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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What is Expected after a 1 year of being in a Commited Relationship      Home login  
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 PrettyMizzy
Joined: 11/21/2009
Msg: 1
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What is Expected after a 1 year of being in a Commited Relationship Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I have a question that i would love everyone's opinion on ,
Ok so what do people expect after 1 year of being in a commited relationship with your Mate .
Alot people i know usually start talking about possibly moving in together,
marriage in the near future kids etc thing that have long term potential.
So my question is if you've been in a long term relationship with someone for a year and and those topics never come up.
should that be a red flag that its not going any where?
 midlandtom
Joined: 9/23/2007
Msg: 2
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What is Expected after a 1 year of being in a Commited Relationship
Posted: 1/11/2010 5:52:40 PM
In my book it is a red flag unless you are very young need to finish school or some other specific reason that is understood by both parties. What you can do is to bring it up and see what he has to say.
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 3
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What is Expected after a 1 year of being in a Commited Relationship
Posted: 1/11/2010 6:06:09 PM
Well if you're in a committed relationship with someone for a year and an important topic hasn't come up, that's your fault as much as the other person's. If you think something is important, then you are responsible to instigate a discussion on the topic.

If you bring up the topic and the other person avoids it, that' a different story. I would indicate that it's an important issue for me. If he won't engage in a conversation about it, I'd need to know what the problem was or I'd be moving on.

Nutt
 deb1961A
Joined: 9/9/2009
Msg: 4
What is Expected after a 1 year of being in a Commited Relationship
Posted: 1/11/2010 6:08:05 PM
Communication is the key here. After a year together, you should both know what they other expects from the relationship, and actually, before you started dating, you should have had a conversation to be sure you were both on the same page with expectations, future goals and plans. This person may not be into marriage, or may not be in any rush, or may not be even thinking about it.

Time to have a sit down chat and see where your mate expects to be in a year, and where you want to be. If you arent on the same page, you might as well not be on the same planet.

D
 Calientecutie
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 5
What is Expected after a 1 year of being in a Commited Relationship
Posted: 1/11/2010 6:09:36 PM
it is a red flag...if you are not happy...ask the person what are their intentions...then decide...if you want to stick around or move on...good luck
 Shell225
Joined: 1/23/2008
Msg: 6
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What is Expected after a 1 year of being in a Commited Relationship
Posted: 1/11/2010 6:18:26 PM
I dont actually care if Im living with someone or about to get married. I've always wondered where the 'rule book' was that said we all have to get engaged, live together, make babies, be married after one year.

If Im happy with the person, Im happy, end of story. All the rest is extraneous matter that gets in the way of the real stuff, the relationship. If the relationship is growing, you dont need a ring on your finger, or another toothbrush on your sink to prove that.

JMO
 DR_RUTHLESS
Joined: 11/2/2009
Msg: 7
What is Expected after a 1 year of being in a Commited Relationship
Posted: 1/11/2010 6:32:34 PM
Maybe you are right.
Or maybe some relationships take years, others months. I dunno...

Ask for the brutal truth to find out if you are on such a mission seeking commitment and they are just slap happy independent frolicking around. Lop that head. Go ahead and burst their bubble and take no prisoners.

Worse yet, jump the gun for greener pastures and see how that works out risking time vested in building what you had to start over in a new risk. Perhaps may as well if they are on a time clock. Can't lose what you haven't got, right?

Or maybe an unpressurized long built relationship might be more lasting.

What the hell do I know, or I wouldn't be on here. Never mind.. =)

Just bear in mind ultimatums rarely work, so brace for the worse. So again, you might be right.
 DR_RUTHLESS
Joined: 11/2/2009
Msg: 8
What is Expected after a 1 year of being in a Commited Relationship
Posted: 1/11/2010 6:34:16 PM
I love your attitude shell225!
 ChamberDiver
Joined: 12/27/2009
Msg: 9
What is Expected after a 1 year of being in a Commited Relationship
Posted: 1/11/2010 6:36:14 PM
It casual. Sounds like these minimal growth.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 10
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What is Expected after a 1 year of being in a Commited Relationship
Posted: 1/11/2010 6:40:30 PM
Color me stupid but did you bring them up? Communication takes two people and if you are sitting around waiting for him to bring up discussions of the future he may be doing the same thing. Of course, at some point most people do talk about a future with some level of permanence but these conversations usually happen somewhat naturally as one is talking about what he does or does not want in life and eventually things get to more than hypothetical or what one wants to have and considering whether that is with you.

If you're worried about it, ask him where he sees himself in five or ten years, his response ought to give you some indication how he feels about a life with you in it.
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 11
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What is Expected after a 1 year of being in a Commited Relationship
Posted: 1/11/2010 6:48:20 PM

I've always wondered where the 'rule book' was that said we all have to get engaged, live together, make babies, be married after one year.


There is no rule book. However, if you want any of those things and you're partner doesn't, you've got a problem, don't you think? Or if your partner wants those things and you don't, you've got a problem don't you think? Each person has a different dream and we all have the right to pursue that dream.

Nutt
 Roni L
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 12
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What is Expected after a 1 year of being in a Commited Relationship
Posted: 1/11/2010 6:50:43 PM
Nowadays its very common for relationshships to last years and years without marriage and/or kids ever coming up. I beleive its really because many people would rather not commit themselves to a serious relationship (marriage) because of the fear of being hurt. This is BS, to me after dating for a year or even a little longer I would like to think I would know if I would wanted to marry this person and I would push for it. In your situation make your feelings known and if the other party is unwilling then its time to move on.
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 13
What is Expected after a 1 year of being in a Commited Relationship
Posted: 1/11/2010 6:51:18 PM
You deserve a 3 carat diamond engagement ring. I hope you are in his will and are represented as beneficiary on his retirement plan at work as well as pension!
 See N Date hahaha
Joined: 12/30/2009
Msg: 14
What is Expected after a 1 year of being in a Commited Relationship
Posted: 1/11/2010 6:53:57 PM
If it never comes up... yep, a red flag... for me it usually comes up in the first 6 months...
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 15
What is Expected after a 1 year of being in a Commited Relationship
Posted: 1/11/2010 6:54:00 PM
I say you need SEX lots of SEX...
OK OK I'll behave now. I didn't stay in the gutter too long that time.
Give yourself more time. Some people move slower than others.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 16
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What is Expected after a 1 year of being in a Commited Relationship
Posted: 1/11/2010 7:07:45 PM
Honestly,,,it doesn't matter one one bit( at least it shouldn't) what any of us, here, expect out of a relationship, after a year,,,or anything other period of time. Really,,,,it shouldn't. What should matter,,,,is at anytime in the last year,,,you expressed to the person you have been in a relationship with,,,what you,,,,envisioned your relationship to be like in a certain time period. Basically,like most have said here,,,communication is kinda important.

Everyone has different thoughts,ideas, timelines, "expectations",etc about where a relationship should be,and,,,,when. Talk to the "other" one about this. Will work out better for both of you.
 padman57
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 17
What is Expected after a 1 year of being in a Commited Relationship
Posted: 1/11/2010 8:01:02 PM
My expectation is that after 1 year, we would go out to dinner and celebrate. And then if it makes it another year, we would go out and celebrate that.

That a topic has never come up is an indication that neither person has brought it up. If it's something you want to talk about, try bringing it up.
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 18
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What is Expected after a 1 year of being in a Commited Relationship
Posted: 1/11/2010 8:16:38 PM
everyone is diffrent so you have to go with the flow and do what feels right to you and your partener at the time
 SassySky
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 19
What is Expected after a 1 year of being in a Commited Relationship
Posted: 1/11/2010 9:10:37 PM
I think if people haven't talked about what their desires, dreams and hopes after being in a committed relationship after a year then that is the red flag.

if I was in a committed relationship for even 6 months these topics would come up and be discussed. Being in a committed relationship isn't going to happen over night either.
 Ependa
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 20
What is Expected after a 1 year of being in a Commited Relationship
Posted: 1/11/2010 10:28:33 PM
I think one of the biggest problems with relationships is 'expecting' and also 'taking for greanted' I think you should just take it as it comes and not borrow trouble , lol. My most recent committed relationship..5 years. We were barely at the I love you's by year 1..and yes, we did, do care deeply about each other. Living together was brought up..but it wasn't feasible at different points for different reasons..and it was not something either one of us really wanted (it actually made our relationship pretty dang perfect imo =)
 Frau Blücher
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 21
What is Expected after a 1 year of being in a Commited Relationship
Posted: 1/11/2010 10:49:39 PM

So my question is if you've been in a long term relationship with someone for a year and and those topics never come up.
should that be a red flag that its not going any where?

IMO, one year is not a “long term” relationship. Also, what makes either party think their involvement is “long term”, or how can they even claim to know the nature of their relationship at all if they’ve never discussed respective goals or any type of future together? The entire lack of communication in and of itself is the red flag here, especially if one of them is secretly hoping for “more”.
 tdhoward
Joined: 9/20/2005
Msg: 22
What is Expected after a 1 year of being in a Commited Relationship
Posted: 1/12/2010 12:40:44 AM
like shell225 said, i completely agree if the relationship is growing then why create waves, unless you are the type to listen to every one else and end up rushing things....who knows maybe this guy is the one and if you pressure him he may end up not the one....let time tell ok dont listen to the "red flag" crew here this isnt nascar is your life
 Frau Blücher
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 23
What is Expected after a 1 year of being in a Commited Relationship
Posted: 1/12/2010 1:44:44 AM

let time tell ok dont listen to the "red flag" crew here this isnt nascar is your life

OP, if this post is about you, then your life isn’t the Camptown Races either. So, I caution against putting on those “don’t upset the road apple cart” blinders and understand that communication is the key to any healthy relationship. Opening up a dialog concerning the nature your relationship after a YEAR of being together is not “rushing things” nor is it “pressuring"; it is a serious, mature DISCUSSION. If you’re happy with the way things AREN’T, then by all means, keep mum. Of course, if you were 100% content, I don’t think you would have started this post. Good luck to you!
 loganlots
Joined: 12/25/2009
Msg: 24
What is Expected after a 1 year of being in a Commited Relationship
Posted: 1/12/2010 3:26:19 AM
I agree with Shell. Sometimes it is not necessary to say things or do things. why try to fix something if its not broken?
 whitetrash1023
Joined: 12/25/2009
Msg: 25
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What is Expected after a 1 year of being in a Commited Relationship
Posted: 1/12/2010 3:31:57 AM
honestly, my last ex moved in with me after being with me for six months.. i joined the service and six months later she started talking about marriage. keep in mind thats one year. more than anything after one year you should basically know what the other needs in the relationship. we started discussing children at the one and a half year mark, but decided not to bc of the moving around life associated with the military. shortly after i was sent overseas for eight months. upon returning i later found out she was fooling around on me with one of my best friends. so let me say the whole "Jodi" thing the military tells you about is real.. i stayed with her for another year trying to work things out but finally had enough and walked away.. she had gotten into drugs and became a severe alcoholic and i was no longer going to babysit and slowly watch her kill herself.
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