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 Frybreadpower
Joined: 10/10/2008
Msg: 1
I burned my bridges with a narcissistPage 1 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
I was platonic friends with C for about 6 months before I realized that she is narcissistic. We used to have lunches between her classes and hang out at bars a couple nights a week, but I knew almost from the get-go that she wasn't LTR material, because I don't sleep with drug addicts. (I donate blood to the Red Cross, and one of their criteria is that donors can't have sex with cocaine users). Anyway, our relationship seemed kind of empty, but it took me a while to realize why. I felt relaxed around her, and enjoyed getting to know her, but something was missing. Half a year rolled by, and then one day we were talking and something about her tone of voice really turned me on. I was shocked, because it's rare that girls turn me on by their voices. Later that night, I was surfing the web online, and I came across a website that mentioned Psychic Vampires, and it sounded just like her. (I think the words "psychic vampire" and "narcissist" are interchangeable, BTW.) They both drain your emotional energy and they are both incapable of feeling empathy. Cocaine can turn people into narcissists, and so can receiving too much or too little attention as a child. I don't blame C for being a narcissist, but I had to get myself out of her grasp, so I sent her an e-mail telling her that I didn't want to be friends with her anymore, because of her drug use and her lying. I think that sometimes I have to burn my bridges in order to save myself from being sucked into negative situations. I wish I could say that I never looked back after I sent C that e-mail, but honestly, I've been plagued with thoughts that maybe I missed an opportunity there. I mean, I am a guy, and it has been a while since I got laid... LOL! But, I know I did the right thing. Anyway, I ran into her a couple weeks after the e-mail, and I apologized for sending it to her. That's how weak I am at times, I actually wanted to be friends with her again, even though I know she's a narcissist. All she had to say when I apologized was, "it happens" and she offered me a hug. But, I know that's it. Our friendship or whatever it was is through. I feel bad, because I miss having someone to spend my time with, but on the other hand, our time together was strangely unsatisfying anyway. Anyway, I think I burned that bridge for a reason, and I'm glad that things happened like they did. If I hadn't sent C that e-mail, I might have been sucked into a sexual relationship with her just like all her other male friends seem to be. This is the first time a girl tried to seduce me and I refused to go along with it. It only happened to me two other times, and I went along with both those girls, because I was desperate to get laid. This time around, my head told me to not sleep with her when I first met her, then my gut told me to weed her out of my life half a year later, and now my heart is having trouble letting her go. Two against one... I think I made the right choice. What about you? What do you think?
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 2
I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 1/25/2010 9:03:42 PM
Well, it sound to me like you took it back, you tried anyway.
Something inside of you craves attention, even if it only comes from a narcissist, drug addicted, sex seeking woman.
You should pay attention to that.
The part of you, that says it's ok to apologize to someone like that for not wanting to be around her.

Plus, you wouldn't be able to donate blood anymore if you shag her.
 TallChick61
Joined: 1/21/2010
Msg: 3
I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 1/25/2010 9:15:49 PM
I think you did the right thing, in cutting her off. The apology wasn't so great, but it's certainly understandable. You want to hold on to what was good in the relationship, but the price is just too high.
 sleeping beauty
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 4
I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 1/25/2010 9:22:02 PM
you are doing just fine.....let it be ok that you still think about her....it means you are a loving caring person. thats a good thing.

most of all remember that each time it hurts - you sent that email because you love yourself enough not to be in a bad relationship. thats right, pat yourself on the back....you did the right thing and keep reminding yourself of that fact.

narcissists are often a bit charismatic and manipulative....they are like the devil incarnate......you love yourself enough to leave her and go into the void. that choice of honoring yourself will propell you into a better reality. look forward to better times ahead my friend. your perimeters are being stretched....you are in a state of growth.
 quest4truth
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 5
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I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 1/25/2010 9:33:18 PM
If this person has NPD you can't run away fast enough unless you are a borderline then it might possibly work out for a while. Believe me, folks with NPD always have a new narcissistic supply waiting in the wings. She might feel the sting of losing the supply (you) for a while but not the way normal people hurt when losing a friend or relationship.
 longhairbadass
Joined: 11/30/2009
Msg: 6
I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 1/25/2010 10:28:28 PM
Rid yourself for good. There's no need to go back ruining any self esteem, selfishness, or desires you had over your own personal safety.
I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 1/26/2010 1:54:34 AM
It's very likly this girl has a STD being with many guy friends she has no problem just screwing around with and selling herself for drugs and even sharing needles. If your so hard up for sex go to Europe it will much safer for you than going after any damaged girl that will want to have sex with you just because she needs validation that she can or because she wants you to get her stuff and use you to get you to do whatever she wants. If you have more standards and confidence in yourself when you meet new girls you find that you will get much more attention from better girls.
 sumtimeztwisted
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 8
I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 1/26/2010 2:02:02 AM
Think there's alot more to the story than your telling, but what else is new in pof's forums ? Without knowing what's really going on, its impossible to think anything about your situation .. gdlk I guess.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 9
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I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 1/26/2010 4:21:53 AM
You can't burn your bridge with a narcissists.

When they say its over then its over. You are only supply.

She kind of blew you off because she sees you are lousy supply to her. She has no need for you.

Take it as a compliment and run As far away from her.

You are not and never were her friend if she is a true narcissists.

She could just be expressing traits of narcissism and that alone should make you run in the other direction.

Kiss the ground she has released you from her lies and manipulation and have a good life.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 10
I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 1/26/2010 4:57:17 AM

You can't burn your bridge with a narcissists.

When they say its over then its over. You are only supply.

She kind of blew you off because she sees you are lousy supply to her. She has no need for you.


EXACTLY my thought when I read the title.

Now work on your issues.

The narcissist doesn't give a rats azz what you are doing/thinking.
 ManicMelanie
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 11
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I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 1/26/2010 5:23:10 AM

You're learning, growing, maturing and therefore making better decisions. It's a life-long process. You protected your emotional health and most likely did her a favor as well, by saying you didn't want to be a part of the insanity. It's okay to care about people, even love them. Doesn't mean you should be romantically involved with them. Sounds like you are better off without her. You will feel MUCH better about your decision when you meet someone else to pay attention to, think of, focus on, etc.



 dysfunction_junction
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 12
I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 1/26/2010 5:38:55 AM
i think you should put 2 + 2 together and get 4, not

in other words, if your primary motivation for the relationship is when was the last time you got laid, then your own addled mind will make you select relationship choices that aren't in your own best interest, but only serve to scratch the more immediate itch what needs scratchin.

for every narcissist out there, there is a ready supply of people even more willing than you are to accommodate them. i think you might be right on the razor's edge there. just a little bit more self-awareness will help keep you on the right track of making better relationship choices.
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 13
I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 1/26/2010 5:45:44 AM

This is the first time a girl tried to seduce me and I refused to go along with it. It only happened to me two other times, and I went along with both those girls, because I was desperate to get laid.


Uh, the above statement sounds sort of contradictory.... assuming she was the last one you messed with.

Sometimes our feelings get stirred with a person who is wrong for us...."anyone here, want to raise their hand in acknowledgement, its happened to them to" ....

The trick is to find someone who is right for us, and stirs our feelings......"anyone here want to raise there hand in acknowledgement" that yes, that would be great...lol.

But in reading this...I wonder was she really like this, or was it because she has a label and that label suggest all people that are labeled this way, are like this...because in a sense its not fair to label people and expect they are a certain way.

I wasn't there, so I really can't say.....only you can make the decision if you did the right thing or not....generally its better not to get involved with people who have serious problems...."if" she has a serious drug problem and truely lies...then thats reason enough to stay away.
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 14
I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 1/26/2010 5:48:58 AM
Hey, don't let your desperation for getting laid get you into anymore trouble....try masterbation....

I
 clambroth
Joined: 10/27/2007
Msg: 15
I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 1/26/2010 6:45:39 AM
You seem to be really into the psychoanalysis of others. I would question your diagnosis doc on a couple grounds, but since you blew her away, that is now pointless. There seems to be a big gap in your story somewhere between the time you were surfing the web and discovered she was a "psychic vampire" and your act of sending her a hurtful email telling her she was a drug user and a liar. You felt there was potential for a sleepover but you had to save yourself from being sucked into a negative situation. Why are you now lamenting your blowoff email? She's a drug user and you self professedly don't sleep with drug users, so what's the issue?
I'm wondering what her psychoanalisis of you would reveal. Bit flakey maybe?
 anonymouslyme
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 16
I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 1/26/2010 7:01:48 AM

All she had to say when I apologized was, "it happens" and she offered me a hug.
Translation: I wasn't really upset about it because I wasn't very invested in any relationship with you, and it made very little difference to me whether you were around or not.
Did you make the right choice? If you want to cultivate relationships where you actually matter to the other person, then I'd say you definately made the right choice.
And Pathnine, don't waste too much time analyzing this situation in your head... Narcissists are well known for their inability to truly bond with others, and driving people to the brink of insanity with their ambiguity and psychological manipulations. The problem here was HERS, and has nothing to do with who you are, or your value as a human being. Having someone to spend your time with would never have been worth the price you would have paid in terms of your self esteem and peace of mind.
 flyin squirrel
Joined: 5/25/2009
Msg: 17
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I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 1/26/2010 7:22:09 AM
You knew about her from the get
Wrote her a buh-bye letter
Woke up horny
Wanted to recant and get some "vampire ass"

WOW..good thing she is a narcissist I dunno she may of had her feelings hurt otherwise!
 Chirpingheart2
Joined: 10/24/2009
Msg: 18
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I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 1/26/2010 7:47:59 AM
OP, I think you knew from the beginning that this "girl" wasn't right for you. With all due respect, you are coming off as very needy here. You did the right thing by saying goodbye so quit going back to the whipping post for more of her drama! So you haven't gotten laid in awhile? The girl uses drugs! Do you want a diesease or worse! Does AIDS come to mind? Geeeeze son, keep fishing, and quit sounding so desperate!
 Frybreadpower
Joined: 10/10/2008
Msg: 19
I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 1/26/2010 8:15:33 AM
Thanks for the input guys. Some good points were raised. To clear up some confusion:
1) I didn't know what narcissists were until the night I was surfing the web and sent her that e-mail. I had heard the word narcissist, but just thought they were really big on themselves... I didn't know they lacked empathy.
2) I do things with other people to gather stories and have new life experiences. "Life is for the living so live it", is my motto. I gathered some good stories and had some interesting experiences while hanging out with C, so I don't regret a thing. More importantly, I won't ever have any trouble recognizing the "face" of a narcissist now that I've seen it to the extent that I have with C. Life is all about relationships, and as long as two people are alive, their relationship has potential to grow or change.
3) There seemed to be some confusion in at least one response that I read... I never had sex with her, and although I thought about it (who wouldn't, she's attractive!), I have enough self control to use use my head.
4) It's possible that I have borderline personality disorder, but I'm not sure either way. I do have bipolar condition, and a few months ago I read about borderline personality disorder on Wikipedia to see what it was like (I was curious because a friend of mine has it I think), and I had some of the traits. Someone made a comment that people with borderline personality disorder can get along with narcissists for a while. That's kind of interesting.
5) Thanks again for all your comments :)
 PrinceEric
Joined: 4/2/2007
Msg: 20
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I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 1/26/2010 8:22:27 AM
You did the right thing!
I spent 5 years with a gal that had BPD (not the same PD but many of the same tendencies). I escaped with my life but just barely.
 milt_n_bradley
Joined: 10/14/2009
Msg: 21
I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 1/26/2010 8:32:13 AM
OP...if she really was/is a "narcissist" it's doubtful that you "burned your bridges" as there were proibaly no "bridges" to burn.
Narcissism is a excessive love of ones self.
It's unlikely that you were even a factor in her equations.
 NuDig
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 22
I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 1/26/2010 10:06:57 AM

Narcissism is a excessive love of ones self.
That's just one of many ugly traits associated with Narcissism. OP mentioned lying, they are consumate actors/actresses - pathological liars, they don't know the truth, they never have. You never saw her true-self and you never will, they are utterly lost - pathetic, ugly people. Everything they say and do is to suit them and their ****ed up agenda.

As others have said, count yourself extremely lucky that you are out of her clutches.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 23
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I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 1/26/2010 10:26:01 AM
Extremely difficult to read this. Paragraphs are your friends.
 sumtimeztwisted
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 24
I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 1/26/2010 10:29:00 AM

3) There seemed to be some confusion in at least one response that I read... I never had sex with her, and although I thought about it (who wouldn't, she's attractive!), I have enough self control to use use my head.


Now I have not the slightest doubt your fulla crap. Folks alwayz remember this, there's 3 sides to every story. Hers/Hiz and the TRUTH. Or sometimez just pure BS, whatever gets ya through the night, ... shrugs.
 Frybreadpower
Joined: 10/10/2008
Msg: 25
I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 1/26/2010 10:32:39 AM
Sorry about not breaking my post up into paragraphs. For some reason I thought that this message board condensed postings into one paragraph. I think that I've only used the message board on Plenty of Fish a couple of times, and that was a year ago I think. This message board seems pretty cool :) There were a lot of really supportive comments in my thread, and a couple of the posts really made me think, which is good. I'll be sure to use paragraphs from here on out :)
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