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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Why do guys go back to their ex girlfriends?      Home login  
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 sck7
Joined: 12/13/2009
Msg: 1
Why do guys go back to their ex girlfriends?Page 1 of 1    
I'm rather enranged because a guy that I was seeing for six months who even asked me out, said he wanted to commit to me and who all his friends told me liked me all along and stated that we were "perfect together" is now talking to his ex of 3 years, who, might I add, cheated on him and dumped him for another guy. She contacted him I guess and now they're "talking" and god knows what else. I learned she was home from school this weekend and I freaked at the idea of them seeing eachother but from the information I gathered via mutual friends I don't think they hung out, or if they did it wasn't very much.

In anycase, I know I need to get over myself but it's so hard cause I really thought this was going somewhere, especially since he wanted to commit at one point. When this happened it just made me question whether he even meant anything he said and it just ****s with my head so much. WHY THE **** DO GUYS GO BACK TO THEIR EX, ESPECIALLY IF SHE TREATED HIM LIKE SUCH SHIT (I.E. CHEATING)
 sushi0004
Joined: 8/28/2009
Msg: 2
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Why do guys go back to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 2/8/2010 10:02:17 PM
Conditioning.

On a purely biological basis, the brain get's used to certian pathways (I am with XXX girl), so when we split up with someone we have been with for a long time, the brain goes into a sort of withdrawl.

I had an ex that I was with for 5 years and couldn't help myself - whenever she called I cam running, even though I had left HER... I called her my kryptonite...

Fortunatly, at some point I grew my balls and spine back and got over her. Until that happened I was no good for any of the women I dated. Sounds like your romeo was not ready for a relationship. COunt yourself lucky you got out now and this didn't happen 4 years from now when you had 2.4 kids, a house together, etc.

Oh,and FWIW, WOMEN DO THIS TOO!
 yourownsuperhero
Joined: 1/11/2010
Msg: 3
Why do guys go back to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 2/8/2010 10:08:18 PM
Maybe you were the rebound? How long had lapsed since their breakup before you? If no more than a couple months, he may have been using you to fill some void, so when the ex came back around he wanted to go to something familiar.

Guys want what they can't have, and sometimes they're willing to be treated like crap or else they get bored.

But if all they are doing is just talking and you don't like it, have you actually told him you are uncomfortable with it? Don't be crazy or anything when you bring it up, just be mature and rational about it, that is if you haven't already.

I talk to my ex of 6 years, and it's nothing more than just friendly conversation, I know she's no good for me and that we aren't compatible. It's more about the history we had together and just trying to remain friendly with each other.
 pittbull29
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 4
Why do guys go back to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 2/8/2010 10:20:49 PM
Unless you're hard to be around, I would say that he's a fool.
If a lover was that selfish, and was trying pull that," But I stiw wuh-wuh-wuh WOVE you!" crap, I'd likely dislocate her jaw.
Hens the reason that I refuse to become emotionally invested in anybody until they prove that they deserve it... Over yeeears of time and impeccable integrity.

I'm sorry that you're going through this. You don't deserve it. But if it looks like he's going to do you dirt? Run.
 e*Musing
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 5
Why do guys go back to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 2/8/2010 10:30:52 PM
OPie...do the math...then add a dose of perspective (we call it years). You are 19. Before the 6 months with you he was with her for 3 years. So right now age has a lot to do with it. If he's your age, he'll be with 5 more girls before he settles down. If he's 3 year older, your needy/clingness right now will guarantee you won't be his last g/f.

Right now she's giving him something you're not...escape? a shoulder to cry on? wondering what it would like to fvck her again? Who knows.

The thing is, you can only take care of what you can do...but the bottom line (and gawd how I know I hated lines like this, but here goes anyway)...you're young...you'll be amazed what sorts itself out in life. Enjoy it and have fun...and let this guy be the boy he always dreamed of being...you go find the man that will make you happy.
 tjl2280
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 6
Why do guys go back to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 2/8/2010 10:31:38 PM
When you get out of relationships it's easy to remember the good things and put the bad things aside. We think one more try won't hurt, things can be different this time.

After many failed attempts starting new relationships you are so used to being around your ex that you go back. You have to reach a certain low with a relationship to move on, a certain point when you realize it's not going to work out.

It could only take a few attempts of going back when you figure this out or it can be back and forth for years. I kept going back to my ex until I realized we can't be together even as friends.

It depends on experience, some people are good at walking away and not going back to their ex and some of us aren't. Same goes for women.
 sck7
Joined: 12/13/2009
Msg: 7
Why do guys go back to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 2/8/2010 10:31:41 PM
Its been a year since they last talked.

I should add that they ARE only talking but he also mentioned how he wanted to visit her at school whcih is out of town and how they had this "connection" and all this other crap he was saying to his friends while I left the room.
 *Bulldog*
Joined: 3/31/2007
Msg: 8
Why do guys go back to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 2/8/2010 10:44:36 PM
My advice: don't be dating anybody until you are 23 (let alone this guy).

Until you mature in what you want out of a guy, and can find guys that will lead you right, this kind of drama is just going to corrupt you from having a healthy relationship in the future.
 Patrick5858
Joined: 1/4/2010
Msg: 9
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Why do guys go back to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 2/8/2010 10:59:34 PM
We dont know but i will tell you this. If they do they will get what is comeing to them. And you are better off without them. I done this and got hurt again so i am done with it.
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 10
Why do guys go back to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 2/8/2010 11:30:41 PM
It's easier to score with an ex than with a new girl who holds out every once in a while to "test" your committment. Eff the effin' "tests", a guy will go get some trim when it's served up with no strings. In the case of his EX, he knows it will blow up, but maybe he can score a few hits before she explodes again. Beats wining and dining his "girlfriend" who is going mental and interrogating/accusing him every time an old lady leans on her cane too hard.

Honestly, I feel for ya, six months is nothing to sneeze at. Consider the old saying "If you love him let him go - if he comes back, he's yours, if he doesn't he never was."

Really, if he leaves he leaves, you can't do anything about it. Wait 2 years and he'll be calling YOU again. How to call it? Lack of commitment. Be glad he's gone if he goes.

I had an ex that took a year and a half to fade away. She moved back in with me twice before REALLY going away. She axed a 3-year relationship for a BBD (Bigger, Better, Deal) which exploded in a matter of weeks. I never let her back into my heart, but I was okay to share expenses and have a FB for a few months a year later. Yes I told her up front that's all it was gonna be, and she came back any way.

Why do girls go back to boyfriends they dumped?
 A-Womans-Best-Friend
Joined: 7/29/2009
Msg: 11
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Why do guys go back to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 2/9/2010 12:26:23 AM
It hard to understand until you have a Ex you been in a LTR with but try to picture that you start dating someone else and suddenly the guy your with now begs you to see him again would you go to him or ignore him?

If you seriously want him to stop seeing his Ex who may have more power over him than you, I suggest you turn the tables and hangout with other guys even only as friends that will make him jealous enough to show him how you feel when he wants to spend time with his Ex. Then workout where you both agree to not spend time with other people.
 sumtimeztwisted
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 12
Why do guys go back to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 2/9/2010 1:04:40 AM
Why do birds fly south in the winter ? Becuz it is natures way grasshopperette. Cuz of emotional attachments, est through intimacy. What if's and regrets ... good pvssy/lovin. Devious emotional terrorism employed by said ex. Some women are manipulative psycho bytches from hell. That have learned to twist men to their will, using lust, blame, sex, feigned confusion, twisted idea's of love, etc.

Just as some guys excel in headgames and emo shyt like this. Ive seen guys beat the hell out of their gf's. And have them totally believe its their fault it happened. Actually having risked getting majorly fecked up ( he had a pistol ), pulling someone off her. Then sitting her down and telling her in front of him, to leave him, he'd just keep doing it and it'd always be her fault. etc etc etc.

Come back later and the dumb bytch is back/right there ( edit: she eventually caught on ). So its becuz emotional ties can run deep, sighs long story. U might be jumping the gun, need to talk to him about it. Before U brood about what's going on. Is he doing this, are they doing that, blah, blah. And it builds up into major resentment/insecurity etc. Which has a wonderful way of really fecking things up.

So ask him about it, where U stand, where the two of U stand and air your feelings. Then compare his actions to what he says.

gdlk. If it turns out that something inappropriate is going on, dont be a dumb bytch. Ahhh isnt luv grand ? This reminds me, gawd I wanna strangle some of my ex's, grrrrrr. Sighs will just have to be content with voodoo death curses. Die bytches, DIE, DIE ... ( not really ) sighs, lol. feck.
 ProcolHarem
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 13
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Why do guys go back to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 2/9/2010 4:21:43 AM
In order for the guy to go back to his ex....the girl had to go back to HER ex (him), so it really isn't a guy thing. It's more of a comfort thing...a known thing.
 Eldrida
Joined: 11/13/2009
Msg: 14
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Why do guys go back to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 2/9/2010 4:25:47 AM
Agreed with procolharem- when in doubt people cling to what they know. Even if the relationship sucks, there's comfort in familiarity, and women do this too.
 2run
Joined: 1/4/2010
Msg: 15
Why do guys go back to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 2/9/2010 5:15:04 AM

WHY THE **** DO GUYS GO BACK TO THEIR EX


Because the sex is outstanding...DUH!


...but what do I know?
 ghostdog1973
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 16
Why do guys go back to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 2/9/2010 6:26:01 AM

Because the sex is outstanding...DUH!


...but what do I know?



yep yep yep....

that's it for me...if/when my ex comes a crawling back to me...i'd only take her on a FB relationship. I'd be very up front to her with it...

that way i won't have any illusions of letting my heart get vulnerable to her again.

in fact i'd love to have her in my bed again...i've been with a few women since her and none of them have come close even to the first time i was with my ex...

the girl has tons of problems, we had plenty of problems together- but the sex was pretty freaking good...
 MrP.
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 17
Why do guys go back to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 2/9/2010 8:19:45 AM
OP, there's only 2 reasons why a guy would go back to an ex-g/f who treated him like crap:

1. He gets mind-blowing sex from her
2. He's a spineless, whipped wuss

Then again, it could be that he's a spineless, whipped wuss who is also happens to be getting great sex from her.

Regardless, forget this guy....you are still very young and there are a lot of other fish out there. Good luck!

MrP
 somephxguy
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 18
Why do guys go back to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 2/9/2010 9:55:23 AM

Why do guys go back to their ex girlfriends?

Because it's easier. It gets him out of the current relationship which he doesn't want to be in anymore with less guilt.
The ex is simply being used as a tool.

The social expectations are different.
How are you going to judge him if he gets out of the relationship with you by finding his true love? Being confused? Wanting to work something out with someone important he knew before you?

Differently than if you find out he's been lying this whole time about how he feels with/about you, that he was simply manipulating your perceptions of the relationship?

Which one (from his perspective) is worse, and therefore harder to rationalize?

So, let it come out that you never meant anything to him, or continue the illusion that you mean sooooo much to him...but the ex means just a teensy weensy bit more?
Which is the lesser of two evils?
 twinmd77
Joined: 8/3/2009
Msg: 19
Why do guys go back to their ex girlfriends?
Posted: 2/9/2010 10:24:37 AM
Not a guy thing. People do this. Why do some dogs return to their vomit?

The reasons are complicated and individualized. She's familiar, they love the drama, he remembers the good but not the bad, he's been with you long enough to get bored, etc...

Let him go. He doesn't have his head together and wasn't faithful to you is all you need to know
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