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 bigonblues
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 1
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In a relationship but still on dating sites?Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
A friend of mine met a guy on a dating site. When she started seeing him she hid her profile out of respect. However, the guy she's seeing is still on about 4 dating sites and this is hurting her even though she believes he's not seeing anyone but her. I'm staying out of this one but am very curious as to how many other people have been through this same exact thing?
 dealornodeel
Joined: 1/16/2010
Msg: 2
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 1/31/2010 6:57:58 PM
yea i heard because pof is free theres a bunch of married or n a relatnshp guys on here..i just started but gona delete my acct soon ..all i no is pof is just a joke..not gona take peeps serious on here lol
 missinghimalready
Joined: 2/7/2006
Msg: 3
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 1/31/2010 6:59:48 PM
Is she "seeing" him or have they agreed to an exclusive relationship?

If they are exclusive, has she mentioned that she has hid her profile to him and if so, what did he respond? Maybe he is still a member, but hasn't logged in for awhile.

If she is upset about it, why doesn't she talk to him and ask him about it? It's better than nursing hurt feelings, and might clear up any misunderstanding about if they are exclusive or not.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 4
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In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 1/31/2010 7:05:31 PM
When she started seeing him she hid her profile out of respect.



By your words "started seeing" I would think your friend hasn't been dating this guy for very long. He probably isn't ready for an exclusive relationship and sees nothing wrong with keeping his options open. The only way to know if he is dating other people is to ask him. However, I waited a few months before I asked my boyfriend that question because I didn't want to rush things. Once we talked about it he deleted all his dating profiles except for POF he kept hidden in case he wanted to use the forums.

I wouldn't expect a guy to hide or delete his dating profiles after just a few dates. I didn't delete my profiles until there was a commitment.
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 5
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 1/31/2010 7:09:28 PM
Well, like mentioned above.....Are they just seeing each other, or have "both" agreed its exclusive?

Another thing these sites can get addicting, and you develope on line friends, participate in forums, etc....for some its hard to just shut that down.

She simply needs to talk to him, and first, see if they are exclusive...what feelings do they have....if they are tight, then she needs to talk about this with him....

If he wants to stay on because of the forums, then he can list himself as taken....if it still bothers her, then he can shut it down....if he so chooses.

4 sites ? ...good god, it makes you wonder..is this common?
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 6
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In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 1/31/2010 7:10:38 PM
Is he active on these sites? I have profiles on 3 or 4 sites, I really should take them down because I never use them. Her choice to hide her profile without an exclusivity discussion.

Some people stay here if they enjoy the forums, and there are many lurkers so he could read them and not post.

If she has an issue with it, she needs to talk to him or stop seeing him, it is pretty simple.
 imsa1
Joined: 1/21/2010
Msg: 7
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 1/31/2010 7:14:39 PM
I was seeing someone once...I was online but just seeing her. I told the ones i had "met" online that I was seeing someone and i hid my profile...I remained friends with some that i had talked to and just talked. yes, this can be addictive some....but to just talk with the other knowing you are taken...it all dies out anyways...
 I Cornelius
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 8
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In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 1/31/2010 7:18:36 PM
First, OP, I need to get this out of the way.

If only I were more interesting, attractive, ten years older and in Rhode Island.

There.

Sorry. Been a long week and I usually have more tact than that. Forgive me for my outburst. It won't happen again.

Anyway, if he's not participating in the forums, chances are he might still be looking in the back of his head. Perhaps not because he's a scoundrel, but perhaps because he doesn't know how into the relationship SHE might be and he doesn't want to get kicked to the curb without (at least mentally) keeping his options open. If she's concerned, heck yes. She should talk to him. NOT accusingly or in a confrontational manner, just to discuss why it might bother her and if he would like to relationship to progress where she would like it to go as well.

Most guys, unless they ARE hiding something, don't get on the defensive when honesty is on the line. Promise.
 NYCman530
Joined: 7/6/2009
Msg: 9
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In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 1/31/2010 7:19:18 PM
Just how long have they been seeing each other? If it's a signifigant other, he should definately remove his profile. However, if it's an insignifigant other, without exclusivity involved, then it's open season.
 Hottie2828
Joined: 12/28/2009
Msg: 10
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 1/31/2010 7:26:47 PM
Idk I have a strong opinion on this too. I have been dating a guy for about a month that I met on here. My profile says just looking for friends and his says dating and hes on here a lot. So I think that these guys that are doing this arent faithful at all....
 Megaladonfishy
Joined: 5/7/2008
Msg: 11
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In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 1/31/2010 8:02:19 PM
I'm not sure how common it is, and who knows unless your friend has some way of checking his last logins on the sites, btw, this isn't exactly gender specific, it's more like dating site addiction, people , women too, get addicted to All the Candy!! They can't stop shopping!!
even when they find great, fabulous, the hunt must go on
And then sometimes you just wonder have people just changed? [ she hid her profile out of respect] There doesn't seem to be much respect left out there lately.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 12
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In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 1/31/2010 8:28:44 PM
I don't leave dating sites just because I'm dating, I'm fully able to be faithful without running around and erasing myself for fear of the insecure or controlling among us. Hell, I'm on dating sites I've long forgotten, unless they removed me for non-activity. I don't have to 'prove' myself, like me as I am or don't date me, matters not, I don't need a leash to not cheat.
 Bottle_Neck
Joined: 1/20/2010
Msg: 13
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 1/31/2010 8:51:14 PM
i think that if you get into a "exclusive relationship" then i think its more respectful to delete your account or to not use it.

the reason?
I believe in a relationship both trust and distrust is earned. yes at the start of a relationship we trust. but your actions will effect your trust level. they do say "judge people by their actions"

I could understand if a person likes to go to the forums. thats fine.
But by continuing to use the site all you will get is people mailing you, not caring if you have a bf/gf. Not everyone on here wants a relationship. Alot use it for sex.

I just think its disrespectful to your partner. You have to question the agenda? ... if you're in a relationship with someone why talk to single people of the opposite sex? ... as a backup plan in case things dont work out?
 fleta
Joined: 1/9/2008
Msg: 14
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In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 1/31/2010 10:02:38 PM
I sure feel for your friend. This very thing happened to me but finial asked him “noticed your on the site are you still looking”? He replied just talking with friends and only dating me. Found out differently after he asked a my girlfriend out and I no longer see him!

I met someone else in September were we are both are on the same page wanting to be a couple not dating several. Now it’s a mater of time to see how we work out. With respect to others on this site I hide my profile for now (because no longer looking). I have not deleted my POF account for two reasons like the forums and the new relationship it is too early to know what the future holds.
 citizen_joe
Joined: 12/26/2009
Msg: 15
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 1/31/2010 10:09:54 PM
Accounts are easily deleted/recreated. If he's still on 4 sites, he's still exploring his options, in my opinion. This is probably my 5th re-creation of this account, and not intended to last too much longer. Even so, I have clear boundaries. "not single/not looking" seems to attract some truly strange types, at least in terms of stalkers.
 Ependa
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 16
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 1/31/2010 10:10:03 PM
Well, I originally thought I'd stay on for the forums..but I really don't think I will. I mean, dating, casual relationship, yeah, I'll probably hang out (openly with an updated status and full disclosure to my partner) on the forums. But when things get more serious ..well..hell, I'm really hoping we can think of some more interesting things to do anyhow Not that this isn't fun, cool, and interesting, but yeah =) And I'm a big believer in what you pay attention to flourishes.
 SassySky
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 17
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 1/31/2010 10:35:35 PM
I have a different take on this.. I did delete my profile once for a guy with in two weeks I found out he hadn't and was still looking... I came back to POF about a year later, Why? because I enjoy the forums and all the friends I have met out here. I have several people I chat with and enjoy the forums immensely.

He is on 4 dating sites, Are they excusive? Does he participate in forums of any kind? If so then she has the right to suggest he hide his profile, not to delete it sorry. If I am dating someone and they are on dating sites for the forums and friends no big deal I choose to trust they are with me because they want to be, so him being on a dating site is no more indicative of him cheating or going out with the guys. If he is going to cheat he is going to dating site or not....

I personally think you are right to stay out of this one.
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 18
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 1/31/2010 10:48:15 PM
i think it depends upon how long they have been dating..
is the relationship exclusive?
if it is exclusive (meaning that they have both agreed to this)
then they should discuss the issue of the dating sights and come to an agreement.

when my bf and i were together we removed our profiles from paid dating sights.
i came to this one for the forums.
stayed on it because we broke up repeatedly.

the next time i become exclusive with someone i would prefer that we both get off dating sights. even pof for forums only.

communication is the essential key in your question
 NothingLeftToBurn
Joined: 6/11/2007
Msg: 19
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In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 1/31/2010 10:49:04 PM
Let's try not to stereotype men on pof. I'll go out on a limb and use some logic here, but I'll betcha the guys that visit pof fall into several different categories.

Also, you see a lot of people dating more than one person at a time these days.
 ToughLuv1984
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 20
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 1/31/2010 11:48:48 PM
This pisses me off to no end... recently went on a date and awkwardly in the middle of a nice conversation the dude exclaims he is a terrible liar and must tell me he has a girlfriend. In Mongolia. Who he would've married many years ago. But she is in Mongolia. Because she is Mongolian. And they went to college together...

Here I am, thought I was on a date with a *single guy*... just kinda sit there feeling stupid.

Why are people such nitwits? Seriously!

Is it really *that* hard to end one relationship before seeking another... MAN!
 I Cornelius
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 21
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In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 2/1/2010 12:00:38 AM
^^ I don't know how much this rant applies to the OP's question, but I don't care. You kick a$$, TuffLuv. I will also say it again because messages this short may not be posted. You kick a$$.
 whenwillthiswork26
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 22
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In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 2/1/2010 12:40:11 AM
I assume if a man is on a dating site it's not to chat with friends.
He probably isn't chatting with men friends.
Does he tell the women who contact him he is in a relationship?

Why even bother having a relationship if you plan to act exactly the
same way as you did when you were single?

The idea of a dating site as entertainment for someone who is in a
relationship seems odd to me.

IF a man is in love he will leave dating sites behind. If he is just getting all
the benefits of a relationship but has not really fallen in love he will stay
on the dating sites looking for someone who will make him automatically
leave the dating sites behind.

Men can be in a relationship but not really all the way in love so they keep
looking. Love makes people stop looking. Love makes people leave dating
sites. Just my opinion because that's how I am.

If I'm in a relationship and find out the guy is on dating sites I will be
very hurt and feel lied to. He's still looking for someone he can love more.
And he's been dishonest with me about it.

I think the reaction of anger from the one guy above is interesting,
a blame the victim outrage with the first reaction
being "how did she know"? Then the name calling: net stalker.
Then mockery over her "insecurity". It's classic.
 Chill Pill
Joined: 11/19/2009
Msg: 23
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 2/1/2010 1:35:13 AM
Why get crazy because he is on a dating site?

If he is a cheater it doesn't matter where he is, the library, the grocery store, the coffee shop, the football game. If he cheats he can meet another woman anywhere. What do you do? Have him take down his profiles off every dating site and then have him fitted for a ball and freaking chain?

It doesn't work that way!!!
.
 FriendlyFreeSpirit
Joined: 7/27/2009
Msg: 24
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 2/1/2010 1:59:17 AM
OP, he could have forgotten about his profile here or whatever dating site he joined before he met you/your friend/the neighbour/whoever.
I suggest your friend (etc) ask him if he's still looking or has forgotten about dating sites, before everyone jumps to conclusions.
It's not the end of the earth. Just suggest to him he might want to delete his profile. If he doesn't want to, well..then your friend might have reason to doubt. But really...storm in a teacup, unless proved otherwise.
 brown_eyed_woman
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 25
In a relationship but still on dating sites?
Posted: 2/1/2010 3:28:00 AM

I'm a big believer in what you pay attention to flourishes


I believe this too. While I know some forum posters are only here for the furums, we represent only like 1 % of pof population, many never enter forums. Ive never dated a forum poster and when things become exclusive, Id want to see us both close accounts and focus on real life. There are plenty of online resources for relationship help that dont force an ad on a dating site to participate. JMO.
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