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 SeniSeviyorum
Joined: 3/26/2007
Msg: 1
R*pe is ruining my sex lifePage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I dont really know how to start or what the hell to say but i just need some help.

At 16 I went through the horror of r*pe and then again at 17. Both quite aggressive and by people I knew and trusted.
Although i cant bring myself to read or say the word R*pe, I find it easy to talk about etc but my problem arises when relationships reach the sexual stage.
After my ordeal, to me, sex is dirty and I tend to make excuses not to do it.
Sometimes there is no problem at all but other times it affects me hugely.
For example if I am touched in the wrong place or way then i completely freak out and burst into tears. I sometimes will push away, kick and punch until the lad is as far away from me as possible.
I dont know who to go to about this issue so I thought maybe someone here could help me? Anyone who has suffered R*pe will hopefully understand where i am coming from but id like advice from others who have been successful in overcoming it so i can go on to have relationships in which i can enjoy sex, instead of dreading it being suggested. Help anyone?
x x x
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 2
R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 9:36:59 AM
First off, OP, I want to sincerely apologize about your incidents involving being rape. I have never been in such a horrible situation, but I will do my best to give you some advice.

You state that you don't know who to turn to in order to get help for your current burden, and situation. Have you ever thought about seeing a specialist? A counselor perhaps? Someone who could give the help and treatment you need to overcome your current burden?

I'm not sure how much help people in public forums could be, but we can always try to give the best advice possible.

I wish you the best and I hope you can, or better will overcome what has affected your sex life. Though I have not been in your situation, I do understand in a way where you're coming from.

I see that being raped could cause some severe insecurities, and what not among those who have been raped.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 3
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R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 9:37:32 AM
Good counseling!!!

You need help to sort your feelings out, and a chance to open up and talk about what happened. Until you do this, all you end up doing is hiding what is, and rejecting what could be.

Good luck.

cd......
 justpat1974
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 4
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R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 9:38:03 AM
Please--- you need to get help from a professional. I am sure what you are experiencing is very normal. But this is a free dating site.
You need to take this to people are qualified to help you.

Try a local sexual assult hotline-- they will have the resources to help you.

Best of luck to you.
 SeniSeviyorum
Joined: 3/26/2007
Msg: 5
R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 9:43:03 AM
Thanks for that. No need to apologise, i was just unlucky (twice lol!)

It has been suggested from a friend that i see my doctor but i dont see what help that will do. There is no medication in this world to make this go away. Its completely phsycological but who would help with this kind of thing.
I have been to councelling regarding something else and it was uncomfortable and i felt patronised. It didnt seem to help much.
Where else would you suggest? and where could i find them?
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 6
R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 9:46:32 AM
Op.

NO ONE HERE CAN HELP YOU.

CLEARLY: you need (and should have done it right after it hapenned) : go see a professional (and specialized) psychologist for that: the more you wait, the deeper you sink your root.

This is what you really NEED.
 MysterRite1
Joined: 2/21/2010
Msg: 7
R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 9:48:26 AM
Sounds like you need a more complete emotional/physical healing before a serious relationship.

Honestly, and this is just a thought, try getting to the point where you are comfortable getting your girly self-pleasure on, jilling off, getting to where you can do so relaxed and enjoying it to the fullest.
Then you may be able to share such an experience with a trustworthy significant other!


Seek Yahuwshua first,
Loran
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 8
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R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 9:49:40 AM
I dont live in Scotland but I have to think that there are some sort of sexual violence crisis centres there. I dont think there is a time line of when you have to use their services by in relation to the attack. Do you have access to certified therapists or phychiatists with your health insurance? I dont know how you medical system works. Your family Doctor should have the ability to set you up with a liscensed practitioner.
 De Adra
Joined: 8/29/2009
Msg: 9
R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 9:57:09 AM
There are some really good websites for rape counselling and some include forums for victims trying to heal and move on with their lives. You might be able to glean more constructive advice there. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. You’re probably going to have to go through a full grieving process before you’re able to deal with a healthy sexual relationship. You’ll get there.
 SeniSeviyorum
Joined: 3/26/2007
Msg: 10
R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 9:58:26 AM
To the above posted by Commonsens:

I dont think that attitude was needed. Maybe its just me but i feel your comments were very blunt and insensitive.
This is not an act of attention seeking. I cant help it if i dont know what to do.
And "CLEARLY" you have no experience of this as it is NOT always easy to go to someone straight after it happens.
Many people hide this kind of thing from people for years, thinking it will go away. Like an anger problem or addiction, people talk about their issues when it is right for THEM.
If i have taken your comments wrongly then i do apologise.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 11
R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:06:30 AM
OP,
When you come to a public forum for advice, there will always be comments made that might offend you or cause you to get upset.

To be honest, commosens is correct. As I've previously pointed out, we can only offer advice, but we can't "fix" your current burden.

If you have seeked professional help, and it hasn't worked for you, perhaps it wasn't the type of professional help you needed.

You are stunning by the way.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 12
R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:07:53 AM
OP, sorry for your situation but Commonsens' comments were spot on. Strangers on a public forum aren't the people to turn to for this. A professional is.
 dave878
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 13
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R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:09:15 AM
I'm so sorry, it's a terrible situation to be in. But please raise it with your doctor as a matter of urgency: they really are about more than prescribing pills for physical aiments, and hopefully s/he'll be able to refer you to an appropriate specialist who can help you start to mend. And that doesn't mean you shouldn't look independently for suitable support services/practitioners: you're entitled to do both, and finding what's out there may help with the doc. You don't have to go through this alone.
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 14
R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:09:48 AM
What?!?

You ASKED for ADVICE, YOU received neutral ADVICE for your specific case, nothing more, nothing less.

if someone house is on fire.. i will not say or patronize (placebo) the person " ooohh poor dear, nice kitten here, how are you...".... ill say directly : YOU NEED TO CALL the FIREMAN, because if the person want to get solution, that exactly what they need to do.


so your little reply here, you can stuff it (now THAT attitude).

Thanks Rushluv and alooo, but I think that the OP is smart enough to have realize her mistake here (we will see...EDIT: seams like NOT...and no education also.)


Edencap well: hum Psychologist..not psychiatrist.
To make understand the diff between the two: Water and glass.
Psychology is to water, the content (emotions, perception , traumas etc etc)
Psychiatry is the glass, the container (the brain, chemical imbalance, neuro deffect etc )
 edencapwell
Joined: 3/13/2009
Msg: 15
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R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:13:00 AM
Op.

NO ONE HERE CAN HELP YOU.

i agree with this 100%!! unless someone here is a doctor/psychologist, then we cannot help you. you definitely need to seek psychiatric help, keep looking for a good doctor that you feel comfortable with. i'm afraid you will never be able to move on unless you talk about what happened to you with a licensed professional. there are many great doctors/therapists out there, you just need to find the right one. maybe look for a woman if you are more comfortable with a woman vs. a man. btw, i like your pics, your very pretty. good luck!!

p.s. why are people voting to delete this thread?? she's NOT looking for pity, she needs help. sheesh give the poor girl a break already!!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 16
R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:14:31 AM
Really, what you need is help by a particular type of professional. If anything you need to post not in this type of forum, but a blog that understands your issue. Also you need to address this as soon as possible. Best of luck to you.
 SeniSeviyorum
Joined: 3/26/2007
Msg: 17
R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:14:56 AM
I understand there will always be unwelcomed responses, however i feel it could have been put slightly nicer lol
The counselling i had previously was regarding something completely different.
I havent rele addresses THIS issue at all yet with anyone professional.
It may have been stupid of me to think i could deal with it myself but any problem i have had, that i have talked through seemed to help, apart from this obviously.
But i just thought id try doing things the way i was most comfortable with and if it didnt work i would see what others have tried.
 edencapwell
Joined: 3/13/2009
Msg: 18
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R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:20:17 AM
Edencap well: hum Psychologist..not psychiatrist.
To make understand the diff between the two: Water and glass.


umm...i work in mental health and guess what? we have psychiatrists who are MD's working there who see patients. there might be a few psychologists but the majority are psychiatrists. we also have social workers who are MSWs and LCSWs so i know what i'm saying. we also have some nurses and APNs.
 Lovekraft
Joined: 7/2/2009
Msg: 19
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R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:24:47 AM
Ah, to unknow the know. That is one of life's greatest challenges - how to sort through troubled pasts in order to emerge stronger.
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 20
R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:25:32 AM
But of course! The course to Psychiatry IS via psychology with the add on of medicine! (if i can express myself this way)
So yes, a psychiatrist can do the general work of a psychologist (but NOT verce versa), but a psychiatrist do not have the training nor the experience that specialized psychologist have, just the "generals" !!!


in this case, there is nothing wrong with her brain, no neural defect, chemical imbalance etc etc it's is pure content! yes a psychiatrist can deal with her, but to be effective it must be dealt by a specialized psychologist in rape and sexual violence!

Like an electrician is an electrician, right? I will not deal with a residential one for an industrial work....specialization make all the difference.

Commonsens..PhD.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 21
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R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:27:28 AM
I am sorry that you had those experiences as well.

You don't indicate whether you have ever gotten counseling, gotten into a support group or found an online community of people that can provide you with support about how they got through things.

Have you told a man that this happened when you were young, you are trying to not let it continue to affect you but this could happen. I would think a decent man would help you to get out of the flash back. Maybe that particular encounter is down the tubes but I think that as you realize that a guy can be trusted and isn't going to run even if you inadvertently punch him, you instincts to react to the trigger will lessen.

Again, I would suggest contacting an organization that deals with rape victims so that you can speak with trained professionals and people that have survived and survived well.
 A_Forum_Lurker
Joined: 4/24/2009
Msg: 22
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R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:31:43 AM
OP wrote


It has been suggested from a friend that i see my doctor but i dont see what help that will do. There is no medication in this world to make this go away. Its completely phsycological but who would help with this kind of thing.



I have been to councelling regarding something else and it was uncomfortable and i felt patronised. It didnt seem to help much.


There are good counselors and there are bad counselors (remember somebody had to graduate at the bottom of the class). Find a counselor that you are comfortable with. There are counselors that specialize in dealing with what you are going through.

You are correct in that your doctor can not directly help, but he/she does have the resource to help you find the appropriate counselor to deal with your issues.

Making referrals to the appropriate specialist is one of the primary responsibilities of your doctor. I would recommend that you start there.

PS – As hard as it is, the fact you acknowledge and are addressing this issue is a good sign. Hang in there and good luck.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 23
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R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:33:00 AM
OK, OP, first, this happened just a few short years ago so realize that you aren't experiencing anything that is abnormal.

I would imagine that Scotland has the same things generally we do, rape crisis centers and hotlines that will be staffed by qualified rape crisis counselors. It was nearly 30 years ago now but I took a course to be able to work the rape hotline where I grew up. The people that man these lines are often rape survivors and even if they are like me, people that wanted to train and help, my course was like 19 hours of class time and literally about a foot stack of information so that people can as best they are able not having had the experience, understand what someone is going through and help them through it.

With the counseling experience you had previously, unfortunately just like any other profession there are bad or inept therapists. You either experienced one of those or it was a personality clash that the therapist didn't fix. Don't base your judgments on counseling on one experience and recognize that assuming that it is not another patronizing person, you need to let yourself be a bit uncomfortable so you can really sort this out and come out a happier person on the other end. Kind of the exercise adage no pain no gain, you may need to reopen that wound a little bit so that it will heal and won't continue to hurt you indefinitely.
 SeniSeviyorum
Joined: 3/26/2007
Msg: 24
R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:33:33 AM
In a way yes i do agree with some of you.
Yes this is a public forum and maybe not the most ideal place to discuss this but I am confused about where to go. It was just to get an idea of what others have maybe done or what people could suggest.
Anywhere else would be full of young, immature teenagers who tend to not take important issues seriously, which is not what i am aiming for.
As for deleting my thread. That isnt rele gonna help ME or give me much confidence in future with regards to talking about my issue.
I am taking all your views on board as everyone is entitled to their opinion and commonsens i apologise for jumping down your throat. Im sorry
Sometimes talking to strangers is better than to someone close and surely with the ammounts of people viewing these things every day there is bound to be someone else out there in my situation who can relate. THATS wot im looking for.
Clearly i need more help than people here can offer me but some things need a bit of trial and error before you get it right. You jus have to try dfferent things until something works for YOU.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 25
R*pe is ruining my sex life
Posted: 2/26/2010 10:37:25 AM
We understand that you are in search for some good advice, but realize that the majority of our advice will fall under the same pattern. Notice how the majority here has told you to seek professional help.

You will end up getting an awful lot of that advice. I can sense from your posts in this thread, that you are a smart girl, so in that case, do what you feel is best for you.
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