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 ERP_1961
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 1
What does dating mean to men?Page 1 of 1    
I've run into something that I just don't understand. The last few men I've met from POF are interested in "dating", according to their profiles. They are not interested in a relationship, just the occasional drinks/dinner and SEX. They are not looking for nor offering monogamy.

My question is: how do men define dating? I'm under the impression is they are looking for sex without strings ASAP. For me, dating is about getting to know someone and deciding if you would like to move on to a long term relationship. These guys don't seem to be looking for girlfriends, just friendly girls. And how does dating differ from an intimate relationship or activity partner as defined by POF?
 bluesandrock
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 2
What does dating mean to men?
Posted: 2/18/2010 11:27:16 AM
The definition of dating is going to vary from person to person. I for one agree with your definition.
 pet_tech
Joined: 9/24/2007
Msg: 3
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What does dating mean to men?
Posted: 2/18/2010 11:30:25 AM
Maybe the guys that aren't getting sex are just looking for sex?

Dating to me is meeting a woman and determining if we are compatible for a relationship, friendship, or just sex, or nothing at all.
 ProcolHarem
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 4
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What does dating mean to men?
Posted: 2/18/2010 11:45:06 AM
Hmmm...they told you they were just looking for sex? Wow...how honest of them.

To me, dating means just that. You date people, you don't latch onto the first person you meet ansd magically have a relationship.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 5
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What does dating mean to men?
Posted: 2/18/2010 11:45:27 AM
You are just interested in the wrong men, or they you.

Not all of us just want sex with each and every female that we know........

I might not be interested in a life long relationship at this time, or even a long term one if it does not fit my current life style, but it does not mean that all I want is dinner and sex with as many as are willing to offer that.

Dating many is one thing, and having friends another, but if we are talking about having unprotected sex, or sex often, we are also talking about being exclusive. I believe that there are always "strings" attached when one decides to share body fluids with another, and those strings mean an honest and frank discussion about "std's", pregnancy, and exclusivity.

The biggest string is being tested and sharing the results, and that has far little to do with "are we going to be together forever", and much more to do with being open and honest with what we share "now"!!

cd............
 minika
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 6
What does dating mean to men?
Posted: 2/18/2010 11:45:40 AM
Welcome to the world of internet dating

Yes there are a lot of people who state dating on their profile but actually just want a bit of company & sex.

And there are also a lot of genuine people on here who are genuine.

Good luck
 Heptone
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 7
What does dating mean to men?
Posted: 2/18/2010 11:47:26 AM
I get the impression that in the middle of a date half of the guys who decided there is no relationship about to blossom then decide to just go for a quickie if they can get one.

Or maybe three-quarters of the guys morph into sleezoids halfway through the main course.

Anyway, I don't think anyone's changed the definition of the word "dating." But, man, half the threads on POF are woman asking, "Do men and woman agree what the word "Hello" means?" and other similar questions. Must be a lot of guys messing with the concept of reality out there. No wonder women are cautious.
 AaliyahMisty79
Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 8
What does dating mean to men?
Posted: 2/18/2010 11:54:27 AM
Good question I am curious to see what these men say I have wondered myself.
 ERP_1961
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 9
What does dating mean to men?
Posted: 2/18/2010 11:54:34 AM
Thanks for all the replies. The "what does dating mean to you" question usually comes up around the dreaded third date.


I get the impression that in the middle of a date half of the guys who decided there is no relationship about to blossom then decide to just go for a quickie if they can get one.


I'm under that impression too.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 10
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What does dating mean to men?
Posted: 2/18/2010 12:01:59 PM
are you really expecting there to be a one-size-fits-all answer? how old are you? 19?

you need an expectation overhaul, and to stop trying to read profile language so rigidly. there are a hundred threads about people trying to parse the true meaning of that little profile category, and you might gain insight from thread-searching them and reading them, but the bottom line is you're gonna have to do the hard, nasty, dirty, knuckle-scraping work of communicating with guys you're interested in to find out what their relationship goals are.

yeah, it's work. it takes time. you'll run into a lot of dead ends. but you already know that, because you're living it now. the only difference will be your attitude and a few of your actions, unless of course you want to keep inflicting the same frustration on yourself. welcome to internet dating.

edit: don't wait till the third date. dating goals are a first-meet question.
 RememberTomorrow_
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 11
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What does dating mean to men?
Posted: 2/18/2010 12:02:26 PM
Dating to me is step one of finding that chemistry. There's already a mutual attractiveness (well I hope so..) If there's no chemistry from a regular sitting down and just talking, then there probably isn't going to be in the future.
 Maesbaby763
Joined: 12/6/2009
Msg: 12
What does dating mean to men?
Posted: 2/18/2010 12:05:34 PM
Different things to dofferent people.

The one I " dated " for 3 months well to him, it was dating as in sex and friendly get togethers on his time and his terms. I had no idea that was his thinking or I would have kept going and not looked back.

About 2 months into it he told me " Let's be FB's, wouldn't that be fun? I've never had a FB. " I told him no thank you, so he said " exclusive, with each other only, we have to let feelings grow and develop." Again I said no thank you so he said " How about love buddies ?" No thanks.

We still talked everynight for a couple of weeks but then he started backing way off, saw him 2 more times and then he vanished like a fart in a hurricane.

That to him was " Dating ".

I found it quite funny that when he was here 3 weeks ago building a deck I was talking to a friend and we were discussing a few guys who are interested in me and when I hung up the phone if looks could kill I'd have been dead on the ground. He doesn't want me but he doesn't want anyone else to have me either. Too bad for him, he had his chance and ditched me for something new and exciting.

Dating to me meant way different to him. Now he has a girl he says he sees here and there but who knows how long that will last, 4 days later he tells me that they decided a month ago to be " exclusive" and that he didn't know what we were to each other but that there is a connection between them. Said when they are over with he'll let me know. Meaning back up booty call, thanks but no thanks. If I wasn't good enough the first time around I sure won't be the seconfd time around either.
 e*Musing
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 13
What does dating mean to men?
Posted: 2/18/2010 12:12:49 PM
It means something different to GUYS (wusses and jerks who comprise 90% of the adult males and 95% of the dateable males) than to MEN (a few percent of the dateable males).

To MEN it means communication, interaction, friendship, trust, respect, adoration, pride, joy, happiness.

I really can't tell you what it means to GUYS...IIRC, it meant getting laid, feeling omnipotent, and scared...but again, that was a while ago and pretty much all forgotten.

 EmotionallyDetached
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 14
What does dating mean to men?
Posted: 2/18/2010 12:16:50 PM
Well, you definitely encountered what it is to date in this day and age. There is no rule that says that the person you date is necessarily going to be the person you enter into a long term relationship with. The men you've met on pof are the ones that do want to date but not you necessarily and what they wanted with you was just the sex. No offense. Many of the women on this site, me included, have encountered this problem. The men have encountered this in their own way, I suppose.

From the moment a man sits down to dinner with you, he is already "sizing" you up and wondering just how far he can get with you. Just from conversation alone, he can gauge if you are girlfriend material. Sometimes, he doesn't need conversation but a peek and decides just that he would like to remain friends and maybe if he can get away with it, a jump into the sack.
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 15
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What does dating mean to men?
Posted: 2/18/2010 12:33:03 PM
I accept your definition -- dating is meeting someone socially, getting to know the person and deciding whether there's the foundation to build a relationship ... or not.

And while I exclusivity is part of a long-term relationship, it need not be part of dating. One can date more than one individual at a time while searching for "The One." Whether any of those dating relationships are physical is up to the participants, and I'd hope all parties are open & honest with one another. And safe.
 ghostdog1973
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 16
What does dating mean to men?
Posted: 2/18/2010 1:04:31 PM
Dating to me is the time I spend with a woman when we first start spending time together.

"i'm dating her" means that we go out, we spend some time together, getting to know each other before we decide to be more committed to each other as in bf/gf ...

of course dating also means "i am dating" 3-5 women before I decide to date one exclusively to be bf/gf OR before I kick 'em to the curb.
 SingleGuy4912
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 17
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What does dating mean to men?
Posted: 2/18/2010 1:24:52 PM
Those guys put 'Dating' in their profiles because if they were to put 'Intimate Encounter', they wouldn't get many offers. Also, it seems they're having success with it, based on the frequency of 'hit it and quit it' type posts. If lying gets you what you want, why bother putting in the truth?
 lankeeyankee72
Joined: 11/14/2008
Msg: 18
What does dating mean to men?
Posted: 2/18/2010 1:25:42 PM
Dating....... Comes in different forms.

Dating to where we see other people
Dating to just go out and have fun and sex

Does he have hours of conversation with you asking you personal questions? Does he care what your long term career, relationship etc. goals are? If no then you just have a Fuk Buddy. If he is intrigued in you and asks questions then he is feeling you out to see if your worth a LTR.
 yna6
Joined: 1/21/2007
Msg: 19
What does dating mean to men?
Posted: 2/18/2010 1:28:30 PM
But a part of most relationships IS sex....if you aren't compatible in that area, and it is a major area, then what's the sense in carrying on further? A waste of time, and in many cases with guys, a waste of money!

In this day of "instant gratification" in many areas of our lives, sex also needs to be addressed. Meaning "find out" if you two ARE compatible and do it quickly...if not, you move on, without the weeks/months of wasting time.

If women decide they don't want to "move that fast", then perhaps they should know the guy is NOT going to "wait", but is going to continue trying to have a sex life. Doesn't mean they don't like the woman they are "dating", but they are going to get what they want, one way or another...pretty simple concept.
Either fulfill the areas in life that need to be, or allow someone else to do so without jealousy on your part. Nor the "moral judgements"...who are you to judge?
 impohell
Joined: 1/7/2010
Msg: 20
What does dating mean to men?
Posted: 2/18/2010 1:33:52 PM
Dating is when you go on dates. What you do on dates, between dates, before dates and after dates is up for discussion. All you need is a calendar and the capacity to wind up together at the same place at the appointed time.
 ERP_1961
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 21
What does dating mean to men?
Posted: 2/18/2010 1:41:26 PM

But a part of most relationships IS sex....if you aren't compatible in that area, and it is a major area, then what's the sense in carrying on further? A waste of time, and in many cases with guys, a waste of money!

In this day of "instant gratification" in many areas of our lives, sex also needs to be addressed. Meaning "find out" if you two ARE compatible and do it quickly...if not, you move on, without the weeks/months of wasting time.

If women decide they don't want to "move that fast", then perhaps they should know the guy is NOT going to "wait", but is going to continue trying to have a sex life. Doesn't mean they don't like the woman they are "dating", but they are going to get what they want, one way or another...pretty simple concept.
Either fulfill the areas in life that need to be, or allow someone else to do so without jealousy on your part. Nor the "moral judgements"...who are you to judge?


Who am I to judge? I'm me. And I know what works best for ME. Yes, sex is an important part of a RELATIONSHIP. None of the people I have dated are looking for a relationship, unless FB counts. I have run into far too many men that seem to think casually dating several woman and being sexually intimate with several of them at the same time is ok. FYI: just because they are having safe sex with you doesn't mean they are with everyone else they are currently "dating". Condoms aren't foolproof and there are plenty of other STDs you can get even if you do use them.
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