|
|
|
|
|
| | little to no common ground, yet I can't help but be intrigued by herPage 1 of 2 (1, 2) | So last week I messaged this girl, on a different site, not really thinking to much of it. She was cute so I figured why not. She was online at the time, and I didn't expect her to react as she did. Needless to say within three messages I already had a phone number and a date for the coming friday. The few days before, she had texted me alot; mostly simple stuff like "hey cutie how are you doing?" "What are you up too?". To be honest at first it did become a little annoying to me, and I wasn't sure how the date was going to turn out.
So I meet this girl and end up really enjoying myself and her company. We didn't even really talk about anything; just simple small talk about school, friends, family. I was mostly asking her questions and listening to her to talk. She is a very girly girl and most of it centered around her being a dancer, hanging out with her girlfriends, and school. Completely different from me and what I'd normally go for. Yet I still couldn't get over how sweet and bubbly she was, and there was definitely attraction there. She was very flirty with me. I can't help but find her adorable even though she is completely different.
She is still texting me quite a bit, which is troublesome to an extent. I'm not annoyed by it now because I know she just likes texting, but it is kinda getting to the point where I don't really know what to say. I can already tell she may become a bit clingy. I don't want to call her dumb ( which she isn't) but she doesn't really seem the type for deep intellectual conversation. I have a really hard time with small talk, especially through text and I find myself ending the conversations due to lack of what really to say. I don't want her to think I am losing interest simply because I am not all that big on texting. | |
|
| little to no common ground, yet I can't help but be intrigued by her
Posted: 3/23/2010 2:14:48 AM | It's a hard one..
You seem to like this person, and want to make it work, which is a good thing...
The bad thing is though, that you are allowing the "annoying" things to build up by pushing them aside.. and this my friend is not always a good thing, because ignoring these kind of things is like putting together a bomb.. which will one day explode (not a nice thing to happen, and a good way to lose what you have + friendship etc).
My encouragement would be to talk to her and tell her as it is, what it is you are thinking.
If she truly likes you, then she would understand..
It is not easy.. i know this, however if you want to move forward with this person, you have to be bold and communicate with her.. let her know how you feel about her, and at the same time let her know that you would like deep intellectual conversations with her.
another way to do this is to have a coffee or something and try bringing up intellectual conversations from your end.. if small talk continues her end, do not back down.. try keep it going (this may sound bad, but you may need to train her.. as she may not be use to anything but small talk) see if that works.
i still recommend telling her straight up though.. worst that can happen is that she gets all up tight and runs away (which means it was never gonna work out anyway) however best is that she comes to understand you more, and in the end has those conversations you want, and which in reality are important.
Good Luck man | |
|
| |
| little to no common ground, yet I can't help but be intrigued by her
Posted: 3/23/2010 2:51:06 AM | | Stop the texting crap and call or be done with it. I do not get people who just give out phone numbers, chat on all these different web sites, I mean come on???? That is just asking for nut case behavior. Who does that and expects normal things to become of it? | |
|
| little to no common ground, yet I can't help but be intrigued by her
Posted: 3/23/2010 3:09:26 AM |
Stop the texting crap and call or be done with it. I do not get people who just give out phone numbers, chat on all these different web sites, I mean come on???? That is just asking for nut case behavior. Who does that and expects normal things to become of it?
Oh I hear ya Sistah------let's both shout this to the rafters! Anyone else but me and this lovely lass notice how many modern-day dating dramas seem to stem from this texting crap, how so many problems begin "so I'm texting him/her and........." ?? So all that aside.........
I've been in this same position where someone just fascinates me off the charts yet equally in the mix is some vast difference that seems to run parallel with that fascination. Almost a nagging feeling, loving that they show interest yet kinda dreading even the thought of speaking to them again. The differences are easily seen (or perhaps imagined?) and we simply know it wouldn't be long before that erupted into something very inappropriate as an over reaction to something insignificant yet we're still intrigued. For me who believes he knows just what does and does not work for him almost immediately it sets me back just a bit.
Hard as it might be I'd just PHONE her, using your voice and simply say as much as you find her so wonderful that fateful "chemistry" isn't there despite your efforts to hang in there, seeing if it would develop. Don't dwell on her great aspects since that seems contradictory to breaking it off with her---speak more to YOUR feelings and how their isn't much to build anything on.
Can't really be friends with her because that's also contradictory---break it clean and sharply but with compassion for her feelings. Even if she's not yet "over the moon" for you its never nice hearing "its not you, its me......"
Best of luck----she does sound very adorable! | |
|
| little to no common ground, yet I can't help but be intrigued by her
Posted: 3/23/2010 3:30:19 AM | | BENTON ~ lmfao I read a lot of these things. "He texted me ~ she said this and he texted me that. And OMG we are on all these sites and he chatted me up and she chatted me up and"..... JAYSUS CHA RIST!!! No wonder people cannot fkn have a relationship. They have ran out of text messages or things to say ~ and by the time they meet, the learn it is not that hawt guy or girl in the photos ~ it is some 300 pound heifer who LIED. Why do people give out all their information? Join all these sites and reveal so much shit and they do not even KNOW anyone? Then wonder why they have all these issues? It is one thing to send a few e mails and meet ~ but gawd ~ some of this shit is unreal. And is shows in society as well. People are losing MAJOR communication skills because they are forgetting how to deal with things in the real world. All this cyber shit. Really, it needs to stop. How does the OP break off something that never was going anywhere? Stop handing out personal information on the internet. Stop all this web site crap. Want a relationship? MEET THE PERSON. Then hand out the digits, etc. Chemistry is done in person. And in PERSON ONLY. | |
|
| |
| little to no common ground, yet I can't help but be intrigued by her
Posted: 3/23/2010 5:18:50 AM | The entire point of dating is to get to know someone. Go on another date.
Stop making up things you THINK might be a problem, if there is a problem you will really see it over a few more dates. The getting to know someone stage can be awkward, try another date or two and see how things go.
You seem to like her, she seems to like you. She is fun and bubbly. The more things you do together, the more things you will have to talk about.
And if texting isn't how you like to communicate, please tell her that. Tell her you aren't sure how to respond but you would always be happy to hear her voice on a voice mail or talk when you are available to talk.
And to the real big issue, of course we all want someone who has things in common with us.
None of us wants a clone. Figure out what your big issues are. For me it's social skills and being bold.I am the type of person that can go to hear a band and by the end of the night I have at least said hello to everyone in the bar. For Urban it's a super healthy lifestyle. We all have that 'thing'. Know what yours is :)
Now ask the pretty, fun bubbly girl out again already! | |
|
| little to no common ground, yet I can't help but be intrigued by her
Posted: 3/23/2010 5:31:12 AM | Dude, you got a hot looking chick that likes you and wants to spend time with you. I see no problem with this. As for the texting, explain to her just what you have explained here. You are not going to totally get away from it but the frequency may change.
Firm rule, you have to listen even when the conversation is just meaningless chatter sometimes. Yea, it's doesn't seem that important to you but it is important to her so deal with it. If you are lucky, you'll find a happy medium. As guys, we have to do some leg work in a relationship.
Don't sweat it, all guys go through this.
And,
Stop making up things you THINK might be a problem, if there is a problem you will really see it over a few more dates. The getting to know someone stage can be awkward, try another date or two and see how things go.
listen to this... she's right, don't create problems that are not there! | |
|
| little to no common ground, yet I can't help but be intrigued by her
Posted: 3/23/2010 5:41:21 AM | | There you have it. Looks aren't everything. You were intrigued by her looks and found out she was an airhead. Start by turning your phone off for long periods and tell her you haven't checked for messages. Sort of like stop feeding the pigeons and they'll go away. If that doesn't work loosen the valve on the side of her neck and as she deflates then run away. | |
|
| little to no common ground, yet I can't help but be intrigued by her
Posted: 3/23/2010 7:01:31 AM | | If it doesn't fit, don't force it. It doesn't sound like she is the one for you, OP. It may be too soon to tell but you are already annoyed by her and feel she is too different. You need more than attraction. You need chemistry and I don't see that it is there. | |
|
| little to no common ground, yet I can't help but be intrigued by her
Posted: 3/23/2010 7:14:47 AM |
I don't want to call her dumb ( which she isn't) but she doesn't really seem the type for deep intellectual conversation. I have a really hard time with small talk, especially through text and I find myself ending the conversations due to lack of what really to say. I don't want her to think I am losing interest simply because I am not all that big on texting.
Lets be real here. You think she is of lower intellect than you, so already her hotness is wearing thin. Make up your mind, what is more important to you? Her looks or the fact that you seem to already have a compatablilty issue based on intellectual levels. Seems to be a no brainer to me.... | |
|
| little to no common ground, yet I can't help but be intrigued by her
Posted: 3/23/2010 7:29:06 AM | Give it time. Go on a few more dates. See how it goes.
...and just to counter-act the luddite opinion - there's nothing wrong with texting, in fact it's better than calling IMHO. You don't have to respond to every text and you can choose when you do respond. So it's way less intrusive than constant phone calls. Let her know what's acceptable to you.
Remember that different people show affection and interest in different ways. We don't all do it the same way and that is such a critical thing to understand. She may be someone who enjoys a lot of "texting" attention and so her natural assumption would be that that works for you too. If you let her know that it doesn't work for you so much it's quite possible that she'll adjust accordingly. Give her that chance.
There's lots of different ways to get in touch these days - whichever you choose, make sure that you do actually communicate
It may also be too early to tell if there's potential for deeper conversations. You say she's not dumb so maybe she's excited and / or nervous. That's why a few more dates would be good and give things a chance to settle down a little bit so you can get to know the real her.
A little time, some patience, understanding, communication.  | |
|
| little to no common ground, yet I can't help but be intrigued by her
Posted: 3/23/2010 8:00:53 AM | I won't beat around the...ahem...bush. From your description, it appears that she really doesn't seem to have much going on upstairs, so it's probably just a question of how badly you want to sleep with her. If you want to be able to look yourself in the mirror the next day, you might want to tell her beforehand that you're not looking for anything serious (with her), and then see if she's willing to continue going out with you.
You're right in that you still do have a major dilemma on your hands due to her cloying clinginess. She might leech onto you even if she were to agree to keep things casual. My only advice is to carefully weigh the pros and cons and proceed with extreme caution; you're in an unenviable situation, my friend. | |
|
| little to no common ground, yet I can't help but be intrigued by her
Posted: 3/23/2010 9:43:07 AM | | It's not so much that I'm trying to really sleep with her, I think it is the fact that for a change I've met a girl that is actually nice. Who'd have thought that? Not to bash, but I think every girl with "intellect" that I've dated has always turned out to be a very cold, jaded, cynical shell of a person that is just looking for any reason to suspect something ill of you. I think I'll take the cute nice girl that actually likes me for a change if that makes any sense whatsoever. I'm not trying to purely get down her pants. I'd feel like an outright monster if that was the case. | |
|
| little to no common ground, yet I can't help but be intrigued by her
Posted: 3/23/2010 10:18:11 AM | Are you looking for the girls who quote Voltaire?
You may be surprised as you get to know her. We all have things we are passionate about.
I date a guy with advanced degrees in Physics. He was brilliant. I know just enough about physics not to look like an idiot. He never once made me feel he was smarter than me ever, and he was way smarter than me. But he always wanted me on his trivia team because I kicked ass in the history/lit sections.
Give a sister a chance! You like her, she's nice.She likes you, and you seem nice. I don't know what you are waiting for. | |
|
| |
| little to no common ground, yet I can't help but be intrigued by her
Posted: 3/23/2010 12:03:57 PM |
I think I'll take the cute nice girl that actually likes me for a change if that makes any sense whatsoever. There's nothing wrong with that, but the real question is--can you honestly see yourself respecting her for who she is (she may turn out not to be very smart after all, just like you suspect) and actually liking her? If yes, then I guess there's no harm in dating her. If not, then give it a couple more whirls, and if she doesn't grow on you, then it might be time to move on before you're in too deep.
Are you looking for the girls who quote Voltaire? That's not a sign of intelligence. | |
|
| little to no common ground, yet I can't help but be intrigued by her
Posted: 3/23/2010 1:23:37 PM | You found her attractive, but you don't respect her intellectually or emotionally and have nothing to say to her.
You are losing interest, and reasonably so. The two of you are utterly incompatible.
Just keep a picture of her, and seek girls you actually like for dating. | |
|
| little to no common ground, yet I can't help but be intrigued by her
Posted: 3/23/2010 2:52:01 PM | Well I read the OP, and some of the replies. OP your 22, and she is __? Aside from the OMG alphabet soup, the only problem I see is kinda this sex-chemistry/commonalities-relationship.
Yeah you are attracted, you want to sleep with her because she's hot. But your mind is going to sleep, because there's nothing else between you. Now simply put, you can date her, have sex with her, and let the rest ride. Or you can simply say, this won't work, I need more, and move on.
The issue is would she be OK with it, on that basis, or not? I doubt even if the sex was off the chart, you would envision yourself, walking down the aisle with her. So in some eyes, if you continue, your a cad, to others, it's just an encounter with a woman.
Your choice, on how you see it, and what you do. | |
|
| little to no common ground, yet I can't help but be intrigued by her
Posted: 3/23/2010 3:08:55 PM |
It's not so much that I'm trying to really sleep with her, I think it is the fact that for a change I've met a girl that is actually nice. Who'd have thought that? Not to bash, but I think every girl with "intellect" that I've dated has always turned out to be a very cold, jaded, cynical shell of a person that is just looking for any reason to suspect something ill of you. I think I'll take the cute nice girl that actually likes me for a change if that makes any sense whatsoever. I'm not trying to purely get down her pants. I'd feel like an outright monster if that was the case.
Mr BadZee I personally never got the impression you were looking only to jump her first chance which I think speaks a lot for your character thus far. I’ll repeat I understand such a nice discovery, finding someone so attractive (to you) and intriguing right along with totally different from anyone else you’ve meet so far. Please don’t think I’m citing your youth but this sort of thing will happen your whole life, each time becoming more and more special---its just nice having our personal conventional wisdom upset---makes us stretch our boundaries just a bit.
I say go out with her again and then again if its still going as smoothly as you say---it can’t hurt. Mind you if she seems to be running too far ahead of your own comfort level talk to her as things arise----keep it within reason until you’ve both “settled in” so to speak; grown comfortable with interacting.
Its too bad she’s proved to be the exception to your other experiences with other women but on the other hand she’s that much more unique because of that—embrace it for now. In time you’ll look back and realize some of her qualities fit you very well, that you’ll look for those in others maybe. Honestly she sounds like a lot of fun, an all around great girl.
Still sounds like someone you should explore a bit more because “dumping” her so soon might cause you to miss out on a very good thing. Please keep us up to date---it is an interesting thing you have going on now.
And Oh My Ms Urban Candy-----you’re entirely correct and I apologize to the OP for hijacking his thread, dissing one thing that might seem normal and just how things are to the young un’s of today. You and I are just about a generation apart which is encouraging to me that we see similarly on this---how its NOT communication at all, more fraught with problems than it can ever address.
There almost always is a pattern to EVERY “problem” that develops from text messaging and we see it here day after day after day. Dude messsages Missy, Missy misreads something and gripes at Dude, Dude gets huffy and says something snarky back---then it’s sooooooo on!! She deletes him from her FaceSpace and MyBook pages, he changes his mood to Sulking, Bummed and So Down and then one of them creates a profile here posting about it all in no less than 2,000 lines of text without a paragraph break. So yeah----what’s the advantage to it all again?
The ‘net is rife with people who assume an immediate knowledge of another based upon so little real live interaction and yet they’re flummoxed when that Booger Train runs fully off the rails. I don’t know there’s really anything to “communicate” about yet they’re losing what coping skills we all seemed to have developed over time. Of course without those EGadgets to hide behind we were forced to walk somewhat, meet a person face-to-face and work it out, hug it out or slug it out. Either way something happened and our skills were somewhat enhanced.
I want to believe so much of this trendy crap will one day soon be abandoned for that hip new and oh so 20 minutes into the future returns----talking in person! Of course I’m just a silly optimist!! | |
|
| little to no common ground, yet I can't help but be intrigued by her
Posted: 3/23/2010 5:03:59 PM |
I think I'll take the cute nice girl that actually likes me for a change if that makes any sense whatsoever.
There is a temptation to enjoy the company of a person who is cute, nice and actually likes you... regardless of what you think of them. The ego can live on it for quite some time and even be deluded into thinking you can have something real with this person because regardless of what you feel for them, they adore you. That adoration is nice. It feels good. However, it isn't really fair to that person now is it? Don't they deserve someone who is equally into them? I mean, how do you think people become so cold, jaded and cynical?
You aren't intrigued by her, your ego is flattered by her.
I'm willing to bet most all people have had that relationship. The one where they felt superior to the other person mentally, emotionally, intellectually, whatever.. but because that other person was just so nice, cute, sweet, loving, etc. they gave it a whirl. It always ends bad. Always. Whatever is lacking is what you will find yourself constantly seeking. Being with someone who is nice and likes you just isn't enough. It never is. It would be ever so much more simple if it were. | |
|
| |
| little to no common ground, yet I can't help but be intrigued by her
Posted: 3/23/2010 6:14:41 PM | | Imagine if she was minimally attractive to you-- would her sweet and bubbly ways still be enough to hold your interest? I suspect the physical attraction is what's sucked you in hard so you're grasping to find redeeming traits to compensate for the unappealing ones. Do you think "nice" is enough to sustain a relationship? For some people it is, but if stimulating conversation is what you crave from a girlfriend, she might get old real quick. | |
|
| little to no common ground, yet I can't help but be intrigued by her
Posted: 3/23/2010 8:29:57 PM | That's a tough one. Physical attraction but nothing more!
You say you are not big on texting. That's possibly why she is chasing you. When guys do it too much, then the girl loses interest. I could give you hints on how to make her absolutely crazy over you, but if you are not a match, what's the point? | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
