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Posted: 10/27/2004 12:05:42 AM | Okay, I realized something a month or so ago... Most of my relationships are long distance, simply because of what I do for a living, Im always moving around. This site has brought LONG DISTANCE into a whole new prospective. I have found someone that I am sincerely interested in, and have been trying to go about getting everything in order for us to meet/be together... another story for another time.
But what I want to know, beings this is a dating site with ppl from all over hell and gone, what are your greatest accomplishments in a long distance relationship. How did you make it work, what did you do to see it survive. I know what I am doing, what about you? | |
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| LONG DISTANCE
Posted: 10/27/2004 12:18:20 AM | | lmfao... I wonder who you are...hahaha | |
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Posted: 10/27/2004 12:28:48 AM | Probably the main thing we did was to have a designated time when we would always talk to each other. No matter how busy we were, every Sunday night I was going to talk to her on the phone or online. Setting a schedule might sound restricting, but it was actually cool because eventually other people wouldn't even bother Sunday night and we just got to talk in peace.
Even from a distance we tried to find ways to surprise each other. Sometimes it was as simple as an email telling her how great she was and how happy she made me feel. I sent flowers. Sometimes I'd get packages in the mail, just little things but they reminded you that the other person was thinking about you.
We also tried to get to know each other's friends a little bit. It really helps to clue you in to what your partner is thinking / feeling because when you're talking with one another you don't always say the bad things on your mind, but you almost always tell your friends.
Make fun of each other. Constantly  | |
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Posted: 10/27/2004 7:06:41 AM | | i have come to the conclusion that long distance relationships cannot work unless both are absolutely committed to solving the physical distance problem. ask the other person IMMEDIATELY, save yourself some heartache... "should we hit it off, are you willing to make overcoming our distance problem a priority, or are you only thinking about how impossible it would be?" | |
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Posted: 10/27/2004 8:22:15 AM | Well, I've had 1 or 2 long distance relationships and obviously they didn't work, because I say HAD...lol But they can if you make that work. Gee, what does that say about me? Nobody comment! haha My current relationship is long-distance. We talk almost every day on the phone, no need to designate a time, because too much happens in one day, we have to call and tell eachother! haha kidding We're trying but it does get harder when you can't see that person whenever you want, or just drop in on them for a hug and a kiss and tell them you were thinking of them, I've been told that it's not a real relationship if you's can't be together when you want, I'm not sure about that. It does get difficult but it sounds like you're doing a good job trying to get together, and don't forget, too much of a good thing can be bad.  | |
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Posted: 10/27/2004 11:18:21 AM | I've been in a long distance relationsjip and it worked great. But it's one of those thing that takes time...and after he and I really got to know each other we both agreed that this is definatly worth "working on" but I think your setting yourself up for disappointment if you go straight head in demanding that this be a priority straight off the start..... It's human nature to get to know someone first..............feel comfortable......share.......then when the 2 people are "close" then obviously then the distance needs to be addressed.
I know I've been scared off by man who seem to deparate to move things along after a very short time..... I have 2 children and a great career to consider....BUT if I love him....I'd go with him anywhere..........
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Posted: 10/29/2004 9:44:23 PM | Interesting perspective Lyon's. So you feel it's possible to develop strong enough feelings by merely typing letters on a screen? You feel that an online "conversation" is adequate enough to get to know someone? Feelings that are strong enough to consider bridging the distance?
Hmmm.... I've found that my friends and I (men) are fairly less adept than woman at judging feelings. We require personal contact, and that can be something as simple as a few phone calls, to learn more about a potential soulmate. For most men, I fear, it only takes a few email messages or chat sessions for him to run into a wall. After that, he is no longer able to glean the information he requires. So he may "push" a little bit, just to find out what you might be thinking. If you don't tell him straight up, he's gonna keep pushing. From then on, you're simply leading him on. Best to tell him early that you think there's no chance of bridging the distance, rather than have him build his hopes up for nothing. That way, he understands from the start what the relationship could be; just friends or a real chance at relationship. And he can share with you honestly what he's looking for.
No criticism of you there, just understand that some men are fairly stupid animals when it comes to romance. Indeed, that gentleman who "scared you off" after a short time. How can you know how "desperate" he was if all you did was type words on a screen? Did you give him very clear indications from the very beginning what your expectations were? | |
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Posted: 10/30/2004 5:05:17 AM | Well Gator to be honest with you................ I had no "clear indications" from the beginning to pass onto Him..... I told him what I was looking for ..... something sincere etc.... but after chatting a few times I didn't profess my love or "intentions" to him..... all that takes TIME......
Time is the key here. He Knew WHAT I was looking for and he new I was interested.... but again only time could feed the relationship..... and unfortunately he didn't have the TIME....
It's unfortunate all you see is "typed words" on a screen..... because the person on the other side may be putting real feelings and thoughts into those words.....and with TIME you may just have found that out..... The good things in life are worth waiting for. | |
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Posted: 10/30/2004 11:24:42 AM | so sorry to hear that the gentleman didn't have the TIME for you... foolish man he was indeed.
for my own part, that last experience i referred to in my earlier post doesn't resemble what you describe... she and i chatted every day, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day for a couple weeks. i know weeks is not a long time, but we had more than enough introductory conversations. we didn't know everything about each other, for sure, but i thought we knew enough to take it to the next level.
i certainly thought she would be receptive to "taking it to the next level," which meant mothing more than a phone call or visit, something like that. she had even said that if i can come to her town, she'd be my tour guide! when i expressed my desire to move to the next level, she answered me by saying, "look because of this distance, we can never realistically be more than friends."
yikes, i thought, what have we been doing all this time? anyway, as a result of that experience, i have come to realize that long distance relationships are probably too much for me to handle. at the very least, i'm apparently too stupid to handle them. i am sad, and i miss her terribly, but c'est la vie, as our french friends say...
btw, keep up the good work in the poems section. you do great work! remember, i still wanna be your agent! | |
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Posted: 10/30/2004 11:53:35 AM | Thankx for the compliment gator.
And I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for. | |
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Posted: 10/30/2004 12:25:38 PM | | thanks... i hope you do too... | |
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Posted: 10/30/2004 2:41:47 PM |
Probably the main thing we did was to have a designated time when we would always talk to each other. No matter how busy we were, every Sunday night I was going to talk to her on the phone or online. Setting a schedule might sound restricting, but it was actually cool because eventually other people wouldn't even bother Sunday night and we just got to talk in peace.
Even from a distance we tried to find ways to surprise each other. Sometimes it was as simple as an email telling her how great she was and how happy she made me feel. I sent flowers. Sometimes I'd get packages in the mail, just little things but they reminded you that the other person was thinking about you.
We also tried to get to know each other's friends a little bit. It really helps to clue you in to what your partner is thinking / feeling because when you're talking with one another you don't always say the bad things on your mind, but you almost always tell your friends.
Make fun of each other. Constantly
Dude, this sounds EXACTLY like this relationship that I had with a girl from Arizona for 2 years.
We met in a chatroom one night and began exchanging emails, and after awhile we started chatting or talking on the phone every Sunday night. Again, this was never scheduled or anything either, but it became habitual.
We made surprise emails, phone calls, mail packages, pictures, all that.
Eventually, it started to become serious and things got difficult when we both realized that we had feelings for one another, but that we lived so far away from one another and we both wanted to finish college before either one of us moved.
We finally met after 2 years of talking and it was great. We clicked, we had great sex, and we both missed each other like crazy afterwards. But about a month after that, school was back in session and our ideals started changing. I'm still not sure exactly what it was that happened, but somehow we started drifting away from each other, and one day we got into an argument.. then that was it. Nothing nasty was said, it simply was a clash over what we needed in our lives on an everyday basis. And even though we had talked for over 2 years and become amazingly close, I think it could have been our great weekend together that gave us both a big dose of reality, and perhaps even some kind of a re-newed sense of hope?
After that experience I really do believe that it is possible to get a long distance relationship to work. However, it takes a lot of determination and sacrifices to make it happen. But I am a believer.
I miss her by the way. She was such a lil' sweetheart. | |
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Posted: 10/30/2004 2:53:12 PM | Interesting topic.
While I think it can be extremely helpful to make new friends when one is otherwise a bit lonley, I do sometimes HATE the internet!
There is nothing to describe the feeling of REALLY liking someone you meet online, to know that otherwise you would date this person.... only to have to wake up and realize that it never can be due to say a thousand miles or more distance. (*sigh*)
Sometimes I just have to remind myself that the person Im talking to isnt in the town near me. It's so easy to forget sometimes how far away they are. If I start to like someone a lot based on phone conversations, pics etc... Well, I guess it just depresses me to know it cant be. Frankly it can suck beyond words. | |
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Posted: 10/30/2004 4:01:32 PM | I say right in my profile that I am not interested in a long distance relationship. When I put that in there, I had in mind...not 2 or 3 hours away. Two or three states away was ridiculously out of the question. Weeeeell never say never.
I got a short message one day from nowfree. His profile really impressed me, and hit home to allot of my own thinking. We got to talking, then IMing...recently a very long phone call. And, I really understand what gator is saying about going through all this and then find out niether of you can/will relocate. Me and nowfree seem so perfect for each other, it would be agony if there was no hope of getting together. I certainly didn't think it was in any way desperate or too soon for him to ask about that when we started talking, and hitting it off. If there were no possibility at all, the whole thing would have been pointless.
Anyone know the cheepest fastest way to get from Missouri to Pennsylvania?!  | |
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Posted: 10/31/2004 1:32:05 PM | thanks moon. right, i'm with you, i don't think it's "desparate" to ask about the distance thing once a couple "hit it off" either. it's unfair for one partner to lead the other on if she/he thinks the distance makes a relationship unlikely.
but anyway, moon, i think your situation is the rare exception rather than the rule. and i'd even caution YOU, don't continue this long distance relationship unless you BOTH are SURE that you're willing to overcome the distance - really, to do what it takes no matter what.
for everyone else, my advice is DON'T EVEN GO THERE. now, there's one exception - we're not talking about someone you've known a long time who moves away or whatever; high school sweethearts that go to colleges across the country. if you already know someone really well through personal contact, a long distance relationship - though disappointing at times - can probably be worked out because of your commitment to each other.
but based on the way i've been burned in the past, my advice is set your message restrictions on 75 miles, and don't even think about it. if you pursue a long distance relationship, and your only knowledge of each other is through e-mail, forums, and chat, you're just setting yourself up for a MAJOR disappointment. Trust me on this one... i can almost GUARANTEE it. | |
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Posted: 10/31/2004 7:08:23 PM | | Glad I made the right decision. Thats all I'm saying. | |
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Bcgray
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Joined: 8/14/2004
Msg: 19 | |
| LONG DISTANCE
Posted: 10/31/2004 9:01:47 PM | Darn I hate being the sole one having a dissenting opinion, but having once moved over 800 miles for the one I loved, and that relationship lasted 14 years. It was not via the net, but alas was long distance. I can honestly say that I would move around the world for the one I love.
Yes, it would take more than penned words on a screen or the spoken words over the phone, but today’s world is so small in comparison to even ten years ago, that travelling to meet is not impossible.
If you look at my profile I will admit that I am more capable than most to lift up roots and move, do to the fact that I was able to retire at an early age. However, that was not the case the first time around.
Love to me is one of those things that simple grabs you by your gut/heart and drags you forward, and the more you question it, the more problems you create for its development.
A newborn child never questions its love for another, until we “educate” it to do otherwise.
Having read most of Cross’s poetry, and some of his exchanges with the one I believe he cares for. All I can say is my thoughts and prayers are for them, and a successful relationship, and given their online persona I think it will happen. | |
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Posted: 10/31/2004 10:23:29 PM | I guess part of the reason I think long distance relationships suck is that I have done my share of moving in my past to keep a relationship going. It never worked out for me. In fact, I have promised myself I will never again move to keep a relationship.
Im glad it can work for some. But, it was nothing but pain for me. In fact such mistakes messed up my life greatly in my past. So, I think it is very good advise to try to advoid geting too close to ones far-away when we are searching for dates. | |
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Bcgray
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Joined: 8/14/2004
Msg: 21 | |
| LONG DISTANCE
Posted: 10/31/2004 11:35:24 PM | | Hey Jammer, I recognize the pain, as I have suffered it too, with the demise of my long distance love affair. (I was left in a rural community away from my friends & family, and divorced from her and her family). However, I do not feel that one or a hundred failures should control ones future, learn Yes, control No. I realize it sounds cliché but “a fester wound never heals with neglect or constant scratching at it”. Love is a prize that has been cherished since we crawled from the primordial ooze, and yet not a single scholar, poet (apologises to Cross), theologian has been able to define it, but d*mnit we have ALL been touched by it, and will never forget the feeling. | |
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Posted: 11/1/2004 3:07:47 PM | i guess i'd have to agree with jammer. it is regrettable how past "failures" tend to color our future. but what else do we have to go on? i have never ever been on-line as a dater before. and my pof experience has led me to my first chat experiences.
i've had women half way across the continent and even the oceans tell me everything from "come visit me and i'll be your tour guide..." to "i love you dalling..." (that spelling of darling was amusing for sure). in any case, chat and e-mail have proved themselves nothing but unreliable... jammer i'm not even talking about getting so far as a visit... i wouldn't mind taking a chance on a visit. heck, i haven't had a vacation in years anyway. worst case scenario, i can get away from this place.
my challenge is not being able to trust what someone says to me. and that's what happened most recently. one minute we're talking about mutual visits, and her potential move to texas. the next she's telling me that she isn't interested in overcoming the distance. and that was someone i thought i trusted.
so... i've entered another conversation with someone within reasonable driving distance! at least i can look into her eyes, and get a sense of what's real! no more long distance stuff for me i'm afraid. the risks are too great.
good luck to us both my friend. | |
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Posted: 11/1/2004 4:42:39 PM | Let’s face it, Long Distance Love BLOWS!
There is no “Lets go out for dinner and a movie.” “Let’s snuggle up by the fire with a glass of wine.” “Let’s go catch the Kiss tribute band at the local watering hole.” There is no physical dating involved at all.
So I look at it from that perspective. Since there is no physical then all you have is mental. You must be a mentally strong person for this to work. But here is the beautiful thing about it all. You REALLY get to know each other upstairs. I mean lest face it guys, we are not the best talkers or emotional diggers. But women love it. If you can sit and talk/type with a woman and dig deep into each others thoughts, then you really get to know that person. You get to know how they really and truly see life love and relationship.
Then there are the fun parts about it. You can let your imagination run wild in cyber space. Have a virtual date. Go to a virtual carnival and get virtual sick on the tilt-a-whorl together. Or be intimate and hold him/her on the beach in Hawaii while the sun sets. There are no boundaries.
I have a good friend that has been dating a woman on the other end of the US for about a year. He would go do what a normal couple would do on a weekend in Vegas. He took his phone down to the strip and told his girl friend every thing he saw. From the lights and the people to the buildings and the sky. She loved it and so did he, because he got to spend time with her.
Good Luck Cross | |
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Posted: 11/1/2004 5:07:33 PM | | Just to stress my point: I know what it's like to talk to a lady that lives so far away we know we will never meet them. Whats strange is how quickly we can fall into saying things on the phone that we normally might only say to a person we date. Like: "How was your day?".. "did you pass your test?".."What did your boss say to you about..." I mean we can so easily otherwise fall into a situation where we act like we see this person in real life everyday. We can talk about streaching out in front of a fireplace, how we might like to give them a hugg etc... I mean, really folks. It's just are minds geting carried away! It's like are emotional sides of our brains can overcome the logical side of our minds. Inside we can no it's impossible, yet somehow we enjoy toying with the idea... the conversation, the fantasy of: WHAT IF? | |
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