| | What if she just wanted sex?Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | | I met a girl off this site. Travelled a distance to meet her. She was beautiful, and we had a great night out! We chatted effortlessly and had a good laugh. Best fun Ive had in a long time. We ended up kissing and then parted company. My intention was to not come on too strong cause I'd like to have seen her again. But she got back to me (eventually) and told me she wasnt bothered about seeing me again. She said she didnt think we had anything in common. I never did figure this out. It bothered me a lot at the time and still leaves me wondering now. Ive started thinking recently though that she wanted to have sex, and spent the night out with me and it led nowhere for her, so she didn't get what she was looking for. I put her in a taxi and said good night and slept alone that night in a hotel. I was trying to be nice, but maybe I dropped the ball on that one. God knows, I would have loved to have had sex with her. Is my reckoning on this plausible? What are peoples opinions on this? | |
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| What if she just wanted sex?
Posted: 2/7/2010 7:26:59 PM | | It is completely possible that she just wanted to hook up, but maybe she was also being honest with you. The distance might be too much for her....maybe the spark was missing from the kiss. | |
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| What if she just wanted sex?
Posted: 2/7/2010 7:29:55 PM | how long is "eventually"? what did you do in the meantime?
those questions really are rhetorical, since she's given you the heave-ho.
we can't tell you why she did what she did. only she can do that.
stay true to yourself, and forget about this incident. | |
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| What if she just wanted sex?
Posted: 2/7/2010 7:30:21 PM | Sounds like you had a lucky escape if all she wanted was sex! You can't just go having sex with people willy nilly! Where's her morals?
Sex without the love is like a hot dog without a sausage - which is ok if you like buns and onions I guess..... | |
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| What if she just wanted sex?
Posted: 2/7/2010 7:33:22 PM | Ok, I have to wonder, do you feel it would have been better to have a meaningless night of sex, and missed out, when you could have gotten that???
I am NOT being judgmental, just asking a question here...
She may have wanted sex, but it doesn't seem like it to me... If she had wanted sex wouldn't she have been climbing all over you, and grabbing your crouch or butt, and deep throating you with her tongue, as she asked to see YOUR ROOM???
I don't know how men think, and from many posts it seems that even if all you get is laid, then you scored... However if you wanted to be respectful, and she says meh, you did nothing for me, then you wonder if you missed out on a score, that contradicts wanting more...
There are lots of people I'd love to have sex with... In my single days, but those movie star hunks are just to far for me... LOL
It doesn't seem she was into you, and she told you so... Sometimes we win, sometimes we are booted to the curb... | |
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| What if she just wanted sex?
Posted: 2/7/2010 7:35:31 PM | I'd have left the onions out there. The rhetoric of the sausage and buns seems to fit in this context! 
During the time she took to get back to me, a week, I tried contacting her a couple of times. I hate that mind game shít though, and Im not good with being left on hold like that.
As for the kiss, well  comes to mind. | |
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| What if she just wanted sex?
Posted: 2/7/2010 7:37:53 PM | | Incidentally, to make it absolutely clear, I was not out to get laid. I was out trying to find a girlfriend for myself. I was merely pondering if maybe she was out to get laid. Im not saying for a second that if she was that I'd have obliged. | |
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| What if she just wanted sex?
Posted: 2/7/2010 7:44:10 PM | Chin up you're an attractive guy, you just haven't met the person that really clicks for you...
Meaningless sex may be fun, and if that is the mind frame your in, hey cool, but they can be costly as well...STD, freaks wanting to rob you come to mind, yeah I know Drama drama, it happens...
I don't she wanted to get laid, at least by you, BUT reality is, we aren't for everyone, and everyone is not for us...
So, I wouldn't mind hearing some opinions and experiences from both guys and girls on this. How can I distract myself from her? What should I do to come across as being cool, calm and collected but not seem uninterested? What are the right and wrong things to do on the crucial second date? I'm infatuated in a way. Maybe thats why Im coming across as clingy. I dont want to let her slip through my fingers. Oh sunshine...
Be yourself, life offers only a few guaranties. if you get so nervous and worried you are going to mess things up, then you will come across as desperate, and unnatural...
You can get to six months and everything derails, thus nobody can give you that much advice to make things work, WHEN you really don't know each other...
Think about it, what if on your second date she admits she has an STD, or 5 kids, from dads she doesn't know who... Or what ever unattractive trait that would make you run for the door... Then you have spent much time stressing for well something that wasn't going to work...
In my 20's I used to worry, and I missed very important warning flags, just because I wanted to make SOMETHING work. Well got married, and it was miserable... Divorced after nine years of ME trying to make it work...
I met someone from here in 08, and we married last Sept... We took things at a pace that seemed to work for both of us, and it worked...
Poor guy, I end up getting so ill I have to use a cane, and on the edge of do we have to go to the hospital or not... BUT he loves me with all his heart, and tells me to stop fretting about things turning out like this with my health, it wasn't a choice I made, nor a life style that caused it... | |
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| What if she just wanted sex?
Posted: 2/7/2010 8:00:58 PM | OPie...learn from this: next time, communicate so you know if you are on the same page. Skip the games.
You are always free to say: I'm really attracted to you but I don't want to rush into sex, how do you feel?
And I don't mean a week later, I mean before you get into the cab. | |
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| What if she just wanted sex?
Posted: 2/7/2010 8:40:35 PM | | I think she just wasn't in to you. If I want sex from a guy, I'll try to see him again. Maybe it wasn't as fun a time for her as it was for you. Might have seemed like you both clicked but truth was....you didn't. | |
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| What if she just wanted sex?
Posted: 2/7/2010 8:42:57 PM | | Life'd be a lot easier if people didn't play games, unfortunately you'll come across a lot of people that are afraid to be honest even when there is nothing at stake. That's life. | |
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| What if she just wanted sex?
Posted: 2/7/2010 9:10:42 PM |
But she got back to me (eventually) and told me she wasnt bothered about seeing me again. She said she didnt think we had anything in common. I never did figure this out.
Life'd be a lot easier if people didn't play games, unfortunately you'll come across a lot of people that are afraid to be honest even when there is nothing at stake. That's life.
I don't get why people are saying the woman was playing games and not being honest. She told the man she wasn't interested in seeing him again because she didn't think they had anything in common. Not everyone's a match, even if both people are nice and attractive. Sensible people can also enjoy themselves and be pleasant and sociable for an evening and still not want it to go further. All this talk of her rejecting him because he didn't have sex with her seems to be pulled out of thin air. | |
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| What if she just wanted sex?
Posted: 2/7/2010 9:20:33 PM | It would seem to be a 'Technique' / 'Intent' issue....
How long were these ~Kisses~??
...you just - stopped - kissing and sent her off in a taxi...??
Not to be too critical, but a cursory _Attempt_ at 2nd base would have been in order.
Even if just to Suggest (jokingly) continuing the discussion...In the Shower..!
* Points awarded for your chivalry *....but...
I would say that this one hit you...Right in the Numbers...and you dropped it..!!
~ Yup! ~ | |
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| What if she just wanted sex?
Posted: 2/7/2010 10:25:31 PM | Women in your age range are typically looking for the spark, the sense that this one is going to go somewhere. My guesses from the observations left available to us are...
#1 - You invested time, travel and thought she was pretty great. She showed up. It was easy to entertain you and even see if the kiss had some magical properties. She was not invested.
#2 - Sounds like a lame "I had a great date" followup. I've never left a great date without the girl feeling the same. It should have never taken a week.
#3 - Nothing to say she can't be seeing someone else or be between b/f's and you were filling a slot on a dance card.
Trust me...if a girl wants sex, she knows how to make that happen. | |
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| What if she just wanted sex?
Posted: 2/8/2010 12:22:51 AM |
Ive started thinking recently though that she wanted to have sex, and spent the night out with me and it led nowhere for her, so she didn't get what she was looking for. I'm thinking if SHE really wanted sex; she would have gotten laid. Bottom line: "She's just not that into you." Sorry; not trying to be a pr1ck, but... | |
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| What if she just wanted sex?
Posted: 2/8/2010 12:26:17 AM |
You are always free to say: I'm really attracted to you but I don't want to rush into sex, how do you feel?
And I don't mean a week later, I mean before you get into the cab.
Dang !! BEFORE the drive over... BEFORE the drive over !!! dang dang dang....Have been screwing up the timing of that one......
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| What if she just wanted sex?
Posted: 2/8/2010 2:51:26 AM | Its hard to answer this without more info.....kinda vague here....but trying to read betwen the lines here...sounds like she is more versed in the ways of the world....your more of a novis.....
Simply enough, you weren't at ease yet to have some casual fun...doesn't seem like that is your style, as for getting it on at this early of the stage of the game....Don't try to change who you are....and you are only speculating what she wants...
Really both are better off not having sex untill both are ready...it works out better that way, so, why put pressure on yourself...if you are both wanting still to go out and just date...enjoy it for that...if its going to happen, it will when the time is right. | |
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| What if she just wanted sex?
Posted: 2/8/2010 4:01:35 AM |
I don't get why people are saying the woman was playing games and not being honest. She told the man she wasn't interested in seeing him again because she didn't think they had anything in common. Not everyone's a match, even if both people are nice and attractive. Sensible people can also enjoy themselves and be pleasant and sociable for an evening and still not want it to go further. All this talk of her rejecting him because he didn't have sex with her seems to be pulled out of thin air.
YES.
Just because you had a nice time together the first date doesn't mean a second date is in order. She just wasn't that into you. | |
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| What if she just wanted sex?
Posted: 2/8/2010 4:21:00 AM | She. was. not. into. you.
I think you're putting the YOU wanted to have sex with her onto her...what's the fancy term for that (not enough coffee)? PROJECTING...thank you Folger's.
She said you didn't have anything in common...how do you get I wanna have hot monkey sex with you but I don't want to throw myself at you out of THAT?
She had dinner, she wasn't into you, she said so and you went back to spank your monkey instead of hot monkey sex.
Your reckoning is not only NOT plausible it's silly. You wanting to have sex means nothing if she didn't want to.
This isn't rocket science. She said she wasn't into you...not I don't want to have sex with you. | |
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| What if she just wanted sex?
Posted: 2/8/2010 4:36:29 AM | What would I do If she just wanted sex ... wait, I used to know this one!!!
Hey, come back, honest ... it will come to me ... just give me a minute ... | |
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| What if she just wanted sex?
Posted: 2/8/2010 4:52:00 AM | There's nothing to figure out in my opinion...if someone were to tell me that they don't want to see me again because we have nothing in common, it doesn't matter why they feel this way, it is what it is.
It's nothing personal OP and even if it was personal in the sense that there is something specific about you or about something you did or said (or didn't do or say)...what difference does it make in the end?
People either click or they don't...it doesn't make anyone right or wrong, better or worse, deeper or shallower than anyone else. Speculating about what you could have done differently at this point is pointless IMO because even if you decided to change your "tactics" for the next time, the next time will be with someone different = different person, different circumstances = different outcome.
Also, when one employs and or starts to plan and possibly polish their "tactics" (or game) in order to "get" the wo/man, they are no longer genuine...what the other person is "getting" is a persona, a fake...anyway, let it go OP or to use one of POF's favorites, move on:).
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| What if she just wanted sex?
Posted: 2/8/2010 5:30:24 AM | | Hey, Im not kept awake wondering about this. I really only asked because I was pondering it myself, and I was wondering if maybe I misread the situation. I mean, those of you who are saying that she probably wasnt that into me are probably right. Im not going to be all broken hearted about it. I just thought it made an interesting question. Incidentally, since her, Ive been out with a few other girls and I never got this impression from any of the others. | |
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| What if she just wanted sex?
Posted: 2/8/2010 5:50:24 AM | | Oh jeez...I sure hope that the guys I've met from POF in the last couple of years - and didn't find an attraction to - didn't go home thinking I wanted sex from them when I didn't agree to a 2nd date. Cringe. | |
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| What if she just wanted sex?
Posted: 2/8/2010 8:40:57 AM | So..no one here has been there before? Come on! lol
Sometimes.....it's just easier coming up with a "plausible" excuse for why someone
isn't into you,(somethings wrong with them!!! Not me!!..lol) than risking facing the reality that even when we are attracted and into someone,doesn't mean they will be too.
Arghhh...That sucks! And I, for one, can empathize.
I think we all do it on some level....decieve ourselves to spare our own ego's.I don't see anything wrong with this guys question,and think it's easy to forget how painful rejection can be,and how it leaves us with unanswered questions that make us doubt ourselves....
There's plenty of fish who you will hear from,who will want you,will call you back ,who you will click with mutually and who will suit you perfectly.....right!
Either way.....good luck finding a girlfriend! | |
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