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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??      Home login  
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 marcus18181
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 1
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??Page 1 of 30    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30)
......Hi I’m looking for some advice on this.

Ive met a wonderful 28 year old girl a couple of years ago or so I
thought till last night. I'm also 28. She is everything to me but we’ve
had a frank discussion last night because I needed to know more about
her.
You see shes always made out that she is very shy and wouldnt be
with anyone before me, but now told me shes gone out with 2 guys and
had sex with these.
Also she's told me she's had sex with 5 other men on one night stands, and 2 of those were unprotected when she said she
was just lucky to avoid becoming pregnant. This was all some time ago
and has said she's changed. That's 8 people before me when I thought
there was none. After telling me this I asked how I compare in bed to
these and she said she didn't want to say. I can't really get over
this. I know she would never even consider cheating on me.
Im wondering now if most 28 year old girls are like this and I just didn't know?. Should I let her go and leave her to search for guy number 10?
Also she didn't jump into bed the first night we met - she did with
others therefore she must not have liked me as much as the others on
our first night which doesn't bode well for our future?
I've been around the block a few times but it's different for girls
-right? .... or should she just have kept this stuff to herself, which
would have meant she wasn't fully honest with me?

She has also said she stayed overnight with some different guys – about 6 more in total, so that works out at 14 in total that she has lay in bed with.
Is this very unusual?

On a separate question, she is on the pill: is it safe to have sex with her without a condom?.She always insists on a condom even though she has been on the pill for 2 years with me : We don't or never had any std's or anything.


.......Would like you to reply to me with your thoughts
.....Thanks
.....Hugo
 ICMUD
Joined: 11/2/2009
Msg: 2
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HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 3:09:03 AM
14 guys? IS THAT ALL???

dude how many times have u beaten off with your hand? more than 14 times?
all then time i bet u wished u had a girl rather than use your hand..
most kids these days have had sex by 10 years old, so if shes 28 and had 14 guys,
all my advice is gonna be is, go see a doctor and have tests done and if shes clean and you are to, then bonk like rabbits (with protection) and stop ****in and get more busy!
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 3
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HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 3:11:28 AM
Your 28 and still asking these questions ?

Mans lesson #1: Never be surprised at the sexual proclivity of any woman. No matter what you see, think, or hear every woman has had more sex partners than it seems she should have.
Every man has had fewer than he would like you to believe.

So, get over the body count.


Also she didn't jump into bed the first night we met - she did with
others therefore she must not have liked me as much as the others on
our first night which doesn't bode well for our future?[

Only if it means that much to you.
As David Letterman says, " Remember, this is an exhibition, not a competition. "
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 4
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 3:18:46 AM

'Rabian Angel, you've been around, also here on this forum. How does this guy's question compare to the pillow-talk question in the other thread? You know, the 'what are you thinking about?'


I haven't seen the other thread.

If you can handle the truth than by all means ask what you please, but be prepared to accept it for what it is. The OP obviously has some issues, if he can't get over her reply. I don't think he can handle the truth to be honest.

Hugo, out of curiosity how many sexual partners have you had prior to meeting this girl?
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 5
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HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 3:21:22 AM
HUGO you are very stupid, and lack maturity ,my advice is for you to stop trying to have sex , become a monk or a catholic priest, she sounds like a very nice girl, who has not had a lot of men, you sound like the type of man that can really hurt a nice woman and make her bitter towards men in general..... just go away you self serving egomaniac, you should just evaporate lol
 Vicworthy
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 6
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 3:27:39 AM
10 guys at 28 is nothing. You said yourself you've been around the block, but it should be different for girls - why should it? Think yourself lucky you've found a woman who isn't afraid to express her sexuality.

And the fact that she slept with other guys the first night and not you is a good thing. Girls often hold out if they think it can go further than a ONS. If that's all she wanted, she would have slept with you already.

The other thing is, don't ask questions if you don't want to hear the answer.

Finally, get over yourself, your gf isn't a "slut", she's a normal woman. I hope she dumps your judgemental arse, I would.
 himynameisSarah
Joined: 5/27/2009
Msg: 7
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 3:29:31 AM
I have to agree with the above post... how many do I admit to? shit...

You are crazy and ****ed if you think that 8 people is too many, but as the above post said it's probably been more. If you are worried about your performance, just know that sex gets better with time, then again 2 years should be plenty of adjustment time.

IDK dude... maybe you should just leave her now before she breaks up with you. If she is a ho, then she's had some really good sex in her day, and probably won't ever be satisfied.

Or, you could pull your head out of your ass, go buy some toys, and love on your woman. I wouldn't judge her over how many she's slept with: the past is the past; just be sure that both of you are tested.
 Tammy the cat
Joined: 10/17/2008
Msg: 8
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 3:30:25 AM
OP/do not be a HIPPOCRITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have a past an so does she.You asked for honesty ,she was honest,so live with it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HAS SHE BEEN FAITHFUL TO YOU<WHILST YOU HAVE BEEN TOGETHER?????????????Go,the pair of you an both get tested for stds,put any doubts to bed.If she is more knowledgeable,put it to good use,explore an learn from one another.Should help to embrase a better closeness of you both,you learn how to better fulfil each other.You need to grow up,there are very few virgins these days.Your past is your past,here,is hers.Where you always a good person growing up as a teenager an young adult(i dont just mean sexually,overall).What counts a lot is how has she been whilst being with you overall in a relationship.Maybe she just didnt view you as a one nightr stand an didnt want to cheapen your relationship by just jumping into bed with you the first night.Maybe she finally grew up an started to view things in a more mature fashion.She wanted your relationship to be good an respectable.OBviously she must really care an trust you to take the chance of dropping that bomb shell.At least you heard it from her lips(worts an all)than hearing tales down the track via old aquaintances or partners.At least you know she can be honest.Give yourself time to digest an come to terms with her past.If,over time you cant,then reconsider your options.Give her a chance for being honest.The pill is not always failproof,at least she is responsible for unwanted pregnacies,so keep up the condoms.Get yourselves checked out though.
 himynameisSarah
Joined: 5/27/2009
Msg: 9
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 3:35:16 AM

When a woman has had 78 lovers, give or take, then, by mathematical probability, you cannot be the best. That has almost a zero chance of being false.


They were all the best she ever had, duh... you freaking guys are stupid. I mean, if one guy busts out with leather and chains, and the other has a feather and an amazing tongue, there is no way to determine who is the better lover. Everyone has their own specialty; so quite literally, all 78 could be the best... but, most likely at least 20% of them are good lovers.

Why in the hell I'm analyzing sexual performance at 6:20 am way before coffee... hmm.

Go buy toys. Toys are fun. End of story :):):)
 marcus18181
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 10
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 3:54:55 AM
10 in total altogether
 shinny78
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 11
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HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 4:03:32 AM
Lol, I'm with ya Aragianangel

Get over yourself and your manipulative 1950's attitude. Quite frankly, how many sexual partners she's had before you (or lack of) is none of your business.

It's not different for women as you stated, it's the same thing. And if you need someone to remind you of that then you're too immature for a relationship.
 pitufina_77
Joined: 8/13/2009
Msg: 12
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HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 4:04:19 AM
I wouldn't want to be in that position, but I would see that as "normal" in the current times.

People (both men and women) hook up for nothing. The concept of waiting to know somebody before taking it further has been put as something of the past, and now sex is seen as part of the "getting to know each other".

Those of us who don't want to play that game, are left on the shelf...
 sumtimeztwisted
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 13
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 4:04:23 AM
Let the past be the past dood, cuz U cant change it. But if U dwell on it, ... U'll feck up your present. She WAS with these people, ... she's WITH U now and might stay w U if she's treated right and you dont get all resentful and butthurt about something that's over and done with. Your doing to her what we usually bytch about them doing to us. Which is going off on a bs head trip, ... reading too much into something trivial and letting it build up into a problem in your mind. Which hey, .. your not alone have done the same bs meself.

16 lovers at 28, ( which agree w the bitter guy who said its probally higher ) ... shrugs. Doesnt matter regardless, having sex with your gf is not a competition. Your letting your ego flare up and it has a way of biting a guy on da azz. Just enjoy what U have and be the best bedmate U can dood. Sex is like anything, if U practice and actually try to keep improving then U can/will. Not like there isnt plenty of inspirational material avail on the net.

anyway gdlk etc.

PS, ... is it just me, .... or does everyone think most people on the net are fulla shyt ? Always get the feeling Im being told half the story, folks usually have ulterior motives and etc.

Note: Guess a condom could be a back-up form of BirthCont, ... but think yeah your getting a lil bit screwed over by using them. One of the sexual bennies of being in an exclusive relationship with someone 4 a guy, is not having to use rubbers. Anyway just spent 5 mins of my life picking apart a strangers sex life, ... about all Im willing to invest here.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 14
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HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 4:09:50 AM

10 in total altogether

Please leave this woman alone so she can find another grown-up.

What's important is that she is with you but you are evidently uber insecure so sure, glom onto this as something you can't let go. Start buying cats.
 Super_Eve
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 15
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 4:17:15 AM
Can someone please explain to me, why these threads are always started by single guys who are looking for dating, but are involved in a longterm relationship? Thanks.
 *~*ChardyGirl*~*
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 16
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 4:20:44 AM
Hugo,you say you've been with your girlfriend for TWO YEARS.....

Yet,you've been here on POF for the last nine months listing yourself as "Single" and looking to "Date"................????

Asking how you compare to previous lovers and thinking she should've had nil experience tells me you must be a complete DUD in bed,else these inane Q's wouldnt even enter your mind,
 CaRo78
Joined: 2/22/2009
Msg: 17
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 4:21:42 AM
Maybe you should ask her how many vibes shes had so you can get jealous over them!

If you didnt want to know, you shouldnt have asked.................

all that matters is that you have a health check to make sure youre both clean before going down that route................

i just think that now, youre gonna have this hang up about how many men shes been with - not that it is a large amount anyway! The problem is YOURS, get some therapy - she has done nothing wrong, and to be honest it sounds like she hasnt got a promiscuous bone in here body. yeah, right she had un protected sex a couple of times, but hey, who hasnt? as long as she has had regular check ups and doesnt make that mistake again......

to be honest, if you were a guy i was with, it would be a warning sign that you were insecure if you even asked me how many men i had been with, and about the quality of the sex - i doubt it would get further than that!

Caro
 TygerEsquire
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 18
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 4:22:17 AM
A good bit of advice in and out of court is not to ask the respondent a question you don't already know the answer to.

Think about Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men, " You want answers? You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You?"

It's a new day. Sex is as easy to get as General Tso's Chicken at a chinese buffet. Many women have quite empowered themselves to believe sexual promiscuity is ok because men do it too (as you see above). That line of logic is similar and intelligent to it being ok to jump off a cliff because others are doing it. It's never a big deal until one wakes up with lesions, warts or something much more unpleasant, like 18-21 years of child support:) All guys want a proper slut, but a personal one, not one that services the general public at large, but that's a rarity many times. One has to work with the hand they're dealt.

I too was rather surprised at what a decently mentally manageable 14 sexcapades of your GF is by the age of 26. For a large amount of women that could be a regular 2 month period. It makes it easier to mentally swallow if you average out that number by how many years she's been sexually active, she really doesn't seem like a hardcore slutfest now right?

By her not saying you were the best with big dreamy googley eyes, or even attempting to lie to you and say you were the best in bed means you need a lot of work in the sword play department. You can fix it though. Focus more on how to improve in bed, rock her back wall out, romance her mind then her body and she might one day slip and fall due to how wet you make her. Focus less on if you're tasting someone else's man meat every time you kiss her.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 19
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HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 5:24:04 AM
Hugo, why do you ask question that you do not want honest answers to? If you cannot handle the truth, if you cannot handle that some other man was there first or that you may not be the best, most experienced lover in the world, then stop asking your GFs about their past sexual history. It has no bearing on you!
If she is your first lover, then I will be honest. You are not very good. Practice makes perfect.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 20
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HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 5:27:04 AM
It does seem odd that Hugo claims to be with his girlfriend for 2 years YET he has a dating profile 9 months old, claiming to be single.

And providing his email address, to boot.

Classy.

Hugo, much as you'd LIKE to think you were the one who peeled the plastic wrap off your girlfriend's genitals because they were brand new, the sad news is that she had a LIFE before she met you. I'm sure you had a life too before meeting her.

If she can't tell you you're the 'best' in bed, then I'd suggest you step up your performance until she CAN say it.

So what are you hoping to find on POF with your profile - a 28-year old virgin that can't compare you to anyone? Will that assauge your ego? Good luck with that.
 DiannaBall
Joined: 1/6/2010
Msg: 21
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 5:29:55 AM
You seem more worried about how you are in bed compared to the other men. She probably has had better, or you would not be this "twisted" about it. What was done before you, is what it is; before you. Get over it or move on. Who wants to listen to a whiner nag about a past? If you do not want to know then do not ask. You do not know if you or her have STD's or not. Those are like checks; good today bad tomorrow. She is probably asking you to wear one for a reason and she is smart too. Good for her.
 anunu
Joined: 10/21/2009
Msg: 22
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HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 5:42:04 AM
Wow! You really think that 8 is too many? she is 28 years old.
How many did you have? You did not disclose your number?

If you are smart you would not bring up questions like this with your gf. Sometimes don't ask don't tell is a better remedy. You obviously did not want to know the real answers.
1)Don't have frank discussions about her past lovers
2)Don't ask how you compare in bed to her other lovers


On a separate question, she is on the pill: is it safe to have sex with her without a condom?.She always insists on a condom even though she has been on the pill for 2 years with me : We don't or never had any std's or anything.


You sound like 18 instead of 28. As far as STD's go, are you assuming you have none or have both of you been properly tested?
If the concern is around pregnancy the pill is 95% effective against pregnancy if taken properly.
 Fishingexperiment
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 23
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 5:59:21 AM
Marcus, that's hiliarious.

I'm probably very much in the minority when I say that in my life time, I've probably slept with about ten men (that includes my ex husband), and I mistakenly thought at that time that they were going to marry me. I wa very stupid and very young. For most of my life I have been celibate because I cannot take the hurt of being slept with without the thought that someone deeply cares for me and loves me.

Now, that is a very unusual state these days.

Most women I know (and at my age, I know thousands) have slept with anything between 50 and 150 men.

Do you honestly think in an age when men won't stick around unless the women sleeps with them before marriage that women are not going to sleep with men? I know of many women who sleep with men because they feel that if they don't, then the men won't stay. I can give you a 100% guarantee that that is true. And to be 26 years old (when boy/girl genes start kicking in at 14) is a long time to be celibate!

If you honestly think that you're going to find a girl who is a virgin, or who has only slept with two men, leave her by all means. But as you've been sleeping with her for a long time, I suggest that you consider what else is in the relationship that makes it worth keeping.
 vanililly
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 24
GIRLFRIEND
Posted: 1/21/2010 6:06:05 AM
Darling, why the heck did you ask if you didn't want to know?

What you should have asked is "have you been tested between your last lover and me" and if answer is "no", then get the two of you tested.

Kudos to her for a polite answer or attempt at honesty.
The Standard Operating Answer is "more than one".
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 25
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/21/2010 6:47:10 AM
She has definitely been with ONE too many!!!
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