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 SuzyqInMD
Joined: 9/9/2009
Msg: 2
Why does everyone say the past doesnt matter (esspecially women)Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
A young woman/man who has messed up in the past should not be obligated to LIVE in the past. They grow up, realize "Oh, wow, I cant believe I did that". and cringe. But it shapes us all, our past mistakes and deeds. If you cant forgive someone their mistakes, then move on.
But your also limiting yourself by your own behavior.
--Then 10 years down the line, something changes you and you will say, "Oh wow, I cant believe I did that to that person, what a moron I was". and you will be ashamed of yourself and cringe. but then you will learn and move on.
Please give me a break ont he whole morally which one is more wrong business:
Example: If I was 20, and I slept with 10 men.
or.
If I was 20 and I slept with 10 married men.
Gee-which one is more MORALLY wrong?
Pick.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 3
Why does everyone say the past doesnt matter (esspecially women)
Posted: 1/11/2010 1:49:15 PM
This is why I believe no one really wants to know the past. To me keep the skeletons in the closet, especially if the person passes all the STD test and "HOPE" that none of the bones fall out of that closet. Like you said if someone cheated and I knew it's over, or if my SO had a substantial amount of partners, I'm outta there too, or the flip side as people mature and grow you got to give a little bit of a clean slate, because if you didn't what's the point?

In the end, the past matters but I really don't want to know, lol it's like knowing the time and date you die.
 jetmech0417
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 4
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Why does everyone say the past doesnt matter (esspecially women)
Posted: 1/11/2010 1:54:36 PM
The past can be a gauge on the future. So, yeah, the past DOES matter. Do I really want to know how many sexual partners you've had? Not really. Do I care if they were married? Not really. If you tell me, will I listen? Yeah, sure. Do I want to know if you've cheated before? You're damn right I do, because if you've done it over and over, chances are, you'll do it again.

But, I'm not going to hold you to a double standard. You shouldn't care about how many women I've been with, and I really don't care how many men you've been with. So long as we're both faithful to each other, that's all that really matters.
 sweetness-one
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 5
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Why does everyone say the past doesnt matter (esspecially women)
Posted: 1/11/2010 1:55:07 PM

Or do we get to decide which is morally more wrong?


You get to decide what is morally right or wrong in YOUR opinion, OP, or what is morally right or wrong for you. Many things that might be morally "wrong" in your viewpoint, won't be to the next person and so on. And, shades of grey come into it as well, I suppose.


How come we can pick and choose what from out past does and does not affect our future.


I don't think one gets to pick and choose in quite the way you're meaning, OP. For one, it would be others picking and choosing about you (generic you, not you specifically), and what they decide is and isn't important. For instance, something one person did that they weren't proud of in their past, might not even be a blip on the radar to the person that is considering a relationship with them.

Myself, I would prefer to make my own decisions on a case-by-case basis. For instance, someone who, say, cheated once in their lives way back when they were 17, but learned from it and never cheated again over the next 20 years, would be very different from someone who cheated on an ex 2 months ago. The difference being, that's still current enough to be current, not so much "past", at least IMO. Another huge difference being, obviously the first person learned enough of a lesson 20 years ago to completely change their behaviour, whereas the latter person possibly hasn't.

If someone currently has a very different moral and value system to another, though, then I don't think it's so much a case of who's "right" or "wrong"; it merely indicates incompatibility, to me. JMO though.
 Technical Buddha
Joined: 3/11/2005
Msg: 6
Why does everyone say the past doesnt matter (esspecially women)
Posted: 1/11/2010 1:58:45 PM
OP...


In informal logic

The term ad hominem has sometimes been used more literally, to describe an argument that was based on an individual, or to describe any personal attack. However, this is not how the meaning of the term is typically introduced in modern logic and rhetoric textbooks, and logicians and rhetoricians are in agreement that this use (equated with "personal attack") is incorrect.[citation needed]

Example:

"You claim that this man is innocent, but you cannot be trusted since you are a criminal as well."

This argument would generally be accepted as reasonable, as regards personal evidence, on the premise that criminals are likely to lie to protect each other. On the other hand, it is a valid example of ad hominem if the source making the claim is doing so on the basis of evidence independent of its own credibility.

In general, ad hominem criticism of evidence cannot prove the negative of the proposition being claimed:

Example:

"Tom says the umpire made the correct call, but this can't be true, because Tom is the father of the boy who was "safe" on second base."

Assuming Tom is the father of the baseball player, his viewpoint is uncritical and may therefore be scrutinized, but the umpire may nonetheless have made the right call.
[edit] Types of ad hominems

Three traditionally identified[by whom?] varieties are ad hominem abusive (or ad personam), ad hominem circumstantial, and ad hominem tu quoque.[citation needed]
[edit] Ad hominem abusive

Ad hominem abusive (also called argumentum ad personam[by whom?]) usually involves insulting or belittling one's opponent, but can also involve pointing out factual but ostensible character flaws or actions which are irrelevant to the opponent's argument. This tactic is logically fallacious because insults and even true negative facts about the opponent's personal character have nothing to do with the logical merits of the opponent's arguments or assertions.

Examples:

* "You can't believe Jack when he says God exists. He doesn't even have a job."
* "Candidate Jane's proposal about zoning is ridiculous. She was caught cheating on her taxes in 2003."

See: Common misconceptions about argumentum ad hominem below
[edit] Ad hominem circumstantial

Ad hominem circumstantial points out that someone is in circumstances such that he is disposed to take a particular position. Ad hominem circumstantial constitutes an attack on the bias of a source. This is fallacious because a disposition to make a certain argument does not make the argument false; this overlaps with the genetic fallacy (an argument that a claim is incorrect due to its source).[original research?]

Where the source taking a position seeks to convince us by a claim of authority, or personal observation, observation of their circumstances may reduce the evidentiary weight of the claims, sometimes to zero.[3]

Examples:

Mandy Rice-Davies's famous testimony during the Profumo Affair, "Well, he would [say that], wouldn't he?", is an example of a valid circumstantial argument. Her point was that since a man in a prominent position, accused of an affair with a callgirl, would deny the claim whether it was true or false, his denial, in itself, carries little evidential weight against the claim of an affair. Note, however, that this argument is valid only insofar as it devalues the denial; it does not bolster the original claim. To construe evidentiary invalidation of the denial as evidentiary validation of the original claim is fallacious (on several different bases, including that of argumentum ad hominem); however likely the man in question would be to deny an affair that did in fact happen, he could only be more likely to deny an affair that never did.[original research?]
[edit] Ad hominem tu quoque
Main article: tu quoque

Ad hominem tu quoque (lit: "You too!") refers to a claim that the source making the argument has spoken or acted in a way inconsistent with the argument. In particular, if Source A criticizes the actions of Source B, a tu quoque response is that Source A has acted in the same way. This argument is fallacious because it does not disprove the argument; if the premise is true then Source A may be a hypocrite, but this does not make the statement less credible from a logical perspective. Indeed, Source A may be in a position to provide personal testimony on the negative consequences of the stated action.[citation needed]
[edit] Guilt by association
Main article: Association fallacy

Guilt by association can sometimes also be a type of ad hominem fallacy, if the argument attacks a source because of the similarity between the views of someone making an argument and other proponents of the argument.[citation needed]

This form of the argument is as follows:

Source A makes claim P.
Group B also make claim P.
Therefore, source A is a member of group B.

For example: "You say the gap between the rich and poor is unacceptable, but communists also say this, therefore you are a communist."
[edit] Inverse ad hominem

An inverse ad hominem argument praises a source in order to add support for that source's argument or claim.[citation needed] A fallacious inverse ad hominem argument may go something like this:

"That man was smartly-dressed and charming, so I'll accept his argument that I should vote for him"

As with regular ad hominem arguments, not all cases of inverse ad hominem are fallacious. Consider the following:

"Elizabeth has never told a lie in her entire life, and she says she saw him take the bag. She must be telling the truth."

Here the arguer is not suggesting we accept Elizabeth's argument, but her testimony. Her being an honest person is relevant to the truth of the conclusion (that he took the bag), just as her having bad eyesight (a regular case of ad hominem) would give reason not to believe her. However, the last part of the argument is false even if the premise is true, since having never told a lie before does not mean she isn't now.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 7
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Why does everyone say the past doesnt matter (esspecially women)
Posted: 1/11/2010 2:01:37 PM
A wild child in college will certainly not be the same person at 40, we all get that. It really depends upon the what the actual episode was and how it would impact a relationship in the present.
If your Gf is an former stripper, has a baby or two with Ex cons, has a history of mental illness or bad decisions, it will affect you forever.
 Chasing~Cars
Joined: 1/4/2010
Msg: 9
Why does everyone say the past doesnt matter (esspecially women)
Posted: 1/11/2010 2:07:54 PM

Why, when it comes to a guy who says a girls past bothers him does he get bombarded with insults? Why is everyone in today’s society such a baby. If you messed up in the past, to bad, it IS an indication of the future and many guys just don’t want to be with you.


Why is it that you care what other people’s opinions are? You don’t seem to care what someone else’s reasons for their past behavior is, so why should the same courtesy be granted to you? And then, you go on to tell us what a bunch of babies this society has become because we don’t all agree with you. Heaven forbid there be a difference of opinion and seeing as you stated yours, you will get many in return!

What one has done in the past is “NOT” an indication of what they do in the future! People do grow up, make changes and evolve, even you OP might one day look in the mirror and realize that you have done things that you won’t do again, but under your own definition, you yourself can’t be trusted.

You get to decide what ever you think is morally correct for you and only you and I would question why you think anything be considered moral after you get over your own insecurity because that’s where many so called “Moral” judgments come from.
 SoftAndHappy
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 10
Why does everyone say the past doesnt matter (esspecially women)
Posted: 1/11/2010 2:11:07 PM
Yeah, that whole argument bugs me too. Of course the past matters!

I am not perfect by any means - but I am open about my mistakes and own up to them. I don't try to hide them or push them under a rug. They contributed to who I am today. If someone can't 'forgive' me my sins, then they are not the person for me. Period.

Whenever people try to hide things about their past... THIS is a red flag for me. I can overlook a lot, but I prefer to be with someone who trusts me to do so and who is open than someone who scurries around hiding things. What kind of relationship do you have without full disclosure? How can someone love you for who you are if you polish it and shine it? If they can't see where your thoughts and views and experiences come from? Not the relationship for me.

Wanna know how many people I've slept with? No problemo. Want check my criminal record? By all means. Credit check? Go for it. You may or may not like what you see... but you know what? I'm not looking for someone perfect, either.
 Technical Buddha
Joined: 3/11/2005
Msg: 11
Why does everyone say the past doesnt matter (esspecially women)
Posted: 1/11/2010 2:12:06 PM
I'm saying, for example :

This woman isn't fit to be a nun because she was a stripper 5 years ago.

Just because she was a stripper 5 years ago does not mean that she cannot become a devout and faithful nun.


My opinion is generally that all that matters is who the person is NOW, not who they were 10 years ago. The only reason the past WOULD matter is if it is translating into behaviors, habits, activities, and thinking that is still being done today.


I'm generally very understanding of people, so that's just my stance. The only reason I would be concerned if it was consistent behavior and activities that were questionable.

 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 13
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Why does everyone say the past doesnt matter (esspecially women)
Posted: 1/11/2010 2:13:30 PM
Why, when it comes to a guy who says a girls past bothers him does he get bombarded with insults? Why is everyone in todays society such a baby.

OP -- Wow man did you hit the nail on the head. Just in that past few days I've seen littered posts that regard past "mistakes" and how harshly people are judged for them, and that it shouldn't be that way 'cause "the past is the past" and other claptrap. Oh wah wah wah it happened way back when, why should I be judged for it? Wah wah wah.

Babies indeed. They all need some soothers.

A past is something we all have, and we all wear. Some will openly discuss their past, and others will hide most or all of it...just providing the "white" parts of their past. Living lies is all they're doing. Will you be judged for your past? Sure. SHOULD you be judged for your past? Hell yes. "I'm better now" is no wash-away for the sins of your past, despite people believing that it should be that way.

There's this fantastic concept called a "relapse". Perhaps the public has heard of it? Yea, it defines the action of repeating old "mistakes" that you may have also made in the past. Then what's their excuse?

"I slipped. I'm sorry. Don't judge me."

Weak.

So why is it that when someone doesn't wanna take that chance at a relapse in their partner, that they are judged more harshly than those that HAVE the past? It's because society has become so f*cking dumbed down that they all need security blankets and "suckies".

Some sins of the past can be dealt with. Others, not so much. The choices we make in life, and the "mistakes" that come with it are called C-O-N-S-E-Q-U-E-N-C-E-S. But not surprisingly, people all over the world think that they shouldn't have to carry those consequences because they claim they have overcome it all. Like saying sorry will make it all better.

It's like I've long said...good decisions come with benefits/rewards...bad decisions come with (let's all say it together) CONSEQUENCES. Just because one is older and wiser doesn't give them a free pass from having to face up and OWN the consequences of their previous actions. But most believe they shouldn't have to.

You have a past. Own it. If the consequences prevent you from attaining something, then this is the way of things. But don't expect that people are gonna neglect your past just because you think you've atoned for it.

JMO.
 WindRoper
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 14
Why does everyone say the past doesnt matter (esspecially women)
Posted: 1/11/2010 2:21:50 PM
You are free to judge whomever based on whatever criteria. You also are free to exclude someone from consideration because you believe their past is indicative of poor judgment (to say the very least). In fact, you are even free to say the past "IS an indication of the future." And it MAY be. It just isn't a crystal ball; you're not a fortune teller; and the past also MAY be what prevents a person who showed poor judgment in the past from making similar mistakes in the future. Fortunately or unfortunately (depending on your attitude and perspective, and IMHO yours is on the negative side... but you MAY be entitled to that chip), you won't be around to suffer the consequences OR reap the benefits.
Thank you for playing. Markus, tell our contestant what he's won.
 deltadallas
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 15
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Why does everyone say the past doesnt matter (esspecially women)
Posted: 1/11/2010 2:22:39 PM
i disagree with the whole board including the wannabe chairmain (not sure which guy ). lets leave the past in the past, i'm not talking about a relationship between a man and a woman. if a woman was with another man before being with you, you need to let it GO! we are a different person at the age of 15 compared to 35 or 45. no one is the same person much less look the same.

this is what's wrong with not just relationships between men and women but in general like at work, church, friends, etc. people will not let go of the past hurt, pain, cheating and lying. i cannot judge a man who cheated on his last wife or girlfriend and assume he will do this to me or even see him as a bad person. now, if he killed or molested his sister, mom , etc., that i must MOVE on. this person cannot be trusted.
 TattooedGymrat
Joined: 12/27/2009
Msg: 16
Why does everyone say the past doesnt matter (esspecially women)
Posted: 1/11/2010 2:36:13 PM
Posted By: really 25 Why, when it comes to a guy who says a girls past bothers him does he get bombarded with insults? Why is everyone in todays society such a baby. If you messed up in the past, to bad, it IS an indication of the future and many guys just dont want to be with you.


Hell yeah it's an indication of the future!!! People should be judged for their past. I never cheated in my life because I felt it was wrong as long as I knew what it was... You think I'm going to cheat now? Now take someone who has cheated, you're an idiot if you accept them for a long term closed relationship anyways. It will happen to you too.


To all ladies/gentlemen out there who will say a guy should not judge a girl by her past actions, ie: sleeping around ALOT while she was single.


Ladies/gentlemen that will say someone sleeping around in the past doesn't matter... Slept around in their past, lol. So if you're talking with someone who disagrees with you, weigh your options cause you now know their past.
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 17
Why does everyone say the past doesnt matter (esspecially women)
Posted: 1/11/2010 2:39:31 PM
Its simply this....there are things that are acceptable and things that aren't.

In your examples, but reversing the genders...

I man who is single and is sleeping around ALOT is not judged harshly, like some will judge a woman who does the same thing....why?

But in this example the odds are she was more selective than the man is, in who her bed partners were, than he was.

In the case of a woman who cheated on everyone she had been with, she will be viewed as badly, as a man who cheated on everyone he was with.

A person who has had several partners can still have character, that might depend on how they conducted themselves, a person who cheats on everyone, has no character.....

I will agree in part on forums, there are times things seem a bit one sided....I think because on most sights there are many more men, than women, they are there to get dates.....I think you can figure it from here.
 sweetness-one
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 18
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Why does everyone say the past doesnt matter (esspecially women)
Posted: 1/11/2010 2:43:42 PM

Just because one is older and wiser doesn't give them a free pass from having to face up and OWN the consequences of their previous actions. But most believe they shouldn't have to.


Ah, okay. I'd thought the OP was referring to the idea of what's "right" and "wrong" and who gets to pick and choose the moral judgement of either. This ^^^ I do agree with completely, though....whether one is an entirely different person 20 years later or not, at least OWN their actions from the past, and let the chips fall where they may. No other way to do it, really, at least IMO...that way, one learns who does or doesn't agree, who one might be compatible with, etc.

Of course everyone is going to judge, even based on a case by case basis. It wouldn't be human not to, I don't think, and it's again going to be in shades of grey.

A very poor example (since most would agree it's not great behaviour, but taking it from a different thread and giving a clinical example of reactions to bad past judgements for the purposes of this thread) but, suppose someone had a DUI from 20 years ago, no accident resulted, no one (themselves or others) were hurt, and they learned their lesson and never drove while impaired ever since. Here are a few possible reactions:

1. Someone who has been in the same position years ago and also learned the same lesson and has never done so again, might be more empathetic.
2. Someone who has been in the same position but still continues to drink and drive, might say "Hey, it's good odds they won't catch me next time" (or whatever boneheaded excuse they might use to justify such continued behaviour).
3. Someone who's never touched alcohol or driven impaired might have no sympathy whatsoever.
4. Someone who drinks but has never driven impaired, might go either way, either no sympathy, or understanding that the person learned their lesson.
5. Someone who's lost a loved one to an impaired driver, would likely have no sympathy in any circumstances and be much more vehement in their reactions/responses.

Just hypothetical examples of reactions to a hypothetical on my part (situation taken from another thread), but just examples of possible different judgements all the same.

As an aside, anyone noticed I also couldn't help adding in my own *judgemental* comments in parentheses, in example-reaction #2? And without even mentioning which # of hypothetical response I would fall under.
 midlandtom
Joined: 9/23/2007
Msg: 19
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Why does everyone say the past doesnt matter (esspecially women)
Posted: 1/11/2010 2:45:27 PM
There is acceptable past and not acceptable past. It is also depends on wat stage of life and for how long the person was doing it. A college kid who has a regular drinking sesion on weekends or tried a coupl of one night stands is not a determination of these person later in life becoming alchoholic or start sleeping around town.
However, if some strange unacceptable behaviors come from an adult it is the whole different story.
 Chasing~Cars
Joined: 1/4/2010
Msg: 20
Why does everyone say the past doesnt matter (esspecially women)
Posted: 1/11/2010 2:45:45 PM

You have me wrong and obviously I have recently been in a situation where the past has affected someones present and mine adversly so im a little raw and should have approached this differently.


So the truth comes out, you’re raw and want justification, no problem, I’m sure you will get it here. I agree with you, you could have approached this differently, but not to worry, it’s in the past and I won’t judge you for it.

Of course I judge, do it every day all day, the light is red, the light is green, I screwed up, that worked, this is black, that white, she is attractive, she is not. But I take a real close look at behavior before I just assume someone is of no value to my existence and that value is of my own making, not a group under a moral code. Do I make mistakes, of course I do, but I don’t keep a ledger and scratch off ever person who has ever done something similar. It’s the current behavior I’m interested in, not what they did in the past, and by the past, I don’t mean yesterday.

I use my past all the time, I’ll admit it all right up front, it’s a good way to weed judgmental fools who seek perfection to cover their own crap. Good luck on what ever it is you need to figure out.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 21
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Why does everyone say the past doesnt matter (esspecially women)
Posted: 1/11/2010 2:55:49 PM

Why, when it comes to a guy who says a girls past bothers him does he get bombarded with insults?

Could it be the way he states his opinion????


Why is everyone in todays society such a baby. If you messed up in the past, to bad, it IS an indication of the future and many guys just dont want to be with you.

I knew you were a youngster when I read this comment.


To all ladies/gentlemen out there who will say a guy should not judge a girl by her past actions, ie: sleeping around ALOT while she was single. I ask you this as an example, if the guy cheated on every women he was with, well that was his past, so you cant and wont judge him correct?

Having consensual sex, as a single adult is vastly different than someone having an affair or affairs. Very poor analogy OP.


And no answers like well he was with someone and she wasnt bla bla bla...they are both in the PAST . Or do we get to decide which is morally more wrong?

I'm no one's moral compass, nor am I The Moral Police.


How come we can pick and choose what from out past does and does not affect our future. Thanks people!

There is only ONE thing in my past that matters today. I lost my only child. After something such as that, it really puts into perspective all the other bullshiit people are so consumed with.

~OP~ When you have some longevity-life-experience behind you ~ then you can choose what will assist in forming the person you'd like to become. Until then? I'd strongly suggest you stop painting all people with the same brush, stop the blanket assumptions and stop the silly analogies. If you don't like the idea that a woman has been with more men than you've been with women ~ only meet/date those who have been with the number you are comfortable with. (OH!! And good luck trying to pin down her REAL number, likely NOT gonna happen.) JMO
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 23
Why does everyone say the past doesnt matter (esspecially women)
Posted: 1/11/2010 2:57:27 PM
Like I was saying about the way things go on forums and their relation to the sites having many more men than women. About all the sites are like this.

So a forum is a great place to shed info. and help others, but its also entertainment and shouldn't be taken too seriously. Like I said you have to figure men are there on the sites to get dates....With the odds like they are....Do you expect men to come out in a forum and write post ranting about women....I mean just like they say "men only wanting sex", we guys know there are things "some "women do that , hit home just as badly....but if some guys posted this, just how much do you think it will cut his chances.? 25%, 50% 75%.......?

The same thing goes for the responces....this is not to say all men aren't going to say what they really feel, but.....

So, I think this is why somethings are the way they are..

...but as far as your examples above, and your thoughts on women who have had several lovers?

Your way off base.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 25
Why does everyone say the past doesnt matter (esspecially women)
Posted: 1/11/2010 3:10:58 PM
The past matters, but it is relative.

The past matters more if your 35 or there about. At 22 it may not be as significant.

By 35, you have a 10 year track record as an adult, at 22, your still doing alot of stupid things, more mature people just shake their heads at.

The only caveat is continuous poor moral decisions. A person who steals, cheats or similar behavior, will only reinforce that with age. Wrong is wrong, and you should learn that while growing up.
 impohell
Joined: 1/7/2010
Msg: 26
Why does everyone say the past doesnt matter (esspecially women)
Posted: 1/11/2010 3:14:26 PM
Everyone says the past doesn't matter because the people who don't say that have been conveniently overlooked. You can only get everyone to say something if you excuse from everyone the people who will not say it. It's less work to accuse most or some people of saying something than to blame everyone without exception. Everyone should know this, although only some people do, maybe even most. It doesn't matter to everyone whether everyone is all inclusive or simply a rough approximation. Everyone is not alone in this, because nobody also couldn't care any less. Nobody saying something is problematic, which is why you rarely if ever hear what nobody says.
 pinkpandora
Joined: 1/4/2010
Msg: 27
Why does everyone say the past doesnt matter (esspecially women)
Posted: 1/11/2010 3:14:50 PM
A LOT is TWO WORDS.

There is no such word as ALOT.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 29
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Why does everyone say the past doesnt matter (esspecially women)
Posted: 1/11/2010 3:26:55 PM
My past may have helped shape who I am today....
but it does not define who I am today.

Do I think a man needs to know all the details of my past? NO
Will I share details of my past with my man? Yes.....when I deem the time is right.

If someone wants to judge me on behaviors from 20 - 30 years ago.....
they are definately not the man for me.
 realitybites78
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 30
Why does everyone say the past doesnt matter (esspecially women)
Posted: 1/11/2010 3:38:21 PM
I cover this in the How many is too many thread I believe someones past totally does matter especially when it comes to certain things. I am not interested in promiscuous women that slept with half my city nor am I interested in a vacation slut. Vacation sluts are the women that turn into a sperm despository every time they go on a trip that involves staying overnight at a hotel.
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 31
Why does everyone say the past doesnt matter (esspecially women)
Posted: 1/11/2010 3:57:37 PM
I believe in giving someone the benefit of the doubt and trusting them. However, I am a pretty open book once I get close to someone and will discuss my past. I use examples from my past to discuss how and why I may have changed in certain areas. I discuss to continue growing.

Discussing the past can also help future relationships. If there is an issue that someone has, instead of hiding it and letting it rear it's head when something happens, they can discuss the past and then the other person may have a better idea of where someone is coming from.

Let's say you have an argument. You make up and apologize and then explain that a certain behaviour hurt you because of something that happened in the past. This is a way to better understand that person.

I've had in-depth conversations with some of my friends about our past. It's really fun when you can finally connect the dots on some pesky behaviours :)

But I do agree with MsMicki - we don't need to know EVERYTHING. I just like to tell the important parts that I think have made me who I am - good and bad.

As for morals, I have what I call my moral lines - I seek out people with the similar lines.
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