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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?      Home login  
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 whenwillthiswork26
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 1
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Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Is it possible for people to be in love with someone with no physical
attraction to them? And have sex with them and be satisfied?
Just wondering...I've never done it myself.
If it is possible can you tell me how?
 TravelingLight
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 2
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 12:54:44 AM
Yes. You love the person. Sounds cliché but it's true. If you're attracted to the person inside, you can.
Simple as that.
 FULLFIGMAAM
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 3
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Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 12:56:27 AM
I can love someone I'm not physically attracted to... However, I cannot be with them or have sex with them.
It is possible for me to fathom someone is so good at learning about my body, and learn how to satisfy me physically. It is therefore possible to fathom making love to him, if he is that awesome in terms of pleasing me and making me feel good. This is possible, only if I'm not attracted, but not grossed out either. M
 PrinceCharmingsCousin
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 4
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 1:21:40 AM
I can love them...but not be IN love with them...like I love my friends, my dog, my family....but not the kind of love you have with a woman/man you want to share the rest of your life with...and DEFINITELY not have sex with them if i'm not attracted to them and don't love them romantically.
 Ambrosiax
Joined: 12/25/2009
Msg: 5
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 1:25:14 AM
Yeah, I force myself to have sex with my boyfriend all the time. Hence , I always insist on having the lights turned off ( LOL, I know you're reading this babe)
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 6
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 1:33:38 AM
wouldnt that make life so much easier?
i have loved so many people..but to be in love with, and make love to, etc..
i need to have attraction. more than attraction it is chemestry.
lots of people are physically attractive. it goes deeper than that.

and it must. lets say you fall in love with someone you are attracted to,...
something bad happens..they no longer look the same..
you need the deeper chemistry within and between you to sustain things on a romantic level.

but you are right ...in the begining...it is the initial attraction.
and beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
it is different to everyone.
 Jewels49
Joined: 4/20/2009
Msg: 7
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 1:34:35 AM
I think we are talking about different types of love. I love my friends but can't see myself "thowing a leg over" anytime soon. I love my employees, they are like family, still don't want to have sex with any of them. I could have sex with someone I don't love (but choose not to).
Have you ever noticed how someone becomes more beautiful when your IN love with them? You may not have felt physically attracted, then all of a sudden, your looking at them differently. I think thats why they say love is blind. It does blinker you to what is "seen". By that same token, have you ever broken up with someone and thought how truely ugly they were?...the blinkers cam off!
 CaRo78
Joined: 2/22/2009
Msg: 8
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 1:59:58 AM
I couldnt do it, I think if the attraction was there in the first place, and the person changed, then you would continue to love them, but i couldnt be with someone without the initial attraction........

Caro
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 9
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Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 2:52:51 AM
I've never seen it.

In my experience, true love requires emotional, intellectual and physical fulfillment. It doesn't work with any one of those elements missing.

And I do think once you're past the age where sex is a novelty, it's just impossible to be with someone to whom you're not genuinely attracted.
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 10
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 2:56:53 AM
I think its possible, as long as you are not repulsed by their looks, thats different than not being attracted to....and attraction goes beyond meer looks anyway....right?

I see several couples where one is goodlooking more over the other and they seem happy. Don Knotts did real well with women, and it wasn't just the money either, it was his personality.

Its funny because you can be with a plainer person and the more you get to know them, if their personality is great, they tend to get better looking, if you are with a pretty one who has a bad personality, they tend to lose their looks.

Everyones different, and different people put more stick into one thing over another. Its not a deal breaker with me to not have a lot of attraction, as long as I am not repulsed by their looks....being real, honest, sincere, compatibility and bringing out the best in each other is more important....

I understand attraction is important, but does it prevent someone from finding the right person? I would say that depends on how much stock you put into looks.

You say, you haven't ventured there, have all your relations been successful, have you found what you are looking for....that might help in answering this.

As for sex, looks can be important there too, but there is a stock of men who will tell you the best sex they have ever had was with plainer or BBW type women, and some of the worst was with some beautiful women....that is not to say sex is garuanteed one way or the other depending on looks, but I here this a bit.

So my answwer is, I put more stock into what I consider the important things, as long as I am not repulsed by her looks, looks is not a deal breaker...and I have in reality had a really long marriage by todays standard, and mostly some good relations, and very few as compared to others...so, it works for me.
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 11
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 3:02:02 AM
Oh, a foot note, I have had real pretty women as I have had ones who were more plain too. In the end, it wasn't looks that meant how things worked out.

Don't get me wrong, I understand there should be at least some attraction, and that isn't always measured by great looks either, just somethings that hit you..

I just think some put too much into a strong attraction, and sometimes get blinded by what is really important.
 Ms Chief
Joined: 2/13/2010
Msg: 12
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 3:02:57 AM
I see love as a continuum~ I can love someone and not want to have sex with them. I can love someone, and not be in love with them. I can have sex with someone I do not love nor am in love with.

Tho, if I am not physically attracted~ why am I having sex with them I would wonder? I can't imagine it would be pleasurable for either of us in that case.
 Ahron123
Joined: 10/16/2009
Msg: 13
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 3:16:31 AM
Sometimes I have thought a girl is un-attractive, but after a while of spending time with her, if I like her enough she starts to look more attractive and can even start to look very attractive. I’m not sure if that has anything to do with this thread or not ha ha.
 PrinceCharmingsCousin
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 14
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 3:19:51 AM
^^^^^
I'm not like that, someone can get less attractive by having crappy qualities, but usually not the converse with me...
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 15
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Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 3:35:30 AM
Physical attractiveness is undoubtedly the most over rated factor in relationships.

It's amazing how ugly a good looking person can get and how good looking an otherwise homely person can get, once you get to know them.

But sometimes, it does take a lot of getting used to.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 16
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 3:36:09 AM
While I agree with other respondents that I'd have to be attracted to someone to be IN love with him, it brings up the reverse question... what if you're no longer attracted to the person you fell in love with? People are adamant about those "for better or worse" vows, saying that even if your spouse lets their appearance deteriorate you're supposed to love them, but here we have all these people who say that a physical attraction has to be there to be in love. So what then? Is it only crucial for falling in love?
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 17
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 3:40:44 AM

Sometimes I have thought a girl is un-attractive, but after a while of spending time with her, if I like her enough she starts to look more attractive and can even start to look very attractive. I’m not sure if that has anything to do with this thread or not ha ha.


Makes perfect sense to me...and you have to consider if this attraction thing is so important, then why are some who advocate it, seem so unhappy on here? You see it sometimes in their responces....Its nice if you can get everything, but no ones perfect, I will slack on looks if it means the rest is great.

But we are all different.
 Ill_Make_You_Smile
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 18
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Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 3:43:33 AM
To base love off of physical appearance is superficial. People that do this deserve to be slapped into reality.
 andy1961
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 19
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Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 3:46:42 AM

Is it possible for people to be in love with someone with no physical
attraction to them? And have sex with them and be satisfied?



Completely impossible.
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 20
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Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 3:51:59 AM

what if you're no longer attracted to the person you fell in love with?


This can be a very embarrassing predicament.

A guy I used to work with had a very attractive girlfriend who went away for a year. They communicated every day she was away and couldn't wait to get back together when she returned.
He was so looking forward to having her back.

When she did finally return after the year, he was shocked to see she had gained at least 60 pounds ! When she left she looked like a bikini model and came back looking like a hippopotamus.
Now what was he supposed to do ?
 9035768
Joined: 9/20/2007
Msg: 21
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 3:59:25 AM

Sometimes I have thought a girl is un-attractive, but after a while of spending time with her, if I like her enough she starts to look more attractive and can even start to look very attractive

Right on, Ahron!

Don't expect Joseph Merrick to become your new sexual fantasy after reading about him, but the more you get to know someone the more you see their physically attractive attributes, rather than noticing the huge hairy mole as big as their eye and the tooth that looks like it wraps around another tooth.

So, the real answer to the question is, "No." If you see nothing attractive in them, you aren't going to love them, romantically. But, you can grow to love someone and they "grow on you" to use a hideously old and craptacular phrase.
 DragNFlyBuzzez
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 22
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Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 4:05:28 AM
[Quote]People are adamant about those "for better or worse" vows, saying that even if your spouse lets their appearance deteriorate you're supposed to love them, but here we have all these people who say that a physical attraction has to be there to be in love. So what then? Is it only crucial for falling in love?


Yes I do agree visual is what attracts and love what is supposed to keep you both together when you get old. I believe we need to define this word love and say"ok people, this is the definition ya gotta live up to" if ya don't you walk.

Once the courting and mating is over, in some it takes many years, looks become as normal as a daily commute on a country road. Supporting each others weakness, boosting each other up, satisfying each others needs are how marriage lasts, when one person of relationship can no longer full fill the needs and wants of the other is when that person looks real ugly no matter what the surface shows.

Now are all us 47-57 still trying to chase the visual of our teens and 20's? We surely will put a larger obsticle in front of us if we do. This is why when I read so many profiles of looking for this Prince Charming, Fairy Tales, Happily ever after, I wonder if these peoples expectations are way over what a 47-57 year old man can provide.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 23
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Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 4:24:54 AM
Essentially, I would answer this with no.
The greatest fear I have with a question like this, is that at its root is the thought that you can CHOOSE to love someone, and then mechanically make things work sexually with them. My invariable experience with that sort of thinking, is that it leads to disappointment, heartbreak, and resentment by one person of the other.
As for sexuality, there are plenty of levels or gradations of attraction. I've had at least one experience where I would have found the person completely unattractive by physical specification, but found them deliciously enjoyable sexually nevertheless, at least for the short time I knew them.
The word "satisfied" that you used in your question is very important: I've known satisfaction with asexual friendships with women, even though I was without sexual release with anyone else at the time. That does not count as the kind of relationship you are talking about though.
When someone says "in love," I've found it really has a greater variety of meanings than I used to think. For some people, it means simply lust. For others, it's intense admiration, such as a follower of a leader or philosopher, or cultist hero. Then there's the version where it really means that the person so well matches their fantasy of what a lover should be, that they blind themselves to exceptions (this seems to be the most common form). This last is sort of like a lust for childhood fantasy fulfillment, and so does not always have to involve actual sex.
Finally, there are the historic forms of "matched pairs", where a couple was artificially constructed by their parents or other power groups, assigned to marry, and who found that they respected and loved their assigned mate and was satisfied with the amount and kind of sex they had with each other. That requires that you do NOT have any inherent belief that any other kind of love relationship or feelings are important. The support of your entire community, who's couplings are similarly constructed is usually necessary for this to work.
 *~*ChardyGirl*~*
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 24
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 5:31:41 AM
Op,to *me*,these are two separate Q's ?

Your opening Post
Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?

YES. But,it doesnt mean that i want to have sex with him.


Is it possible for people to be in love with someone with no physical
attraction to them? And have sex with them and be satisfied?

NO. If *I* am in love with someone im also sexually attracted to him and so the sex is MORE than satisfying ....
 arcticdude
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 25
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Can you love someone you aren't physically attracted to?
Posted: 2/23/2010 5:46:13 AM
There are 6,800,000,000 in the world...subtract the seniors, and children, and divide by 2 to select your gender of preference (bi individuals can skip the last step)...

...Even if you assumed that half of those were already in a relationship, that's 1,105,000,000 people to choose from... I only have one question in response to the original question here...WHY?

I'm sure the answer is yes...and involves either: prison time, fantasizing, or a bit of both...

I, on the other hand, am going to continue my search...
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