| Why is it??????
Posted: 10/27/2004 11:40:13 PM | I have wondered why it is that people that are good looking, or considered good looking, use their looks to their advantage. I mean I sent a girl a mesg, who was really good looking, but we shared some things in common, so I decided to send her a mesg. When she wrote back, she ask me if I actually thought I was good looking enough for her. I mean am I that ugly, or is that something people do. Guys do it too, but Why would someone say something like. But like i said, Why do people use their looks to their benefit
Jameson | |
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yna6
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Joined: 5/2/2004
Msg: 2 | |
| Why is it??????
Posted: 10/28/2004 12:17:53 AM | Studies indicat that good looking people do better in life. Judges habd down more linient sentances to good looking people. Employers hire better looking people who have equal or even slightly lower qualifications. It is part of the genetic traits we have...what attracts us (as individuals or a species) makes us respond in a more positive manner.
Good to hear that you ARE getting e-mails anyways. Hope you told her that "Yes...you WERE good looking enough for her! Or anyone else for that matter!" She sounds pretty shallow, but don;t say I said that eh?
:P | |
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| Why is it??????
Posted: 10/28/2004 1:21:31 AM | Well to be honest, I was the bigger person, and told her that If she bases relationships on looks, then she just will not be able to know what it is she is missing. Looks should be the last thing people should want in a relationship. If things are meant to be based on a physical attraction level, should we not call ourselves cavemen. Relationships are supposed to based on emotional attractions. Yes if the person is good looking, that is just an added bonus. But yes I did tell her that I am good enough for her, maybe not in looks, but in maturity (despite the fact that she is 21 and me 19. And it seems that I was a bit more mature than her... Odd) and that I hope she finds that guy she is looking for. So that made me feel good. being mature and all.
Oh and your secret is safe with me. | |
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| Why is it??????
Posted: 10/28/2004 1:22:27 AM | | well the only thing i can come up with is, that there heads are so far up there asses that they don't get enough fresh air, or they just think they are better then everyone else. | |
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| Why is it??????
Posted: 10/28/2004 1:23:48 AM | | words to the wise. I know what you mean. And yes i agree. | |
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| Why is it??????
Posted: 10/28/2004 1:50:38 AM | | Hey Jameson, when you have formed your own computer company and are a billionaire like Gates, just watch that babes face drop. You should also remember looks are just a fleeting thing for them and it is all they have, so allow her, her ten seconds in the sun, you have the rest of your life. | |
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| Why is it??????
Posted: 10/28/2004 3:13:13 AM | As a handsome friend of mine once said, looks are what people sense first. It's the initial draw; it gets your foot in the door and whether you can stay inside depends on your other qualities. Now he was a simple fellow so he attracted more of the simpler girls, which drove him batty sometimes, so it's not like looks alone will solve everything.
Even plain people judge on looks. Would you go out with someone who was highly wrinkled, or three feet tall or who has really bad acne or weighed 500 pounds? Probably not. Everyone has their "minimum bar" that others must visually pass. You _might_ hang out with someone like that if you knew them really well, but if you can't stomach the first five minutes, then you'll never get to know them that well, right? And we all have friends that we'd never have sex with. :)
My favorite description of that bar is "easy on the eyes." As long as a person doesn't make the other person grit their teeth, things should go alright. What amazes me is how much one's hair can affect things -- if you haven't, just experiment with different styles and see if you can hike things up a notch. And it won't make you vain; you're just making it easier for others to get to know you well enough to switch over to your finer qualities. Even if you don't quite hit the heights, it impresses others that you went and made that effort. It shows respect, and people like that. A plain woman who watches her weight and has good posture and charm and who knows how to dress turns heads, and that's true for guys as well. Focus on what you can control, and don't worry about the stuff you can't.
Attitude/poise helps too. If I'm ever (God forbid!) in a club, I don't fidget, I don't wallflower, I don't look down, I don't do anything nervous or timid. I just dress well and behave laid back, and chat along an even keel, a nice pleasant pace. And no acting; "posers" and "losers" spell nearly the same for a reason. Sincerity attracts people. The ladies don't come running, no, but more often than not they linger and chat for a while. They like to see a guy who's honest, who looks and acts like he's got his stuff together, who isn't worried if he doesn't "score" that night or only has women on the brain, who has some easygoing confidence, who knows who he is and is okay with himself the way he is.
This is getting long. Tell you what: just notice the qualities of women you admire, especially the plainer ones, and make them your qualities. If they can appeal to you despite their plainness, then you want to do what they're doing. And if or when someone disparages your looks, you'll like yourself enough that it won't bother you, and then you'll be even more attractive. | |
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| Why is it??????
Posted: 10/28/2004 4:42:00 AM | | I feel that Descartes has summed the point up here but I wanted to say one last thing, look at Andrew lloyd weber, the man has very little in the way of looks but he has never has a bad looking woman on his arm. Why? Because he is an amazing composer and that alone has given him the foot through the door, the rest is down to charm. | |
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| Why is it??????
Posted: 10/28/2004 6:51:38 AM | Looks shouldnt be the top thing in meeting some one, but there is a point that you have to say no way. What she did was uncalled for and I am sure she will get hers sooner than later. We will all one day be old and grey and the top things on our minds will be food and a good rocking chair. I for one would rather have some one sitting next to me that had a good life with many stories to share with me, than have some one that missed out on everything because they had to have the person with a perfect body fact ect. To much out there to enjoy, and hurting people seems to be what people love to do the best now days. I for one want to be remembered as a great father, wonderful husband , best friend a person can have and a wild cat in the sack ! other than that I could care less what others think.
Gadolinx
Cant never Could, Wont never Will ! | |
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| Why is it??????
Posted: 10/28/2004 8:51:19 AM | The woman had zero class! IF she's that caught up on looks she's most likely as equally consumed with what's in a man's wallet as well. You were lucky she was honest enough to show her real face to you--not so appealing.
BTW you're cute! | |
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| Why is it??????
Posted: 10/28/2004 10:10:54 AM | Jameson19 - In answer to your first question, I think that everyone naturally uses what they perceive to be their assets to their advantage. It's what we list in our profiles, right? Intelligent, funny, etc. We use what we have to attract others. However, this woman sounds not only way too full of herself, but inexcusably rude and arrogant as well. Good thing you found out now, yes? In answer to your second question, no, you're not ugly. You have great lips. Sounds weird, but I have a thing for "kissable" lips. LOL! Looks are merely window dressing, and they don't last. I've been crazy about guys that weren't very physically attractive, and gone out with some drop dead gorgeous ones that couldn't hold my interest for five minutes. It takes a pretty shallow person to say what she said to you, and you deserve way better.
Descartes - Wonderful post. Lots of solid advice.
Gadolinx - What you said you wanted to be remembered for... IMO, you have definitely got the right idea! | |
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| Why is it??????
Posted: 10/28/2004 11:06:52 AM | as ultimately lovely and romantically ideal the notion that "looks don't matter" is, the hard, cold truth is that it is a very rare person who is not influenced to some degree by a person's looks. The only time "looks shouldn't matter" is when we are trying to make ourselves feel better that the pretty person who just turned us down doesn't like us. The fact that you mentioned she was a looker when you mailed her is testiment to this fact.
That said, she was way out of line in saying that. Being attractive is not license to be an ass... and that goes double for you gals who write stuff like "I'm shallow and picky" (exact quote) in your bios. | |
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| Why is it??????
Posted: 10/28/2004 12:26:28 PM | looks matter but personality matters more. in 30 years she'll be fat, wrinkly, and ugly just like the rest of us :D
I admit though, I have used my looks to my advantage before, but in subtle ways. Like getting out of a speeding ticket or getting a man to lift something heavy ;) | |
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| Why is it??????
Posted: 10/28/2004 12:53:46 PM | Let me start off by saying that I think she might have been able to handle her reply a bit better.
That said, people will notice our weaknesses if we magnify those weaknesses. Let me point out what I mean, the first thing Jameson19 said was "I mean I sent a girl a mesg, who was really good looking". This hints at the fact that Jameson19 may have been a bit intimidated by the appearance of the woman he was trying to contact. The next indicator might be where he says "But yes I did tell her that I am good enough for her, maybe not in looks" which leads me to think that he is a bit insecure about his own appearance. Then there are several places where Jameson19 justifies his position by explaining how relationships are supposed to be based on emotional attractions, how looks aren't important and many other remarks along these lines that would indicate insecurity.
Now before anyone takes offense (especially Jameson19) I'm simply wanting to point out that strength and confidence have always been positive character traits and it's in your best interest to work from what you feel are your positive traits rather than your negative traits. . There may have been several other approaches for you to take when you chose to contact this woman that would have been much more appealing to her and brought you better results.
Another thing to consider is this,, perhaps reading her profile might have shed more light on her real wants and desires. Perhaps she just ended a relationship which was based on emotional attractions and it failed miserably for her. Perhaps because of that experience she put in her profile that she was looking for a "great looking guy". When Jameson19 responded it wasn't what she was looking for so she cut the communication off immediately (which may have been done a bit too strongly).
Whether someone wants a great looking partner or an emotional attraction (or both) as the basis of their relationship doesn't make either approach right or wrong. It simply makes both approaches their own personal desires.
Now that I've rambled on with all this I'll wish Jameson19 best wishes for his search.... | |
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| Why is it??????
Posted: 10/28/2004 11:57:01 PM | hey,
u cant be talking bout all good looking people, im considered very pretty by some but i also give everyone a chance no matter the looks to me looks dont matter its the rest that counts or as a quite goes " dont judge a book by the cover" | |
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| Why is it??????
Posted: 10/29/2004 4:46:35 PM |
I admit though, I have used my looks to my advantage before, but in subtle ways. Like getting out of a speeding ticket or getting a man to lift something heavy ;)
You said in another thread that you had been an exotic dancer and how you could turn a guy into a "human ATM machine." I wouldn't say that's using your looks in "subtle ways." Not saying there's anything wrong with using your looks to your advantage, I just wouldn't call that subtle. | |
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Pixel
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Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 18 | |
| Why is it??????
Posted: 12/24/2004 3:09:26 AM | Not everyone is as shallow as the girl you encountered.
I was dating a really goodlooking guy who became uglier everytime he opend his mouth. Eventually I couldn't even look at him because I could have had a better conversation with a hammer.
I also have known people who have become so much more beautiful the more I got to know them. | |
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| Why is it??????
Posted: 12/24/2004 4:39:19 AM | | More or less she's stuck on herself. High priced snob with her nose so far up in the air that it just can't go any further. It's not you jameson-Ask yourself? Is it really worth chasing her down if she's not going to respect you? | |
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| Why is it??????
Posted: 12/24/2004 5:23:58 AM | | Jameson, you look just fine. Ya just have to walk away from sleeping bytches. Let her find her own d*mned shallow life, and when she's old and not so good lookin as she thinks she is, let her look into the cracked mirror and maybe she'll get a look at the ugliness in her. Then again, she may just be another stupid person. You have worth, my friend. Drive on, and to hell with her or anybody else who would judge you so callously. | |
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| Why is it??????
Posted: 12/24/2004 8:34:09 PM | | "otis" is right. Also, keep in mind, that the majority of so-called "good-looking" people are shallow and conceited. Especially women. Just recognize and accept that they're 'whores.' Most will develop the callousness and stuck up attitude naturally. Also, ignore the girls who post or say 'yeah, she's shallow...' etc. blah blah... because most won't really follow their own words. Just take what they say with a grain of salt. One doesn't have to be that way but it usually is because they often don't have the values or personality to not be. | |
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| Why is it??????
Posted: 12/24/2004 8:35:54 PM | Yeah yeah Yada Yead she's shallow ^  hahaha | |
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| Why is it??????
Posted: 12/24/2004 9:02:19 PM | Um...because they can. It's like if you had superspeed, would you not use it to win a race, because its "unfair"? I doubt it, unless you're also a moral superhero. People use whatever they can to be better than everyone else. As for her being a b*tch, yah, that's just a good indicator of why she's on here (ie, single...) and you needn't waste your precious time with her.
peace out. | |
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| Why is it??????
Posted: 12/24/2004 9:15:06 PM | jameson: looks are a completely subjective thing...
Nobody has a "good looking" or "ugly" stamp on them. It's purely a matter of how they are perceived by others.
Now, there are some characteristics that society judges people by. These are usually physical characteristics of those who get the most of what they want: the "alpha"'s of the species. In fact, the rest of nature is like this also. The rest of the species model their behavior around those who get the most. It's kind of like a subconscious life script for the rest of us to get what WE want also.
Usually, the "alphas" are determined by their ability to physically dominate the rest of the species, but sometimes it's about looks... like with pheasants....
We humans use both as determinants to who we model ourselves after, and in different societies there are different physical "types" that are thought to be attractive.
My Godfather is a Hawaiian. By US standards, he's a really good looking guy... slim, fine features, high cheekbones, nice smile...
But he says that in Hawaii, the type of male everyone likes is big and round and smiles all the time. People don't trust people who don't smile all the time and if you don't eat a mountain of food when you go to someone's house to visit, they're insulted.
In my humble opinion: if someone considers me attractive, I'm usually grateful for this; as I realize it's only because THEY might think I am, that I am at all. I think any reasonable person has to come to the same conclusion.
Conversely, using the same logic; it is therefore only an opinion of someone considers me UNattractive... so I don't take it personally... I just think maybe the other person has had some problem before with someone who looks like me...
Anyway, the female who gave you this bad feeling has a very distorted perspective on the way things are. She'll probably find out some day about the way it really is. Anyone can reject someone else. It happens. It's only an opinion. | |
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| Why is it??????
Posted: 12/24/2004 9:36:16 PM | "When she wrote back, she ask me if I actually thought I was good looking enough for her."
you need to tell her "oh im sorry, i didnt realise you were on your period. and you're not that pretty neway, i figured you were easily in my league"
i wud hardly ever say the same thing to a girl who approached me. id have to be really ****ing uptight about sth | |
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