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 AUTHOR
 the one you seek
Joined: 9/8/2009
Msg: 1
Im just not ready?!?!?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Is that the new rejection line girls are giving now a days? Once maybe twice I can understand... but 5 times.

I have had the privilege to talking with a few girls here and after some emails and talking on the phone, usually a 4-5 days, we would go on a date. Be it a Saturday afternoon at the zoo, museum, something out of the normal dinner/move crap. It may be just me but it seems things are going well; we hold hands, talk about family, what we want out of life; and then BAM!!! that evening I get a text saying they are just not ready, "at a point in my life I’m not ready for a relationship."

I have also meet girls, 2 at a party/bar... talk, have lunch the next day... then get a txt saying they were not ready..

The weird part, I shit you not, they all used almost the exact same wording… I quote...

"Jeremy, I have to be honest, although you are a really nice guy, and I’ve enjoyed our time. I just feel that I’m not ready for a relationship at this time. I feel that I am not in a state of mind or place 4 1. Thank you for ... such and such... and I hope you find a woman that will give you in return what you have giving me."

I have to be honest... lol, that it does get me bitter, frustrated... I guess my question is... is this the new "let’s be friends" comment or are girls just on sites and meeting people to be entertained?
 Home_for_30
Joined: 2/6/2010
Msg: 2
Im just not ready?!?!?
Posted: 2/22/2010 6:29:23 AM
Don't know if its a new rejection line, I heard it 3 years ago. But it's gaining in popularity. It's the 2000's version of 'You're too good for me'. Now, yes if someone is just getting back to dating after a bad break-up, and you're the first person they have dated, I could see you hearing that later down the road. But after the first date? And a from a few women. Well, they just weren't into you and they are not very original in telling you. Move On....
 pamsfl
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 3
Im just not ready?!?!?
Posted: 2/22/2010 6:34:40 AM
Maybe you are coming on too strong on a first date. I can see getting this response once in place of just wanting to be friends etc...but the same response three times tells me maybe it is something you are doing or saying on the date.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 4
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Im just not ready?!?!?
Posted: 2/22/2010 6:39:55 AM
Essentially, they're not into you, but to ease the rejection are saying they're not ready. Obviously a lie, or they wouldn't even be dating, right? Maybe you're too much of a "nice" guy, or seem too needy, or something - but something appears to be triggering a consistent reaction.
 the one you seek
Joined: 9/8/2009
Msg: 5
Im just not ready?!?!?
Posted: 2/22/2010 6:43:00 AM
Thats what I was thinking too. Thank you for your opinion. I will try to look into my actions during the date.
 9035768
Joined: 9/20/2007
Msg: 6
Im just not ready?!?!?
Posted: 2/22/2010 6:46:26 AM
If you're talking to the girls HERE, yeah that would be a line. It is possible that they haven't entered their income, so can't update their profile to say not single/not looking... but unlikely.

The girls you meet not on a dating site are more likely honest about "not ready."

It sounds stupid enough to be a line, anyway. Like, "You're putting more into this relationship than I am and that isn't fair to you." (Never had that one myself, I would literally laugh out loud at that one; but my friends get that one all the time.)

Remember what most lines are, for BOTH genders. They are the coward's way of saying, "Yeah, I'm not gonna put anymore effort into this relationship, but feel free to still give me things." 'Things' being but not limited to sex, food, money, room, help or jobsecurity.

There is always the chance you are a bumbling tard on a date, or a raving psychostalker red flag waver and that's turning them off quickly, but making them too nervous to be honest. (But I'd put that pretty close to the bottom of the list.)
 myrgth
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 7
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Im just not ready?!?!?
Posted: 2/22/2010 6:50:05 AM
This isn't something that been said to me but I have plenty of friends who have heard it. It's something they learned from guys. Men have been saying this for the last 20 years or so. No surprise that women would take note.

Just put "with you" at the end. I'm not ready for a relationship "with you".

Not new but yes, it means "I'm not interested... in you".

It doesn't mean they aren't genuinely looking, just that they didn't find what they were looking for in you. Make sure you aren't so focused on having a relationship that it doesn't matter who it's with. Raise the bar.

Don't take it personally, just the luck of the draw. Eventually you will find someone as interested in you are you are in them.
 the one you seek
Joined: 9/8/2009
Msg: 8
Im just not ready?!?!?
Posted: 2/22/2010 6:51:07 AM
thanks...lol Im sure Im not those... I also get a lot of people make fun of the way I talk. Im from deep East Texas and I do carry a thick accent. Thats why they call it dating.. Takes practice.
 ManicMelanie
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 9
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Im just not ready?!?!?
Posted: 2/22/2010 6:58:30 AM



Jeremy, I have to be honest, although. . .


Jeremy, they're NOT being honest. They're just trying to be nice about rejecting you.

TOO nice, too needy, too anxious, coming on too strong, too friendly, too . . . Moderation.

Be self-respecting. Set some boundaries as far as what you are willing/not willing to do, be, say, etc. You are the (potential) half of a relationship. Expect "her" to do the other half. You will be respected and be more successful and be MUCH less likely to be punted/kicked into the "friend zone".



 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 10
Im just not ready?!?!?
Posted: 2/22/2010 7:02:03 AM
The fact that several women have said this makes me think you're putting out some strong relationship vibes. Maybe you're talking too much about the future or maybe the fact that you have kids sounds to them like you're in a more mature place in your life.

Perhaps you should reconsider where you're meeting for the first time. Those are definitely dates you've described (which most here regard differently than first meets) where you're both committing several hours together. And you mentioned hand holding but not kissing-- any reason for that? Were they reaching for your hand or did they simply allow you to hold theirs? If it's the latter, it's possible they liked you as a friend and were being polite.

You might be better off starting with something more casual like drinks or coffee. If things go well, you can always stretch out the date.
 EGJV
Joined: 9/13/2008
Msg: 11
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Im just not ready?!?!?
Posted: 2/22/2010 7:07:30 AM
Actually this line is the epitome of unintentional truth. Most women aren't ready for a relationship, since what they want is a pretty boy to show their girlfriends, a man to go out with, someone to pay for their drinks, etc. And woman nowadays run faster than ever from exclusivity, since the grass has never been greener on the other side, no matter which side they're on.

No offense to the exceptions, most of which are posters in the forums...
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 12
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Im just not ready?!?!?
Posted: 2/22/2010 7:10:38 AM

we hold hands, talk about family, what we want out of life


Too much for a first date! Stick to the weather and your favorite bands.
 james_ny
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 13
Im just not ready?!?!?
Posted: 2/22/2010 7:15:12 AM
they're just dont like you move on.
 impohell
Joined: 1/7/2010
Msg: 14
Im just not ready?!?!?
Posted: 2/22/2010 7:56:33 AM
They aren't ready until they meet someone they want to have a relationship with. Until then, they keep looking, meeting new people, and lying to the ones they don't want. It saves them from having to admit straight up they decided he was not you. When they do finally start a relationship it will invariably reach a crisis where she breaks down and confesses whatever other lies she used to get there. If he forgives her, she knows she is safe and can lie when needed.
 Frau Blücher
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 15
Im just not ready?!?!?
Posted: 2/22/2010 8:25:25 AM

I have to be honest... lol, that it does get me bitter, frustrated... I guess my question is... is this the new "let’s be friends" comment or are girls just on sites and meeting people to be entertained?

“I’m not ready for a relationship” is just another version of “I’m not into YOU” (i.e., they ARE ready for a relationship, just not with YOU), and considering that there will ALWAYS be a shitload more mismatches than matches, expect to hear some iteration of that particular line more often than not; especially if you date a lot, don’t know what you are looking for in a partner, or don’t have good preliminary picking skills. Be cautious about becoming “bitter and frustrated” over such a COMMON occurrence, because you will be in danger of developing a sour owl manure attitude and that will only hinder your search for your ideal. Don't take it personal, be more selective, and cast ye line again! Good luck!
 MERMAID2202
Joined: 9/15/2007
Msg: 16
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Im just not ready?!?!?
Posted: 2/22/2010 8:32:52 AM
Agree with the comments above - it reads like a kinder I'm just not that into you line and suspect if you are getting it frequently you need to may be lighten up on the subjects being discussed on 1st dates. Best of luck.
 EmotionallyDetached
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 17
Im just not ready?!?!?
Posted: 2/22/2010 8:38:17 AM
Maybe there is something about you that all these women are noticing about you that you aren't noticing in yourself.
 the one you seek
Joined: 9/8/2009
Msg: 18
Im just not ready?!?!?
Posted: 2/22/2010 8:56:51 AM
Thank you for the replies..
 brown_eyed_woman
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 19
Im just not ready?!?!?
Posted: 2/22/2010 9:31:22 AM

They aren't ready until they meet someone they want to have a relationship with


Yes, I second this. When all the chips fall into place, people are ready. Til then, it is just they are not ready, with you.

I have girlfriends who have heard this many, many times as a reason, from men, perhaps women are just recycling some of the excuses they have been given over the years...no matter what the reason is, they would be ready if they felt you were the one to proceed with.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 20
I'm just not ready?!?!?
Posted: 2/22/2010 9:49:10 AM
Sometimes it's simply true, and they hadn't realized it before trying. This happens to both sexes BTW.

But, reading the wording you tend to get, together with your topics of discussion on a date, in this case I'd take this pattern to mean that you're coming across to them as rushing things, getting too heavy too fast.

I'd suggest next time keeping family and life goals down to a few minutes apiece, and focusing more on what's around you - especially since you choose interesting environs for a date - what you're doing right at the time, and any mutual interest(s) you have with each other that are on the lighter side, such as entertainment activities, food, pets, etc.
 KGHOLLYWOOD
Joined: 2/17/2010
Msg: 21
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Im just not ready?!?!?
Posted: 2/22/2010 11:28:30 AM
The same way men are not good at breaking up w/women, women arent very good , or creative at telling men there not interested...Both ways try not to hurt your feelings but in end up doing that anyway...Way to many fish out there...Learn frm it & keep it movin..
 KissMeCupid
Joined: 2/13/2010
Msg: 22
Im just not ready?!?!?
Posted: 2/22/2010 11:37:08 AM
Sometimes they mean it. Sometimes they mean "I'm just not ready to date you". Sorry.
 the one you seek
Joined: 9/8/2009
Msg: 23
Im just not ready?!?!?
Posted: 2/22/2010 11:42:47 AM
Just want to thank all those who replied... After being married for 9 years... I have to admit it is difficult getting into the dating scene. But again, thank you for your tact.
 minako79
Joined: 1/15/2009
Msg: 24
Im just not ready?!?!?
Posted: 2/22/2010 12:04:15 PM
unfortunately, this is how flaky people can be. welcome to online dating. you will encounter loads of like this. the only solution is to go out there, meet many people as much as you can and LOADS of patience.

Have you ever heard of stop looking? If you go out there, having fun and stop thinking about being in a relationship all the time and plus positive attitude helps too. She will come to you when you at least expect it.
 the one you seek
Joined: 9/8/2009
Msg: 25
Im just not ready?!?!?
Posted: 2/22/2010 12:06:35 PM
yes-- I do.. I go out with friends a couple nights a week, for that very purpose. Just to have fun and relax. There is always to much pressure to meet people. Im just basing things on people that I have meet. Plus it not like Im talking in a spand of a week or so... this is actually over a month or more.
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