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 Michael Paul
Joined: 6/20/2008
Msg: 1
She got engaged while we were dating....Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I met a woman from this site. The initial meeting went well, and we eventually started dating. About 2 months in, I noticed she was making excuses for not wanting to see each other. The first one was that she had family in town. Okay, sounds legit. Next, she had a bunch of friends crashing at her house for one reason or another. Little shady, but fine.

I finally get a text from her after about 2 weeks of not seeing each other. (yes, I did say text). Apparently, she had an ex who just disappeared one day. Well, he came back to see her about 2 weeks ago, (how convenient), and they decided that they were still in love. He asked her to mary him, and she said yes.

I'm not terribly upset over what happened, just the fact that I think I got played. My question is this- do think the ex was ever REALLY out of the picture? I'm pretty sure I know the answer, I just want to get your thoughts on this.
 TooShadows
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 2
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She got engaged while we were dating....
Posted: 1/4/2010 6:37:52 AM
How long before the two of you met had the ex disappeared? If it was a short time it may have been a rebound thing on her part. It happenned to me once too.
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 3
She got engaged while we were dating....
Posted: 1/4/2010 6:41:31 AM
sh1t happens, bro! look, you two were dating, that does not make it an exclusive relationship, at least it didn't for her. You didn't get played, you just got stuck in the middle of some one else's fairytale
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 4
She got engaged while we were dating....
Posted: 1/4/2010 6:49:18 AM
Maybe she wanted to make him jealous. It worked!
 SexyKG74
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 5
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She got engaged while we were dating....
Posted: 1/4/2010 6:53:59 AM
OP, I'm really sorry this happened to you.

There could be a multitude of possibilities of what happened. I've actually seen similar situations.

She could have had an extensive "history" with this guy. In her eyes/mind, she could have looked at him as "the guy I would have spent the rest of my life with if hadn't (fill in the blank)."
This guy could be a total jerk...but maybe he swayed her by approaching her, apologizing, and telling her he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Because of the feelings she obviously still had, that probably was enough for her to give it a try...but she wanted to continue dating just in case it didn't work out. (Personally, I wouldn't do this...if a relationship was that serious in the past and I felt we could work it out, I would have told you my decision so I could focus on rebuilding the prior relationship...what she did wasn't cool.)

After whatever period of time (for all you know, he could have even come back before she met you...but perhaps at that "two month mark," she realized things were better with him, therefore causing her to slowly withdraw from you. And finally, he actually proposes, and you know the rest.

I'm sure you are disappointed...but you deserve better. I would just be thankful you had only known her for a couple of months. I think it would be a lot more painful had you been dating her for a long period of time and she still did this. At this point, it doesn't matter how long ago this guy re-entered her life. The end result remains the same...she's engaged to another guy.

Now, if things didn't work out the 2nd time around and she decided to run back to you...I'd tell her to f*ck off!
 Malice From Wonderland
Joined: 11/20/2009
Msg: 6
She got engaged while we were dating....
Posted: 1/4/2010 6:54:57 AM
I am "guessing" the Ex was NEVER out of the picture and she probably wanted to work him and make him jealous and you were the tool she used.
 jdawg4876
Joined: 8/22/2008
Msg: 7
She got engaged while we were dating....
Posted: 1/4/2010 7:20:19 AM
I agree with the others people do cruel and spineless stuff in real life than you have to double that when the internet is involved.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 8
She got engaged while we were dating....
Posted: 1/4/2010 7:28:37 AM
A man contacted me on another site and wanted to meet me. He lives a couple of hours away, though, and we couldn't seem to hammer out a time even though my time is VERY flexible.

This literally went on for a couple of months. He added me on facebook, etc., and kept expressing a desire to meet me. Then, one day as I was about to leave him a message on facebook, I noticed a post from a woman saying she couldn't wait to be his "blushing bride"! He had changed his status to "engaged."



He never told me! And though it was essentially none of my business, he must have known for some time that his engagement was coming up!

The topper--he kept looking at my profile on the dating site and didn't change his status to "in a relationship" until a few weeks after the facebook change.

I wonder if it hadn't been for her post on facebook, if he would have ever 'fessed up to having a fiancee.
 Artemis2009
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 9
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She got engaged while we were dating....
Posted: 1/4/2010 7:34:26 AM
The possible scenarios are endless and you might never know. What you do know, however, is that you're not unduly fussed about it so just move on.
 Spoken For
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 10
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She got engaged while we were dating....
Posted: 1/4/2010 7:51:48 AM
I think you dodged a bullet. She sounds like an airhead flake, if she'd take back a guy who magically disappeared, then showed back up.
 1kindMan4U
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 11
She got engaged while we were dating....
Posted: 1/4/2010 9:19:53 AM
Ya know.. Life sometimes just happens that way. I think the LEAP to feeling "played" that so many people take isnt justified.

You were dating. NOT engaged.. NOT living together, NOT shopping for rings but DATING.

Now maybe YOU were dating her exclusively but she wasnt being exclusive with you.

MAYBE you were a rebound

MAYBE you werent that good a date or bedroom buddy

MAYBE she discovered your criminal record

MAYBE YOUR psycho ex contacted her and scared her off.

Or maybe her ex DID come back into the picture and their history was MUCH stronger than your BARELY 2 months of dating. It DOES happen.

Does it really matter? You state you arent "terribly upset" about it, but then come on a forum to whine and complain. Who CARES about our opinions, YOURS is the only one that matters anyway and there is nothing that ANYONE here can tell you to change your mind.
 LifesSimplicity
Joined: 12/28/2009
Msg: 12
She got engaged while we were dating....
Posted: 1/4/2010 11:34:21 AM
No I do not think he was ever out of the picture.
I think she did what many immature woman do. He/she were probably dating, and got into an argument. He started dating other women, so she wanted to get back at him, (Make him want her back) .. She started dating you, and then the whole I see you are dating someone else, hope you are happy talk ensued... And after both were done fooling around, they got back together.... We still have feelings for each other yadda yadda came out.. Well duh, this may have been the case the whole time, but with the Tom Foolery and wanting to show the other person what they were missing thing came in effect....

Any matter, I may be wrong... But come on....
I wish you well, and all the best!
 Vicshe
Joined: 5/18/2009
Msg: 13
She got engaged while we were dating....
Posted: 1/4/2010 11:40:04 AM
The ex may not even have existed. If in fact she was "making excuses" in order to avoid getting together with you, she may also have made this up as an easy way to say goodbye.
 aaamm
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 14
She got engaged while we were dating....
Posted: 1/4/2010 3:01:54 PM
just the fact that I think I got played.
Ummm played with? You aren't terribly upset, so not your heart. You were in the dating stage and doesn't sound like it was working too well. I think you found out that if someone doesn't have time for you, time for you to move on.
 BBQ Spider
Joined: 11/9/2009
Msg: 15
She got engaged while we were dating....
Posted: 1/4/2010 3:47:06 PM
Yick, I feel for ya, had much the same thing happen.

It's annoying enough to get dumped, even without later finding out there was a whole lotta lying going on. Impossible to say. Sounds to me like she lied for 2 weeks but probably not 2 months... she's still a liar, if she covered up what was happening for those 2 weeks.

Look who she left you for, after what he had already done. They sound like a match. If you don't treat people that way, then she's not a match for you.

p.s. -- If he disappears again, and she comes crawling back to you, please kick her gently, right in the teeth? Or at least, produce a mocking mad professor laugh, fit for the big screen? Do it for me.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 16
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She got engaged while we were dating....
Posted: 1/4/2010 3:58:44 PM
I went back to an ex ONE TIME. Six months of marriage counseling, six months "reunion." It was infinitely worse during the reunion than it had ever been. Cured me for all time.

Agree with above poster: what is the *felt need* so easily observable on these threads to feel "used" or "played?" Where is it written that everything that begins is guaranteed to end how you wish?

The big girl/boy underwear's available on Aisle Two. Step right up.

 Euroalex
Joined: 2/20/2007
Msg: 17
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She got engaged while we were dating....
Posted: 1/4/2010 4:17:47 PM
chances are they will maybe get married maybe not.

if they will, they will divorce soon too...

these kind of boomerang relationship (I can't live with you, but I cannot live without you) have these kind of common characteristics....

forget her, she wasn't worthy for you
 ooobaby 01
Joined: 10/14/2009
Msg: 18
She got engaged while we were dating....
Posted: 1/4/2010 4:39:35 PM
Sounds to me like she wanted a stronger commitment and he didn't so she threatened him and left. He realized that he didn't want to loose her so he came back with the ring she wanted!!!

You were a re-bound big time......
 *Bulldog*
Joined: 3/31/2007
Msg: 19
She got engaged while we were dating....
Posted: 1/4/2010 11:32:28 PM
You got played??

This girl sounds crazy, selfish, co dependent, and has zero integrity.

You got off easy. You were very lucky because it sounds like you don't have good discernment (yet) and wouldn't have figured this out on your own. Just imagine had things gone well with this girl and you actually married into that ugliness? That is hell on Earth...
 Minau
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 20
She got engaged while we were dating....
Posted: 1/4/2010 11:53:46 PM
Hmm...similar thing happened to me...he treated me like a goddess...attended to my every need like a perfect gentleman above and beyond I've seen any other guy behave...stayed up with me til 7am when his group had to check out at 7:30 am...he told his bros he can sleep on the plane or catch up on sleep any other time and so hung back with me...at the eleventh hour I finally asked...do you have a gf...he said yes...and pretty serious at that...a couple of days later I was chatting with his brother on facebook and his brother told me his brother was engaged!! They had been dating for 8 years and he proposed to her last year...they've just been putting off the date...wow!! He says he was hanging out with me because he wanted to...he says he's with his girl because he knows she would never cheat on him...unbelievable...and truly believes she would never know...I wish her all the best. PS. OP I always welcome the truth...in which case you know what's coming at you and you can better make an informed decision :)
 ManicMelanie
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 21
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She got engaged while we were dating....
Posted: 1/5/2010 5:02:02 AM

Yes, it's VERY possible that the "ex" was gone for awhile. This is why we should give each other the benefit of the doubt and realize that one person usually has to play catch up. ie: You go out on a date with someone. You have a good time. (You thought.) You don't hear from the person again. Weeks, months go by. Then, BOOM, out of the blue (seemingly) that person contacts you, again. So, go out. You have another chance. GOOOOOOOO !

She went on with her life, even if it was reluctantly. It was a good call on her part. He was off the hook, had time to think and reflect. Sh*t, I DO want her, he thought. Eureka.

Well, you know the rest.

Good luck, fishing!

NEXT !!





 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 22
She got engaged while we were dating....
Posted: 1/5/2010 7:04:36 AM

Ya know.. Life sometimes just happens that way. I think the LEAP to feeling "played" that so many people take isnt justified.

You were dating. NOT engaged.. NOT living together, NOT shopping for rings but DATING.


I have to agree with this statement.

So consider yourself lucky.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 23
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She got engaged while we were dating....
Posted: 1/5/2010 7:31:08 AM
sorry to here about that, yes you where played, so was her future husband, yet another example that men are not the only pigs out there.......
 pipsis
Joined: 12/27/2008
Msg: 24
She got engaged while we were dating....
Posted: 1/5/2010 4:45:50 PM
I have very similar story. I live in Finland and came here in this site just for curiosity and try my luck with guys. Then one man contacted me and he seems to be perfect for me, we started talk daily basis trough skype and became fb friends. As couple months go by we agreed to me come visit him.
So i worked my ass off to make money and free time to come see him inWisconsin and finally when i come i notest some things wich wasn't guite what he told in first place. He told me he had single house, job and muscle car... no job, near bankcrupsy with his crappy house and his car was standing in backyard without engine wich went broken 5 years ago.
He also told that he was single for 5 years, and my second week there, ex-fiancee pops up and spotted me.
She got horrible melt down and tell later that she got missgarriage because of seeing me there.
Of cource the Dude wants to come clean and me and tells they did have sex while we were got to know each other. U guys can imagine me to be there other side of the world only for that outrageous drama, damn i was thinking how i haven't ever met such a liars in my whoke life!!!
This happened year ago and still that Dude want time to time contact me and tell me that i am his soulmate and all other crap
Well, this case shows that gold diggers can be in other side of the sea too!
 Euroalex
Joined: 2/20/2007
Msg: 25
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She got engaged while we were dating....
Posted: 1/5/2010 9:36:54 PM

I have very similar story. I live in Finland and came here in this site just for curiosity and try my luck with guys. Then one man contacted me and he seems to be perfect for me, we started talk daily basis trough skype and became fb friends. As couple months go by we agreed to me come visit him.
So i worked my ass off to make money and free time to come see him inWisconsin and finally when i come i notest some things wich wasn't guite what he told in first place. He told me he had single house, job and muscle car... no job, near bankcrupsy with his crappy house and his car was standing in backyard without engine wich went broken 5 years ago.
He also told that he was single for 5 years, and my second week there, ex-fiancee pops up and spotted me.
She got horrible melt down and tell later that she got missgarriage because of seeing me there.
Of cource the Dude wants to come clean and me and tells they did have sex while we were got to know each other. U guys can imagine me to be there other side of the world only for that outrageous drama, damn i was thinking how i haven't ever met such a liars in my whoke life!!!
This happened year ago and still that Dude want time to time contact me and tell me that i am his soulmate and all other crap
Well, this case shows that gold diggers can be in other side of the sea too!


sounds like adventure, not exactly the one you thought - but wasn't boring

1.trust is best based on actions, not words. you could have spoken each other for months, that means little in terms of risk...
2. I don't understand the gold-digger thing. you worked several months to finance your holiday. so he knew you were not rich.
3.just speculating: you were attracted to his hobby about car, his "bad boy image", maybe the kinda Rodeo feeling of Wisconsin as this state has special place: highest % of emigration of Scandinavian origin - kinda very well known in Norway & Sweden - guess might be the same for Finland as well? so quite a lot of reasons - to make a powerful mix of attraction...
4.several studies show that Finland has the lowest percentage of liars in the population. it's just tradition there that people almost always tell the truth....hard to measure these things though and things maybe different in Helsinki or a Finnish village....
5.the soulmate thing: I don't think you were his soulmate. he is a liar and you are not - so that's a major difference....I would guess that he was not telling the truth about the soul mate thing either - sorry to tell you this
6.another thing about soul mates: it's not necassary that a soul mate is best compatible on a practical level. a man or woman can decide for example to communicate and discuss feelings etc. with soul mates, while live with someone else for better sex, more money or other advantages....in a way they get both!
that's why you see often women have friends go to have a shoulder to emotionally support them, to complain about their husbands etc., or ...for example here on internet many men show himself as single for communication and possibly with a sex adventure, to boost ego also - without the intention of leaving his marriage - although they 100% know those aren't the soulmates they live with.
7.did they also get engaged?

on positive side: you sould consider yourself lucky: learnt a lot, had "adventure", and didn't really loose much - except a bit of disappointment and a few months of savings.........and you nearly met your true soulmate!

I'm just teasing, as good to hear that you are feeling better by now
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