| | Would I be Cheating ?Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | I have been with this girl for nearly 3 now !!!, in fact she found me on here, we chatted on msn and got on really well, agreed to meet. we got on great together, Its the longest ever relationship I've ever been in, others have only been a wk to 10 days if that !!! Everything was going well, We had both met each others families. I was even doing some cleaning for her elderly parents. But. . . . . . There is always a BUT !!! The past month or so, she dropped a Bombshell on me, she said even though we were still getting on, she was not at the moment, ready for a Full on Relationship with me, and just wanted us to be friends. I still sleep with her on the odd night or 2, but we DON'T have Sex !!! thats NOT Happened in over a Month !!! She was previously married with 3 kids. I was Still Single before ,with No Kids or ever Likely to get Married !!! she said that she Loved Me Awwww but she was NOT in Love with Me. . . . . . . . . . . .
So onto my Question ? if I was ever likely to go out with another woman & have sex with her , while still being friendly with my Girl - Friend would this be Classed as Cheating ???
But eh with my track record, thats highly going to happen ??? but id still like to know any way !!!
I Would Appreciate your Replies on my Predicament if you want to call it that ?
Many thanks From Tim aged 48 | |
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| Would I be Cheating ?
Posted: 2/24/2010 7:30:26 AM | | Been there. Look do you'er self a favor get out now and don't look back. After 5yrs on and off with mine I give it up. It hert like hell and I loved her kids like my own but the "I love you but not in love with you" means she wants you to stick around but she's seeing someone elts and is in love with them. | |
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| Would I be Cheating ?
Posted: 2/24/2010 7:30:44 AM | No, it's not cheating.............she has ended the romantic relationship.
Stop treating her like a g/f and move on with your life. | |
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| Would I be Cheating ?
Posted: 2/24/2010 7:30:46 AM | Why ask us? Ask her!
She said she just wanted to be friends, and you're not having sex anymore. It sounds like you're a free agent again, but to avoid misunderstanding and hurt feelings, you need to talk to her or at least inform her that you're going to start dating others since she doesn't love you or want a relationship. | |
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| Would I be Cheating ?
Posted: 2/24/2010 7:39:19 AM | | Let her go. Move on. Start dating someone that is "into you". I don't know if you were in a relationship with her for 3 weeks, 3 months or 3 years....therefore, it may hurt. However, you just need to go out and find someone who will appreciate you. | |
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| Would I be Cheating ?
Posted: 2/24/2010 7:42:16 AM | youve been with her 3 weeks..? 3 months..? 3 years...?
you say you still sleep with her but sex has not happenend in over a month does that mean you have stopped having sex with her for a month or you have been seeing her a month and youve not had sex yet...?
your post is very unclear...
seems like you 2 are not really a couple, but more like good mates, so be honest with her and tell her you need a more physical relationship, so you are still fishing, but want to reamin there for her as a freind... | |
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| Would I be Cheating ?
Posted: 2/24/2010 7:49:53 AM | manythanks for all the replies so far I really appreciate them
november Babee funny enough her birthday is in november and she will be 50 this yr. butonto your reply.
I have been with her for nearly 3 years, and I still sleep in her bed & mine at weekends but we have NOT had sex in over a MONTH !!! i hope this makes it more Clear for you ? but i thought it was clear enough for everyone else to understand on what i meant ?
Thanks again to everyone who has replied so far.
Tim | |
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| Would I be Cheating ?
Posted: 2/24/2010 8:14:30 AM | Well Tim aged 48, she clearly defined her terms. Your still free to do what you want
And if she demands you be exclusive while not putting out, she's not worth your time!
Angie | |
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| Would I be Cheating ?
Posted: 2/24/2010 8:14:48 AM | I hope your relationship can survive longer than one month without sex ... but if she's declared the romantic relationship is over it may be time to move on.
But the plan is to sleep with your present girlfriend, while going out elsewhere for a sexual relationship? I guess that's possible, but it seems you would be cheating everyone, including yourself if you did that.
I guess you'd have to find a friends with benefits and keep your other relationship going . Like I said, seems odd, but possible ... | |
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| Would I be Cheating ?
Posted: 2/24/2010 8:22:11 AM | | I'm with Heptone on this - you'd only be cheating yourself, not her. If what you want is a relationship, emotional and sexual, then you need to cut the ties to this woman who is not that - and find it. | |
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| Would I be Cheating ?
Posted: 2/24/2010 8:23:31 AM | Sweet and sour chicken, people don't understand words, these days.
If you have not agreed to sexual exclusivity and/or you have not promised sexual exclusivity you can not be "cheating" if you do not give sexual exclusivity.
When you check out a book from the library, you have already agreed to return it, that's how you got the library card.
When someone wraps a book and writes your name on a gift tag, they have not asked you return it when you are done. (Unless, of course, they wrote on the bookmark, "I found this and thought of you, I want it when you're done, lol.")
You can not break a promise you did not make!  | |
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| Would I be Cheating ?
Posted: 2/24/2010 8:28:30 AM | | You need to talk to her. Your relationship needs a contract of sorts with an escape clause for both parties. | |
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| Would I be Cheating ?
Posted: 2/24/2010 9:22:07 AM | Tim, Tim, Tim...
Cheating is doing something behind your partner's back that you couldn't do infront of their face.
She has you firmly by the short and curlies.... in the friend zone. You are nothing more than a bed-warmer. Is that how you want to live your life? Are you satisfied with that?
Yes it's great to share intimacy with someone, sleeping together, cuddling, talking, spending time doing things... but there's more to a happy, healthy relationship than that. Decide what you are willing to put up with. | |
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| Would I be Cheating ?
Posted: 2/24/2010 9:24:00 AM | | You are firmly in the friend zone. Its not cheating if you are only friends with her. | |
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| Would I be Cheating ?
Posted: 2/24/2010 9:40:56 AM | It sounds like she is keeping you around in case she needs a pickle jar opened.
Are you getting your needs met? If not, make a clean break and ONLY be friends. A door has to close before another can open. | |
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| Would I be Cheating ?
Posted: 2/24/2010 9:44:57 AM | I really thought we were good together, as everything seemed to me as it was, but with her to say she is Not In Love With me !!! has really Hurt Me !!!, she wanted to have sex last sunday gone, but with her saying that about our relationship, I was not in the mood for it. We are still friends, but I'm not sure how to break away from her ? as I have got on so well with her & especially her family, they have all took me in, and said I was the best thing that had happened to her since her break up of her Marriage. If you read my profile, you will see what I did for her, and a lot more becides, as I wrote before, I even went to clean her elderley parents house once a week, even though they did pay me for the work I did for them. I was invited to her Daughters Wedding, but Ive said I dont feel like going now under the circumstances. i have also ben invited to go to Canada to see her sister, but not sure aout going there now, Even though it would be a holiday of a lifetime for me.
Many thanks for the messages i will have to good chat with her to see if we can resolve the situation ?
Tim | |
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| Would I be Cheating ?
Posted: 2/24/2010 10:18:40 AM | Let me ask you this: if she did this to you, would you consider it "cheating"?
After three years, there probably is an assumption of monogamy. Perhaps the first thing is to get this clear: are you guys in a monogamous relationship and, if so, if she expects you to stay faithful, you need to be able to get your needs met.
Why the sudden change? I'd suggest you get this straightened out ASAP or get out. I meet way too many people in sexless relationships and while I'm empathetic to their situation, getting some on the side can get messy and complicated. | |
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| Would I be Cheating ?
Posted: 2/24/2010 10:19:04 AM | I think she ended the romance side to this.. IF you want to be really over the top with respect to her and this situation.
Then you need to tell her that well, if we are just friends I guess this means we are both going to start dating other people.
quot]So onto my Question ? if I was ever likely to go out with another woman & have sex with her , while still being friendly with my Girl - Friend would this be Classed as Cheating ???Well if she is still your girl in any way then yes it would be.
Easiest way to sum up cheating to me is doing something with someone else you would have a problem doing infront of your S/O or feeling uncomfortable with your S/O doing it without you. | |
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| Would I be Cheating ?
Posted: 2/24/2010 10:48:16 AM | She's not in love with you and you're not having sex. Why are you still sleeping in the same bed? You might as well marry her and be done with it - then you can cheat all you want.
Seriously. Clean break and move on. End of. | |
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| Would I be Cheating ?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:00:41 AM | | She may not want to hurt your feelings by telling you to get ... so maybe she's letting things run their course knowing that one day you will get tired and leave. Just a thought ........ | |
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| Would I be Cheating ?
Posted: 2/24/2010 11:47:44 AM | This woman clearly has some issues, and I don't mean that in a bad way. her parents say you are the best thing to hapen to her since her marriage ended, and if you guys get along really well, maybe she is just having a commitment crisis. Talk to her, see what her take on the situation is, and if she is adamant that she is not in love with you, then let her know that you can't keep hanging in limbo between dating and friends (friends don't sleep in the same bed if they don't absolutely have to) either the relationship needs to get back on track, or end. Any other way is not fair to you.
If it ends than you are free to have all the crazy sex you want, guilt free. but I have a sneaking suspicion that that isn't what you want. You obviously want her, If you didn't you wouldn't be worried about ruining something you might not even have.
Short answer, talk to her before getting your freak on with anyone else | |
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| Would I be Cheating ?
Posted: 2/24/2010 12:08:00 PM |
she said that she Loved Me Awwww but she was NOT in Love with Me
That means.....I am not into you sexually anymore.
If I was you...I'd stop having slumber parties....kick HER to the curb....
and find a woman who IS in love with you and wants to have sex with you!
Why bother to "cheat" on someone who doesn't care if you do? | |
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| Would I be Cheating ?
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:24:11 PM | It wouldn't be cheating.
It would be going out with someone new and not looking back.
She's breaking up with you dude. | |
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| Would I be Cheating ?
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:27:47 PM | | hell no, she let you go. No need to feel guilty about that. Go have fun with the next lady. | |
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