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 LovesLife609
Joined: 6/23/2008
Msg: 1
He Doesn't Ask Me QuestionsPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I am finding that when I talk to men on the phone they don't ask me questions. I recently met a man and we hit it off. Our conversations are comfortable and fun but I find that I will ask him a question but he doesn't ask it back and he never asks me anything about myself. Does this mean he is not interested in me or is it a guy thing (cuz it's not the first time this has happened).
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 2
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He Doesn't Ask Me Questions
Posted: 1/26/2010 11:57:03 AM
It seems to be a common occurrence with many women. Of course it's not absolute but it's up to you on whether it's something you feel is worth bringing up, accepting, or add to your list of qualities you'd want to see in a guy in order to feel that you're hitting it off.
 candid_1
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 3
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He Doesn't Ask Me Questions
Posted: 1/26/2010 12:02:27 PM
Different interrogating style... I don't ask direct questions either. IMO it seems nosey. I offer up something and hope they will feel comfortable enough to trade.

Edit: VVVv------ Again to me, if they asked a direct question it would feel nosey. I don't find it narcissistic at all.
 FrozenAssets
Joined: 11/25/2007
Msg: 4
He Doesn't Ask Me Questions
Posted: 1/26/2010 12:04:53 PM
Yeah! What is up with that?

It has happened to me on a few occasions as well, and frankly I am growing tired of such treatment. If after the first date if this one sided 'conversation' persist then I take it as a warning that it is and probably always will be, all about him and I probably won't play a significant role in his life.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no need for the dreaded date interview questions but common (or uncommon) courtesy would dictate a more or less equal exchange of Q&As. Who has time for such narcissist behaviour?


Yes, I know some women do this as well.... but we are talking about some men now.
 LovesLife609
Joined: 6/23/2008
Msg: 5
He Doesn't Ask Me Questions
Posted: 1/26/2010 12:15:09 PM
Well, I wouldn't say I interrogate, but I bring things up naturally...kind of a curiosity thing. It's hard for me to believe that all these men I have encountered are narcissistic. I think alot of them are just shy, but the man I met is far from shy...maybe it is all about him. Should I bring it up? We talked once before meeting and twice since then.
 hyoid
Joined: 5/12/2009
Msg: 6
He Doesn't Ask Me Questions
Posted: 1/26/2010 12:25:32 PM
Do you mean he asks NO questions or no important questions?

It really is meaningless to ask questions like "Are you an introvert? Do you see yourself as intelligent? Generous? Have a good sense of humor? Do you like to read?"

Because they're all subjective views. Whatever your view, it's only true if it coincides with mine.

The answers to questions like Where did you vacation last? Did you like it? What was best about it? say more about you than does your opinion about you.
 LovesLife609
Joined: 6/23/2008
Msg: 7
He Doesn't Ask Me Questions
Posted: 1/26/2010 12:27:55 PM
Questions like...have you travelled much? Do you like your job? What do you do? How many brothers and sisters do you have...where do they live...do they have any kids? How has your experience been on this dating site? Where did you live growing up? Questions like that but in the context of a conversation.
 LastFrogToKiss
Joined: 4/21/2009
Msg: 8
He Doesn't Ask Me Questions
Posted: 1/26/2010 1:09:48 PM
...ummm....ugh...errr...duh...derrrrrrrrr!!

Seriously though, since y'all hit it off, don't let that be a problem. Ask him. There are much, much bigger problems in connecting.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 9
He Doesn't Ask Me Questions
Posted: 1/26/2010 1:16:23 PM
Yep, it's a guy thing, mostly - or, rather, I should say, it's a woman thing! Women tend to trade information with each other very directly ("Six brothers, can you believe it! - How about you?"), and you're expecting him to talk to you the same way your women friends do.

He'll get around to the same stuff, he'll just take a little longer, or get there in a more indirect way. Don't worry about it.
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 10
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He Doesn't Ask Me Questions
Posted: 1/26/2010 1:17:09 PM

Seriously though, since y'all hit it off, don't let that be a problem. Ask him. There are much, much bigger problems in connecting.

Sounds as if they hit it off as well as any two "friends" could, kind of like acquaintances. She may know some personal information about him but how much does he know about her due to his own accord? Sure there could be bigger problems in connecting, but that goes along with the territory when (or if) they are able to get to know one another on a more intimate level.
 ManicMelanie
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 11
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He Doesn't Ask Me Questions
Posted: 1/26/2010 1:37:55 PM

IF you're interested in a particular guy, once you get to the phone conversation stage, suggest a meeting, asap.

In-person is the ONLY way you will figure out whether there is any particular potential.

Many men (and women) don't like to talk on the phone or aren't very good at it. Be open-minded.

Take it to the "real world", pronto. Do it!



 SaharaM
Joined: 4/9/2009
Msg: 12
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He Doesn't Ask Me Questions
Posted: 1/26/2010 1:53:46 PM

It seems to be a common occurrence with many women.
I'm pretty sure she's not dating women.

Seriously though, I think you're just finding different styles of communication. Unless he is unable to form meaningful relationships with other people, he'll get to know you. If you continue to spend time together, I'm sure he's finding out the "info" that is most important to him.
 somephxguy
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 13
He Doesn't Ask Me Questions
Posted: 1/26/2010 1:59:40 PM

Does this mean he is not interested in me

Not necessarily.


is it a guy thing

No. It's not gender specific.

Some people don't ask questions on the phone. Because they don't want to talk on the phone. They want to wait and have the conversation on a date, face to face, in person.
They don't want a relationship with their phone. And want to avoid any misunderstandings based on impersonal methods of communication. The phone is impersonal. Just not as much as email or text.

Some people don't ask questions because they know they have no way to determine the veracity of what you say.
So would rather listen to what you have to say about yourself.

Some people don't ask questions because they want to establish pecking order in the relationship. If you ask more questions then you are into them more. That validates them and also sets them as being in the more dominant position.

Some people are "shy" and want you to talk more in order to drag validation out of you. If they are shy, and you stick around and draw them out of their shell, well then they are worth being pursued. It's nice to use other people. So get you to talk.
 SWSpice
Joined: 8/23/2007
Msg: 14
He Doesn't Ask Me Questions
Posted: 1/26/2010 2:00:19 PM
I've run across the same thing myself & wondered about it.
One guy straight out said that he didn't really want to know other people's situations because he didn't want to get involved. But this was also the same guy that would go on for hours talking about himself & his problems. Hmmm, I don't know.
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 15
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He Doesn't Ask Me Questions
Posted: 1/26/2010 2:04:21 PM

I'm pretty sure she's not dating women.

So are you saying that her experience is unique to only her and that women typically meet up with guys who are extremely inquisitive about the non-superficial elements of a woman's life?
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 16
He Doesn't Ask Me Questions
Posted: 1/26/2010 2:37:30 PM
OP,

This is always a reoccuring issue on these forums. We always have someone complaining about asking questions, but don't get asked any in return.

That could mean several things.

Perhaps a lack of communication skills, shy, or just prefer to listen, talk, but not ask questions.

Try asking him.
 That Handy Man
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 17
He Doesn't Ask Me Questions
Posted: 1/26/2010 2:55:27 PM
OP Iv'e had the same thing happen (on here) quite often and also in real life. Not just women, but men too. Sure, sometimes it's just nervousness, and usually they will mention it themselves. But on the other hand, many, many people (I think) are just totally wrapped up in themselves, even those that are quite extroverted and outgoing! It's a good observation on your part! Just quietly back away and leave these people to their own devices!
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 18
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He Doesn't Ask Me Questions
Posted: 1/26/2010 3:35:16 PM
Should I bring it up? We talked once before meeting and twice since then

yes, you should definitely ask the guy why he doesn't ask many questions. if for nothing else just to maintain the status quo.

here's a suggestion. stop asking him questions and see what happens to the conversation. if it continues just fine, then it's not a conversation that requires them.


Does this mean he is not interested in me

contact=interest
lack of contact=lack of interest
pretty simple.
 Jewlsey*
Joined: 1/24/2009
Msg: 19
He Doesn't Ask Me Questions
Posted: 1/26/2010 4:04:35 PM
I agree with Handyman and David. I've run into several men like this as well OP. You ask them a question , you get a monologue but they show zero interest in knowing anything about you. I mean zero curiousity about your profile, what you do , your life in general, I mean nothing. Depending on my mood, sometimes, I bring it to their attention which usually makes them defensive and sometimes, I stop asking questions and just write back statements and let the conversation die. I figure, either way, we're not a match.

It really makes wonder how people go through life so self absorbed. How do they manage to make friends in real life if they show no interest in others?

p.s. I'm referring to men who actually initiate contact
 longhairbadass
Joined: 11/30/2009
Msg: 20
He Doesn't Ask Me Questions
Posted: 1/26/2010 4:18:10 PM
I got no clue. I don't know these guys.
 moonlady4u
Joined: 1/21/2010
Msg: 21
He Doesn't Ask Me Questions
Posted: 1/26/2010 4:25:13 PM
if someone cannot hold my attention on the phone for more then 5 minutes then it just won't work.

the idea of the internet, phone, texting and postal mail is to actually communicate. if someone cannot communicate using these simple tools then how would they be in a relationship???

nope sorry, i actually LIKE to have a conversation with someone. how else are they and i suppose to get to know each other?
 walking the pooch
Joined: 10/31/2009
Msg: 22
He Doesn't Ask Me Questions
Posted: 1/26/2010 6:36:10 PM
Mostly we just want to know if you have underwear on beneath your mini skirt or not.
Makes it easier to mate on the spur of the moment such as walking in the park and stopping at a picnic table for a quickie.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 23
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He Doesn't Ask Me Questions
Posted: 1/26/2010 6:41:03 PM
I don't know. It's really too soon to tell. I've been known to be in conversations where I never ask questions, and just answer them, or make other comments. I've been in conversations with women where I asked so MANY questions, I thought I came off as an interrogator of some sort, and got so upset with myself, I made sure NOT to do it again for a while. I've been in conversations where the woman kept answering what questions I MIGHT have asked before I asked them, so there was no need for me to verbalize them.
Or, he might have been stalking you for so many months, that he already knows all he needs to. [joking, I hope]
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 24
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He Doesn't Ask Me Questions
Posted: 1/26/2010 6:42:26 PM
It's very common and I think it is mostly a male thing. It does come across as lack of interest, which is bizarre if they have contacted you. Men seem to talk about themselves and expect you to join in, rather than asking questions. Maybe questions seem too personal to them - I don't know. It's not my style and it really turns me off people after a while if I feel the conversations are largely one-sided. The thing that amazes me is they never seem to notice. In my opinion, the best communicators ask questions, just the right amount to keep conversation flowing two ways.

It doesn't necessarily mean he's not interested, but are you getting anything out of this interaction? You say you hit it off, but in what way? If you are comfortable and happy with this, then why worry. If not, then maybe you could ask him why he never asks you anything, might be quite revealing.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 25
He Doesn't Ask Me Questions
Posted: 1/26/2010 10:34:34 PM
Responses have been very revealing, and tend to support, IMO, my original supposition in post #9 that there is a real gender dichotomy at work in this matter.

Given the reinforcement, however inadvertent, I still say, just don't worry about it. This IMO is just a boy/girl difference (or man/woman, if you prefer), and it doesn't speak to how interested or curious he is, or not.

A few others have noted, if he's talking to you, he's interested. They're right. Do not allow this 'questions' dichotomy to impede you. Remember, he isn't one of your girlfriends - don't expect him to behave or talk as they do! He is a man who is interested in you romantically and that is very, very different. He is different. Isn't that part of the attraction, for you?

If he's maintaining contact, he likes you.

Go with that.
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