| | Widowed mother of 2 starting overPage 1 of 1 | | I am 28 and my fiance passed away 2 years ago on sat. Our son was 2 months old at the time. I have been threw alot of emotional things since then and now am wanting to find someone. I have no idea what to do and how to do it. I am a pretty girl I think but overweight. I have lost 200 pounds in less then 2 years and am almost to my goal. I have zero confidence and was wonderin if anyone has any good tips on how to get back into the game | |
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| Widowed mother of 2 starting over
Posted: 2/25/2010 8:39:36 PM | | Until youre happy with yourself, dont "get back in the game". If you dont have confidence in yourself you wont get a guy worth your time. | |
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| Widowed mother of 2 starting over
Posted: 2/25/2010 8:47:35 PM | | I think the biggest part of my challange is finding someone who likes me for me. Does that ever really happen? | |
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| Widowed mother of 2 starting over
Posted: 2/25/2010 10:20:13 PM | Karmic is right, continue what you are doing to be healthy for yourself and your children. Do you like yourself? That is a question I don't think I ever really asked myself in that way. I think I thought I was an okay person, try to treat others as I wish to be treated. But I heard too many messages whether tapes in my head from my childhood or things I had picked up as an adult that were at the same time telling me I was not okay.
It wasn't until a couple of years ago that I really believed that to hell with other people thought because I like myself, like I would hang with me if I was ever able to be cloned.
Until you get there with your head, you aren't going to even know if you like yourself so how can anyone else?
Kudos on the weight you have lost, again, concentrate on continuing to get healthier and the other stuff will happen when it is supposed to. | |
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| Widowed mother of 2 starting over
Posted: 2/26/2010 5:32:45 AM |
I think the biggest part of my challange is finding someone who likes me for me. Does that ever really happen?
Well obviously it does happen, seeing as you had a fiancee.
There is no cut and dry time for moving on to find love again. I was widowed at 27, and was madly insanely passionately in love with my husband, and he died real unepextedly and out of the blue.
I have had phases of just wanting to put my stilletos on and go out and find a man, and phases of just wanting to be a celibate nun for the rest of my days. Im a very loving, passionate, sexual woman, so being asexual just doesnt work for me, i have met someoene very nice that likes me for me, and yes i still have days of missing him like crazy and being inconsolable.
Dont fuss about your weight. A womans beauty comes thorugh confidence, not size.
Try to eat healthier and excersise more, but dont get all low self esteem about it.
Buy some cute dresses and new lipstick, nice lingerie, play up your assets, strut it up in a swimsuit, and just be condfident, like who you are, and quality men will like who you are too.
Hugs and well wishes  | |
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| Widowed mother of 2 starting over
Posted: 2/26/2010 11:17:43 AM |
Dont fuss about your weight. A womans beauty comes thorugh confidence, not size.
Try to eat healthier and excersise more, but dont get all low self esteem about it.
Buy some cute dresses and new lipstick, nice lingerie, play up your assets, strut it up in a swimsuit, and just be condfident, like who you are, and quality men will like who you are too.
Good advice I think. Keep in mind, while so many guys are nasty about weight on a girl, they them selves may not be Prince Charmmings thems selves. So be glad, you are clear of them.
Also remember that there are guys who actually prefer larger woman. I know several who this is not an issue at all.
Best of luck OP, I am quite sure there is some lucky guy out there who will appreciate you for being you and consider thems selves quite fortunate to meet a Lady with a wonderfull attitude like you display. | |
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| Widowed mother of 2 starting over
Posted: 2/26/2010 8:01:22 PM | | I have to agree with all the posts.... women say it to men all the time , confidence... confidence... confidence...and it does go both ways..... you are a pretty girl ... and you seem down to earth...jsut do things you enjoy doing ... it will happen. | |
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| Widowed mother of 2 starting over
Posted: 2/27/2010 7:14:44 AM |
I think the biggest part of my challange is finding someone who likes me for me. Does that ever really happen?
You will find somebody who likes you for you... if you are worthy of being liked by yourself.
Keep up the good work, chin up and don't look back. | |
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| Widowed mother of 2 starting over
Posted: 2/27/2010 7:38:53 AM | silent,
I completely disagree with almost everyone here. First of all you said you think you're pretty... that's not zero confidence. =) Everyone struggles sometimes and sometimes that struggle is with confidence. That doesn't mean no one will love you... or that no one worth it will love you. Trust me... if he's worth it? He won't let your self esteem stop him from loving you. Flaws and hardships are natural in people and in relationships. It's when you find someone willing to go through it with you and work issues out that you find someone that's truly "worth it."
I suggest, when you first start dating, that you just let yourself have fun. Be comfortable with the situation, relax and try to genuinely be happy. Don't go into the details of the past very soon unless the guy brings it up. Even then... try to keep it light at first. You want someone to see you at your best first so he'll be fine with being with you at your worst.
Consider revamping your profile if you're going to rely on online dating. Again, try to keep it positive and happy. Someone may be willing to be with you through the bad but it's going to be easier on you if he knows there's more to you than just the negative. Try posting in the profile review section. =) | |
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| Widowed mother of 2 starting over
Posted: 2/27/2010 11:11:09 AM | Congratulations on the weight loss.
Two years isn't that long. You will have times when you are desperate to find love, then times where you don't want to talk to anyone. Grief is a cycle. The problem with desperation is the risk of staying with someone who is not right for you, just to avoid being alone.
Anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays are tough whether you have someone in your life or not.
There are some good forums for young widows on their site. | |
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| Widowed mother of 2 starting over
Posted: 2/27/2010 3:08:04 PM | | You have to believe in yourself. I am a widower, my wife of 11 years passed away and was completely devistated. She died 12 years to the day of our first date. I also have lost a lot of weight(135 pounds) to help with the confidence factor. It will take baby steps, just go out with friends(but keep your head on straight) and put the past behind you. Not saying to forget because you will always have him in your heart but for every road block there will be a new avenue to go down. | |
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