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 *Surfgyrl*
Joined: 12/15/2005
Msg: 1
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Top reasons a man leaves a woman?Page 1 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
I wasn't sure whether to put this in the Sex and Sexuality section or not!

I am always hearing of the woman usually leaving the man, but never really hear of too many men actually leaving their wives.
I know of course that the main reason would most likely be that the woman is having an affair (correct me if I am wrong), but sometimes that could be a good thing in a few states that don't have no-fault divorces.

But really, what would it take for you as a man to finally take the woman off the back burner and really split up? Also,what would he be willing to do to make it work if he was holding on for other reasons than money and taxes, etc... like his soulmate and really does love the woman?

Is the sex 9/10ths of it?
What do the ladies think about why (if any) men have left you?
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 2
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Top reasons a man leaves a woman?
Posted: 2/23/2010 7:41:07 AM
I was actually talking to a friend of mine about this just the other day. We agreed that of all the marriages we know that have broken up, it's predominantly the man leaving the woman, and in those, most of the time there's a third person involved.

I'd say that a lot of time, marriages just aren't what the person thinks they would be when they start out... the pressure and expectations get to them and they find someone that will feed their ego without the pressure... voilà... recipe for divorce.
 DragNFlyBuzzez
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 3
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Top reasons a man leaves a woman?
Posted: 2/23/2010 7:42:53 AM
{what would it take for you as a man to finally take the woman off the back burner and really split up?]

What................ are looking for ways to make your hubby leave?

Mine exmate is BiPolar and when her lack of empathy and drama was turned from me to my kid...............................then its time to protect my kid from his own mother...sad but true. I stayed until my kid turned 18 becuase I would never let her raise him alone.


Are you trying to get your hubby to leave? if so save yourself and family all the drama and get her done and move on
 brown_eyed_woman
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 4
Top reasons a man leaves a woman?
Posted: 2/23/2010 7:43:50 AM
I read all types of stats, that indicate women end the majority of marriages, but what we cannot account for, is the fact some men (my ex husband being one) will push, and push, with bad behavioutr til we make the break. This way, he can forever play the victim, as I left him. He takes no responsibility for his wicked, nasty behaviour that was going on behind closed doors, nor will he admit he pushed me away. But, he did. He was told many, many times that his wife was very unhappy, and he was warned and provided with timelines to correct the behaviour, and he did not heed it. He was offered councelling, free as well, and did not take it. However, he maintains I just up n left one day. Priceless.

It takes two to put in the effort, one alone cannot fix marital issues.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 5
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Top reasons a man leaves a woman?
Posted: 2/23/2010 7:44:26 AM
You've never heard of a man leaving his wife?????????????


For every failed relationship there are a unique set of reasons. Here are the one's I've heard from guys that walked. Infidelity, boredom, finances, fell out of love, new job, kids left home, wife crazy etc.
 MizBexReturns
Joined: 8/19/2009
Msg: 6
Top reasons a man leaves a woman?
Posted: 2/23/2010 7:45:14 AM
I believe there are two reasons.

1. The woman stops appreciating the man, stops acknowledging his needs and takes him for granted.

I believe that to be the biggest reason.

2. She lets herself go, which is sort of an extension of reason 1.
 Strider886
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 7
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Top reasons a man leaves a woman?
Posted: 2/23/2010 7:45:16 AM
It's not a sex and sexuality issue....

Lack of affection, not feeling appreciated, not feeling useful, not feeling wanted.

Both men and women can often associate affection with sex, so when they go off sex they push their partner away completely, no hugs, no kisses, no snuggling up to watch a movie....... This is really hurtful when the partner only really wants to feel loved, as im sure many here will attest.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 8
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Top reasons a man leaves a woman?
Posted: 2/23/2010 7:45:49 AM
The top two reasons for divorce are money issues and the inability to have a kid. When there is a fault, affairs are at the top of the list, so that likely comes in third.

I don't think there's been much research on the predominant cause when one sex files versus the other sex filing, since the person filing for divorce is not necessarily the person with the greater cause or level of dissatisfaction.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 9
Top reasons a man leaves a woman?
Posted: 2/23/2010 7:58:41 AM
There are three main reasons why a relationship goes astray. I cannot point the finger to the man or the woman per say because in the end they are both guilty of doing or not doing something and it was the other one that took it to the extreme. But from what I gather one is Resentment, bedroom issues, and infidelity.

They are all connected, but we can start with resentment because one partner feels that he/she no longer does this or that, or forgot, or didn't care about his. All those memories of unresolved issues build up to the point that either the person does not care, or all they do is fight about those things, thus the hurt escalates into a vicious cycle. This then may end up in the bedroom, where they then do not find one or the other interested in sex. Or it may be that while the relationship has fallen apart, the only glue that keeps it together is the sex. Finally, there's infidelity. Some relationships fall apart before this happens, other's don't. One seeks or discovers attention outside of the relationship and when this particular type of trust is broken. It's the end. Some people may be able to get back together, but most then go back to resentment and then they stray themselves.
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 10
Top reasons a man leaves a woman?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:02:44 AM
I don't think the two genders are as different as you think. ....I think most men want to know they are loved and special to someone. That that person truely puts them in that spot that they did while they were courting.

Sure sex is important, but I see men in marriages where they are not getting sex the way they like it, but they stay if the other things are there. But ad that equation to where they do not feel important or special to that woman ....doesn't matter if she loves them, but if they don't feel it. If they feel, this is the way its going to continue to be....there is a complete void.


But really, what would it take for you as a man to finally take the woman off the back burner


I'm not sure what you mean by that, but I don't like the way it sounds....I see men mostly trying to go to real lengths trying to save what they have...

Sure there are the lemons out there in men, but the same goes for women, there are lemons.....

You know what kills me about reading these forums is how clueless some women are about men, yet at the same time we see that too many men are just after sex, but are hesitent to get involved in a relation where they have to put their heart out there.

Kinda tells you something...doesn't it.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 11
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Top reasons a man leaves a woman?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:02:45 AM
Boredom
Stress (intolerable, damaging emotions)
She spends more money than both of you make (cheaper to leave her)

Those three are pretty much at the top of the list!
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 12
Top reasons a man leaves a woman?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:07:00 AM
Its funny too, with all the divorces out there, all the stats they come up with as to why....part of it is society has changed,not only the ways, but what people feel they have to have. the other part is look at how busy people both are...both working, kids and all....now, how can you really have the quaility time for each other, you can't put that on hold till later.

Our current society is condusive to failure in marriages.
 Just_Jay79
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 13
Top reasons a man leaves a woman?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:25:44 AM
Can't comment on leaving a WIFE since I've never been married, but the top reasons I've left girlfriends are (in no particular order):
1) Incompatible personality
2) Prudish/sexually-repressed attitudes
3) Sexual incompatibility (be it frequency, intensity, requirements to achieve orgasm, etc.)
4) Bad eating habits which leads to a fear of significant weight gain down the road
5) What her mother looks like if they're similar (the old Future Shock scenario)
6) She wants kids and I can't see myself procreating with her due to different values, or she's just plain bat-sh*t crazy and I don't want to be tethered to her for 18+ years
7) Negative body-image issues requiring endless reassurance from me
8) She doesn't exercise (once again leading to fears of premature weight gain / decline of physique)
9) She has poor financial standing (either ridiculous credit card debt, a significantly lower-paying job, or an inability to manage her finances)
10) Smoker (long-term deterioration concerns, plus no respect for her health in general at that point really - no offense to anyone)

There's probably plenty more, but sex, attitude, physique/fitness, mental issues, and money are my top concerns which usually cause me to call it quits before things advance too far in a relationship.
 Comise
Joined: 1/29/2010
Msg: 14
Top reasons a man leaves a woman?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:26:17 AM
There may be many reasons a man leaves his wife, a good reason might be quite another matter.
 impohell
Joined: 1/7/2010
Msg: 15
Top reasons a man leaves a woman?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:31:01 AM
If she gets abusive, I am not staying. If she gets miserable and blames me for it, I am not staying. If she stops being good company, I am not staying. There are the usual and rare unusual problems that come up, to solve, which is fine, and the work of solving problems is to be expected. But then there is what happens once the woman has already stopped being happy and can't be happy again until the relationship ends, in which case, I'm not staying.

I have left relationships for just the one reason, which is that the women had turned on me and on the relationship itself as their way of trying to solve problems that had nothing to do with me or the relationship, except as far as things were hopelessly muddled in their minds, beyond the reach of reason to sort out. It doesn't surprise me at all that a relationship will begin and then end by virtue of the emotional mood of the woman. She had no business being that happy to start with, but I enjoyed it, and so when she has no business being that unhappy to end with, I can't really complain.

The lasting relationships I have seen work out also had episodes of passing anger, disillusionment, readjustment, and reaffirmation. Maybe those men had a higher threshold for abuse than I did. Maybe they had more faith in things eventually working out. Or, maybe the women they are with didn't go from friend to enemy based on fluctuating hormones and the rise of the price of tea in China. Sanity is not for everyday, but it goes a long way in a pinch.

I like to be with a woman when things are going well. I am glad to help things get back to going well in the event of an event. What I won't do is become her reason why things aren't going well, or hang around while she excuses herself from happiness to thrash in anguish and dwell in misery just because it provides her with dramatic excitement or some kind of therapeutic consolation against the requirements of lucidity.

It's too bad your father did that. It's too bad you don't like your job anymore. It's too bad you don't make as much money as you would like to spend. It's too bad the safety of your routine comes at the cost of boredom. I understand and want to help, but if what you are going to do about your mood, circumstance, history and the gap between dreams and reality is to lay off on me all of your unhappiness and expect me to fix it for you, don't hold your breath. I'm to be a partner, not the father figure who comes in answer to a tantrum to make everything alright. Nor am I to be a stand-in for some past transgressor for you to finish up old battles or prove inherited resentments toward men generally.

Relate well, have fun, solve problems as needed. That's what I will stay for.
Turn on me as an enemy, and we're done.

Given that so many relationships have the same basic challenges, and that the basic choice is to work together and stay together, or turn on each other and break up, it follows that among single people you find plenty of the ones whose mode is to turn into enemies and break up. So, what I see here is not so much a lot of women looking for their next partner to stay with, but former partners who turned on their men, looking for their next enemy.

The selection process rhetoric abounds with references to bad men, blamed for bad relationships. I bet those men were good men to start with, just like I have been. Then when the women got unhappy, the men conveniently turned into bad men. Now the women are looking for a good man again, to turn into a bad one again.

I think what men want is to find that the attraction they have toward women is justified by enjoyment of women. She looks good, so he hopes she will feel good to be with. She is when she's happy, and then when she is unhappy, not so much. But what does she do then, when she is unhappy? Does she accept his help with a problem, or turn on him with punishments demanding that he solve her problem? It depends on whether she is mature and sane, or just an overgrown girl having a tantrum because nobody demanded of her growing up that she be responsible for herself, I think.

Women have it easy in the sense of being attractive to men, meaning all the woman has to do to start is just show up, and the man will want her. That's not exactly a Herculean effort, to just show up. Then he will find out if it feels good being with her. If it does, he will want to be with her. That's all there is to it.

Women have it hard in the sense of it being so difficult for them to be happy, when their heads get full of fantasies that promise astounding emotions on a daily basis, and they lack for themselves the practical intellectual means to set and reach goals, relying instead on the black art of emotional manipulation of whomever they can enlist as the landscaper and gardener for their personal emotional paradise.

I think the whole baby making and child raising thing might fit in here somewhere, but I'm not sure.

If her sense of humor is good enough, she can still be enjoyable almost no matter what. Laughter is a good indicator of the health of the relationship. I'm talking about a good natured laugh, not the evil cackling that women do as the man undresses.

The one thing that would send me running in any case is if she posted long rants online in reply to simple questions, airing her dirty laundry and making obvious what is her specific problem dating, showing that she blames the other sex, and is blind to her own hand in things past. Why do women do that?
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 16
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Top reasons a man leaves a woman?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:33:50 AM
MizBex and Strider nailed it, I think - at least as far as my reasons. Lack of appreciation and affection for a very long time, turning into verbal abuse, and finally adding in bipolar disease did it for me. I stayed until she was stable on her meds, but by then I had long ago decided to leave. In retrospect, I can't believe I stayed as long as I did, but leaving was the second best decision I've ever made. The best decision was choosing my current relationship!
 Kit28
Joined: 11/11/2009
Msg: 17
Top reasons a man leaves a woman?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:36:54 AM
Comise, I absolutely melted when I read your post. Then I read your profile.......night and day!
 farscapeprincess
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 18
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Top reasons a man leaves a woman?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:43:19 AM
I think infidelity (being #1), incompatibility in and out of bed, and maybe that she's not a good mother to his kids. In that case there may be drug use or she's bat sh!t nuts.

If infidelity is the #1 reason, does anyone think men are less forgiving of an affair(s) than a woman is when her husband cheats. I've never asked a man this question, but am curious.
 CheezyChick
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 19
Top reasons a man leaves a woman?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:46:36 AM
People leave relationships because they don't want to be in them anymore...the plethora of reasons why they want out may vary but I don't believe it's gender specific...

sidenote: read your profile too Comise....absolutely adore it!...but then, I am an admitted delusional optimist so...
 MizBexReturns
Joined: 8/19/2009
Msg: 20
Top reasons a man leaves a woman?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:51:55 AM
I think men have a much harder time with infidelity. While women don't find it to be a picnic, I think there have been MORE cases of women forgiving infidelity than men.

Me, I am with the men, I will not tolerate infidelity, if you have to look outside of the relationship than you should continue to look for something that makes you happy, but I will be gone.
 *Surfgyrl*
Joined: 12/15/2005
Msg: 21
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Top reasons a man leaves a woman?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:52:06 AM
DragNFly0142,
Don't make assumptions. No, I don't want to make ways for my future x-husband to leave.
I have talked to my loved one about his past drama and I can't take drama at all, it gives me stomach aches.

brown eyed woman,
Sounds like you don't realize that it makes a man feel admired and good when his wife is happy.
Of course, there are always those types of guys who use the victim routine, would anyone in their right mind claim to have destroyed the relationship?

Old habits are hard to break, which reminds me I need to look up a really knowledgable article on how to create new ones to give to my sweetie.






 *Surfgyrl*
Joined: 12/15/2005
Msg: 22
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Top reasons a man leaves a woman?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:57:24 AM
brown eyed woman,
Sounds like you don't realize that it makes a man feel admired and good when his wife is happy.
Of course, there are always those types of guys who use the victim routine, would anyone in their right mind claim to have destroyed the relationship?

Old habits are hard to break, which reminds me I need to look up a really knowledgable article on how to create new ones to give to my sweetie.
 *Surfgyrl*
Joined: 12/15/2005
Msg: 23
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Top reasons a man leaves a woman?
Posted: 2/23/2010 9:09:40 AM
Outmind,
Isn't it amazing that two people can love each other so much in the beginning and then truly despise each other when the relationship is over?
I thought resentment was more for women. I know every man that I was ever with that had no problems having sex right after a horrendous fight. DAMN, I wish I could do that!! Seems like no resentment there.

Just like I said, everyone likes to be admired.
 guyd42
Joined: 10/13/2008
Msg: 24
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Top reasons a man leaves a woman?
Posted: 2/23/2010 9:21:13 AM
“Top reasons a man leaves a woman?”

I would say sex and weight gain.
 High_Contrast
Joined: 6/1/2009
Msg: 25
Top reasons a man leaves a woman?
Posted: 2/23/2010 9:46:32 AM

1. The woman stops appreciating the man, stops acknowledging his needs and takes him for granted.

I believe that to be the biggest reason.


^^^This
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