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 sjsh1980
Joined: 5/8/2009
Msg: 1
how to respond to last minute cancellationsPage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
i have had 4, yes four last minute cancellations in a row.

the first girl cancelled twice, and was clearly lying at least the 2nd time.
the second girl said her grandfather went into the hospital.
the third girl said she wasn't feeling well.
the fourth girl (yesterday) said she had cold feet about dating but wanted to 'hang onto my number' after she repeatedly texted to confirm our date 3 times the day of/before.

they all cancelled within 3 hours of our first date. they all *texted* to cancel. times 1, 2, and 4, i tried to call them afterwards and they didn't pick up, and i asked 'could you give me a call?' and they did not call and/or texted an excuse why they couldn't call.

i am soliciting constructive feedback here:

a) what is the best way to respond?
b) what is the best philosophical way to look at this?
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 2
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how to respond to last minute cancellations
Posted: 1/7/2010 6:35:51 AM
Honestly, I avoid texting people all together. It encourages people to put as little effort as possible into communication. It astounds me how many people actually begin relationships this way.
 james_ny
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 3
how to respond to last minute cancellations
Posted: 1/7/2010 6:44:35 AM
Remember you're a meeting someone from a dating website so expect non serious people. Usually After I set up a date I dont text or call again. I sometimes wait to see if she's really interested in meeting because if she still wants to meet you she will text or call to remind you about the meeting.
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 4
how to respond to last minute cancellations
Posted: 1/7/2010 6:47:27 AM
What a cutie.


a) what is the best way to respond?


Don't. Just walk away. Don't ever look back.


b) what is the best philosophical way to look at this?


Flakes flake. That's what they do. Be a little more stringent in your screening process.
 sjsh1980
Joined: 5/8/2009
Msg: 5
how to respond to last minute cancellations
Posted: 1/7/2010 6:51:38 AM
carolann - i *always* call once i have a phone number. then i usually get a text back. but initially, i never begin by texting, because calling is the most direct option available to me at that time and i strive to always act with integrity. unfortunately, i'm not getting that in return.
 SingleGuy4912
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 6
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how to respond to last minute cancellations
Posted: 1/7/2010 6:53:39 AM
Depends on your tolerance for game playing.

However, just for our edification, who initiated the meet, you or them?

Either way, it's possible they just weren't ready to meet. Ascertain via email whether they still wanted to meet and if not, wish them well and move on. If they do, let them set up the where and when.

It's also possible these girls were never really interested in meeting to begin with.
 sjsh1980
Joined: 5/8/2009
Msg: 7
how to respond to last minute cancellations
Posted: 1/7/2010 6:54:20 AM
james - i don't text or call again either. in the 4th scenario i mentioned, she had been repeatedly texting me, even asking me to remind her of my screenname(?). i've always assumed that the date was on, and left it alone without further contact beforehand, as i'm someone who takes pride in keeping my word. but perhaps i need to reevaluate the likelihood that others will keep their word in kind.
 Jordanjamesx
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 8
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how to respond to last minute cancellations
Posted: 1/7/2010 7:26:05 AM
I think it depends on the person. If a person you have known for a while cancels on you I think you can give that person the benefit of the doubt, However, if the OP doesn't know these women he should just move on with his life and don't ever look back. If these women don't have time for him and don't make the effort. The OP shouldn't make time for them and he should move on and maintain his dignity.
 MsStackhouse
Joined: 5/20/2009
Msg: 9
how to respond to last minute cancellations
Posted: 1/7/2010 7:29:50 AM
Take the high road...say "I hope everything is OK" and leave it at that. Don't contact them any further...
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 10
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how to respond to last minute cancellations
Posted: 1/7/2010 8:03:21 AM

i have had 4, yes four last minute cancellations in a row.

the first girl cancelled twice, and was clearly lying at least the 2nd time.
the second girl said her grandfather went into the hospital.
the third girl said she wasn't feeling well.
the fourth girl (yesterday) said she had cold feet about dating but wanted to 'hang onto my number' after she repeatedly texted to confirm our date 3 times the day of/before.

they all cancelled within 3 hours of our first date. they all *texted* to cancel. times 1, 2, and 4, i tried to call them afterwards and they didn't pick up, and i asked 'could you give me a call?' and they did not call and/or texted an excuse why they couldn't call.

i am soliciting constructive feedback here:

a) what is the best way to respond?

Say thanks, and immediately try to reschedule a second meet. If they are vague and don't want to commit, they're not serious. Wish them well and tell them to keep in touch and then move on.

b) what is the best philosophical way to look at this?

Look at is as a blessing, naturally.

Unless you planned your whole night around a meet (which isn't a great idea) it should only free up an extra hour or so in your schedule - and it prevents you from sitting somewhere waiting for someone who's not coming.

You're dealing with a lot of strangers, honestly - so trust me it could have been a lot worse. Dodged bullets, IMO.

Plan your meet quick and inexpensive, before you have something else to do, and make sure you don't ever make plans to go somewhere or do something you wouldn't do alone. That way you can go to enjoy the place and they are just joining you somewhere you would have gone anyway. That's the only true way to avoid dissapointments with cancellations or standups.
 hazyjinty
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 11
how to respond to last minute cancellations
Posted: 1/7/2010 8:06:03 AM
At least they did cancel on you, move on, plenty of fish in the sea, if they ask you for your screenname i would imagine that means they are taking to many guys so it wouldnt look promising that they would actually be sincere in meeting.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 12
how to respond to last minute cancellations
Posted: 1/7/2010 8:14:48 AM
Yes I know what you mean, my 17 year old has more manners. ugg sorry I agree with TracyAnn take the high road if no response when calling back chalk it up. sorry
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 13
how to respond to last minute cancellations
Posted: 1/7/2010 8:23:17 AM
Well, at least they let you know, some just don't show up or so, I've read and heard.

What can you do? I mean..you just move on and don't take it personally...sometimes people are talking to several at the same time choose one, then the one they really had interest in the most, suddenly wanted to meet.

Other times because words can be taken wrong or right...depending on how you look at it....at some point you say something that triggers a red flag, that doesn't mean it was justified or accurate, but people go thru a lot on these dating sites, and some when a red flag hits them...end of story, not taking any chances thety move on....in reality can you blame them?

You simply be nice and say thank you, I understand, if you ever want to meet, let me know...then move on...for whatever the reason, they lost interest....and they have that right to, just as you have.

Before you put the blame in any direction, think back on all what you wrote them....where there things or certain words you used that might have changed what appeared your motivations where? Did you start to talk about your past or exes too much, etc,...
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 14
how to respond to last minute cancellations
Posted: 1/7/2010 8:26:02 AM
Hey, there are people who have no real intention of meeting, but just play to see if they could....game players and stuff, but with 4 in a row....it might be the cases I mentioned above....

Anyway...good luck and I hope you find someone.
 somephxguy
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 15
how to respond to last minute cancellations
Posted: 1/7/2010 10:36:45 AM

a) what is the best way to respond?

There isn't one. They've made a decision. You don't know them or what affected that decision. Therefore you can't really address that which would change that decision.
So there is a way to respond to get them to get back to you or change their mind, but it will be different for every person and you won't know what it is unless you know them.

Maybe if you come back really angry and call them names and get really rude they will come to the forums and ask "why when guys are rejected they always get mean?" And then you can respond to them via the forums.


b) what is the best philosophical way to look at this?

Don't worry, be happy?
You can't always get what you want?
da doo doo doo da dah dah dah, that's all I have to say to you?
Keep on trucking?
 Sobe82
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 16
how to respond to last minute cancellations
Posted: 1/7/2010 10:53:02 AM
It's all part of the game buddy. They very well were interested when they said they were, but women change their minds. Don't sweat it. It happens to everyone. Usually unless I know the girl is REALLY interested or mature i'll set up a meet doing something I was already going to do. That way I could care less if they showed. I just text back "that's too bad" and delete their number. If they want to make it up to me great! I love back rubs. I know i'd make the effort to make it up to someone if I flaked on them. If not, there's always another woman. Besides, odds are she has some sort of baggage keeping her from seeing you. Or her life isn't in order. If she reschedules, I can get with that.

How many times have you flaked? I bet never. And if you did, it was up to you to make it right. Right? Expect the same. You'll do great.
 standoutboy
Joined: 12/7/2009
Msg: 17
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how to respond to last minute cancellations
Posted: 1/7/2010 11:04:50 AM
Let me play the devil's advocate for a bit on this one.
I sort of disagree, with the idea of calling someone,you met online over the phone. I think its a leap too far. Texting is less intrusive and a non aggressive form of communication.People become more defensive,when rung up by strangers than people they are familiar with. You should check out your reaction the next time round, you recieve a call on your mobile from an unidentified caller who turn outs to be a cold caller working for a private health insurance company.
That said, I wish the O/P, the best of luck in his search for a soulmates. Like other posters have said and you must have noticed, courtesy is not a virtue for most people in the online world.
Cheerio.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 18
how to respond to last minute cancellations
Posted: 1/7/2010 11:23:00 AM
I do not give people second chances on this sort of thing. Not only is it rude, it's actually hurtful.
Others will give second chances, but not thirds.

I say flakey people would stop being flaky if they had consequences to their actions, but too many people give flakie* people a pass on the first flake. It just reinforces the behavior. I don't want to. So I ain't gonna.


*(I don't know how it's spelled, I figure one way will be correct! lol)
 Wicked_Cricket
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 19
how to respond to last minute cancellations
Posted: 1/7/2010 11:56:36 AM
I agree with carolann (again) plus that is rude. I find men AND women are just plain rude nowdays. But at least now you know. Good luck meeting a nice polite girl.
Cricket
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 20
how to respond to last minute cancellations
Posted: 1/7/2010 11:58:32 AM

a) what is the best way to respond?

Just saying that's too bad, maybe we can meet up at a convenient time in the near future, and put the ball in HER court. Chances are very very slim she'll contact you, because chances are very very slim she didn't lose interest in you.

b) what is the best philosophical way to look at this?

If you repeat last-minute cancellations, it's probably something you're doing that's pushing it in that direction. If you're setting up a meeting with a gal who's got the "yeah, I guess so" attitude, you'll get that more often. If you're setting up a insta-dates, quickly after initially conversing, you'll get that more often. And also, maybe it's something you reveal about yourself -- purposely or not, after some time goes on that turns them off.

I think only you can find out why!
 Remember Me...
Joined: 12/2/2009
Msg: 21
how to respond to last minute cancellations
Posted: 1/7/2010 12:46:03 PM
Arrrgggh! I just had to do this to a guy and I felt awful!!! I know girls on dating sites have a rep for setting up dates and cancelling or talking/texting forever before finally wanting to meet and then chickening out at the last minute. Not me. I've met several guys here and I really am here to MEET guys, not text them.

My reason was legit, but I still felt like a tool. I did try to call 3x first but couldn't get a hold of him. I ended up having to text it.

I say give someone one shot. Life happens, things come up. But only one. If I did this to this guy a second time, no matter if it was legit or not, I wouldn't blame him for walking. I thought he was very cool for understanding and being willing to reschedule. He earned points for that. :)
 Countryboy_toronto
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 22
how to respond to last minute cancellations
Posted: 1/7/2010 12:52:08 PM
Do what I do, schedule two dates for the same time.... that way you aren't left out in the cold... and hey if they both show up you look classy as hell.... kidding....

Seriously, I would screen a little harder prior to meeting up. I actually haven't been stood up off of here yet, and I've probably been on 20-25 first dates so far.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 23
how to respond to last minute cancellations
Posted: 1/7/2010 1:36:22 PM
Arrrgggh! I just had to do this to a guy and I felt awful!!!

I'd be curious as to why you "had to" renege on your promise. I'd be curious to know if *I* thought it was a good excuse or not.

Because *I* have had people (NOT just men, female friends as well) make plans with me, and then at the last minute find "something else came up". If "something else" comes up, you need to tell that "something else" that you already MADE plans, and you can do it another time with "something else". That, or I have had MANY men claim they "fell asleep" , as if THAT is a forgiveable offense.

Basically, if you make an excuse, you are saying "I value the excuse more than I value you". And THAT is not something I put up with, being second rate or an afterthought.
 Pcolachic
Joined: 5/15/2007
Msg: 24
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how to respond to last minute cancellations
Posted: 1/7/2010 1:57:21 PM
Ouch! I had a guy cancel a date last minute an hour before~ After I prepared for the date for a few hours shopping, making dinner and getting the kid to a sitter. I took it rather personally. I told him the next day I was disappointed and then we broke up mutually. Although it hurt like hell. Not sure how I would have handled it with hindsight.

Back to you.. Sometimes guys send me over flirty messages borderline` inapproriate before we even meet. then I get cold feet meeting him because hehas this FANTASY before we meet. I end up cancelling due to being uncomfortable.

If this isnt the case, then look at this way. SAVED YOU SOME DRAMA!! lol
 ToughLuv1984
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 25
how to respond to last minute cancellations
Posted: 1/7/2010 2:11:51 PM
Find a new gal.

Someone who is resistant to meeting is hiding something. Not your job to ferret that out. Or she might be insecure going out with such a cutie pie as you, possibly facing rejection herself, but who want someone crippled by their insecurities? Also not your job to fix.

Chin up. Tomorrow is another day.
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