarily do it again, seeing what it did to your family he may have learned that he would never risk losing what is important to him for a piece of tail again.

Also, if he cheated 13 years ago he was probably in his early twenties as well, many guys are incredibly stupid at that time and they do mature and stop living for their wiener.

Clear up the post so we can actually respond to your question.
 mz taken
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 9
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Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/30/2009 12:26:19 AM
you two were together as in married? or as in living together?
are the boys his?
regardless, cheating on you once was bad enough, then fvcking a "friend" that knows you two as a couple...?

you say that it would be "fun" to be together for the boys sake. was it "fun" for them when they saw the pain that the cheating caused?
he hasn't hesitated to cheat, do you really think that he wouldn't cheat again?
food for thought:
you only know of these 2 incidents. there could be other times that he just didn't get caught.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 10
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/30/2009 1:48:27 AM
oh dear, do people read what OP says? It's clear to me, nothing confusing about it.
MZTaken, boys are his, she stated a couple of times.

Now, OP, it's a hard call...why out of a sudden after number of years he wants you back. There are few things to consider, the cheating part. There are so called people with sexual addictions, it's not any different than alcohol or drugs,..., so you need to consider this, and also if it was one time thing, people do make mistakes, that's slightly different, but he had lots time - 13 years - to explain himself and come up with the plan,... why now?

Allow your feelings, but also be cautious...see how you feel with the time passing. You may change your mind about being together with him, he sounds too inconsistent to me, but I don't know him well to pass more judgement.
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 11
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/30/2009 1:53:01 AM
So many men! Why go around with him again?
 dysfunction_junction
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 12
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/30/2009 3:30:35 AM
sorry, but i find the whole thing a bit kafkaesque.
you have a friend you've known for 18 years, but she's a ho with lots of issues.
wow, you know how to pick your friends is all i can say.
but your darling, wonderful husband made a beeline for her crotch.....
BUT, you were separated from the man who made you pregnant, who f#cked the ho with issues.
i think there's all kinds of back burner drama going on here, and the least of your issues is going to be whether you can trust him again. after all, you two were separated at the time so i don't understand where the sense of betrayal is coming from. so unless you have something to add to the story that's heretofore been left out, it's completely unfair of you to blame him for "cheating". what else can you blame him for? can you trust your ho of a friend? what role did you play in all of this to cause the relationship to fail? can you trust your ability to improve your relationship skills to the point this relationship will once again be viable? and can the two of you openly and honestly discuss whatever the issues are from your past, and then put them permanently behind you? i don't know!
 *~*ChardyGirl*~*
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 13
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/30/2009 3:53:19 AM
Good grief,girl...........................why in God's name would you want that CRETIN back in you life.......??????????

Of course he'll cheat on you again,ppfftt !!
I have a crystal ball.........dont do it !!
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 14
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/30/2009 3:56:03 AM
Has he said why he wants to get back together after 13 years? Perhaps you need to sit down and have a serious adult conversation and make sure he knows how hurt you were and that you have trust issues.

~Beth~
 green.apple
Joined: 8/20/2009
Msg: 15
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Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/30/2009 4:00:58 AM
Oh, she's a ho and lots of issues.. and your dear ex SO doesn't? She probably threatened to kill him if he didn't sleep with her, so he had to in order to survive. Don't blame him.

 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 16
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/30/2009 4:07:11 AM
Just because someone wants you back doesn't mean you have to go back.

I have an ex who screwed up and he wants me back...so f**king what? He knows he screwed up, I know he screwed up, and the relationship was done MONTHS ago. But he feels he should call and see if I've changed my mind...even though I hang up on him or ignore his calls.

But to recap your Jerry Springer situation (motown stop using big words!)...

1) treats his kids well...goood
2) cheated on you when you were pregnant...bad
3) slept with a supposed friend with issues...he gets a pass because they both sound stupid
4) you're still in love with him...sounds really bad.

Sister...all these men in the world and you want sloppy seconds? Do you really want to do him after knowing your so-called ho friend has done him?

If you do...well happy new year and go for it. But don't come back 2 months from now saying he knocked up the ho friend and you too or some crazy ass shyt ok???
 ECEC
Joined: 1/24/2009
Msg: 17
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/30/2009 4:10:03 AM
The thing about once a cheater, always a cheater is seriously a pile of rubbish. Thirteen years, that is a long time and anyone can change given that time frame. You said you're considering getting back with him, obviously something is still there, but do you know what it is? You don't want to get back with someone for a wrong reason. Is it that you still love him, and why? Is it because of the kids?

It's been 13 years, why now? Has he been in failed relationships all the way through? Has he developed gambling or financial problems? Or has he got himself together and can look after himself before coming around with a big banner saying he can look after you and the family? These are some of the things you may need to consider. Also ask yourself is you have, can or will forgive him. Jumping in with resentment in the back of your mind will not work and if you will I recommend clearing the slate.

Personally if I were you, and my ex did that to me then she is going to have to do so much to prove herself to me.
 *Closer*
Joined: 11/5/2009
Msg: 18
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/30/2009 4:56:24 AM

He is in their life, we share custody, and we live close to eachother.


Leave it at that.....It's ok to forgive....but don't forget~
If a man can cheat on you while you are carrying his child.....he lacks a conscience.
Has he gotten 13 years of therapy to form one?
If so...go for it!
 midlandtom
Joined: 9/23/2007
Msg: 19
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Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/30/2009 5:20:52 AM
I am surprised that many people install their advise on some wishful thinking of how many great gus are out there and sure it is quite easy to find a good guy. Clearly, if it was that easy OP already would be with a good man and wouldn't care about her ex. We are talking about 13 years. Long enough to have a plenty of time to find a good man.

The fact taht her ex friend was a ho and 13 years ago slept with he SO doesn't make OP a bad person. I bet many poeple in the past, especially in the young age had friends who did some stupid things, cheated and etc. If you know a nuch of people and ave a bunch of friends some will do some pretty stupid things sometime in their lives.


I think OP has to give him the second chance. After 13 years he could correct his cheating behaviors. It is a long time to grow up to become mature and realise his mistakes.
 stone-1
Joined: 3/26/2009
Msg: 20
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Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/30/2009 6:04:57 AM
A couple of questions...
1) Have you changed? Many people cheat when their main relationship isn't working.

2) has he changed? Just because one's relationship isn't working... doesn't justify looking elsewhere...

3) He had sex with your friend? She a ho? Doesn't sound hopeful... he doesn't seem to have terribly high standards... Your standards don't seem terribly high either...
 rhettsbutler
Joined: 1/12/2009
Msg: 21
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/30/2009 6:04:59 AM
Just curious, you know he's a cheater yet you hook him up with your ho friend.... Were you pimping her or him?.
Does that sound as crazy as you considering to take him back?
Even if you weren't together when they hooked up they both disrespected you. You need to re-evaluate your check list for friends and boyfriends. Trust and respect, not fun, should be at the top.
 TalkToMeSoon
Joined: 12/22/2009
Msg: 22
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Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/30/2009 6:11:11 AM
You get together and have a blast because you are not "in" his life and don't (or shouldn't) care about his comings and goings. You get back together you'll start to think differently and wonder where is he? Why is he late? What'd you do for lunch? Why didn't you answer my call? so on and so forth. It will eat you alive. You may have forgave but you didn't and won't forget.

In 13 years have either of you had another relationship(s). Are you considering getting back because you haven't found anything better? Is that why he wants to get back together?

Maybe consider counseling to dig deeper within yourself to see the true motive of reconciliation on both parts.

Don't put the kids through a roller coaster ride. If you're happy in this life you may want to be thankful you can come together and do right by the kids.

As for the the friend - hoe. . . he was single, she was a hoe with issues what man isn't going to lay that down. He didn't have a relationship with her he just fixed his issue at the time. I would change her status from friend - hoe to just hoe.
 imalitltpot
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 23
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/30/2009 7:00:54 AM
If he's your age, then 13 years ago he was only 21. The only thing he was thinking with back then was his penis.

Leave the ho out of it. You were not together and they are consenting adults. But you also have to think of whether you want to be with him after he's been with that. Make sure he gets tested for everything.

Is he a good man? A hard worker? A good provider? Are you in love with him, and he with you? Why don't you make him court you again. Take it slow. Spend some time together without the kids - would you still have fun, just the two of you? Or is it only fun when you are together with the kids?

Good luck!
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 24
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Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/30/2009 7:18:39 AM
Do you love him enough to overlook how much he has hurt you in the past? Do you love him enough to wipe the slate clean and begin again? Do you love him enough to know 100 % that this is the best thing for not only your children but for you as well?
If he had not asked you to get back together, would you have asked him? Is it what you have always wanted in your heart?
 indefatigabilis
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 25
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/30/2009 7:24:26 AM
The way you described him makes it sound like you are stuck without any good options, as far as other men. Like, is taking him back better than being alone? That's the impression I got. What if you compare taking him back, with what you really want? Then compare what you really want with reality, and if it is probably possible, is taking him back worth trading away that hope for someone you would enjoy more?

He won't be any better than he was last time. So, you would be perhaps better able to appreciate him the way he just is, but don't expect an improved version. His options might well be as limited, if he comes back to you instead of looking for someone else.

Or, life has grown you both up some more, and now is finally your time to be a perfect match, with what you did once enjoy together finally able to flourish unrestrained.

A coin toss may be in order.
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