| | My kids don't need a dad . . .Page 1 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) | Hello peeps, I am just wondering why some single moms out there keep posting something like "my kids already have a father", or "I am not looking for a dad to my kids". I totally understand that the the children have a father but what I DON'T understand is why a woman would say something like this.
Does this mean that any man she starts dating should ignore her kids??? How can any man commit to a relationship with her without committing to her kids as well? Certainly not to replace the biological dad but any man worth committing to would treat her children as his own, would he not? Why would she want anything less than that???
Looking forward to some light to be shone on this matter. Thanks. | |
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| My kids don't need a dad . . .
Posted: 2/19/2010 4:41:05 PM | It's simply due to the pre-judging and attitude of many men who actually believe that all single mothers are looking for a meal ticket for her and her children. That they couldn't possibly be interested in forming a bond or life mate relationship because that's what they'd like to achieve.
So.. now they must try to convince, through the written word *rolls eyes* that they (the mother) aren't who these men might think they are.
Blame in on the dudes, dude! | |
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| My kids don't need a dad . . .
Posted: 2/19/2010 4:41:29 PM | It's a reaction to the attitudes they've encountered. Single mothers are constantly judged and looked down upon. A lot of men seem to dislike single mothers to the point that not only do they refuse to date them, they will spread the stereotypes that all single mothers are greedy woman looking for someone to take care of them to their friends.
It's their futile way of saying "Hey, I'm not like that!" so that they'll be given a chance.
Swimming against the tide..... | |
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| My kids don't need a dad . . .
Posted: 2/19/2010 4:54:24 PM | | Hi I know when I have written that in the past it was simply because its awkward for a lot of men coming into a relationship with a single mom and her children so its also a way of saying yes I am interested in getting out there but I want you to know I am not expecting you to come in and feel you have to play/ take on responsibility of feeling like the dad. Because if any man gets that feeling from the start its overwhelming for them especially if they have never dated a single parent. Sometimes its all about situation for example myself there is no daddy involved at all so in my situation eventually as I date and find someone to me he would be my sons father because he would be the man who has stepped up and stepped in he is a real man who will have been a father figure for my son. Where other the child may go visit to his dad I am not sure what would happen in this situation because I have never been there but thats why I state things like that. | |
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| My kids don't need a dad . . .
Posted: 2/19/2010 5:10:11 PM | | I say it cuz my kids don't need another dad... They are MY kids (and of course their dad's)... I don't expect, or want any man BUT their dad to support them or raise them... Just cuz their dad wasn't a good husband for me, doesn't mean he's not a good father and dad for them... Besides, I keep my kids out of relationships for quite a while... They don't need their hearts broken if things don't work out... | |
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| My kids don't need a dad . . .
Posted: 2/19/2010 5:14:25 PM | | steven thats the kind of attitude of why its hard dating your opinion is rude and makes you look like an ass and ps this is probably why your still single we dont choose to be single parents we fall in love but the guy turns out to be asses like you and others,violent, abusive and we get out because we rather have our kids come first to keep them safe, or our loved one dies and we become widowed with a child left with loss of a parent, i can keep going on about situations but why dont you actually use your brain before you type a ignorant opinion. I sure to hell hope you never become a single parent no no I do actually because maybe it would give you an understanding and compassion and maybe some humanity to individuals. | |
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| My kids don't need a dad . . .
Posted: 2/19/2010 5:52:33 PM | | steven i have seen other posts yes i made my bed and have a wonderful baby boy who shows me the most amazing kind of love every day no guy lowers his standards because he dates a single mom if anything thats who a real and true man is not the kind of scum and trash you are honestly what if your mother was single mom or perhaps has been that you dont know about maybe you should get down and scrape the bottom of the barrel where you have stated where us single mothers are because thats the type of ignorance, vulgar judgement that should stay there. I feel so sorry for your kids if you ever have them because then there are mini you's running around preaching garbage about mothers who work their hardest everyday to make a wonderful life for their children. anyways your to pig headed and were probably raised this way so maybe its not your fault your a complete****but you know what my life is great and i have a beautiful lil boy who tells me he loves me every day what do you have, your an egotistical, ignorant, selfish little boy who needs to grow up who knows maybe life will throw ya an odd ball and you will be here asking for advice then sputtering crap and complete stereotypical stats about single parents. dont worry no single mother wants you and probably most women who read your profile dont want you because they see right through you and how ignorant you truly are so grow up and stay out of single parent threads then you ***hole you dont even have kids you just bash people go find a wall and bash your head against it you might learn something !!! | |
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| My kids don't need a dad . . .
Posted: 2/19/2010 6:00:38 PM | I'm not sure...
but I'm thinking about including this on my profile:
"No my son DOESN'T have a father in his life and yes I am hoping to find someone that eventually wants to be a dad to him."
sounds good, yes/yes? Thought so. *sigh* | |
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| My kids don't need a dad . . .
Posted: 2/19/2010 6:06:18 PM | steven2o1o I'm going to do what no other single mom will probably ever do. THANK-YOU. Because you have made me re-evaluate things and I've come to the conclusion that yes my ex is deadbeat but I could have done way worse. Wow...
Only unhappy people feel the constant need to ridicule other people. And good luck with your search for a virgin... don't know if ur going to find one on POF but I guess you can hope.
OP I think most single moms put "my kids don't need a dad" because of what they have read in forums about single moms looking for their next meal ticket.
I don't have it in my profile so not every single mom puts it up. And maybe women should not put it on their profile because it seems to come across as being negative. And most people don't like negativity.
Now about men who do date single mothers.... they do not have low opinions of themselves they just are not so insecure to be threatened by the presence of a child.
and steven2o1o I find ur posts quiet disguisting and they only show the worst in humanity of how people treat other people. You should look at yourself before u are so quick to criticize the actions of others. | |
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| My kids don't need a dad . . .
Posted: 2/19/2010 6:10:43 PM | | thank you kudos to the other single moms i'm glad i'm not alone about this guy and congrats to im sorry i forgot your name but who raised your 2 girls up to be good girls and get a good career its always awesome to hear those stories | |
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| My kids don't need a dad . . .
Posted: 2/19/2010 6:37:11 PM | | This is a good topic. I don't have a statement like that on my profile but I have thought about this. If I were to be married what type of role would I want the man to have in my childs life? My son would probably be expecting the man to be a dad. I don't really have an expectation of what type of role my partner should have with my child. I think I may need to talk to some people who have married with kids in the picture to see how these things work out. | |
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| My kids don't need a dad . . .
Posted: 2/19/2010 6:53:44 PM | When I first found out I was pregnant, my brother tried to talk me out of keeping the baby. He said something that stayed with me to this day.
He said " 95% of guys out there don't want to be dating a woman who has a kid. They don't want someone else's child"
And my answer has stayed with me to this day as well.
I replied "Thats okay, I'll just wait for the 5% that do."
It's been 10 years. I'm still waiting. I think his numbers were off a bit!
P.S. Steven2o1o? You're a troll. There's too many of you on this site. | |
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| My kids don't need a dad . . .
Posted: 2/19/2010 6:56:30 PM | | steven you sound like a horrible person and don't need to be in this forum. you obviously don't like women with children so why are you in a single parents forum? | |
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| My kids don't need a dad . . .
Posted: 2/19/2010 8:07:56 PM | I don't have anything to do with breeders (profile even says it), so who a women breeds with is no concern to me. Just don't see the point in any childless guy getting involved with a women and her constant reminder(s) of the guy(s) she screwed in the past. The new doormat/push over guy might be all up for looking after the results from another guys sperm but it disgusts me to think men have such low opinions of themselves, to reduce their standards in horrific ways
Remember you pick who you breed with, so if the guy is scum then you have made your bed.
^^
judging from this answer, YOU are scum.... now.. let's flash forward to the day you have found Miss Right for you.. ..however long that takes
You are now madly in love and has settled down with this lady.
You get married? You have a child? children? Home? The lovely golden years await you.
Then, oh horrors, down the road she discovers what a scum you are and leaves you.
Now,,,,
no man will love her because YOUR CHILD will constantly remind him she has SCREWED YOU and how he has such low opinion of himself to be with YOUR EX and YOUR CHILD.
But, alas......as you've said, she picked you to breed with so she has made her bed.
With this scenerio in mind
Steve darling...... DO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
BREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!
thank you and good day 
oh and to the OP
stick around the single parents forum and you will get your answer
its a vicious cycle...
men judge women
women get defensive
women are then viewed as bitches
men become a**holes in defense
which brings us to a world of bitches and a**holes
lovely eh?
vicious cycle I tell you *rolls eyes* | |
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My I
| | Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 15 | |
| My kids don't need a dad . . .
Posted: 2/19/2010 9:15:29 PM | There are a lot of possible reasons a mom places those words in their profile. It seems all too easy to point at the men's attitudes. But, realistically, there are so many blended families in this world it kinda disproves the theory about most/many men's attitudes towards single moms. In my opinion, many moms convince themself they are not wanted. I know of a recently seperated woman with no kids, who feels she is not desired by men... regardless of the fact many are showing interest.
From a mature point of view (trying to inspire Steven), I do believe a lot of men don't want to date single moms who are not over their anger and bitterness with the biological father. I've experienced that on several ocassions where the mom starts talking about her ex and as she continues speaking about him, her level of anger and anxiety increase. One woman began doing the head weaving thing.......That's not fun to be around.
Another point being, I thought profiles are supposed to be about the person and what they are seeking as opposed to posting what they are not seeking.... it is a bit of a red flag.
This thread is coming along fine.... there's only one douchebag who has posted so far  | |
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| My kids don't need a dad . . .
Posted: 2/19/2010 9:45:06 PM | Thanks for all the responses and I'm sorry this thread brought in a troll. I have picked a few posts to reply to:
It's simply due to the pre-judging and attitude of many men who actually believe that all single mothers are looking for a meal ticket for her and her children. That they couldn't possibly be interested in forming a bond or life mate relationship because that's what they'd like to achieve.
So.. now they must try to convince, through the written word *rolls eyes* that they (the mother) aren't who these men might think they are.
Blame in on the dudes, dude!
Sorry, WG, but blaming the "dudes" for a woman's profile is a cop out. The "dudes" didn't write it, she did.
Secondly, if I am to understand you correctly, the single mothers are posting this statement in their profiles because they want to attract the guys that DON'T want to be part of their children's lives (eventually)? I don't get it.
If they don't need a meal ticket, then say, "I don't need a meal ticket". Being a dad is much more than opening a wallet. Any guy worth dating would understand that her children come first and would know that going in. He would also understand that if things work out, then he is gaining a potential instant family. If he doesn't get it, it will be quite obvious after the first few dates, if not sooner.
It's a reaction to the attitudes they've encountered. Single mothers are constantly judged and looked down upon. A lot of men seem to dislike single mothers to the point that not only do they refuse to date them, they will spread the stereotypes that all single mothers are greedy woman looking for someone to take care of them to their friends.
It's their futile way of saying "Hey, I'm not like that!" so that they'll be given a chance.
Swimming against the tide.....
Thanks for the response but I am still confused. If a man dislikes single mothers to the point of refusing to date them, THEN WHY WOULD A WOMAN ADVERTISE FOR SUCH A MAN BY STATING "MY KIDS DON'T NEED A DAD".
Sorry for the caps but I had no other way of highlighting that part, lol.
Do you see what I am saying? Why try to attract the guys that don't want to be around kids?
Hi I know when I have written that in the past it was simply because its awkward for a lot of men coming into a relationship with a single mom and her children so its also a way of saying yes I am interested in getting out there but I want you to know I am not expecting you to come in and feel you have to play/ take on responsibility of feeling like the dad. Because if any man gets that feeling from the start its overwhelming for them especially if they have never dated a single parent. Sometimes its all about situation for example myself there is no daddy involved at all so in my situation eventually as I date and find someone to me he would be my sons father because he would be the man who has stepped up and stepped in he is a real man who will have been a father figure for my son. Where other the child may go visit to his dad I am not sure what would happen in this situation because I have never been there but thats why I state things like that.
Thanks for the response, Sara, and I understand what you are saying but at the same time, isn't it misleading to say "my kids don't need a dad" when if you are looking for a long term commitment (and possibly marriage) and this gentleman you are dating could potentially become a stepfather? I understand at first that kids are not introduced into the relationship but it's about the big picture, isn't it? Why waste your time with a man who doesn't want to have kids around?? | |
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| My kids don't need a dad . . .
Posted: 2/19/2010 11:11:05 PM |
It's simply due to the pre-judging and attitude of many men who actually believe that all single mothers are looking for a meal ticket for her and her children. That they couldn't possibly be interested in forming a bond or life mate relationship because that's what they'd like to achieve.
I said this recently on yet another thread about this scintillating topic, that I don't think women or men mean that they don't WANT a father/mother for their children as this would naturally occur as a relationship develops. My kids have wonderful male role models in their life but hellooo, I would love to show my children a caring healthy relationship and I think my boys in particular would be uber tickled if I did find a decent guy that took on a parental role with them, i.e. went to their ballgames, was the type of person they could talk to and dare I say it even occasionally reminding them to do whatever chore mom mentioned three times already.
But as WG noted, I am not looking for a father for my children I am looking for a partner that as a natural extension eventually in caring for me would care for my children and be another adult that loves them. I suspect someone that feels the need to put this on their profile has had some negative experience with someone tripping about her kids. Or they have some issue with other people intimating they shouldn't be dating or whatever, who knows? You could write them and a few e-mails in ask them what's up with that?
Yes, any man worth caring for would treat my children as his own just as I would any children he might have. | |
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| My kids don't need a dad . . .
Posted: 2/19/2010 11:15:22 PM | ^^^Also OP, men put this on their profile too, not wanting a mother for their kids.
Well folks, at this point we can all consider Steven a troll, can we not? He has no kids, likes to spew hate about single mothers and he is like a small child on the playground, as long as people keep reacting to the b.s. he posts, he'll keep posting. Hell, he may just keep posting even if everyone ignores him because he will hope to be upsetting people even if no one is outwardly paying one iota of attention to him.
I suspect that Steven is either certifiable or he doesn't really hate single mothers as much as he claims he does. But hey, when you're miserable it is pretty fun trying to make the rest of the world miserable with you instead of accepting that the problem is not the single mothers he eschews, it is the man that can't apparently get a chick with or without kids. | |
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| My kids don't need a dad . . .
Posted: 2/20/2010 4:03:47 AM | | Alot of women and I am not trying to be gender bashing say they dodnt need a dad or father for thier childeren they have one, great but how many of these dads are up to date on thier child suport and fatherly duties.. Thier is alot of women that complaine about the exs not paying child suport{ hehe they must not be on this site}. So you meet some one and you have said that you dont need a persons help being a dad or a mother, do you split the expese evenly between all involded, you have 3 childeren and you and your So well that works out that you take care of 80% of the expeses. | |
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| My kids don't need a dad . . .
Posted: 2/20/2010 5:48:00 AM | | What most women usually mean by this , is that they don't want their boyfriend to try to be an authority figure in their children's lives. She doesn't want you to tell her how she should discipline her children. Just be a good responsible adult role model and allow her to handle things with her kids as she sees fit, even if you disagree with how she is doing it. As another adult male figure in the lives of her children, you can't try to be their friend, they have friends; you can't try to be their father, they already have one; but what you can do is be there for them in sort of a "I got your back" kind of way, and be supportive of her responsibilities as a mother. As the boyfriend of a single mother , you have to "know your role" | |
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| My kids don't need a dad . . .
Posted: 2/20/2010 5:55:41 AM |
Thanks for the response but I am still confused. If a man dislikes single mothers to the point of refusing to date them, THEN WHY WOULD A WOMAN ADVERTISE FOR SUCH A MAN BY STATING "MY KIDS DON'T NEED A DAD".
Sorry for the caps but I had no other way of highlighting that part, lol.
Do you see what I am saying? Why try to attract the guys that don't want to be around kids?
They're not looking for the guys who outright refuse to date them, they're looking for the guys on the fence, for the ones who might but have heard horror stories from the bitter who couldn't even make it with one of those "desperate, whorish, used goods single moms who use their kids as weapons to extort money from the dad and keep them from him" in the first place. Like I said, it's a futile attempt to differentiate themselves from "THOSE" single moms by pointing out that the children have the dad in their lives and that he wouldn't be EXPECTED to jump into a fatherly role, financially or otherwise.
It's futile, because the stereotypes and the outright hate are very widespread. | |
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| My kids don't need a dad . . .
Posted: 2/20/2010 6:37:04 AM | OP- I think its basically an attempt by single women to difuse the situation and make them more attractive to other single males out there.
meaning : I'm not looking for you to be the daddy of my kids (just yet), let's get to know each other without the pressure of you feeling like you're dating me and my kids...
trust me- all single moms and single dads would love the idea of falling in love with someone again and at the same time that person becomes a great step parent to their children...
who would not want that if you wanted to get married again? | |
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| My kids don't need a dad . . .
Posted: 2/20/2010 7:10:07 AM | I think there are 3 camps who state this in thier profiles, regardless of the sex of the profile holder.
1-they already have an active parent for thir child, the ex takes the kids 50 percent of the time, and there really is no need for someone else to come along as be a step parent. Both parties are doing thier job, so the profile holder is just stating that they are not looking for additonal help with the kids
2-the feel they are enough for these kids, and even if the other parent is not in picture, they feel they are doing just fine on thier own, and are not here looking for help in anyway.
-they are just saying this to hopefully attract people in spite of the position they are in. It is a lie, they are not fine on thier own. and would gladly share the duties with someone new, but they are smart enough to know most people dont want to sign up for something like that right off the hop. So, they make this statement.
Onus is on the respondant to figure out what they really mean. | |
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| My kids don't need a dad . . .
Posted: 2/20/2010 7:56:48 AM |
say it cuz my kids don't need another dad... They are MY kids (and of course their dad's)... I don't expect, or want any man BUT their dad to support them or raise them...
Ok....
Instead of all the bashing and defensiveness....
I'd like to see the women define the role they DO expect a man to play... and bear in mind, dating generally is designed to lead to long term relationships.... so don't do the "I'm only dating" cop-out....
Do you expect the man to ignore your child/children?
If you live together, would you be wanting to split the bills according to the share used... ie if he has no kids and you have 3 teenagers, would you expect him to pay 1/2 or 1/5 of the utilities....?
For those who don't want their kids to meet their dates until it's serious, what happens if he meets your kids a year or so down the road and they absolutely HATE each other....? Do you throw away a year or so of dating?
Again, if it becomes LTR, What about if you're out, who tells the kids to go to bed, or what to eat or wear...? What to pick up etc? Or do the kids not have to listen to him?
If you're out together, does he buy dinner for you at the restaurant, and you pay for the kid's food separately?
Does the guy phone the kid's father and ask him to tell the kids to do this or that...?
So what roles are defined in your minds for the new man? | |
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| My kids don't need a dad . . .
Posted: 2/20/2010 8:12:33 AM | | First of all Steven is just a little boy who hasn't grown up yet and doesn't have a clue. Second, I have three kids of my own and I love kids. I would never try to replace someone's father but if they needed a male figure in their life I would try my best to be that for them. I am a single father so I can identify with single mothers to an extent. I also put my kids first and don't want a woman trying to replace their mother even though she is not much of a mother. As single parents, a lot of us are tired of the dating scene or just don't have time for it anymore. We want to be honest with people and cut through all the game playing that seems to be prevalent in this dating sites among others. I am looking for something potentially long term myself but I am not going to get into the first relationship that comes along so I try to weed out the ones I know I am not going to be interested in anything long term with by getting the all the formalities out of the way if you will. I have tremendous respect for most single mothers and being a single father I think I am looking for alot of the same things in a relationship. Most of us don't want to be taken care of we just want a helpmate in life. someone to share the burdens and the joys with. Someone to be there for you during the good times and the trials. Most of us single parents are in our late twenties and thirties so we pretty much have a handle on the whole taking care of ourselves thing. We just need someone to lean on and share our deepest emotions with. So, the reason single mothers and some single fathers write all that stuff on their profiles is to weed out people like Steven who they don't want to waste their valuable time with and believe me, their are plenty of women out there who are just as immature and self absorbed as Steven so he shouldn't have a problem finding his soul mate. Of course they will probably leave him high and dry or he will knock them up and then voila there he is in the same situation as the people he is condemning. anyway, time to get off my soapbox. Don't let douche bags like Steven get you down ladies...=) | |
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