Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Men who have been divorced and single for 3 or more years...      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 TenderHeart56
Joined: 1/23/2010
Msg: 1
Men who have been divorced and single for 3 or more years...Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I am interested in a man that has been single for over 3 years and has not dated anyone in that time. I have concerns that he could be very set in his ways and used to not having to deal with a woman in his life again. He did sign up at a dating site, not this one. He is raising a young teen. We are both in our 50's.

Also, my best friend has a brother that she wants to hook me up with. HE has been divorced for 25 years and remains single. He raised two kids both are now in their middle 20's.

What do you think? Been too long without a woman and can continue that way? Or do you see it as finally deciding to find a special someone?
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 2
Men who have been divorced and single for 3 or more years...
Posted: 2/7/2010 3:53:58 PM
Are these concerns due to anything you've witnessed or just some preconceived ideas of how you think these men will be? Just date the guys already and when you go to their homes try moving the salt shaker six inches to the left. If a guy smacks your hand away, you'll have your answer.
 MizBexReturns
Joined: 8/19/2009
Msg: 3
Men who have been divorced and single for 3 or more years...
Posted: 2/7/2010 3:58:10 PM
Ummm....OP, your profile says you are married. Are you?
 whzcheatinwho
Joined: 4/8/2006
Msg: 4
Men who have been divorced and single for 3 or more years...
Posted: 2/7/2010 4:00:35 PM
Maybe guy # 1 has been working on getting over his former relationship, pursuing some goals that wouldn't have been supported by a new relationship, working and paying off his legal bills or just enjoying some alone time. Doesn't mean he's defective.

I don't think the length of time is a reliable indicator of whether or not people are capable of being in a happy relationship, their desire to be in one is more relevant. If they want to be in a relationship they will acommodate the disruptions and changes to their life in order to make way for their new life. If they don't want to, they won't.

As for the 25 year guy maybe he was committed to raising his kids instead of getting busy with the women. I think that's admirable if that's what he was doing. Having said that, do you know why he's been alone for so long? Or has he actually been alone for that long? If he's your best friend's brother you must know something about him. Is he undatable for some reason? Had a series of unhappy relationships over the last 25 years?

Honestly, I would prefer a guy that can handle being alone and isn't a dating junkie. I think there's more wrong with that, than with someone who is secure enough in themselves to live alone while they raise their kids and get their poop in a group.
 SoftAndHappy
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 5
Men who have been divorced and single for 3 or more years...
Posted: 2/7/2010 4:15:52 PM
I, personally, have more trust for people who take time between relationships than people who jump from relationship to relationship. They tend to be secure and self-aware. Not always in search of the 'next best thing'.

I would date either of these men if I liked them. I would have more problem with someone who just came out of a LTR.
 DiannaBall
Joined: 1/6/2010
Msg: 6
Men who have been divorced and single for 3 or more years...
Posted: 2/7/2010 4:44:37 PM
You say you are married in your profile and you are worried if these guys will be emotionally available. Jaysus Charist ~~ drink time. Unreal.
 ManicMelanie
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Men who have been divorced and single for 3 or more years...
Posted: 2/7/2010 4:45:13 PM

I took several years off from dating when I was raising my 2 teenagers. It's a HUGE challenge to rear kids properly when it's just you. I simply had MUCH bigger priorities at the time and stand by it. Both of my children turned out FANTASTIC because of my focus on them, instead of trying to find a man.

So, it's cool that he made being a parent, his focus. There's really not enough of one to go around to single handedly raise kids and date.

I would be MUCH more concerned about a guy who was divorced for 25 years.

You're married? SIGH. I give up.

(Go COLTS!!)

 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Men who have been divorced and single for 3 or more years...
Posted: 2/7/2010 4:47:05 PM
^^^^^^^ Yeah. Unreal.

~OP~ Let your husband read this and let him tell you how to proceed. He probably knows you well enough to give you the appropriate advise. (On, and a kick to the proverbial curb!) JMO
 TenderHeart56
Joined: 1/23/2010
Msg: 9
Men who have been divorced and single for 3 or more years...
Posted: 2/7/2010 5:06:03 PM
My husband is in the last stages of cancer. I do not like to be alone at all. I have only chatted on line with the first one, and have met my friends brother, of course. I will not cheat on my husband while he still has breath. Although I do feel guilty for being on here. Some will understand, some will not.
 TenderHeart56
Joined: 1/23/2010
Msg: 10
Men who have been divorced and single for 3 or more years...
Posted: 2/7/2010 5:06:51 PM
LOL...love the reply! I've only chatted with the first one on line and can not meet him yet due to circumstances.
 ManicMelanie
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Men who have been divorced and single for 3 or more years...
Posted: 2/7/2010 5:20:10 PM


I'm thinking....5 more years!


Tell me that DOESN'T refer to how long it's going to be before you're single, aka widowed.

My father died from cancer. I spent many, many days, weeks, months with him before he died. I spent the last 36 hours of his life WIDE awake and next to him. I held him in my arms, crying, telling him how much we love him. I am APPALLED.

Isn't spending time with someone that you KNOW is terminal what you do when you LOVE someone, to show your appreciation and because you know you WON'T be able to much longer? Sounds like VERY selfish/self-centered behavior on your part. What a WONDERFUL wife you are.



 SpecialTreasure80
Joined: 1/24/2009
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Men who have been divorced and single for 3 or more years...
Posted: 2/7/2010 5:46:10 PM
I think your going to find it hard to find a guy on here to take you seriously. You say on your profile you are living together when your really married. That's not honest at all. Most men who see your profile would not take a woman who is already with someone seriously unless he was just looking for sex with no strings. You say you wouldn't cheat on your husband but you have already been dishonest on your profile... so who's to say you would'nt sleep around on your husband while he is on his death bed. What a shame!
 legal_e-gal
Joined: 11/9/2009
Msg: 13
Men who have been divorced and single for 3 or more years...
Posted: 2/7/2010 6:02:18 PM
It seems you have WAY more to worry about then if a man is set in his ways. I understand being lonely, but damn, how about leaning on friends right now. If you are going to be unfaithful to your husband, and spend time seeking other men... just divorce him now, and save him any additional heartache from when he finds out what you are up to (and trust me he will, karma is beautiful like that).
Men who have been divorced and single for 3 or more years...
Posted: 2/7/2010 9:43:00 PM
WTF! No, REALLY, WTF! You're married and you're trolling the waters. (strike 1) YOUR HUSBANDS ON HIS DEATH BED??? W T F!!! (strike 2) Strike 3 has got to be here somewhere....Oh yeah, you named your dog Minna Moo. Yer gone...Buh bye...zip it...zip...
 Zuglo
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 15
Men who have been divorced and single for 3 or more years...
Posted: 2/8/2010 5:10:16 AM

I will not cheat on my husband while he still has breath

Wow...This ..um..person doesn't waste much time now does she??
I am sure you husband understand that you trying to find a new man, after all he is not good for anything, let's replace him ASAP...It is very nice of you that you won't sleep with a new man, til the coffin is closed on the old one.
Tried to smother him with a pillow yet ?

Some will understand, some will not

Yeah..I'll check back later, to see if anyone understand this..WTF..Geez..
 Spoken For
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Men who have been divorced and single for 3 or more years...
Posted: 2/8/2010 5:18:43 AM
I would go with the one who is single for 3 years before I would the one who has been single for 25 years! The 3 year guy has probably been focused on raising the child, and now feels the child is old enough that he can now have a social life.

Would you rather be with a guy who has been single for three years, yet has had a string of women in and out of his and his kids life? Give him a chance...a man raising a teenager is not going to get too set in his ways, because his life is never the same, two days in a row!

Ok, now I've read the rest of the thread, and I would say "I have no words," but there's rarely a time when I "have no words." I hope the guys you are trying to date realize before they get into a long term relationship with you that if they get sick, you'll be out hunting up their replacement in no time. Till death do us part? Well, at least "Till Death is Near," anyway.
 dallas59
Joined: 3/4/2009
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Men who have been divorced and single for 3 or more years...
Posted: 2/8/2010 5:50:03 AM
When my husband past away I was so ready to date. It had not been a good last couple of year of our marriage he was sick and depressed. I wanted to be happy. Give it time the first year, I wanted to date after he passed away. The second year not so much,I had been married for 28 years never not been without someone.I was in shock that first year. What help me was good friends,many that were already widower also.
 dallas59
Joined: 3/4/2009
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Men who have been divorced and single for 3 or more years...
Posted: 2/8/2010 5:56:19 AM
How many of you have lost a spouse due to them dying. It is different than divorce and it is different than lost of a parent. Done both.Lets have some compassion here.
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 19
Men who have been divorced and single for 3 or more years...
Posted: 2/8/2010 10:59:12 AM
The guy who's been divorced for 3 years has been raising a kid. That's understandable to me that he wouldn't want to complicate his life by trying to date.

Now, on the other hand, the guy who's been divorced for 25 years ... I wouldn't touch him with a 10-foot pole -- even if he looked like George Clooney. I kinda figure if someone has been single for that long, they LIKE being single.

But again, we're all different and are looking for different things. Maybe guy #2 just hasn't found the right woman.
 deborah815
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Men who have been divorced and single for 3 or more years...
Posted: 2/8/2010 11:05:25 AM
I'm not in your shoes so I'm not going to judge you. I just want to ask you to consider waiting awhile longer until your husband has passed away before you begin to date.
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 21
Men who have been divorced and single for 3 or more years...
Posted: 2/8/2010 11:13:23 AM
^^^OMG ... I just went back and re-read the OP's profile.

Having once been in a position where my ex-husband was trying to take me off of life support, I have little sympathy for anyone who's trying to date before a terminally ill spouse has passed away.

Man, that is cold blooded.
 Remembertohavefun
Joined: 8/23/2007
Msg: 22
Men who have been divorced and single for 3 or more years...
Posted: 2/8/2010 12:05:27 PM
I would turn it around and say, what if a girl ...... there are lots of reasons,

she/he doesn't believe in settling and is comfortable with themselves
focused on raising their children, caring for frail parents,
lived somewhere without a lot of eligible people
focused on career

.I would say, meet them and talk to them, find out the facts.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 23
Men who have been divorced and single for 3 or more years...
Posted: 2/8/2010 12:31:04 PM
Now let me get this straight, your concerned about whether a couple of guys are ready to have a relationship, 1 having been divorced for 3 years, the other for 25 years. Well I can certainly understand your concern, having read your posts and profile.

Yeah I can see it now "Sure we can go out for dinner, can we make a stop before the restaurant, I just have to buy my husbands coffin."

Gawd, I gotta get out of this place, every time I think I saw the shallow end of the pond, someone demonstrates there's a lower spot!!!!
 CA_ExPat
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Men who have been divorced and single for 3 or more years...
Posted: 2/8/2010 8:03:39 PM
Some men take longer to recover from a divorce than others. While my divorce wasn't all that traumatic, many years ago I had a breakup which really affected me and I consciously decided to spend a minimum of 6 months not dating, not drinking (at all, it was depressing) exercising heavily, etc. In essence I became a monk. It was 9 months before I had a date.

Three years, ask him about it. He may have recently decided that he IS ready for a woman in his life again. Healing takes time.

"Buy the ticket, take the ride." Hunter S. Thompson
 Pixy Dust
Joined: 9/6/2006
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Men who have been divorced and single for 3 or more years...
Posted: 2/9/2010 5:47:12 PM
OP you have to realize how this makes you look to men as a prospect... sort of a Black Widow...

I have a friend who years ago had a co-worker hitting on her while his wife was at the end stages of cancer. She was creeped out.

The one thing you need to understand is that while your concerned about the seriousness of a man who hasn't dated in three or 25 years and being able to have a woman in his life, how do you suppose you look? Are you a prospect for a man who knows what to expect from you if he finds himself on his deathbed while you're still healthy? Not a very good track record.....

Sounds like maybe you need grief counseling...
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Men who have been divorced and single for 3 or more years...