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 scottynylons68
Joined: 12/7/2009
Msg: 1
Woman-led relationships...Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Are there any women out there who are comfortable "wearing the pants" in the relationship? I don't mean being domineering or abusive...but being in a committed, monogamous relationship where you are the final say so and the man is the follower of your lead (in every aspect).

After many years of wondering what my deal is I believe I've figured out that this is what I'm looking for. I'm still trying to look deeper into it but it seem like this could be it. I've always been one to kinda sit back and follow the lead of the women in my life...but I can definitely do my own thing and have a spine (complete with strong opinions!). :)

Anyway...just thought I'd see what others on here thought.

Thanks!

SN
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 2
Woman-led relationships...question for the ladies
Posted: 1/7/2010 9:47:58 AM
I think there are lots of them, and lots of couples who have this dynamic. What I suspect you may not find a lot of is people willing to say so out loud! Or even necessarily aware of it. However, I do not think it'll be a hard thing for you to find.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 3
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Woman-led relationships...question for the ladies
Posted: 1/7/2010 10:28:49 AM
Lucky you!
Damn near all of em.
:-P

 ManicMelanie
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 4
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Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/7/2010 10:39:51 AM

I prefer for the guy to lead or each to be co-leaders, alternating back and forth, at times. Even though I CAN lead, I do NOT want to on any sort of regular basis.

I know MANY couples where the woman is in charge. Some are happy with the situation. Some are not. It's a personal, individual and "couple" kind of thing.

I like confident, strong, opinionated, intelligent men that bring a LOT of substance to the relationship.



 LastFrogToKiss
Joined: 4/21/2009
Msg: 5
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/7/2010 10:41:48 AM
I've wondered about this topic as well.

My best guess is that there are a lot of men that have to make a lot of decisions (and/or heavy decisions) in their careers so they are perfectly happy to let someone else call the shots on the domestic front. It would be interesting to know if women in those same types of career positions feel and act the same way.

Might also be that most of us grew up with mothers as their primary guardians so we've just become accustomed to the female of the house calling the shots.

And, of course, there is the common (true or not) assumption that women are better than men at relationships so it makes sense for them to take the lead.

Finally, (ducks) there are guys that have just learned its not worth trying to have a say.
 somephxguy
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 6
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/7/2010 10:46:25 AM

where you are the final say so and the man is the follower of your lead (in every aspect)...sit back and follow the lead of the women in my life...but I can definitely do my own thing and have a spine

Probably misreading, but isn't this just being passive aggressive?
You want them to hold responsibility and make decisions for you, but you ultimately get veto power (use your spine) if it really doesn't jibe with what you really want? But you don't want much or care about much except for a small number of things you won't budge on, but everything else it's "whatever"? Or you think that women want more than you want and you don't mind giving in to what they want because you don't really care, except for those small things that come up?
 scottynylons68
Joined: 12/7/2009
Msg: 7
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/7/2010 10:54:05 AM
Well...I should have been more definitive. I mean a relationship where the woman is formally in charge of every aspect. It is agreed upon in advance by both people in the relationship. It's very hard for me to explain without using verbiage that already has some heavy, sexually-explicit connotations...I am trying to avoid using them because, while there is a sexual aspect (as with any relationship) this is much bigger than some fetish/fantasy thing.

When I said I would have my opinions and a spine I meant that I would not allow myself to be abused or taken advantage of. The basis of this is a loving relationship where respect is mutual. I am looking for something where the woman formally, definitely has the final say on all matters...but definitely wants input from me and I would have a role to play in the process...just that her judgement is final.

Make sense...trying not to ramble here! :p
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 8
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Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/7/2010 11:28:05 AM
I've always been one to kinda sit back and follow the lead of the women in my life...

Don't think so, OPie: you are here according to your own words to discuss things you can't with your wife. Discussing your need to cross dress with strangers is hardly following the lead of your wife. Of course, it *may* be a way to ferret out another woman whose lead you *can* follow?

OT: A partnership is that. No grown-up needs to lead or to be led (IMHO). What I've encountered more often is passive resistance ~~ an unwillingness to contribute, and a perfect willingness to obstruct, and then blame.

 scottynylons68
Joined: 12/7/2009
Msg: 9
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/7/2010 11:36:50 AM
@woobytoodsday:

I actually created that profile before I discovered this deeper, more meaningful way of life. The more I read about it the more I discover that it is what I want. I have discussed these topics with my wife...but they have always revolved around sex because that was always my answer to it in my own life since even before I ever met my wife. I have recently discovered that this can be about much, much deeper than I ever thought...and I do plan to take this newly-found knowledge to my wife once I figure it all out for myself and how I believe it can work for the two of us.

I posted this here today to get insight from the folks here to see if I can learn more useful information so I can take this to her.

Obviously my profile needs changed...I would not have even created one based on what I've just learned but I figured, since I was here, I'd see what others thought. :)
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 10
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Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/7/2010 11:48:36 AM
scotty ~~ that profile is a whole month old today. I'd be a bit leery of changing my whole life around based on a less than month old insight. Though it does happen. Sounds like what you're looking for is a dom-sub path. While that topic is more wide open at the sex forums, I suspect you are right: that it encompasses a whole lot more than they'd be likely to handle over there.

It's not my cuppa, so I'll just quiet up now, and hope you find what you're looking for.

 scottynylons68
Joined: 12/7/2009
Msg: 11
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/7/2010 12:02:48 PM
Thanks Wooby...while you are correct about the "dom-sub" I really hate to call it that because of what it implies. This is deeper than that IMO...it's about making the woman in my life very comfortable and happy...while she returns the favor in a way that is contrary to "traditional" thinking.
 the_humormonger
Joined: 5/30/2006
Msg: 12
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Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/7/2010 12:06:09 PM
i investigated this topic not too long ago, and it really can run the gamut depending on the couple involved - mostly it seemed to me that there was always a dom/sub element. including male chastity.

my suggestion would be to join some of their forums (i read a few) and get some answers from those who are actually involved in that type of relationship. and then, you can introduce your wife to those fora, so she can do her own investigation.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 13
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/7/2010 12:12:07 PM
Ah. That's rather a different - and much more specialized - question than I'd thought at first you were asking... I agree, seeking out sites that cater specifically to this dynamic would be the most helpful, especially in the matter of how to bring it to your wife in ways that will seem palatable to her. Also, you will find that your "deeper" view is not uncommon at all!
 scottynylons68
Joined: 12/7/2009
Msg: 14
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/7/2010 12:21:56 PM
@Helen0426

The only site that I've found is aroundherfinger...but they don't have a forum...just a blog and a site that basically promotes their merchandise. Do you know of any forums which are around that same "tameness" where I could go? If you don't want to post just send me a mail in here.

Thanks
 Pcolachic
Joined: 5/15/2007
Msg: 15
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Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/7/2010 2:16:58 PM
Nope I need teamwork in a relationship, not a co-dependent guy who cant make an ACTIVE decision. I think you just want to avoid the responsibility in a relationship and let the woman lead. If you are fine with getting your identity sucked away then go for it but I can bet you are going to have a hard time in life on your own if you pick women like this.
 Gideon_70
Joined: 9/9/2005
Msg: 16
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Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/7/2010 3:14:04 PM
I've come to the conclusion that someone HAS to be in charge, or it is just a free for all fight between the couples. I'm naturally dominant, can't help it. But I've seen perfectly Happy couples where she was clearly in charge and they seem to do Okay for the most part.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 17
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Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/7/2010 4:25:09 PM
I think there are women like that. They're called Italian.

Seriously, it depends on the woman's personality. You might not be attracting that type.
 Naganadoy
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 18
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Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/7/2010 4:55:06 PM
nope. i wouldnt like that.

i also would not like it if it was man-led and he "wore the pants" and had the final say and i followed his every lead.

nope. no thanks to both those choices.

all my realationships have been led by both of us. make decisions together.

im not a follower or a leader.

im a partner.

but if i was FORCED to chose one of those situations then i would have to chose ME to be the leader. no doubt about that.
 sweet lady Lori
Joined: 3/19/2008
Msg: 19
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/7/2010 5:10:20 PM
Nope. Not me. I work full time and am quite independent. However, I prefer an equal.

Besides, I could never be attracted to a man who leaves his kahoona's in his woman's knitting basket!!!!
 Passionate Gent
Joined: 5/2/2009
Msg: 20
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/7/2010 5:11:48 PM
lol what a funny thread. I like how you philosophically composed a D/s relationship.
Yeah, we know what you want. I may be wrong , but it appears you're looking for a woman who wakes up with "Kneel boy" on her lips.

 Adamantine01
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 21
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Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/7/2010 5:16:29 PM


rofl - and I thought it was just Italian men!

Its a complex question.
Personally, taking the really long view, I look at it like this;
Within each male is an aspect of the feminine, and within each female is an aspect of the masculine. In some people one aspect or the other is more noticeable or used more often, in every day life and making decisions etc.
At other times, the reverse might be true for that same person.

Perhaps you need to really analyze what you regard is "feminine" and what is "masculine" and how that impacts on relationships between males and females. Then take it another step and really ponder how you feel about these so called distinctions between the genders, and how it applies in your case.

There is really only superficial differences between males and females, and scientifically speaking, all life in the human uterus begins as female (talking at the very basic cellular stage). It's really divine intervention that males are formed at all. (or a mistake, depending on one's point of view!) The "Y" chromosome is really an "X" chromosome with something missing. :)

According to New Scientist from years back -
Original "Eve" can be traced back many many millions of years through mitochondrial DNA. "Adam", rather surprisingly, came many millions of years later. Later, I repeat.
So seriously folks, men are an after-thought, and that research effectively puts paid to the old notion that woman came from man. Quite the opposite.

Along those same lines, men have a much more difficult time maintaining male characteristics and behaviour, particularly if they are around a lot of women without male company - hence, ladies, the fact that the guys just HAVE TO go out huntin, shootin, and fishin to get their male mojo back.
All the better for us when they come back home! And especially if they bagged a huge dead animal; victory ups the ante for testosterone.
I could go on, since I made an impromptu study of this a few years back...
But you get the gist.

Scotty you might just be around too many women too much of the time.
Humans are RULED by pheromones, despite the fact we simply don't consciously register them; however your body does.
Nevertheless it takes all kinds, and if that's where you feel more at home, within yourself, than all good wishes to you (and your wife).
Ultimately all that matters is that both of you are happy with the arrangement, and the rest is nobody's business.
 Brett a g
Joined: 12/13/2009
Msg: 22
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Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/8/2010 8:00:40 AM
I have never been a leader, or even a good co-leader unless its something i know very well. mostly I am the following type, I don't think there is anything wrong with it. Some of us lack the leader gene. I am not some simple sheep or puppet I can and do say no to the things I rather not do. I just wish that when a guy would like a woman to ask him out it would not look like he was some type of freak. A few days ago a woman just messaged me on plenty of fish saying your cute. I was thrilled to say the least. wish more women were like her and would take the first step. I know you exist, ask me out on a date, in an odd way that puts power in my court I could say no, though I probably wont unless you are not the nice type.
 forumologist
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 23
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/8/2010 8:12:26 AM

where you are the final say so and the man is the follower of your lead (in every aspect).


Yuck. I don't want a weakling riding my coat tails.
 forumologist
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 24
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/8/2010 8:13:11 AM

where you are the final say so and the man is the follower of your lead (in every aspect).


Yuck. I don't want a weakling riding my coat tails.

I also don't want someone putting my up on a pedestal because chances are it's only so he can look up my skirt.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 25
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Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/8/2010 8:17:18 AM
Whenever I read these questions about who is the "leader" in the relationship, I really struggle to understand how often this is an issue. Outside of major purchases that would require some sort of legal responsibility, what else is there? Are these people that need "leading" struggling with what the hell you have for dinner, what color shoes you buy for the kids? Why is this an issue more than once or twice a year if that much? Seriously, what could the day to day issues possibly be that someone "needs" to be a leader in order to not have the realtionship implode?
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