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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?      Home login  
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 terry430
Joined: 2/17/2010
Msg: 1
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?Page 1 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
I'm not talking about calling a hundred times a day. Or that we are upset at the other, everything is fine.

I'm talking about seeing it ring, seeing it's you calling and deciding not to answer it for no good reason except they did not feel like talking at that time. To me common courtesy would be if you just do not want to talk at that time to answer the call and say, "can I call you back later I'm doing xyz".

But to see your SO call and then call again an hour later and still not answer the phone. Then when they actually do call back they tell you they just did not feel like talking at that time and do not understand why your upset.

I look at it like this, the phone rings I see it's my SO and say to myself "**** her, I'll call back when I feel like it" and then expect her to be okay with that. I see it as rude behavior.

What is the deal breaker?
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 2
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:04:13 PM
I think you are way to sensitive and are making enormous mountains out of tiny little ant hills. Not everyone enjoys having a phone surgically attached to the side of their head. Sometimes we don't feel like talking.Sometimes we just want to lay on the couch and stare at the ceiling. Sometimes we don't want to answer the phone and explain for an hour and a half to a overly emotional person that we just don't feel like talking right now and that yes we love them but no we just don't feel like talking.
 TallChick61
Joined: 1/21/2010
Msg: 3
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:04:33 PM
Personally, I wouldn't have an SO that I "didn't feel like talking to", on a frequent basis.

If it's just a phone thing, okay, learn to deal with it. But if she demonstrates the same attitude more than occasionally, I might re-evaluate the big picture.
 terry430
Joined: 2/17/2010
Msg: 4
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:10:03 PM
I would okay with an answer of the phone saying, "can I call you back later", I'd say okay no problem.

It like passing a friend co-worker in the hallway and you say Good Morning Bob and they look at you and keep walking without saying anything. That is rude. Same thing by seeing who is calling and you are saying "Hello" and they say nothing. Rude. Is there not some courtesy phone manners?
 Handsomelaughs
Joined: 2/9/2010
Msg: 5
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Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:12:26 PM
If she doesn't want to talk.............answer the phone and say something to that effect, politely. Not answering is ignorant and a clear sign of disrespect. It also tells you where you stand in her life.
 terry430
Joined: 2/17/2010
Msg: 6
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:13:38 PM
She does this occasionally, sometimes no call back for hours for no reason at all, except did not feel like talking at that time. I understand if someone is working, on the other phone, taking a shower, walking the dog, forgot the phone at home, etc. Those are things that prevent you from answering the phone. Just because you do not feel like talking, just answer it and say so. That's all.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 7
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:14:20 PM
Is there not some courtesy phone manners?



No a phone is in some ones home. Passing someone in the hallway at work is entirely different. You are in a public place and are expected to behave socially. The person at home may be sitting on the toilet, having a bath, cooking dinner, babysitting a neighbors two year old, watching tv, having a discussion with your sister,curled up in a ball in the corner crying.... Who the frig knows and why are you letting such a silly thing bother you. Obviously if someone does not feel like talking then they don't need to pick up the phone to explain it to you otherwise they are then talking which is something they didn't feel like doing to begin with.


Good God prevent me from ever dating someone who flips out about someone who does not answer the phone every single time they call.
 terry430
Joined: 2/17/2010
Msg: 8
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:15:15 PM
" If she doesn't want to talk.............answer the phone and say something to that effect, politely. Not answering is ignorant and a clear sign of disrespect. It also tells you where you stand in her life. "

I thought so too. disrepectful.....
 minako79
Joined: 1/15/2009
Msg: 9
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:16:32 PM

Not answering is ignorant and a clear sign of disrespect. It also tells you where you stand in her life.

I agree... if your SO doesn't have the time to even answer your phone call or getting in touch with them, what's the point.
Had an ex who was a constantly a gamer, it was hard for me to get hold of him in other times of days. Arghh. I hated calling him when he's pretty occupied with his games. It was really frustrating to deal with. When there are times that I feel I needed to talk to him, I can't even get hold of him. >_<
 msdemeanor70
Joined: 10/11/2009
Msg: 10
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Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:18:38 PM
I hate talking on the phone. My ex knew this, but insisted on calling me a couple times a day just to chat. I hate talking on the phone when I have a reason to letalone when I have nothing to say.

Sometimes...
I am cooking. I could answer, but I don't.
I am watching good show. I could answer, but I don't.
I am readin a book. I could answer, but I don't.

Whatever the reason, it is a reason. Maybe not one you like, but there is always a reason. Sometimes, I am just in a crappy mood and don't want to take it out on whoever is on the other end of the phone.

I've tried your suggestion of "can I call you back ..." It never works. They say "Oh, it will only take a minute." Or "Guess what happened at work today." Or, my personal favorite ... "What's the matter?" Nothing is the matter, I just have nothing to say and would prefer not to sit here with a phone to my ear listening to dead air.

So, my point OP is don't take it personal. We aren't all phone people. So long as they are calling you back, don't stress over it. When they stop answering and stop calling, that's when you worry.

Hope it helps.
 HuluAddicted
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 11
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:18:38 PM

Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?


No because there are times where I don't feel like answering and talking either.

It is, however, a deal breaker if the person is always calling and never leaves a voice message.
 green023
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 12
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:23:48 PM
I have been on both sides on this issue. It wasn't a big deal to me. If someone calls me ( whether it's a friend, relative, boyfriend etc ) and I'm eating dinner or watching a TV show, I would call him back when I'm finished.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 13
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:26:30 PM
There are times when people in general just don't feel like talking over the phone.

Other reasons could also contribute to a phone call being ignored. Frankly, I wouldn't just keep on ignoring my s/o if he were to call.
 gonewalkabout2
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 14
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:28:10 PM
You are that itch that would not go away and men should avoid.

The problem with those that force or demand for an excuse as silly as answer your phone and tell me something....they don't always stop there.

I don't mean you tolerate the behaviour. If he did answer the phone I bet you would put words in his mouth that would escalate into something else. Bad timing is no fun the same with a behaviour like your guy too. A negative repetitive behaviour is not fun too.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 15
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Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:30:52 PM
If that bothers you....
I'm thinking she doesn't pick up to spare herself drama about other stuff.

Sometimes peeps just don't want to talk.
or explain themselves.

Let it go.
Don't be needy.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 16
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:34:26 PM
"Then when they actually do call back they tell you they just did not feel like talking at that time and do not understand why your upset."


The problem here is that you have a DUMB SO!!
Is that the best she can do? To tell you,she did see you were calling but she just didn't feel like answering ??
What a dumb piece of $hit!

You two obviously have different phone habits.
She'll never change and you'll always feel disrespected.
Find a new SO, at least one that has a better excuse when not picking the phone.


Thanks, stray cat,She not a he, got it, Opps! :-)
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 17
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Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:43:26 PM
^^^
um...the OP is a dude typing about a girl.
But easy mistake to make.
 uc0339
Joined: 9/12/2008
Msg: 18
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Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:46:02 PM
I don't think anyone needs any reason to not answer a phone. If I don't feel like talking then why is it manditory to drop everything, answer the phone just to say I don't feel like talking. Leave a voice mail message asking for a return call when they are available.

Ring Ring: Hello?
Caller: What's going on?
SO: Uh don't feel like talking right now, I'll call you later.
Caller: Why? What's Wrong?
SO: Nothing, just don't feel like talking.
Caller: Did something happen? Are you ok?
SO: I'm fine I just don't Fvcking feel like talking on the Fvcking phone!
Caller: Is it me? Did I do something?
SO: Uuuhhhggghhhh (disconnect)

If they don't want to answer the phone they won't, don't mandate it as common courtesy.... get over it!
 gonewalkabout2
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 19
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:48:15 PM

Ring Ring: Hello?
Caller: What's going on?
SO: Uh don't feel like talking right now, I'll call you later.
Caller: Why? What's Wrong?
SO: Nothing, just don't feel like talking.
Caller: Did something happen? Are you ok?
SO: I'm fine I just don't Fvcking feel like talking on the Fvcking phone!
Caller: Is it me? Did I do something?
SO: Uuuhhhggghhhh (disconnect)




My point exactly hahahaha
 FULLFIGMAAM
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 20
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Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:53:39 PM

I'm talking about seeing it ring, seeing it's you calling and deciding not to answer it for no good reason except they did not feel like talking at that time. To me common courtesy would be if you just do not want to talk at that time to answer the call and say, "can I call you back later I'm doing xyz".

But to see your SO call and then call again an hour later and still not answer the phone. Then when they actually do call back they tell you they just did not feel like talking at that time and do not understand why your upset.
I don't like to be on the phone all of the time, and would likely have to have a conversation with someone who called several times a day. It's one thing when in the infatuation phase, you want to hear the other's voice a few times a day. It's entirely another, if it becomes a regular habit.

I agree with you, that it's very rude to ignore calls from one's significant other, rather than pick up and say, "I will call you later." Unless you're too sensitive, and would whine about that. I think it shows a bit of a lack of respect, and perhaps she doesn't like you as much as you like her.

I would give her some space, by not calling more than once a day, or every other day; I'd also let her do some of the calling, and see how it goes. M
 emmmjay
Joined: 2/18/2010
Msg: 21
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:56:49 PM
No-one is obligated to answer the damn phone. If I don't feel like it, or if I am busy, I let the machine pick up. If it is an emergency or the person NEEDS a reply within the hour for some reason, I will pick up or call right back. Otherwise, I will call back when it is convenient. Hey, if I call him back, and he doesn't pick up, I'll understand. He'll get back to me.
 Caandy_Caane
Joined: 2/10/2009
Msg: 22
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:59:02 PM
My last relationship ended because of that. He wanted to talk before work, text during work, talk on lunch hour, talk during work, talk after work and then talk talk talk talk. A lot of times I did not answer his calls on purpose because I have much more important things to do other than listen to him blab about nothing. And if I say don't feel like talking, then I get the why? what's wrong. And then I get irritate for no effing reason.
Some people are just so damn needy
 le_petomane
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 23
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 9:00:43 PM

What is the deal breaker?

Whatever they want it to be.

You see the problem? It's pretty clear.

I look at it like this...then expect... I see it as... To me common courtesy would be


There is what you intend, there is what you mean, there is what you say, there is what you do, and all of that is going to be different than what they think, expect, hope, fear, hear, see, expect, understand, interpret, feel.

They aren't you. That's why that thing called "communication" is important. And it's not just talking to the other person, or answering the phone, or having them answer the phone.

It's taking the time to figure out how they are interpreting, hearing, seeing, expecting, understanding, feeling, fearing, hoping, etc., how you interact with them, and how they see your interaction with them. And if you want a decent relationship they should be reciprocating.
It's not just assuming whatever you do and can morally defend via your own morality is the "right" way. It's just "your" way.

That's why it takes such a long long long long time to actually have a "good" relationship. You have to learn a new language and an all new perspective. Rather than simply blindly hope they "accept" you. And how it's bad if they don't do what you think they "should" do, or how you would do it, then they are wrong.

IOW ask them, not strangers.
Unless of course you are simply whining to the forums or using forum readers or using the forums as a means to backdoor communicate to the person because they won't take your calls anymore and you need your back stroked.
"There there, it's okay, you are right, they are wrong, you are good, they are bad."

So

What is the deal breaker?

Not understanding that

they did not feel like talking

means they didn't want to talk.
Answering the phone to talk to say they didn't want to talk...is talking. And it defeats the purpose of not wanting to talk.
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 24
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Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 9:18:42 PM
I don't think it needs to be a dealbreaker. I hate phoning, and I don't even have a cell phone. I find the idea of always being available by phone invasive. I think people actually with you should always get priority and in public, I find it a bit rude when people talk loudly on their phone or have their phone ring loudly.

I admit, I like the fact that I can trust my boyfriend to pick up if he can, and it makes me feel very secure that I can usually easily reach him if I need to. On the other hand, I am not the type to call a lot to just randomly chat. And if it takes him a while to return my call, I just assume that he is busy with something and has a reason. It is nice to hear the reason, but if you don't generally give your partner the benefit of the doubt at first, then it will just lead to mistrust and resentment.

I guess I would feel badly if I knew someone I cared about was purposely avoiding my calls because they didn't enjoy hearing from me. But if she is still dating you, and you are in regular contact, you shouldn't have to worry about that. If you are insecure about how she feels about you versus how you feel about her, trust me, freaking out about the phone thing is not going to help. It will drive her away if you deal with this unreasonably. If this is the only thing that you can identify that bugs you in this relationship, and you are seriously considering breaking up over it, you two are probably not a good match anyway (or you are not ready for a serious relationship).

To me, not feeling like talking is an acceptable reason. You always have the option of leaving a voicemail to let them know what you need to talk about.

It just depends on how worthwhile you feel the relationship is, in general. I have broken up with someone that I felt did not give me enough of their time, attention, and priority so that I could find someone who did. It doesn't really come down to an absolute minimum amount of attention that I need. It also has to do with how I feel that person values their romantic relationship in their life. I could get the same small amount of time from my current boyfriend due to unforeseen circumstances, and yet he could probably still make me feel important in his life.

You need to ask yourself whether you think you are being overly needy or not.
 *sass*
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 25
Is it a deal breaker someone does not answer the phone?
Posted: 2/23/2010 9:24:28 PM
Well you have to give her the fact that she is being honest. She could have easily made up a hundred different excuses that wouldn't be quite as brusing to your ego...

If she had said she was in the shower you wouldn't be mad at her, but she gave you the respect of being honest and you are.. ?

If it happened regularily I would wonder what was up with the person, but it wouldn't come close to a deal breaker and it wouldn't make me mad, lol.... but then, my deal breaker is the opposite, someone inundating me with too much contact.
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