| | Breaking it off Page 1 of 1 | So ive been dating this girl for about a month and a half., we've went out about 4-5 times. Things got sexual after the last date. Anyways in between then Ive been talking to other girls, some whom ive met before her...i haven't slept with any...just dating and talking. I like this girl, i have a lot fun with her and we get along like best friends....but I don't think i'm the right guy for her, she deserves someone thats crazy about her.
I also really like someone else and would just like to focus on her. So, this girl is starting to take the relationship very seriously and I don't want to lead her on. I'm thinking I should break it off now before things get harder. My question is what is the best way? Should I do it by phone or in person and whats the best thing to say? Ive been in her position before the girls just ignored me until i got the point but I could never do something like that.
Also, i know i'm doing the right thing but why do i feel like a jerk? | |
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Posted: 3/13/2010 3:02:45 AM | Also, i know i'm doing the right thing but why do i feel like a jerk?
Because you are dumping her right after you guys got it on?
Was she aware you were still keeping your options open when you took it to the next level? If not, then no matter what you say or how you handle it, she is going to be ticked.
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Posted: 3/13/2010 3:12:29 AM | | You're feeling like a jerk because you are on one page, and you think/know she is on another. If you really do get along like best friends, you should speak with her in person. Be honest and kind, and say a lot of what you said above (leave off the part about wanting someone else). And don't get sexual again, no matter how tempting it might be, cuz that'll just make more of a mess. | |
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Posted: 3/13/2010 3:18:13 AM | I was in exactly the situation you described.
I called her on the phone and told her that I didn't have the kind of feelings for her that she had for me. Things got pretty tearful on both sides of the phone, but after about 15 minutes, it was done.
I then spent a lot of time and effort pursuing this other girl. When she discovered that I'd split up with my girlfriend, she became much more reluctant to hang out, see me or communicate. Turns out she was just having fun, which I mistook for genuine interest, and now I was single, my girl friends felt awkward around me.
Moral of this story:
Don't break up until you know where you're going! | |
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Posted: 3/13/2010 3:56:50 AM | | "Don't break up until you know where you're going with someone else" ???? If you're dating someone and still pursuing others you need to be honest with the first woman so that she understands you are not looking for a relationship with her. Then the ball is in her court to decide whether or not she wants to continue to date you while you play your game. Why don't some men get this? | |
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Posted: 3/13/2010 5:01:11 AM | | Yeah if you are interested in other people it may be a good idea to break it off since you have had sex with her and naturally, she is going to think it is going somewhere. Just please be honest with all this "dating" and sex crap you have going on. People are going to get hurt emotionally, and I think you know the rest as far as STD's etc. Just be open and ASAP because it is going to be a total mind fk for her if she is thinking one thing and you are thinking and doing another. There is no best way but just say it how it is. And yes, in person. Don't be one of these ass clowns who has to text his way out of something. If you can stick your willy in her, you should be able to tell her face to face feelings are not what you thought they were and move on. | |
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Posted: 3/13/2010 5:19:27 AM | | Breaking it off after you've had sex with her. Oh my, you're a heartbreaker. If you were not serious about her, why did you take things to the next level and now you want to bail. It's time to consider how your actions affect other people. Take responsibility. I totally agree with Urban Candy, "if you can stick your willy in her, you should be able to tell her face to face feelings are not what you thought they were. . .". TALK TO HER IN PERSON. | |
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Posted: 3/13/2010 6:09:07 AM | Oh Good Lord. So you had sex, it's not like you asked her to marry you.
Its only been a month and a half, it's not a long term relationship by any means.
OP- Do the classy, courteous thing and talk to her face to face. Don't lead her on but let her know that you two just aren't compatible. | |
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Posted: 3/13/2010 6:26:35 AM | My feelings are once genitals have touched, you break up in person. If you can be intimate together, then tell her in person why it isnt working for you.
Maybe in future, dont test drive til you are more sure you want to go further with them. Test driving with zero intent to 'buy' is sort of classless. jmo | |
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Posted: 3/13/2010 6:33:44 AM | Why DID you let it go to the next level if all along you knew you weren't interested in anything serious with the lady you're currently seeing?
Of course she's going to think that you hung around until you got what you wanted and now you're on the prowl for something new. That's exactly how it looks, too.
JMHO. | |
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Posted: 3/13/2010 6:39:56 AM | Wow! so you did the hit n quit huh?
I mean, really, thats what it is.. you waited til you got some ass and now your pulling the "she deserves better" "we should be friends" card... go head then playa!
You are typical...but my question is did you meet her on here? Oh, and btw, thank you for just letting every other female on here know how you really are... | |
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Posted: 3/13/2010 6:52:36 AM | You feel bad because you used her- plain and simple.
I think if I were her, I wouldn't want to see you. Call her. | |
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Posted: 3/13/2010 6:58:18 AM |
Also, i know i'm doing the right thing but why do i feel like a jerk?
It's rather convenient that you figured out the right thing to do AFTER you had sex. I do think each person should protect themselves by clarifying the terms of the relationship as they move forward. HOWEVER, a classy guy understands that sex tend to have a higher importance to women and doesn't hop into bed with a woman who likes him knowing that he's still on the prowl for other women.
Should I do it by phone or in person and whats the best thing to say?
I'm not one who thinks the breakup needs to be done in person. The news can be broken to her over the phone or in an email but I think you should give her the opportunity to speak with you in person afterward if she desires. I know some people disagree with this but I think it gives her a chance to compose herself and collect her thoughts before having that final talk with you. As for what to say, just be honest. "I've been looking for other women the whole time and now there's someone else I want to focus on. There's nothing wrong with you, I'm just a pig who got some and now I need to move on."
Keep in mind for the future that most people who invest 4-5 dates and a month and a half in someone are not just looking for a piece of ass (aside from yourself). She's going to be very upset and she has good reason to be just as a guy might be if a girl slept with him after several dates then dashed. I hope you realize that you're *THAT* douche who screws up the game for everybody else. | |
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Posted: 3/13/2010 7:47:57 AM | | There are 2 things at play here... one - you say this girl (#1) deserves someone who's crazy for her and two, you've found someone else who tickles your fancy more (#2). If you were not interested in girl #2 would you be content with girl #1? You liked her enough to phuck her after having already meeting girl #2... now you want out. Therein lies the dirtbag feeling... it's not just about girl#1 and what she deserves. You're making excuses to cut loose. Own it. | |
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Posted: 3/13/2010 8:00:39 AM |
I don't think i'm the right guy for her, she deserves someone thats crazy about her.
I also really like someone else and would just like to focus on her.
what's so hard about this man? you like someone else.
no big deal-
just tell her, "look we've gone out a few times, but now that we've had sex, it really wasn't that good- so I'm gonna look elsewhere."
Don't worry about feeling like a 'jerk' you are a man- women expect this from men. they are accoustomed to it.
She'll be fine and perhaps she doesn't like you as much as you think she does. | |
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Posted: 3/13/2010 9:44:16 AM | Just say " I needed to do a test drive with you, to be really sure I like this other woman". Sorry sex with you wasn't that great, so I think it is best, if you find someone who can pick up your self esteem after I trampled all over it......" Uh maybe not
Now if she knew you were keeping your options open, that would be one thing, if she thought you were just with her then you should have kept it in your pants. Be a man and at least give her the courtesy of a break up face to face. | |
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Posted: 3/13/2010 11:01:27 AM | thanks for the replies guys...........
The was nothing wrong with the sex, I just like another girl more. And sex is a two person decision, I don't think shes that naive. | |
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Posted: 3/13/2010 11:24:11 AM | | If you didn't want a relationship with her, you shouldn't have slept with her. Or at least told her up front "I'm not interested in a relationship with you...there's someone else....but I'd still like to have sex." | |
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