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 prplorchid
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 1
Divorcing and he won't date mePage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Okay here's my story, I am married but in the process of my divorce. I have been separated from my husband for a year now. The process just started this last month because neither of us could afford the divorce until then.

I have been talking to this guy for almost 7 months now. He knows everything about my divorce and we talk on a daily basis. We have gone out a few times for dinner but nothing has ever happened between us. He says nothing can happen until my divorce is finalized but I am just not sure if he ever plans on actually dating me. He has never expressed how he feels for me but yet again we talk on a daily basis and when I have tried to step back so that I don't fall for him, he won't let me. He wants me around but yet won't date me.

Does he actually like me and will he date me after my divorce or am I just wasting my time and are we only bound to be friends?
 arecpea
Joined: 4/29/2009
Msg: 2
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Divorcing and he won't date me
Posted: 1/12/2010 11:59:33 PM
Hmmm. i must say that this is a pretty interesting one. I really don't know, and can't figure it out. He knows the whole situation, so I my first thought is no. But when u try and back away he doesnt let you. I think you hould stick in there and maybe try and talk to him. Ofcourse, I dont suggest running into anything right after a divorce but then again what do i know. BOOM
 JohnGaltLives
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 3
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Divorcing and he won't date me
Posted: 1/13/2010 12:03:31 AM
A better question would be "Why are you divorcing"? If it isn't due to infidelity on his (your soon-to-be ex-husband's) part, all this communicates to any thinking person is "If she'll run out on marriage, she'll have no compunctions about running out on a dating relationship."

If it's due to your infidelity, the question answers itself.

Why are you getting divorced? Sounds like it's what both of you want, which just communicates to me that neither of you are particularly interested in actual commitment, one solid reason for any sensible person who isn't yet attached to the situation to head in the other direction as fast as their legs can carry them. Faster if they can catch a bus.
 prplorchid
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 4
Divorcing and he won't date me
Posted: 1/13/2010 12:17:17 AM
There was no infidelity on either part. We are both happier now that we are getting the divorce. My soon to be ex is actually already in a relationship. We are no longer compatible and it is healthier for both us to get divorced.
 acuddler
Joined: 10/30/2009
Msg: 5
Divorcing and he won't date me
Posted: 1/13/2010 12:18:42 AM
The guy has morals he is living up to. Enjoy it. Once you get divorced, and hook up with this guy, he will be as rigid about honoring his commitment to you.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 6
Divorcing and he won't date me
Posted: 1/13/2010 12:20:58 AM
None of us are psychic and I've misplaced my Ouija Board, so the best way to find out the answers to your questions is to ask the man himself. He probably does actually like you or he wouldn't be talking to you daily. Who knows if he'll date you after your divorce is final? If you aren't sure, how are we suppose to know? As immature as you sound from asking these inane questions, you need to concentrate on growing up before you worry about becoming seriously involved with someone else. You sound like you are still in high school. Perhaps you should invest in a 'Magic 8-Ball' for when you have additional childish questions for which you want uneducated guesses for answers.
 Ralleac
Joined: 5/17/2008
Msg: 7
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Divorcing and he won't date me
Posted: 1/13/2010 12:22:57 AM
Does he actually like me and will he date me after my divorce or am I just wasting my time and are we only bound to be friends?


Who knows what he is really thinking? No one here has more experience with him than you do.

It doesn't make sense to commit yourself to a relationship with someone who you haven't even reached the "dating" stage with. If you're comfortable dating before the finalization of your divorce you may as well date around. If you're both still "single" once you are divorced you can see whether or not he is really interested.

If you are avoiding dating in order to see where this goes it may or may not turn out to be a waste of time. Whether or not the possible reward is worth the risk is entirely up to you.

Either way, you can't really blame him for wanting the divorce to be over and dealt with before becoming more involved.
 *~*ChardyGirl*~*
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 8
Divorcing and he won't date me
Posted: 1/13/2010 12:28:21 AM

He wants me around but yet won't date me.


Op,do really mean he wont fukc you?

Coz from what you've told us.....within 3 short months of separating,you've met a great guy who chats to you DAILY and you've been out to dinner with him a few times.
Sounds good to me so what's the problem?

Maybe you've just met a decent genuine guy who's respectful of the fact that you're not legally divorced yet.
I wouldn't be complaining.
 Naganadoy
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 9
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Divorcing and he won't date me
Posted: 1/13/2010 2:08:33 AM
shouldnt you be taking care of your own life rather than trying to get tangled up with a NEW guy before the OLD one is even gone?

your married. lots of people dont date married people. that is a HUGE loose end you need to get all tied up. till then youll be in limbo with this guy.

its incredible hes stuck around this long with you and in such regular contact...so that leads me to think he is interested in you Potentially for more than a friend. afterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr you prove you are serious and you take care of your own business.

"wasting time"??? i dont know about that...heck youre getting GUY #2 all lined up and ready for the mintue GUY# 1 is outta the way. sounds like youre not wasting any time at all!!
 sweet lady Lori
Joined: 3/19/2008
Msg: 10
Divorcing and he won't date me
Posted: 1/13/2010 4:16:24 AM

Does he actually like me and will he date me after my divorce or am I just wasting my time and are we only bound to be friends?


Not trying to be rude here OP, but why are you asking complete strangers this question? We have no idea what he is thinking or expecting.

You need to ask HIM.
 RonnieB77
Joined: 8/1/2009
Msg: 11
Divorcing and he won't date me
Posted: 1/13/2010 7:41:09 AM
I think he sees you as mostly a friend. He claims high morals, yet he is guiltlessly having dinner with you. If he had intentions I don't think he would even date on that level until the divorce was final, I wouldn't.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 12
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Divorcing and he won't date me
Posted: 1/13/2010 7:43:30 AM
So many women on this site have said in the forums that they won't date a man who is separated but not divorced. Seems like you've found a man who thinks that way, too. He's probably interested in you, but won't take it further until you're divorced. Why else would he even spend time with you if he's not interested? You just need to decide if you want to wait and see where it goes, or if you'd rather see other people while still separated.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 13
Divorcing and he won't date me
Posted: 1/13/2010 8:54:44 AM
I think he's probably telling you the truth and I further think that makes him a real keeper. Wanting to talk to you daily shows a certain amount of emotional commitment, so, that's why I'm inclined to believe him; and wanting to wait on dating 'til your divorce is finalized shows self-control and good sense.

It's also caring. You have a lot on your plate emotionally. It's better for you to deal with the divorce on its own terms and its own merits. Getting involved before that's final could interfere with some of the natural reactions you'll need to have sooner or later - divorce is traumatic and often people don't realize just how much so until signing the papers and getting the decree. So, he's aware of these things, and cares how you are affected.

You won't find out completely for certain 'til after the divorce is final. But from here I think it's looking good.
 MsStackhouse
Joined: 5/20/2009
Msg: 14
Divorcing and he won't date me
Posted: 1/13/2010 9:11:33 AM
He might not want to be the post-divorce rebound guy...


Just my 2 cents...
 ghostdog1973
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 15
Divorcing and he won't date me
Posted: 1/13/2010 9:21:30 AM
OP hard to tell.. At your age, if he's of similar age- I find it hard to believe that if he were that into you he'd still respect the "sanctity" of your marriage.

its not like he's old enough to have seen marriage/separations get back together and such.

I say he's most likely got someone else and youre on the burner in case his current relationship goes sour.
 CookieLady66
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 16
Divorcing and he won't date me
Posted: 1/13/2010 9:54:02 AM

He says nothing can happen until my divorce is finalized


Good for him!!!! Don't pressure him into a commitment when you haven't even been released from your current one. Take your time, be friends, and if you get together when you're legally free that will be great. If not, you've made a friend...can't have too many of those!
 aaamm
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 17
Divorcing and he won't date me
Posted: 1/13/2010 9:58:12 AM
Maybe because you have a profile on here he doesn't want to date someone dating others and some that is still married. Once you are divorced, I guess you will find out or will be with someone else you met.

24, you are so young. Don't get serious again for awhile. Have some fun and date.
 bluesandrock
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 18
Divorcing and he won't date me
Posted: 1/13/2010 10:10:31 AM

Does he actually like me and will he date me after my divorce or am I just wasting my time and are we only bound to be friends?

The Magic 8 Ball says "Reply hazy, try again once divorce is finalized". Many people (men and women) do not want to date people that are separated.
 KerryGail
Joined: 11/27/2009
Msg: 19
Divorcing and he won't date me
Posted: 1/13/2010 10:26:57 AM
Many men seem to dislike the separated state - I can understand why - there is is risk that they will invest in forming a relationship with a woman only for her to reconcile. I think this is a conversation I would get out there early - if the man concerned did not want to date based on my status and dating is what i was looking to do, I'd move on.
 Technical Buddha
Joined: 3/11/2005
Msg: 20
Divorcing and he won't date me
Posted: 1/13/2010 10:35:45 AM
You're wasting your time. You have needs and if he isn't willing to accommodate those needs while getting his met, then he's just keeping you like a fish on a hook. I'd put him in the friend zone or drop him and find a guy where your time and affection can be reciprocated.

On his side, he may just be waiting until your divorce is finalized to make sure you're not just going to get your jollies and then go back to your husband. In that case, and in other similar cases, letting you step back would be the right and caring thing to do. You saying he won't let you step back leads to my opinion in paragraph one.

I've been in several similar situations. Being the "plan B" is not fun. Meeting your partner's needs while having your own left unmet is not fun. It leaves a person in a miserable, depressing mess. If you're not happy, it's not worth the aggravation. By all means, make sure he's happy, but he better damn well be making sure you're happy too or it's just doomed to fail.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 21
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Divorcing and he won't date me
Posted: 1/13/2010 5:23:18 PM
He has morals. He doesn't want to date a married woman.

That your divorce is "in process" and the amount of time you've been separated from your husband is immaterial. You're married. Do the right thing and wait until you're divorced.
 Dreamerxoxoxo
Joined: 3/2/2006
Msg: 22
Divorcing and he won't date me
Posted: 1/13/2010 5:44:23 PM
I have a steadfast rule about dating separated men... I DON'T. While you're not divorced you're still married. The difference between myself and your guy is I won't even begin a friendship relationship with a separated guy. Who needs to be sucked into a drama situation. Not to mention putting myself into a rebound situation.

Since the friendship with his guy has already developed, has been going on for 7 mos. and he hasn't told you that he will be there for you when your divorce is final yet won't let you step back from the situation with him he certainly isn't being fair to you. IMO he's playing an immature game with you.

Another piece you left out is your living situation. Are you physically separated from your soon to be ex or are you both still living under the same roof...
 ManicMelanie
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 23
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Divorcing and he won't date me
Posted: 1/13/2010 6:47:16 PM

I don't know whether he is interested in you romanically or not. He sure is SMART!!

Getting involved with someone who is separated is a BIG no-no.

So, get divorced and find out what he REALLY thinks of you.

 sparxarebad
Joined: 4/25/2008
Msg: 24
Divorcing and he won't date me
Posted: 1/13/2010 6:48:47 PM
I believe he is being very smart. As a previous victim of the "rebound" I respect his decision.
 jimwest234
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 25
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Divorcing and he won't date me
Posted: 1/13/2010 8:40:48 PM
This doesn't make any sense. Nobody I know has the patience to (sort of) date someone and chat daily for 7 months without progressing the relationship or ending the relationship.

If you talk daily and go out to dinner its not exactly like he is "observing your marriage".

Not that there even is one. The fact that the divorce is final is immaterial. Its mostly a paperwork issue at this point for a judge and the county clerk to resolve.

I don't buy this whole honorable, noble, lets be friends thing until the divorce thing. He either doesn't want to date you (ever), or maybe he's gay...

I'd suggest you accept the fact that you have a good friend.

If you want a boyfriend I'd suggest you keep looking.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Divorcing and he won't date me