| | Corporate MemoPage 1 of 1 | Esteemed colleaugues of Transplants 4 Less, it has come to my attention that over the last few weeks our Human Resources Department has become over encumbered with issues being brought toward them. As capable employees as they are, the issue should not rest on their shoulders and be theirs alone to fix.
When my great, great grandfather Doctor Slobadan Mikovic made that first incision in patient's one chest with a rusty tune can-lid in a dark grimy alley in Chicago, he had a vision. His vision was to offer a service in which he could provide vital organ transplants to those who could not afford the treatment by using his cambodian-trained medical wit and organs of the south-side's transient population. And I can proudly tell you that one secret barracks full of kidnapped homeless people, 3 on staff surgeons who got at least a C rating in Nintendo Wii's "Trauma Centre" and a fantastic clinic conveniently located next to interstate 203's Stuckey's later; his vision has come to life.
However, when I hear of instances of staff members posting patient's colonoscopy photos to online paysites and the odd outbreak of "Cadaver****Dodgeball", I can't help but feel that it is time to stop, reflect and focus on the core values of this organization.
First off, I never want to hear of anymore deals being cut with the local gangs. Our scalpels are for the treatment and wellbeing of human beings, and god only knows that they are in practice being used for the polar opposite. I don't care if that means no more blow in the breakroom. Ethics aren't always easy, and this is just a sacrifice we'll have to make to establish ourselves as a company dedicated to doing GOOD unto others... and as a CEO I could face accessory charges if they track it back to me.
Syringes are ok to sell though. Those things can come from anywhere.
This next part saddens me. Due to recent chicanery in the lab, we will no longer allow after work gatherings to take place on site every Friday. It has come to my attention that one Nurse Natalie required her stomach to be pumped after drinking 1/5th of our blood bank on a drunken dare. While she is recovering, I only shudder at the thought of what could have happened if our fertilization refrigerator wasn't under lock and key.
Really, I find myself just reinforcing common sense. I think about it now and laugh at you in pity that it has come to this point. Do I really need to tell you that expired patients are not love dolls? Do I need to remind you that it is unethical to provide a patient with a positive diagnosis only to snicker once they leave the room at their actual pending mortality? Can we not simply stop prodding the transients with pointy sticks in the cage? A simple cattle prod is just as effective and doesn't run the risk of puncturing a valuable organ.
Colleagues, I am simply asking you to practice with tact. No more patient medication switcharoos. No more lunchroom heart-fights. It simply has to stop now or our Christmas Party at Chester Cheese's is in serious jeopardy.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I look forward to watching the changes take effect.
Sincerely,
Malcom Practice
PS: Whoever keeps yelling "Snarf" in the hallways, please stop it. We've tried to be accomodating in case it was the tourette's or whatever, but enough is enough. It's just ****ing annoying now. | |
|
Home
login 