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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?      Home login  
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 e*Musing
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 1
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
If you've been in a committed relationship and were falsely accused of cheating by a SO...
...How did it make you feel?
...Did you feel you were giving it your all beforehand?
...And are you still with that person, or was the accusation just a tipping point in the grand scheme of things?



PS: & yup...no "cheating" thread searches that address the feeling side of those who were involved.
 ForumPhantom
Joined: 10/31/2008
Msg: 2
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 1:38:45 PM
Makes me feel great, elated...simply wonderful!

...how do you think people feel if they are unjustly accused? Angry, upset, confused, stupefied, put on the spot, betrayed. Look up any of these words in the thesaurus and that will describe how anyone would feel.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 3
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 1:44:56 PM
A guy I dated in college accused me of it. There was no convincing him otherwise and the biggest shock of all was that he had a new GF literally days after causing a huge scene in class over my 'infidelity'. I will never understand why he didn't just break up with me if he wanted out. I think she got off on rescuing him from the evil tramp Carol Ann!!!
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 4
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 1:46:47 PM
I had an SO accuse me of having an affair with the security guard at work. The security guard at the front entrance was the only other person in my building at night. Oh my, it came out of left field and was a silly thing and, putting aside the nonsensical part of it, it would have been physically impossible to carry out. The accusation failed in both logical and emotional terms.

Make me feel? Once I realized it was a serious accusation, I was absolutely flummoxed on how one addresses whimsy and insecurity. "You're nuts" doesn't exactly eliminate their concerns.

Nope, not with them. They had an affair a few years later which ended our relationship. After we broke up, I learned my SO was having an affair at the time of making that bizzare accusation. Maybe it is true that those who falsely accuse have the notion in their head for themselves.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 5
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 1:55:07 PM
It pissed me off, I had done nothing to deserve it otherwise I wouldn't have been pissed I would have been ashamed. No I am not still with that person, why be with someone who treats you like you are some tramp?
 click this chick
Joined: 8/9/2008
Msg: 6
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 1:58:10 PM
My ex used to accuse me of cheating on a regular basis....God forbid I go out for a coffee with one of my single female friends, obviously we're out whoring it up lol...sad part is HE is the one who ended up cheating on me! Thank goodness that relationship is behind me, and I learned some valuable lessons from it, for example if a "man" is insecure enough to accuse me without reason, buh-bye
 Shell225
Joined: 1/23/2008
Msg: 7
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 2:06:10 PM
I was totally p*ssed off, however I saw it as a reflection on the person I was seeing, not a reflection on me.

I left ...
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 8
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 2:08:17 PM
OP: I've never personally experienced this. However, it cannot be an accusation that would make one feel "good". lol Particularly, if you're innocent of said accusation.

It reminds me of a saying we have in the Spanish community:

"El ladrón juzga por su condición."

Translation = "The thief judges by his condition." In other words, the thief believes everyone else steals, as they are/have.
 REDDRAGON.
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 9
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 2:11:59 PM

"El ladrón juzga por su condición."

Translation = "The thief judges by his condition." In other words, the thief believes everyone else steals, as they are.


*if you can't beat them.........join them*



I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.
Kurt Cobain
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 10
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 2:12:38 PM
I never experience this, either, but will give my opinion either way.
Say if I had been in a relationship where I was accused of infidelity, more than likely, I probably wouldn't take too kindly to such an accusation if I actually didn't cheat.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 11
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 2:13:45 PM
It's happened once.

I felt puzzled, mainly, and as if I ought to be offended, but I didn't have the emotional energy with him to actually be offended anymore. It was mildly amusing, in a "Well, that's stupid" sort of way (yep, I laughed when he said it). I do not think that my accuser actually believed the accusation. I believe that it was just an attempt at button-pushing.

I definitely was not giving it my all at the time. There's no "feel" about it, it's a fact, I wasn't. We were on our way out by then and both knew it.

We did break up right around the same time, but it was for all the reasons that were already present. I don't think the accusation constituted a tipping point. It probably only remains memorable because that's the only time I've heard such a thing.
 Wstlcoguy66
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 12
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 2:14:43 PM
It has happened to me. Of course it makes you angry.

I always wonder....When a lady accuses you of cheating, is that because she possibly has something to hide? IS it because she just wants to cause a disagreement or because she thrives on drama? Can she ever totally trust you? Does she have low self-esteem?

Think about if you want to stay with this person. I might be inclined to let her "die on the vine".
 ellena.
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 13
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 2:27:48 PM
Oh yes ! If someone continually accuses amother of cheating, They are the person that is cheating. Red Flag!!!! I learned this the hard way. It is a form of abuse.
Next time you get accused, it is a sign that you should look into what the accuser is doing.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 14
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 2:35:34 PM
I was never actually accused of cheating, but my ex husband was jealous and suspicious. I never did *anything* to deserve it. I allowed him to ruin my existing, sometimes long standing, friendships with men, including gay men, and even some women. Never again. The irony? HE was the one who ended up having several affairs. Perhaps the real reason he was so suspicious was that he himself was not trustworthy.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 15
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 2:53:31 PM
Well there's 2 things here.

First no one feels good about being accused, no matter what you are being accused of. To me cheating is henious, so it would doubly sting, especially the way my marriage ended, when she cheated.

Second though, it makes you look at the person accusing you in a different light. Is this just a mistake, based on some misconstrued facts or circumstances, or something else, a flaw in their character perhaps. Insecurity can be a deep seated problem, that well may manifest itself with this kind of accusation.

So it is good to think and inquire, before you do anything, either before accusing or when reacting to being accused. This of course, assumes your not guilty.
 bernta
Joined: 9/3/2007
Msg: 16
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 2:55:50 PM
When I was two months pregnant with our fifth child, my then husband of seventeen years questioned whether he was the father of the child. A round-about way of accusing me of cheating, but an acusation none the less.

It was the beginning of the end. Something shut down in me that day that would never open up again. I felt so completely disrespected. Like there was now a gulf between us that was not able to be crossed. He went through the motions, bragged to his friends, acted the part of the proud dad, but I knew what was in his heart. And what wasn't.
 brown_eyed_woman
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 17
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 2:56:01 PM
It happened once. I dumped him immediatly. Then I found out afterwards HE had a history of cheating on all previous exes, so I guess I dodged a bullet. I firmly believe those who accuse with no proof are really guilty, and they assume everyone else is as well. Thats why, as soon as he accused, it was game over. I just knew he was going to do that to me, and was lining up an excuse to justify it. I guess I really pizzed him off, I ruined all his plans.LOL
 somephxguy
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 18
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 2:58:08 PM

...How did it make you feel?

Confused, flattered, and a little upset that she obviously doesn't know me very well.


Did you feel you were giving it your all beforehand?

I don't give to relationships I try to just be.
Giving (to me) implies I want a return, or am trying to buy something, or that I am losing something.


And are you still with that person, or was the accusation just a tipping point in the grand scheme of things?

I wouldn't be here if I was still with that person.
It wasn't a tipping point but it sure helped fill out that she didn't know me very well, meaning she was more self centered and insecure than I thought.
 RonnieB77
Joined: 8/1/2009
Msg: 19
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 3:03:13 PM
I would just say, 'Quit being an idiot'. Because not only do I not do wrong, I try really hard to not even do things that have the appearance of wrongdoing.
 brightestblue
Joined: 8/28/2008
Msg: 20
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 3:13:44 PM
Well, it sucks. duh.

My ex accused me of cheating AFTER I broke up with him. I think it was probably a way to lash out, rather than being suspicious all along. Although he compiled quite a "case" against me. Yikes. Not only did I feel offended, but I felt like he really hadn't gotten to know me at ALL, if he really thought I was capable of all the things he was accusing me of.
 FULLFIGMAAM
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 21
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 3:21:38 PM
I've never been accused of that, but I suppose it would infuriate me, and make me ask where the problem is coming from.

I was in a relatively new relationship one time, and was accused of cheating. I never took it as an offense, except told him I had not, and left the choice as to what to do with him. He did cheat while he was supposedly thinking about this, so we ended broken up. That's an easy enough psychological non-problem though (that a cheater would be suspicious). M
 Krebby2001
Joined: 6/12/2007
Msg: 22
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 3:37:26 PM
Been there -- it felt awful. I even offered to have the accuser come to my office, or wherever I was supposed to be (she always knew where I was supposed to be) unannounced, anytime -- to verify her suspicions. Never happened -- but she went around telling her friends that I was cheating on her. I didn't bother to start a counter-campaign. Gossip is gossip, ain't worth the air it takes to create it.

Well, another woman came along, worked in the office as an administrative assistant, and told me that she had heard all of the gossip about my alleged "liaisons" and that she knew that they were lies. She was nice, pretty and all that. You could say that I "traded my old [gossipy] model in for a new one." That took care of that.
 BeMyNextEx
Joined: 1/22/2010
Msg: 23
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 3:52:48 PM
Each time it ripped a piece of my heart out. The realization that he didn't really know me at all was astonishing to say the least.

Learned enough to know if I ever hear it again --> I'm gone without ever looking back.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 24
Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 4:11:02 PM
I've never been accused of cheating and wouldn't take too kindly to it. But if someone inquired if I was being unfaithful, I would be concerned with what behavior of mine caused him to question that. If I determined that some innocuous actions on my part could be perceived as suspicious to him, I'd make every effort to ease his worries. Fishy behavior should be questioned. But if there was no basis for his suspicions and it was just a guy being paranoid, then I might let it pass once but couldn't deal with it on a regular basis.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 25
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Being falsely accused of cheating...How did it make you feel?
Posted: 2/11/2010 4:14:33 PM
~OT~ I happened to me. How did I feel? Humored. Deeply humored. I knew he was cheating and I simply looked at it as him projecting his silliness onto me.
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