| | Am I too much of a whiner?Page 1 of 1 | I just want a dinner date. Is that too much to ask? Does that qualify as 'dating' or 'hanging out' or what? I can't be THAT offensive. And I am really NOT looking for a booty call. Granted I have trouble with halitosis, but they usually don't find that out until we meet (I took out the pictures with the fogged up lens).
Constructive feedback? Anyone? Bueller? | |
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| Am I too much of a whiner?
Posted: 3/8/2010 9:31:40 AM | | Give me twenty minutes and you'll have a review, but go get some tylenol so the pain doesn't hurt so much, ok? | |
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| Am I too much of a whiner?
Posted: 3/8/2010 9:33:48 AM | Hey Denver-ite,
Tracyannk has a legit point there mister. Can you smile? If so, try doing it and capture that in a picture. Women like smiles showing teeth.
Spelling, grammar and punctuation count on PoF. Use a word processor and cut and paste to your profile.
Profession: spell it out so the women will know that you can afford to date. “computer stuff” doesn’t tell them anything.
Interests: separate each one with a comma which will list them individually. I.e.: movies, Blue Oyster Cult, cooking, baseball, etc. Note that BOC needs to be capitalized.
About Me: your opening line there is going to throw off the women I’m afraid mister. “I work here and live somewhere else.” – So you are completely unavailable to see someone on the weekends? That’s the way I am reading it. Then to complicate things more… one of the 5 days you are teaching a class in the evenings.
The “hahahahahahahahahah” isn’t funny dude. Neither are lol’s.
“(except maybe a toenail fungus).” – Ummm lose this one completely. I’m pretty sure you are joking, or at least HOPE you are joking… but that is kinda nasty. And the little bouncy guys are obnoxious in a profile. All they do is distract from the text.
“long walks on the beach and world peace.” – I loved this line. If you want to read a ton of clichés in one profile, read mine. If you want to have a unique profile… DO NOT add one of them in yours.
“I have children whom I love and are the main focus of my life, but I won't bore you with those details during dinner.” – I would kill this one too… just sayin.
Good luck to you. | |
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| Am I too much of a whiner?
Posted: 3/8/2010 9:38:24 AM | Are you looking for it to be dates, or just a conversationalist?
If you aren't romantically interested, you could use the hang out or friends options. If you are looking to date, then dating is fine.
Now, having read your profile.. it rather sucks.
First off, more pics. And better ones at that. You look quite different in a couple of the photos, so we don't really know what you look like now. Drop any old pics, and get some new ones, one close up of you smiling as your primary.
Your interests, they need to be separated by a comma. These are supposed to be searchable, and will help you match up with women.
Now, down to your text, umm... You need a whole rewrite. Please read the tips at the top of the forum.
Stuff like:
I am witty, fat (but working on it -hahahahahahahahahah)
I work here and live somewhere else.
clever but not wise
(except maybe a toenail fungus).
Should be totally left out.
I like baseball, science, my children, learning, maps, travel, cooking, home improvement, sci/fi & fantasy, computers, logic, Blue Oyster Cult, Gulf Coast cuisine, driving in the middle of nowhere, walking around in the woods, shooting hoops, the occasional bike ride, parakeet training,
These are interests. You are being redundant.
many types of music, listening to books on CD and old radio shows, watching TV, movies, plumbing, and, oh yeah, long walks on the beach and world peace.
Umm, elaborate on music, this is sooo broad. The rest is.. well.. junk. Drop it. Although, I did take the long walks on the beach and world peace as humor, Those might be ok, but I'd defer to a woman's perspective on that.
First date Idea... get a new one, that just sounds weird. Less filler stuff, more meat. | |
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| Am I too much of a whiner?
Posted: 3/8/2010 9:43:15 AM | Hi Bilvis_Demaio….Like Tracy said, photos. With smiles! Then, working on getting an approachable name and headline. “Dinner conversation once/wk” is interpreted as “I’ll put out for dinner if you put out”. A few more suggestions…
1) While you’re working on getting the photos, use your superb education and vocab to rewrite the profile.
2) Sarcasm and toe-nail fungus and bragging about no infectious diseases don’t go over too well on Profiles.
3) Wit does work. Be witty, not sarcastic. Fine line there.
4) Talk about your job. What do you do? Do you like it? Tell a funny story about something that happened at work.
5) Put the info on the kids into the Profile not the 1st date. Saying you won’t talk about kids is a sure sign that you will. Give her an idea of ages of the kids, and nix that the kids are the main focus of your life. If she starts “dating” you (women don’t want to hang out, they want to date), she wants to be that focus.
6) Are you open to dating women with kids. If you are, it’s good to say so…something like “My kids are 14 and 16. If you’re a single mom, let’s compare notes about raising teenagers.”
7) If you’re only offering dinner, she’s not going to be very interested. She’s not looking to be your entertainment committee at dinner time. She’s looking for a guy who does more than take. Capiche?
8) So, what else are you bringing to the table besides buying dinner and chitchatting? Bring that to your profile if you want to have a chance online.
9) Put commas between your interests. Right now it looks like your interests are the color BLUE, OYSTERS, and CULT. Not too many ladies are interested in a guy who’s into CULT stuff. Maybe save the info on “Blue Oyster Cult” for later or explain it in your profile for the ladies who aren’t familiar with their music.
Ok, enuf for now. Somebody’s got some tweaking and photographing to do. DenverSky5280  | |
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| Am I too much of a whiner?
Posted: 3/8/2010 9:55:19 AM | I see some whines in there. Step outside yourself, and let's have a look.
headline.....why the "once/week" part? I feel some desperation. It doesn't add anything to it. And you might rethink the headline to try and grab a bit more interest. "Dinner for two", "My wallet for a conversation", "I'm buying". You can like your headline, but there is always better.
Pictures.....Tracy asked for a smile. Get to it. 8 pics available. 1 good smiling face shot (no phtoshopped weird stuff), 1 full body shot, the others with activity, landmarks, fun, etc.
interests......separate them (with commas, I think) and get them spelled correctly. Any of those that could be dinner conversation? Add some that would qualify.
Do you have any plans to move there? As a transient, your pool gets smaller. No lying, but consider a bit more explanation.
You teach a class each week? Care to offer a bit here? Things are rather dry in the profile and this simple a comment will hardly get an email response, let alone spending a couple of hours over dinner. You'll need to show some conversational skills in this section to gather interest in your offer. Plenty of other items that could be expanded in similar fashion.
infectious diseases.......I get the humor, but by mentioning it, you draw attention to the monsters under the bed. (you mention X in a joking way, but they then think about X).
Whining..........about something other than reality TV ...... tattoos...... be an improvement over eating alone...... I'm not a dining snob,.....or something like it ..........I won't bore you...............all that negative crap.
WTF?.....I'd offer to pick you up and take you home, though I understand online safety might prevent you from accepting. .............Again, you're talking about monsters under the bed. You will meet her at the restaurant.
You want some interesting company? You need to be positive, upbeat, fun, willing to listen sort of conversation before anyone of substance takes you up on the offer.
How can you listen? You made a suggestion for, "Fresh Fish Co", add some more, and make a suggestion that there must be some great places in the area you haven't yet discovered and would like their input. A place where they are comfortable, a place they've heard good things about, but haven't been to yet.
mail restrictions..........why the age range, picture, and distance requirement?
Just some ideas for you to think about. Hopefully something useful in there.
Good luck. | |
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| Am I too much of a whiner?
Posted: 3/8/2010 9:55:29 AM | Ok, this construstive criticism may hurt a little, so I hope you have on big boy pants.
First you said you deleted the foggy pics, but I still see one and what's up with the eye and city shot? Delete those they suck. Grow teeth, and smile, it makes a HUGE difference, and Halitosis doesn't. Not if you brush enough, just carry some breath spray or mints. Second change your headline, you sound needy as hell with something like that. Make it something catchy and unique, use that master level brain of yours. Third, take off the limits, what if the person you want to meet is 33 and 76 miles away, think about that. Fourth, get atleast 10-12 interests, they help you get matchs.
I work here and live somewhere else. During the week I'd like to have someone to go out to dinner with or exchange emails or just shoot the shit.
First part isn't important since you obviously only want a dinner with a girl, not like she is going over to your place or will ever see you again since that's what you want. Explain what you mean by "shoot the shit", are you doing it with a 12 guage or .45? Don't assume your reader knows anything about what you are talking about unless it's painfully obvious.
In addition to my regular job I teach a class one night a week at the community college. I am witty, fat (but working on it -hahahahahahahahahah), have a sense of the absurd, can be well mannered, clever but not wise and not a party animal. On the other hand, I bathe regularly, pay my bills and don't have any infectious diseases (except maybe a toenail fungus).
What college and what kind of class do you teach, I know you've heard of elaboration. Don't say fat, it's negative, have a positive image of yourself and the ladies will too! Define absurd and well mannered. By saying clever, but not wise, are you saying that you good at making a joke if the opportunity arises, but not very educated? Ok, this last part made me get my trash can, so feel good because I've got a good tolerance for the sick. No one cares how often you bath, how often you pay your bills, and if you have an infectious disease. Little advice fungus isn't a disease, it's a growth of bacteria, didn't you pay attention in school?
I like baseball, science, my children, learning, maps, travel, cooking, home improvement, sci/fi & fantasy, computers, logic, Blue Oyster Cult, Gulf Coast cuisine, driving in the middle of nowhere, walking around in the woods, shooting hoops, the occasional bike ride, parakeet training, many types of music, listening to books on CD and old radio shows, watching TV, movies, plumbing, and, oh yeah, long walks on the beach and world peace.
If you are going to put this much I hope you are going to elaborate on every one of them so we know why you like them or drop the unimportant ones, like logic, learning, driving in the middle of nowhere, walking in the woods(I'm getting the idea you like murder movies), plumbing. And that last line about world peace and long walks on the beach is cliche.
First Date
I am looking for someone who can carry on a conversation at dinner about something other than reality TV or describing where she got her tattoos. Something who would actually be an improvement over eating alone. I'm not a dining snob, but I do like a nice piece of fish and maybe some wine. Fresh Fish Co. or something like it would probably be a start. I'd offer to pick you up and take you home, though I understand online safety might prevent you from accepting. I will pay and open the door for you, etc. and I don't expect anything except some interesting company. I have children whom I love and are the main focus of my life, but I won't bore you with those details during dinner.
Obviously, conversation will happen at dinner, and don't mention the other stuff like t.v. and the places she has tattoos(though I wouldn't mind listening to this one). Maybe you should look at that second sentence. "Something who would..." don't you mean someone, unless you like eating with a "man doll" . The snob remake is just arrogant and rude, delete it. Don't mention online safety, it's negative. By saying this,"I will pay and open the door for you, etc. and I don't expect anything except some interesting company.", you are setting yourself up for disaster, so why are you making me write a full review of you even the first date section if you don't expect anything to come of it? Why don't you pick a girl up from a bar and offer her a free dinner with no strings attached? Why would you mention children in your date ideas?
Through this whole profile, I haven't learned(and neither of all the ladies) about what you may want in a relationship, what you like in a girl(other than conversation), or how you act personality wise. You need serious work on this. Remember to keep things short and simple, yet to the point. Give examples of your interests like music(bands) and maps(treasure, road, exploration). Leave out negatives, cliches, and pointless details(I've already mentioned like 5). You should ideally have 4-6 paragraphs with 3-5 sentences each in them in your profile. If you want personal tips/adivce feel free to message me and I'll get back to you when ever I'm on.
Hope it helps, Ron
P.S. Did the tylenol help any? | |
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| Am I too much of a whiner?
Posted: 3/8/2010 9:59:47 AM | I would nix the line about paying for dinner. Always your prerogative to offer, but it makes you sound a little like paying for dinner is the only way you can get a date. You are plenty good looking enough - so see all the advice above about getting better photos.
I kinda liked the toenail fungus line, lol but my sense of humor is warped. I'd try to tone it down a smidge because yeah, bragging about not having an infectious disease doesn't really win you any big points.
Make some changes and bump your thread up after. | |
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| Am I too much of a whiner?
Posted: 3/8/2010 10:04:34 AM | Annie - "but my sense of humor is warped"
If you thought that was funny woman... I mean wow. You ARE a sick pup!! When I read that one... and thought about it. I threw up just a lil in my mouth.
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| Am I too much of a whiner?
Posted: 3/8/2010 10:05:38 AM | | I'm with majic here, I went and pulled my trash can up to my leg for fear of hurling. | |
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| Am I too much of a whiner?
Posted: 3/8/2010 10:13:16 AM | awww majic, you just ruined a SECOND monitor. The diet coke ain't never coming out of it.
Hey, what can I say...it reminded me of that " great" second date when I walked on a beach with some guy and his toenails were so disgusting that I could not hold a conversation...and when he tried to kiss me goodnite I ran!!! A toe fungus would have been an improvement. Swear to god, I try to get a guy to take his shoes off now before I let him kiss me. Just to be sure. Because, ewww. | |
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| Am I too much of a whiner?
Posted: 3/8/2010 10:48:22 AM | Annie! HAHA!! You poor thing you!! There are a lot of things that make me go ewwww… and feet/toes are one of them. I have yet to see anyone’s feet male or female that were “hot”, and it digresses from there to just plain old nasty.
Course, I know there are some freaks out there the love them.
~shrugs~ | |
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| Am I too much of a whiner?
Posted: 3/8/2010 10:49:46 AM | | Yuk - my godmother came over yesterday and SHOWED me her toe fungus.....ewewewewewewewe | |
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| Am I too much of a whiner?
Posted: 3/8/2010 10:55:12 AM | Tracyannk - FYourL! HAHAH!
OP - You see a common theme going on here?? That one simple line you have there in your profile should probably be removed. | |
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| Am I too much of a whiner?
Posted: 3/8/2010 11:54:17 AM | LOL! Your call mister.
I just thought it was a pretty nasty visual is all... | |
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| Am I too much of a whiner?
Posted: 3/8/2010 11:57:19 AM | Anyway, thank you all very much for the feedback. There are some nuggets of wisdom mixed in with all the tailings. I will focus on those.
And Annie, if you come to Denver I'll take you for a walk along the beach. (volleyball sand pit). But only if I can bury my feet in the sand. | |
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| Am I too much of a whiner?
Posted: 3/8/2010 11:58:55 AM | Or how about a long walk on the beach? What? Colorado doesn’t have a beach?? I’ll MAKE one for you!! (Then we can walk along hand in hand dodging stanky dead things that have washed ashore. How ROMANTIC!).
HAHAHA!!!!
Annie - Sounds like you gotta date in Denver hun! | |
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| Am I too much of a whiner?
Posted: 3/8/2010 11:59:18 AM |
I just thought it was a pretty nasty visual is all...
Says the man with the bloody profile photo ... ;) | |
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| Am I too much of a whiner?
Posted: 3/8/2010 12:07:36 PM | Ah, but OP! My bloody photo is what makes women click on my profile buddy. My photo breaks most every “rule” for a picture, and especially the main picture. Women look at this one and do the old, “WTF happened to this poor schmuck”… and open the profile.
When I first posted this picture (on the advice of a highly respected lady reviewer here, YouGoFirst) I was getting 4-5 unsolicited emails a day from women. I get about 4-5 a week now.
Maybe you should take a really cool picture of the toe fungus and post it as your main picture! Just make sure you have your face in the picture so it will meet PoF’s picture rules. | |
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| Am I too much of a whiner?
Posted: 3/8/2010 12:25:23 PM | | I have a little scalp fungus too. Maybe that would help - AND I could use a head shot. Looking forward to the unsoliticated email deluge. | |
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| Am I too much of a whiner?
Posted: 3/8/2010 12:46:34 PM | | Not many things disgust me in the human race, but the topic of this post is definitely one of them and quickly climing to the top of the chart. | |
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