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 stlman84
Joined: 4/30/2009
Msg: 1
Need advice regarding female bartenderPage 1 of 1    
I know bartenders are hard to read and most likely are just being friendly for tips.

But how can I approach her and find out if she is in a relationship or has any interest outside the bar? I see her once a week at the place she works. I go in specifically to see her and talk to her. She knows I come in for a beer or two, then leave to shoot pool and usually come back because karaoke is going on and to see her. Yes we have conversations that consist more of then hi how are you, I need (beer) thanks. I go in early so she isn't busy so we can chat it up.

Anything?
 davdo
Joined: 8/4/2008
Msg: 2
Need advice regarding female bartender
Posted: 3/12/2010 4:20:16 AM
In my experience if a waitress or bartender is interested in you, they usually drop a hint about meeting after work or on their day off. Does she know you are available? You can also mention things going on around your town like a music festival, county fair, or even a movie and ask if she goes to those kind of things she might mention if she is involved with someone or even interested in you.

If you aren't one for subtlety forget the above and just ask her out. Prepare to lose a good bartender though if it blows up.
 DiannaBall
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 3
Need advice regarding female bartender
Posted: 3/12/2010 5:18:48 AM
As a bartender I will tell you if we want you asking us out we will hand you our number or make it clear we are available (normally). Being nice is unfortunatly part of the job; even when we do not want to be. You can ask, but chances are you already have your answer. I speak to a lot of my regulars; it is part of what I do. I do not date men that come into the bar period. It is our job to remember what you drink, and how you act in the bar. It pays my mortgage. :) It cannot hurt to try...I get asked out all the time. I just do not want to date from work. However it is due to me being a non drinker and I do not like meeting a future prospect under the influence.
 ProcolHarem
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 4
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Need advice regarding female bartender
Posted: 3/12/2010 5:32:23 AM
She's most likey being nice for tips.
They chat me up too and look at me.

BUT, since you're drinking anyway have another shot of courage and ask her out.

You can always say "sorry" later if she shoots you down since you have "drinking" as an excuse.

win...win...
 dannomite82
Joined: 1/13/2006
Msg: 5
Need advice regarding female bartender
Posted: 3/12/2010 7:02:08 AM
Don't read too much into it. Being a regular you might have a good rapport with her, but do you know anything about her?

There's nothing wrong with having a good rapport with workers of an establishment. It's a nice warming welcoming feeling (like Cheers!). However, put yourself in a worker's shoes, and by doing that respect the worker/customer boundary. If something is going to happen (like a 0.00000001 percent chance), the ball is always in their court, not yours.
 brown_eyed_woman
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 6
Need advice regarding female bartender
Posted: 3/12/2010 7:12:21 AM
Youll have to bite the bullet and suggest a conversation/coffee outside of the bar somewhere...and see how she reacts to know for sure.
 rex-pilot
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 7
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Need advice regarding female bartender
Posted: 3/12/2010 7:32:36 AM

In my experience if a waitress or bartender is interested in you, they usually drop a hint about meeting after work or on their day off.



I will tell you if we want you asking us out we will hand you our number or make it clear we are available (normally)


i am gonna have to agree with both of these statements, in my experience. barmaids see so many people in any given week and get hit on constantly. if they are working somewhere that pushes the "sexy attire" this is even worse. also there are so many men that will tip big just because a pretty girl gives them a little attention (not to be mistaken for good service).

they usually have to put up with a lot of sh1t from drunken azzhats, so if they have thick skin, it is not uncommon for them to make a move on you, if they are "feeling it" and believe me you will know it when they do, but give it a shot anyway. if you are genuine and not trying to hump her leg, she will probably be very flattered.

good luck dude.

-chip
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 8
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Need advice regarding female bartender
Posted: 3/12/2010 7:46:38 AM
I'm with the "if she was interested, you'd know it" camp.

Waitresses, bartenders, hostesses, DJs, managers, we're all pretty outgoing and trust me no one we're interested in is confused about it, especially if they're coming into where we work regularly.

It's our job to make conversation with customers and make sure y'all are having a good time, and flirting with men for tips isn't out of the question. Chances are that's all you're experiencing.
 ANGLICO-USMC
Joined: 1/25/2009
Msg: 9
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Need advice regarding female bartender
Posted: 3/12/2010 7:54:25 AM
Your best bet was to see other bartenders until you got a gist of her shift, then come in one night right around the time you predict she is leaving. Hope she dosen't remember your face. and approach her as a normal girl, not a bartender

but right now youre a customer, and not just that but one of her customers.

Profit an business are on the mind, does she feel she stands to benefit from giving you more than beer.

Right now you giver her tips, more than likely you tip well and she stands to lose that in a break up where you avoid her after which is far more likely to happen (statistically) than a fairy tale ending. there must be reward > risk for her to get with you, and thats before things like if she finds you cute or witty, although they will have a factor on the risk level.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 10
Need advice regarding female bartender
Posted: 3/12/2010 9:01:00 AM
You are a man, not in high school. Ask her directly, nicely, and in a non-threatening manner.

Most likely, the gal is working and being nice because she's a friendly, outgoing person.
But you never know.
Approach it not as this huge deal, but casually. Say something like, "Hey, do you think you'd like to have dinner with me some time? My treat." If she says no, don't make a deal of it, don't make her uncomfortable because she said no. "Oh, well, I gave it a shot."

*DO NOT* do anything along the lines of giving her a huge tip in order to make her feel like she must go out with you (because it won't work, anyway), or hold ONTO your tip as you hand it to her while saying, "I'll give this to you if you go out with me", or any of the other way-too-aggressive-and-creepy things that happens to women at work all the time.
 ghostdog1973
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 11
Need advice regarding female bartender
Posted: 3/12/2010 9:01:02 AM

, it is not uncommon for them to make a move on you, if they are "feeling it" and believe me you will know it when they do


completely agree with this statement.

i'd gone to a 'new' place a few years back. the bartender was off the charts sexy. it was only a bar/restaurant kinda place.

i was asking my buddy about her as he went there alot...he asked if i liked her...

i said hell ya- there's something primitive about the way the girl looks.

she came straight over to me (we'd already chatted a little) smiled real big and asked me for my phone number - said she wanted to go hang out sometime...

so in my experience, they will let you know if they wanna jump you.

sometimes its better to just be "IN" with the female bartender as she will point girls to you or point you to girls...

she also has the skinny on who the girls "really" are and if they are whores or ladies...
 Abbicci
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 12
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Need advice regarding female bartender
Posted: 3/12/2010 9:57:38 AM
I had to check your profile to see how old you were.

If you are old enough to be drinking in a bar you are old enough to use your out loud, big boy voice and ask her out.

A simple " Hey, I was wondering if you'd like to go out on a date some night?" pretty much covers everything.

Anything else is manipulative and/or passive aggressive.

I will say this to the end of my life... if you can't say what you want out loud you do not deserve to have it.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 13
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Need advice regarding female bartender
Posted: 3/12/2010 10:17:18 AM
^^^Abicci - you rock. I totally agree with you - I think the same thing everytime I see a post where someone's looking for a way to avoid rejection. Safe is boring - if you're not taking a risk, you're not living.
 mortman78
Joined: 2/26/2010
Msg: 14
Need advice regarding female bartender
Posted: 3/12/2010 10:18:01 AM
OP, the only way to really know and understand her motives or interest level in you is to get her number. Case closed.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 15
Need advice regarding female bartender
Posted: 3/12/2010 1:09:10 PM

As a bartender I will tell you if we want you asking us out we will hand you our number or make it clear we are available (normally).

I disagree with this. I bartended for a number of years and there were plenty of guys I was interested in but didn't make a move. MOST of the time the bartender is just being friendly because that's her job but if you like her, it never hurts to go for it. My suggestion is to do it when nobody else is within earshot-- no customers or coworkers-- and to do it casually so that if she rejects you (and she probably will) she can continue to serve you without awkwardness.
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 16
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Need advice regarding female bartender
Posted: 3/12/2010 1:59:49 PM
Not even having read all the replies above mine, I can only imagine that you were told to simply mention to her when you see her next time, if she would like to see you outside of the bar.
 Girl Three Doors Down
Joined: 4/28/2009
Msg: 17
Need advice regarding female bartender
Posted: 3/12/2010 2:03:18 PM
Urban Candy, you stole the words right from my lips! It's not that a bartender is insincere or fake, as some might say; they simply are there to serve the customer and frankly, the happier they make you, the more you want to come back, and that equates to more sales for the establishment and more tips for them. Repeat customers mean repeat business, and repeat business means big business. It's never a secret really who the best bartenders are in a place, and you can usually spot them quickly.

A little more education here OP. One thing you have to remember about bartenders and servers in both bars and restaurants is that they deal with the public all day, every day. If they are the slightest bit attractive they get hit on by many of them, and the really attractive then it's like a constant barrage of come-ons and lines and offers. Keep in mind when you hit on a bartender or server in the bar that she has been hit on by like half the bar that night already most likely, and has been doing it for a while most likely so if for SOME reason she's not totally sick to death of the come-ons or cold to the idea of ever dating a customer, then she's heard practically every line and approach out there and you need far more than your standard pick-up line to impress her. I've always made it a point not to date servers and bartenders in the past, for this reason in addition to the fact that they're surrounded by beautiful women and come-ons constantly, whether they're with someone or not, and it's their job to not be the buzz kill. Telling every girl that hits on them that they have a girlfriend sorry is NOT the way to make tips. We all know the statistics on cheating and really, with that much temptation surrounding them you have to expect that the likelihood of them being faithful is rather slim. I just avoid it altogether.

So is she into you or just being nice? Like UC said... if she was interested she'd let you know and get back to work. If you talk to her and flirt with her and she flirts back but never makes an advance it's not that she's shy or nervous, and you should take the hint.
 Skooooch
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 18
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Need advice regarding female bartender
Posted: 3/12/2010 3:55:17 PM
as a former bartender i can attest to the amount of men that come in and try to do exactly what you are doing. Most good bartenders will realize that you are interested in more then the beer each time. I'll have to warn you though, she has seen this before and in order for you to have a chance, you have to be different then the other guys that come in.
You may want to 'run into' her outside of her work environment and ask her out. but don't do it in a sketchy way of course.
Just be careful because her job does require her to be good with people. Goood Luck!
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 19
Need advice regarding female bartender
Posted: 3/12/2010 4:46:36 PM

Approach it not as this huge deal, but casually. Say something like, "Hey, do you think you'd like to have dinner with me some time? My treat." If she says no, don't make a deal of it, don't make her uncomfortable because she said no. "Oh, well, I gave it a shot."

Agreed. I give it about 80% she'd have made a move if interested, but as long as you treat it lightly like that, there's no offense in it. And there is the chance she might go for it. Only one way to find out!
 stlman84
Joined: 4/30/2009
Msg: 20
Need advice regarding female bartender
Posted: 3/12/2010 8:21:50 PM
Thanks for all the replies. Ill see where it takes me in a few weeks.
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