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 sensua-ALITY
Joined: 12/25/2009
Msg: 1
what are the real reasons why a guy can't get hard/cum?Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
This is pretty personal to be posting on something so public, but I am sincerely confused by this. I've asked a number of friends, and I have gotten a lot of different answers. All I want is the TRUTH... Is it true that a guy can be into you physically if he isn't getting/staying hard during sex and can''t cum???? This has actually happened with the last two guys I've dated and I'm starting to think it's ME... They say it's not, and both even said that it might have to do with masturbating prior to our having sex, and that being the reason why they couldn't get hard/cum. A male's percpective on this would be greatly appreciated! thanks
 arecpea
Joined: 4/29/2009
Msg: 2
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what are the real reasons why a guy can't get hard/cum?
Posted: 1/3/2010 12:30:34 AM
Unless you have an odor coming from your ...... kitty kat. I don't think it is you. If it's just cumming, then it is because they beat it before they saw you. Not being able to rise to the occasion....... well that can be you, cause that is your mouth's job.

No but seriously, different guys have different things they are into. Every man is different. But for the most part, i believe most of us can get aroused without being physically attracted to the female. I think. But i can only really speak on me and my johnson...
 CallmeKen
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 3
what are the real reasons why a guy can't get hard/cum?
Posted: 1/3/2010 12:39:00 AM
Stop dating guys who are 80 years old with fortunes in the oil industry, and this won't happen, Anna Nicole.

Seriously, though, stress, exhaustion or anxiety can ... deflate the tire, as it were. Don't sweat it. Sex should be a mutual giving and receiving of pleasure / intimacy, not just "Hurry up and cum, American Idol's on." If he's having trouble, ask him to stop or decrease his frequency of masturbation, and engage in longer foreplay. If you do nothing BUT foreplay, that's good too. Build up to sex, don't just rush into the PIV.

And for God's sake, shoo the cat out of the room. Those glowing amber eyes staring at you in the dark are just creepy. I used to have a pet tarantula ("Smiley"). My ex-wife made me move it out of the bedroom - eight eyes watching her from a branch of driftwood were too much.
 sensua-ALITY
Joined: 12/25/2009
Msg: 4
what are the real reasons why a guy can't get hard/cum?
Posted: 1/3/2010 12:45:19 AM
I should clarify, it's not that they weren't able to get hard, but it seemed like they couldn't stay fully hard (the last guy) and yeah, not being able to come. SO you're saying that it wasn't an excuse when they said it wasn't me, it was maybe that they had masturbated or something like that?
 sensua-ALITY
Joined: 12/25/2009
Msg: 5
what are the real reasons why a guy can't get hard/cum?
Posted: 1/3/2010 12:54:17 AM
Lol there were no cats or any animals.
 indefatigabilis
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 6
what are the real reasons why a guy can't get hard/cum?
Posted: 1/3/2010 1:03:03 AM
If you want to know the way erections work and why they sometimes don't happen, the web has many articles about this subject. You're young so that information would have a long time yet to come in handy, although because usually it's older men whose stiffy is iffy, you probably won't run into this much.

Drinking, medications, having recently cum, anxiety, mood, exhaustion, illness, guilt, fear of consequences like pregnancy, are factors that come to mind. Read up on it for yourself because many men don't even know for themselves how they work or why they sometimes don't.
 DocElffington
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 7
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what are the real reasons why a guy can't get hard/cum?
Posted: 1/3/2010 3:29:04 AM
being over-weight and/or stress can cause complications like that.

So can poor blood circulation.
 Ghost Nation
Joined: 12/30/2009
Msg: 8
what are the real reasons why a guy can't get hard/cum?
Posted: 1/3/2010 4:52:50 AM
Only reason I know of this happening in my perspective and that of male friends is when the woman was a dud in bed --- I mean so much of a dud it would be more fun to have sex with a few piunds of mince meat

so yeah it may well just be you that is the issue
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 9
what are the real reasons why a guy can't get hard/cum?
Posted: 1/3/2010 5:04:09 AM
Ummm

You're a nurse right? You don't have a ton of medical books at your disposal?

They were giving you the truth. Here are a few reasons it happens...

sometimes age (NOT ALWAYS)
alcohol (whiskey d**k is not good)
weight
being too tired
being overly excited
too much spanking the monkey
diabetic
meds that he is taking

Slow down. Sex isn't a race nd again, if you really are a nurse you would know more about male physiology than some men do!!!
 Leeanne
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 10
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what are the real reasons why a guy can't get hard/cum?
Posted: 1/3/2010 5:09:06 AM
If any guy tells you 'it's you' - they are not capable of taking the resposibility to check into their own medical and phycological issues which may be holding them back.
You are not responsible for someone elses issues - especially physically!
Sure there may be things about other people that turns someone off - enough not to be sexually turned on - but they propbably wouldn't be naked with you to begin with!
 RickyGR
Joined: 10/9/2009
Msg: 11
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what are the real reasons why a guy can't get hard/cum?
Posted: 1/3/2010 5:34:58 AM
I can screw most any woman six times in a day. You are cute and young. I don't think the problem is yours. Smoking is bad too for the penis.
 Maesbaby763
Joined: 12/6/2009
Msg: 12
what are the real reasons why a guy can't get hard/cum?
Posted: 1/3/2010 5:41:04 AM
I know a few reasons they can't get hard, alcohol is a big issue for that but why they can't cum, I have no idea. The guy I dated had that problem and since he takes blood thinners everyday I am assuming that is the problem although I have no idea nor do I care.
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 13
what are the real reasons why a guy can't get hard/cum?
Posted: 1/3/2010 6:06:00 AM
Looking at your picture..you seem young, so unless you are dating guys who are a lot older than you...this might be harder to answer than if we were talking about guys at the age of most erectal disfunctions.

Masterbating prior to having sex, is something many are told will help them delay their orgasms if they are having a problem with cumming too early...if, they don't have the ability to delay it....if they are young enough or very veril....that shouldn't be the case.

Now, there was a post last night about the prettier the girl, the worse she is in bed...your pretty, so could this be proof of that theory?

KIDDING..sorry, couldn't resist.

Being intoxicated or drugs can cause this, so can some perscription drugs, erectal disfuntion, something wrong physically; the urinary track, a damaged nerve from a disc.

Emotions can come into play...too much talk, built up hype, then too much internal pressure to back it up when the time came....Men have emotions too, so, was this just the first time in bed? If, so....the second time might not have the same results. In reality we are not white knights carved out of stone...simply humans too with emotions.

I like to enjoy sex as long as possible, so I mentally delay myself, sometimes to the point that when I finally want to cum, its damn hard too...I've been fooling mothernature to last, and its payback..... ....but that doesn't answer the not staying hard issue.

Question: are you in bed more on the recieving side? Do you stay sort of quiet, or express yourself openly? Is there the mental side of sex in these encounters or just physical?

Last night a woman asked in a responce to a question...will guys lie and tell a girl she gives great head when it isn't good at all.....? I think most may not lie, but if she's not good, most won't say anything, if you ever told a woman that..you will know why.

Hope you figure it out.
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 14
what are the real reasons why a guy can't get hard/cum?
Posted: 1/3/2010 6:10:22 AM

I should clarify, it's not that they weren't able to get hard, but it seemed like they couldn't stay fully hard (the last guy) and yeah, not being able to come. SO you're saying that it wasn't an excuse when they said it wasn't me, it was maybe that they had masturbated or something like that?


One thing after reading this...you didn't say how long the encounter lasted....if its been a couple of hours.....after delaying that long it gets harder to cum and you can only stay hard for so long.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 15
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what are the real reasons why a guy can't get hard/cum?
Posted: 1/3/2010 7:19:33 AM
maybe the problem is you, in our culture, if a woman is not encouraged to be a 'great lover' maybe you lack experience and knowlege, do you just lay there,....... it could be that you are just a lazy lover
 e*Musing
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 16
what are the real reasons why a guy can't get hard/cum?
Posted: 1/3/2010 7:36:39 AM
Guys love the act of the conquest, not necessarily the object of the conquest. To you, it's making love, oftentimes to guys (in your age range) it is victory fvcking...they want you to cum like a porn star and validate their (lack of) masculinity. Not cumming...I've actually heard from some young guys that they think it's a sign of their virility...personally, I think it's a sign that their brain is much more involved than their libido...again, assuming the under 30 crowd. When I was that age, cumming was automatic...heck, often it was early.

Perhaps when you start dating men as opposed to post-teens things will start to get better...unless you simply like to just lie there, then frankly, no guy is going to be all that int0 you.

 babybourne
Joined: 4/2/2009
Msg: 17
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what are the real reasons why a guy can't get hard/cum?
Posted: 1/3/2010 7:48:51 AM
Well you are obviously a pretty woman so that can't be the problem.. Now this may a bit vulgar but maybe your love canal is not as tight as it could/should be.. If it is really loose down there for whatever reason, (kids, over sized toys) it's possible that may be the culprit.. A guy would start off being hard but with no further stimulation, the result would be losing the erection.. Try some Kegel exercises to tighten the area..
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 18
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what are the real reasons why a guy can't get hard/cum?
Posted: 1/3/2010 7:54:06 AM
its happened with 2 different men, then i think it might very well be you,currently we are living in an age where men, or boys your age are all over older women, cougars , i believe the reason for this is as a women ages and gains experience, she knows how to be a good lover, while younger women, are often very pretty, they lack in the experience, and passion department
this is not always the case, and it should not be this way, i was lucky, when i was your age, i had a great lover, who was just a bit younger, let me tell you she did not lack in anyway, the relationship lasted for years, and the sex just got better, the reason, she was open, and sexual, and also a great person
 Common_Goldfish
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 19
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what are the real reasons why a guy can't get hard/cum?
Posted: 1/3/2010 8:05:36 AM
Ok... I've dated guys who have had trouble coming and even staying hard (and it wasn't just with me, it was with previous lovers as well). So I feel like I have the experience available to give you some pointers.

Sometimes it has to do with the kind of condom you use. If they are thicker then there isn't as much sensation for the fellow. Try buying thin condoms. That might help.

Don't put any pressure on the guy to come. Like other posters said, sex isn't a race and there is no time limits, and for me (it's OK not to come). It's the trip not the destination. Make sure you BOTH are enjoying yourself. Orgasms are like the prize in a box of cracker jacks. The popcorn is good, the prize is a bonus. Enjoy the trip.

Ask him not to masterbate before seeing you, and to not hold back when he feels like he might come during intercourse... Explain that knowing you can make your guy come is a turn on. Explain that it's ok if he comes quickly the first time, after all you CAN have sex more than once. But remember not to put ANY stress on him having an orgasm.

Make you're that you're an active participant for the whole thing. Lots of foreplay. Touch, lick, stroke, tell him what you enjoy about him. Stroke his ego (hopefully he's doing the same thing to you), be vocal, but don't be fake. Men like being pampered during sex as much as women do. Be active, participate, be yourself.

Don't get angry or upset if he doesn't come. Don't ask him about it right before you have sex or right after. I know (before I had my first orgasm) the fact that I didn't/couldn't come would make me very uncomfortable and embarassed. And the more I heard about it and the more pressure there was the less I would even get close to coming.

Most of all be patient. Things won't change over night but if you really care about him coming then take things slow and follow some advice. Also it doesn't hurt to look things up medical wise. Use the tools at hand to figure this out... Good Luck!
 aaamm
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 20
what are the real reasons why a guy can't get hard/cum?
Posted: 1/3/2010 8:06:05 AM

They say it's not, and both even said that it might have to do with masturbating prior to our having sex, and that being the reason why they couldn't get hard/cum.
Why didn't you want to accept their answers? That easily could be why. So next time you fall for a man, make sure he doesn't beat his meat prior to having sex with you and when he lasts 6 seconds... Wellll...it could happen that way. That is why the dudes probably did masturbate to try to have more staying power with you and it backfired.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 21
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what are the real reasons why a guy can't get hard/cum?
Posted: 1/3/2010 8:07:56 AM
I've had a similar experience... and from a 28 yo. What I observed from him is that he needed a steady stream of porn in order to get hard. It took him ages to cum. His idea of hard was not mine. The condoms kept sliding off. Was it me? Don't think so. I think he was just programmed for a very specific kind of stimulation... almost overloading himself. Without that... nothing worked the way it should have. I've seen similar in one other... but the lack of ability to cum was based on his masturbation style. He got plenty hard, just couldn't cum from oral.

The men blame the women. The women blame the men. Vicious circle.
 Island home
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 22
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what are the real reasons why a guy can't get hard/cum?
Posted: 1/3/2010 9:03:45 AM
The actual reasons could be many and varied. You would need to discuss it with them wouldn't you?
Its interesting that it seems on two occasions there was only one chance.
Maybe you need to tell your dates to not jerk off before because they are going to get lucky tonight.
If your dating experience is longer term. Try making it more like a 3 course meal, than a would you like fries with that experience.
 DALLASDAME
Joined: 8/5/2009
Msg: 23
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what are the real reasons why a guy can't get hard/cum?
Posted: 1/3/2010 9:07:49 AM
Why even ponder this? He obviously has mixed emotions and doesn't really want to be with you. Leave the situation and find someone who 'wants' to do you. He likes you as a friend and just doesn't know how to tell you. Just my take on the situation.
 pjames
Joined: 5/7/2009
Msg: 24
what are the real reasons why a guy can't get hard/cum?
Posted: 1/3/2010 9:14:01 AM
If i don't come in the first 20-30 minutes I prolly wont.. It gets to wet and lose, BUT if we take like a 15 minute break then I usually come right a way
 somephxguy
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 25
what are the real reasons why a guy can't get hard/cum?
Posted: 1/3/2010 9:29:48 AM

Is it true that a guy can be into you physically if he isn't getting/staying hard during sex and can''t cum????

Yes. It's true.
Men aren't simply wandering penises. They have emotions and thoughts and insecurities and biological bodies too.
Sometimes what affects those gets in the way of what the penis is supposed to do.


A male's percpective on this would be greatly appreciated!

If it was a one time thing it could be something simple.
If it is a continuing thing there could be mental and/or physical issues they need to deal with.
Depends on the guy.
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