| | no valentine gift or card on purpose??or mistake??Page 1 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) | what is the point of telling your gf the day before valentines day that you didnt get her a present.
and then on valentines day tell her 'happy valentines honey" i didnt get you anything. i just didnt have time and didnt know i would be seeing you today.
but i know that if i had gotten a gift for you it would have made you very happy right?
then says "i wish i could do something to make up for it"
i let him know that he was in town and could have gotten a gift. and if not there is always 1800 flowers etc. but i didnt say anything about making it up to me. i dont want him to.
to me it was thoughtless. if he had forgotten that is one thing.
but why say he knows it would have made me happy and not do it.
it is sounding almost mean.
any takes on this behavior?
i think he felt badly about the whole thing. i think he expected me to cry or say something to him. but i said nothing.
in the end he stuck a little i love you note into my purse. gave me a bottle of wine and said now i cant say to anyone that he didnt give me anything for valentines day.
it was crazy to me. why tell someone you want to see them happy....then tell them you did not do what you knew would bring them happiness and a smile.? | |
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| no valentine gift or card on purpose??or mistake??
Posted: 2/15/2010 1:04:13 AM | You should not be worrying about getting a gift on valentines, it has nothing to do with anything.
Most likely, the person has no idea how to please you, but at least they tried. | |
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| no valentine gift or card on purpose??or mistake??
Posted: 2/15/2010 1:59:54 AM | If it were me I would feel bad enough to end it with him. Seriously.
He sounds like an a**hole. I could never feel good being with him
after that. Having sex with him again? Not in a million years.
He knew you would feel bad by him not getting you anything,
and his attempts to smooth it over made it worse. And he
knows all that. He is a guy who does not care about your
feelings but wants to keep you anyway for the benefits.
Either that or he is mentally challenged. I'm sure you can do
better.
No he did NOT try to make you happy.
The first response was someone trying to be clevor.
Your bf saying if he had got you something it would have made
you happy right? almost sounds like he wants to end it with you
but doesn't have the nads to say it so he hopes you will get
mad and leave him. If it were me I would do just that.
Basically he is saying he knows it would have made you happy,
but it was too much effort and expense so he skipped it.
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| no valentine gift or card on purpose??or mistake??
Posted: 2/15/2010 2:30:37 AM | Valentine's is a made-up, commercial holiday. It is also fraught with drama - where people feel sad or bad because they didn't get a Valentine, people feel guilt for not getting things or knowing what to do. I think it's full of trouble really.
For me, my bf and I have a long distance thing going on. This year, I asked that he not send flowers because I'd rather have the gift of his time and love when I see him next weekend. We can put the money he would have wasted on flowers into something we both can enjoy.
All that to say OP - it's all in how you see it. Your guy forgot to buy you gifts on a pretend holiday. Only you can decide how you feel about it, and how you can spin it. Is he a good man the other 364 days of the year? Is this the hill you want to die on? It's you who decides if you feel bad or not. Choose. | |
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| no valentine gift or card on purpose??or mistake??
Posted: 2/15/2010 2:42:15 AM | Your guy forgot to buy you gifts on a pretend holiday
nope...he didnt forget....he knew it was v day. he spoke about it a week before.
he knew how to make me smile. he said he had no time to get the gift.
he is retired. he has enough money. he also has a garden with flowers.
i agree. it is a pretend holiday that sets up expectations and causes guilt. i agree with you completely.
but...we still do it.
and he said...i want to make you happy but i didnt take the time to get you anything im sorry. you would have been happy right?
no...he is not so great the other days. they are similar. i am thinking he is a passive aggressive or just plain selfish.
For me, my bf and I have a long distance thing going on. This year, I asked that he not send flowers because I'd rather have the gift of his time and love when I see him next weekend. We can put the money he would have wasted on flowers into something we both can enjoy.
we see each other all the time. so it does not apply. read what i wrote. it felt mean spirited. and he is a very intelligent educated man. | |
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| no valentine gift or card on purpose??or mistake??
Posted: 2/15/2010 2:52:25 AM | He didn't forget, because he let you know the day BEFORE valentines he didn't get you anything.
Still had 24 hrs longer to get you a box of klennex wrapped on gift paper.
He did this on purpose.
He is trying to get you back for something you did to him.
Either that or his IQ is in the lower digits.
I don't care about Valentines but most women do, he did know you care about it.
Are you upset because you got him a present and planned to do something nice for the both of you? or are you just mad you didn't get a present and then he rubbed it in?
Only you, who knows him, would know, in his tone and the way he behaved, if he was being mean about it. If you percibe that was the case and he is not that great to you in general, not receiving a gift on valentine's should be the least of your concerns.
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| no valentine gift or card on purpose??or mistake??
Posted: 2/15/2010 2:57:00 AM | Just do yourself and this man a favour and dump him. There's no way he's going to bounce back after this one - you're too ticked off about it. Maybe he was callus, maybe he forgot, maybe he's cheap, maybe he's just stupid, maybe he doesn't care about made up holidays.
I dunoo. I do know that you'll never let him live this one down. Dump him, both of you move on. Find a guy who is more compatible with you romance and will give you stuff - because that's why I think your nose is really out of joint. Reread what you wrote, pretending a stranger wrote it - it seems very whiny and gimme-gimme doesn't it?
Give the guy a break and dump him.
EDIT for Rexpilot - *grin* Thanks! My guy is not the 'candies and chocolates' Don Juan type. He is romantic and loving in his actions - he's always there to help me or my dear mother out. I don't need crap like flowers. I need his time and love. That's all I want. When I go up next weekend, we're making a fondue. I would rather the money he would have spent on flowers to go towards having a fantastic weekend next time we're together. Time is what counts - not stuff. | |
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| no valentine gift or card on purpose??or mistake??
Posted: 2/15/2010 2:59:53 AM | I hate giving meaningless gifts just because I'm supposed to and I feel the same way about receiving such. I mean really, how much thought and meaning goes into flowers? It's merely five minutes and a credit card.
You said "he is not so great the other days." So why are you with him? If the guy doesn't show he cares in other ways at other times then perhaps he's not a good match for you. But I wouldn't write a good guy off simply because he skipped one holiday.
Oh, and I didn't hear what you gave him? Did he feel guilty about it? Did his gift of wine come before or after receiving the gift? | |
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| no valentine gift or card on purpose??or mistake??
Posted: 2/15/2010 5:11:34 AM | Valentine gifts are for proof to other people, how much your honey loves you .
The real gifts can't be displayed in public, and those are the important ones. 
Getting enough of the real kind, makes the chocolates and flowers unnecessary. | |
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| no valentine gift or card on purpose??or mistake??
Posted: 2/15/2010 5:30:31 AM | Hey Kal, lets look at this rationally.
He talked to you Sunday and said he didn't get you anything on the Valantines Day which is the 24-30 hours away from time he talked to you. So within that time period he wasn't concerned about your feelings or expectations of recieving a token sign of affection.
So.......................he tried to warn you he didnt get you anything so you don't get him anything, here is what is puzzleing.
Valantines Day was always a reason to get laid, geez, in a committed relationship, heck you look for special occassions to get the juices flowing.
seems to me, it was alful selfish thing for him to do.
most women I encounter want the romance, he ain't pushing your buttons right......you know what you need to do little lady..................
DragNFly re-baits your hook........
Good luck | |
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| no valentine gift or card on purpose??or mistake??
Posted: 2/15/2010 7:11:18 AM | So not only does he not care about what would make you happy, but he lied about not having time. Then he gave you stuff at the end because he's worried about what you'll tell other people?
Dump this jerk, and find someone who really does love you. | |
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| no valentine gift or card on purpose??or mistake??
Posted: 2/15/2010 7:45:59 AM |
what is the point of telling your gf the day before valentines day that you didnt get her a present.
It seems that in your relationship valentines day (which is a commercial initiative) is kinda important. Prolly in the previous year('s) you mentioned implicit or explicit that you expect to get a gift or present.
look at the reaction:
happy valentines honey" i didnt get you anything. i just didnt have time and didnt know i would be seeing you today.
but i know that if i had gotten a gift for you it would have made you very happy right?
Valentine's day cynically makes people feel guilty, causes even more break ups than christmass. All because people expect goods gifts present and other commercial crap.
Doubting the real intention's of your partner over valentine's day is wrong and you should have been thought better by your parents or environment or implicit social capacities. Giving presents on valentine's day isn't special (it only is for the sellers who make profit).
Btw, i am here as a testuser just to look how this site works, but people complaining over valentine's day do not deserve to get a decent partner. | |
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| no valentine gift or card on purpose??or mistake??
Posted: 2/15/2010 7:53:28 AM | If Valentine's Day is a "made up holiday" so are all the other ones.
How much time and effort and thought and money does it take to
buy some flowers and a box of chocolates, especially if he is retired
and has money?
I think what he did compounded with the way he handled it equals
emotional abuse, guaranteed to hurt as much as possible. I think he
got off on it. | |
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| no valentine gift or card on purpose??or mistake??
Posted: 2/15/2010 7:56:31 AM | I am not a big fan of the Hallmark holidays, but in the relationship I am currently in I asked her how she felt about Valentines day. The response I received was that she didnt view it as a major holiday, but...Ok so I realize she doesnt share my attitude. So I sent roses, bought candy a card and took her to dinner. I knew how she felt about it so It really didnt take much effort to do something to make her happy ....thats what it is about isnt it? Try and determine the feelings of the person you care about and make them happy.
I dont think it is not that he didnt buy you anything, it is that he disregarded how you felt or what you thought. He didnt make the effort to find out and then didnt make the effort to make you happy...does this tell you something about him? That is for you to decide. | |
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| no valentine gift or card on purpose??or mistake??
Posted: 2/15/2010 8:34:39 AM | Hey OP,
I have been following reading your Threads a posts.
I'm sorry to hear the troubles you have gone through.
My guess is that you are struggling with your relationship,
and you are searching for some answers that will help you.
Respect his feelings towards in your relationship.
Accept him for how he is,
because life made him that way. Life dictates him to be this way.
Take his words at face value.
You either make yourself happy,
or miserable.
Or take action!!
The amount of work is the same.
Thought back to the past holidays and occasions,
and remember how he reciprocated towards you.
Your birthdays? christmas? valentines?
And did you do something for him,
about this occasions also??
You might have to lead that way
by an example.
GUYS are not really into holidays too much.
Some of them do, and some of them don't.
There is 2 sides to every story.
It takes both of you to make
a relationship work.
lea in west tn | |
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| no valentine gift or card on purpose??or mistake??
Posted: 2/15/2010 8:53:33 AM | | I had a woman on V-day last year. I think I bought 1 rose for her. It is a BS holiday. Just another holiday where women can hate on their men for not buying them useless junk. | |
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| no valentine gift or card on purpose??or mistake??
Posted: 2/15/2010 9:05:49 AM | "I had a woman on V-day last year. I think I bought 1 rose for her. It is a BS holiday. Just another holiday where women can hate on their men for not buying them useless junk."
It's not about buying anything, the OP clearly stated that the guy has flowers in his garden.
It's about making a gesture, and doing something that you know will make your partner feel special and loved. It's about him telling her that he knows she would enjoy such a gesture, and telling her that he didn't care enough to make one. | |
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| no valentine gift or card on purpose??or mistake??
Posted: 2/15/2010 9:20:49 AM | | Your disappointment is a problem you can ask him for help solving. Just explain to him that things went to hell, you're upset, and you want him to do something for you so you can feel better. Then when he asks what, tell him what would work. | |
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| no valentine gift or card on purpose??or mistake??
Posted: 2/15/2010 9:27:18 AM | There are men out there who are sadists. They know they can't
physically abuse a women or they would get in trouble.
So they do the next best thing, they enjoy hurting her feelings.
I don't know if this guy is like that but it sure sounds like it.
The way he said to her "that would have made you happy, right?"
made my skin crawl, combined with
the planning of it--him telling her in advance the
he wasn't getting her anything. It sounds like he got his jollies making
her unhappy. Probably had a stiffy too. | |
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| no valentine gift or card on purpose??or mistake??
Posted: 2/15/2010 9:54:54 AM | | I dont think it is sadistic. I think it is a control issue. I think it is training in a subconscious level. She wants, he withholds. Who has control? I think many of the games we play we are not even aware we play them but are still posturing for control, position, the upper-hand, whatever you wish it called. It often determines what role we played in the futre. | |
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| no valentine gift or card on purpose??or mistake??
Posted: 2/15/2010 10:01:14 AM | Just out of interest. What did you get him OP?
I'm not one for materialism, so if my other half was stuck on getting me a gift, but still wanted to do something special? Then we would just spend the evening doing something together.
I think you need to appreciate that some men just aren't programmed the way you want them to be. So give him some slack and allow him to make good on his promise. | |
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