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 Arpeggia
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 1
Child care provider cant watch baby because she cries too much? Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Hi all.. I am writing as a grandparent who has a 9 week old grand daughter. I hope I can get some advice/insight to a problem my daughter is having with her child care provider.

My daughter is in the Air Force and this is her first child. She returned to duty a week ago and her provider (which is in short supply) agreed to sign on for what ever hours were needed by my daughter. The first week, my 8 week old grand daughter vomited after feeding 2x.. provider insisted that she be taken to the doctor. The doctor said.. acid reflux/gas??? End of week one.. provider said I can no longer do afternoons.. I am too tired. My daughter called her next in command who changed her schedule to days. Office staff/co workers were understanding. Week 2, baby is integrated with other children and cried wanting to be held, causing all of the other children to "not get a nap because she woke them up". Provider then said that she may not be able to keep the baby because "she cries too much and is too needy and I can't stand to hear a baby scream!".

I told my daughter to start looking for another provider even though this woman came highly recommended. There were some other issues also but minor and more in the line of miss communication with providers husband.

Does anyone have any advice to add to this situation? Is this normal? I would be there in a heartbeat to take my grand daughter but I am in Ohio and she is in Florida.

TIA
Arpeggia
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 2
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Child care provider cant watch baby because she cries too much?
Posted: 4/12/2010 6:01:23 PM
Sounds like a whackjob that shouldn't be taking care of anyone's children. Children will cry. If you have more than one you learn to manage things so that one child's upset isn't disturbing the children. Sounds like she expected the baby to go down when everyone else did so she could have some time off.

No one normal, even someone that had not "professionally" kept children would expect an infant to settle down immediately in a new situation. 9 weeks? This woman's nuts.
 Arpeggia
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 3
Child care provider cant watch baby because she cries too much?
Posted: 4/12/2010 6:10:01 PM
You are always the voice of reason! lol I told my daughter the same thing! All I could say was WOW.. just WOW!

What scares me is that she said she can't stand to hear a baby cry. My daughter paid weekly half rate to hold this woman for the last 2 mo of her pregnancy because she was so highly touted. Looks like I need to pack my bags for Fl.

Arpeggia
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 4
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Child care provider cant watch baby because she cries too much?
Posted: 4/12/2010 6:36:43 PM
It sounds like your granddaughter may have colic. I experienced this with my son and the only thing that would calm him down was walking around with him in my arms. The minute I would try to sit down he would cry. It was very stressful and tiring. For the caregiver just to expect a newborn infant to take a nap at the same time as the other children is ridiculous. I don't know why a woman who can't even stand to listen to a baby cry would come so highly recommended.


edit...the OP said her grandaughter was diagnosed with acid reflux. My son seemed to vomit up more than he kept down but he was still gaining weight. It could be colic or acid reflux but either way the OP's daughter should find a caregiver with more understanding and compassion.
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 5
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Child care provider cant watch baby because she cries too much?
Posted: 4/12/2010 6:48:45 PM
redfish, it's not colic if it's not happening at home as well as daycare.

I would think it's probably stress on the baby's part.
I also started out in a new city with a babysitter recommended by a friend (whos children also went there for a period of time). She was AWFUL. She ended up causing problems in my child that we didn't have before we went there and that I needed to deal with long-term! When I mentioned to my friend, she said oh yeah, there had been incidents that bothered her, too. Well if she'd told me that in the first place, we'd have gone elsewhere and had a more positive experience.

I recommend that you look for a new sitter who has a little more compassion and a better stress-management policy for him/herself.

Nutt
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 6
Child care provider cant watch baby because she cries too much?
Posted: 4/12/2010 7:10:57 PM
Wow...just wow! That woman has no business taking care of anyone's children. I would recommend that you daughter look in a daycare centre as opposed to a home daycare. I've tried both and both of my children did better in a daycare setting than a home daycare environment.

Whatever she decides to do, I sure hope that she fires this woman!
 Arpeggia
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 7
Child care provider cant watch baby because she cries too much?
Posted: 4/12/2010 7:12:52 PM
Hi all.. just wanted to say that daughter works at the hospital on base and the Pediatrician who she knows came in on his day off to check the baby out. He thinks that it is acid reflux but ruled out a narrowed (crap cant think of word) valve to stomach. He does not think it is colic but did say to continue the anti gas drops. Baby has had a few incidences of vomiting but is gaining weight very well. I should also mention that dad was sent TDY to another country the day before she started day care. So much upheaval for a little one. I think the care provider is kind of clueless. She panics over everything and my daughter feels like she is jumping through hoops for this woman to have the best care for Paige. My daughter knows if she is really in need, that I will be there to step in but still it is so stressful on both her and the baby especially when the provider is always questioning my daughters abilities as a mom. ie her nails need cut.. when was the last time... blah blah.. Why doesnt she have a pacifier? I think this is the wrong care provider... but I am trying to keep my mouth shut so I am not an interfering Granny. lol

Arpeggia

Taken.. I am of the same mind too.. thanks for backing me up. The day care center on base is not open when my daughter has to be to work in the mornings.. that was the first thing she checked out.. and how she got this woman's name.
 FinkyIsMyName
Joined: 3/5/2010
Msg: 8
Child care provider cant watch baby because she cries too much?
Posted: 4/12/2010 8:09:45 PM
You're not an interfering Granny, you're a loving grandparent and mother.

If there was any way you could take time out and go be with your daughter and her baby until she gets little older, that would be ideal. Sometimes their little tummy problems sort themselves out with age. (I know this may not be possible.)

I'm not clear on whether the baby is beng breast-fed, but if not, there are new formulas for sensitive tummies.There's no need to make the baby stay on a formula she's having trouble digesting.

If that caretaker is in a registry or works for an agency, I'd call and file a complaint. She is unprofessional, unreasonable and unfit to care for children.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 9
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Child care provider cant watch baby because she cries too much?
Posted: 4/12/2010 8:11:53 PM
The pacifier comment is telling, isn't it? She just wants the kids to stfu. Gak.

OP, I would also recommend that your daughter check into day cares as well. I was really torn when I went back to work when my daughter was a year old. I had intended to do some temp work to just bring in a little extra here and there. I was offered my first assignment at a very high rate of pay and thought, maybe I should work for a year or so until I have kid 2.

My problem was whether it was a really bad decision, putting my daughter in day care (we had made arrangements with her godmother for spot sitting but not permanent) and one of the gals at work said I never had the option, had to work, and my kids have done great. I found a daycare across the street from my job, I could pop in at any time and my daughter absolutely loved it.

Maybe you should get on a plane because no way in hell I would ever leave my kid with that woman again and I know your daughter's job is trying to accommodate her situation, but can she take a couple of days off to just look for another option this soon after returning?
 smartypants24
Joined: 8/3/2009
Msg: 10
Child care provider cant watch baby because she cries too much?
Posted: 4/12/2010 9:50:32 PM
Arpeggia...if this is a licensed care provider (there are licenses for home daycares as well, and should be handled by the same authorities that handle typical child care centers) there are channels through which you can make a complaint (usually its handled through a public health authority). Never IMO is it appropriate to use a pacifier to keep a child from crying...babies cry because there's something wrong, or they're not getting their needs met in some way. Soothing at naptime, fair enough IF that's what parents choose, but I don't believe they should be necessary during the rest of the day.

If for whatever reason, baby is crying for extended periods of time, this could cause the vomitting...you and your daughter should/can ask to review the care providers illness policy, because really unless she has a high fever or other symptoms of illness, there's no reason to send her home...babies, especially young ones who are under stress tend to spit up! And your daughter can also ask to verify for her own knowledge whether whats being regurgitated is undigested formula with little to no stomach acid, and no bad smell (spit up) or actual vomit (partially digested, stomach acid and mucus, usually smells pretty bad, almost rotten). She can ask her care provider to keep whatever she's used to clean up the vomit/spit up until she gets there so she can check it herself

As someone in the same field as the person you're talking about, I find myself pretty agitated/upset that your daughter is having to deal with this. The experience she's having is NOT what should be happening...giving up and saying she can't care for a child after only 2 weeks, one of which was one-to-one? Something's amiss
 Arpeggia
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 11
Child care provider cant watch baby because she cries too much?
Posted: 4/13/2010 7:50:31 AM
Thanks for your thoughts everyone.

The baby is being breast fed with great commitment from Mom. She pumps so there is plenty of milk for bottle feedings too. We think most of the spit up comes from a trapped gas bubble. It is not consistent so that makes the doctor feel it is not something to be concerned about unless she loses weight. He also said it is common for babies to have acid reflux at this stage and did not perscribe anything for it.

I am going to make the offer to my daughter to go down there for a few weeks until she can find another placement for her. However, my going there is not an idea situation. My mom is 91 yrs old and still living on her own and in the beginnings of dementia and needs lots of care here in Ohio. Fun times ahead!

Arpeggia

update.. Daughter is looking for a new provider as we speak. I am on stand by.. Thanks all for your thoughts on this. I never used a baby sitter when my kids were small so I had no idea what to tell her.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 12
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Child care provider cant watch baby because she cries too much?
Posted: 4/13/2010 10:31:11 AM
My son was 6 months old when he was kicked out of day care. He had been there less than 2 months and I was told he was too needy, clingy and because of his reflux I had to bring home all bedding, blankts and anything he touched in daycare to clean every night. Basically he was causing too much work for the ladies who worked there. I had been on a wait list for this place since I got pregnant and was told it was the 'best' in the area. I was a new Mom and was devistated that they implied that there was something wrong with my baby OR my parenting.
I had to find a new place in a few days, thank God I did. Within a week of being there he was still fussy, barfing and like to be held a lot. The woman who ran the place told me "babies cry, throw up and like to be held, he's perfectly normal" All the teacher took turns holding him, he became the mascot of the school aged kids and when they went outside the group leader took Tommy out too. He was happy, well adjusted and one of the hardest things we ever did was have to switch care as he reached 1st grade and aged out of the pre school.
Tell your daughter not to lose faith!
 faithfey
Joined: 2/16/2008
Msg: 13
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Child care provider cant watch baby because she cries too much?
Posted: 4/13/2010 1:06:07 PM
A care provider of such a young baby saying they can't stand to hear a baby cry flags up ALL kinds of flashing red lights for me. I really feel this child needs to be removed from the care of this woman before something awful happens.

Even the most normally placid, well balanced individual can "snap" and do something unforgiveable. Seriously this provider could be in the process of developing mental health issues. Sadly these are not usually picked up by regulatory authorities until after something awful has happened. I'm posting this as I'd feel awful if I didn't say something and then a couple of weeks/months down the line this carer shook that baby in a moment of pique. She's obviously finding minding this babe too stressful.

With a baby this young I'd be on that plane asap! I'd thank the lady nicely and tell her her services were no longer required and mind that grandchild myself for the month or two it would take to find and observe a new carer in action.

Oddly enough I genuinely think babes have their own wee personalities at birth. The baby may just not like the woman! If this is the case then it won't get any better with her. The vomitting could be caused by the baby crying till he peuks too sometimes - some kids do this when over upset. Another carer may just have a much easier time of it as the child "takes" to them better. Certainly my son was/is like this with adults and always has been. Some friends could rock him to sleep no problem, a few he'd scream as soon as he set eyes on them! I could see no ryhme nor reason to it but always took his reactions into account when choosing childcare.
 midlandtom
Joined: 9/23/2007
Msg: 14
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Child care provider cant watch baby because she cries too much?
Posted: 4/13/2010 1:09:01 PM
OP our boy is 7 weeks old. All kids are different. I hope she will find a new provider or in case it is not easy she will contact some people on her base who can assist. Kids are different it is the way it goes. It is job of adults to accomodate them. It may be very temporary position that she cries too much. I think it may go away.

Our bungle of cuteness is not into crying he is into sleeping. He used to request food supply every 3 hours. He just started to sleep from 9 to 8 morning without waiking up a week ago. He may lay straight for 2 hours by himslef making some occasional noises to himself but not crying than back to sleep again.

I think it is good that a Doc saw her. As long as the baby is healthy. For now a new provider may be needed but time goes fast and soon there will be those first steps.

God bless you and your family!
 Arpeggia
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 15
Child care provider cant watch baby because she cries too much?
Posted: 4/13/2010 1:59:50 PM
Carolann, this woman has tried the same thing on my daughter.. "Her nails are too long, you hold her too much, she is sucking her thumb, she blah blah blah.. " I keep telling my daughter she is doing just fine. You can not spoil a baby.

Faithfey, Lets hope this woman is not losing her marbles for the sake of the other children. I am urging my daughter to file a complaint about her. If she does, it becomes public knowledge and my daughter is afraid that other providers will not want to take the baby out of fear. Not many providers want to take babies as it is. Catch 22.

You are exactly right when you say they are born with a personality and this wee one has a very strong one already with likes and dislikes.

MidlandTom. Congrats on the wee babe! I hope mom is doing as well as your son? I will admit my grand daughter has a bit of a temper as indicated by her red hair but nothing too over the top. She is just being a baby however, on day 1 she earned the nickname "the mouse that roared". She is not much into sleeping as she is a very social creature and is curious who is where and watches what they are doing. My daughter is taking her favorite floor cloth with the toys attached to it to the providers today and also her "Bumbo" chair.. (if you don't have one of these get one! It develops their core muscles so they can sit up sooner on their own from what I understand) My grand daughter LOVES hers!) It will allow her to sit up and see more of what is going on around her. Hopefully that will ease some of the "trauma" for the caregiver until the situation can be resolved.
Arpeggia
 Twilightslove
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 16
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Child care provider cant watch baby because she cries too much?
Posted: 4/13/2010 2:16:33 PM
I took care of infants professionally and I had three stair step children of my own. I'm now in charge of my granddaughter (14 months) each day.

The caregiver that you are describing seems lacking in knowledge of infants and children and/or doesn't want to be bothered. Sadly, some people actually decide to take care of children so they can make money and stay at home yet they get tired of being the caretaker.

It's a hard job yet it can be so much easier if the caregiver simply takes care of the babies needs promptly. It really isn't hard to get the other children to take a nap when you are making sure the baby is happier. I understand how it can be more difficult if one child is sick although I still feel that it is a doable situation.

I would definitely tell your daughter to look for better caregivers.

By the way, the acid reflux thing bothers me. I was told I had acid reflux a long time ago and told to take antacids. Over time things got much worse and I ended up needing surgery to open my esophagus up. I began reading about my health issues and found that we need acid to breakdown our food and antacids and those famous purple pills destroy acid. I would be cautious about using such things on infants. Gently rubbing their belly and patting their backs to make sure they have burped enough might solve the throwing up. I had one daughter who threw up continuously as an infant. She never was told she had acid reflux problems and still hasn't been.....she is 33 years old now.
 pitufina_77
Joined: 8/13/2009
Msg: 17
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Child care provider cant watch baby because she cries too much?
Posted: 4/13/2010 2:28:18 PM
Your granddaughter is too young, she cannot be expected to settle quickly in an environment where she is not getting the emotional care she needs at her age.

The OMS recommends that babies are breastfed exclusively for six months, for a number of reasons. I believe that maternity leave should never end before the first birthday of the child but, in any case, to put a baby under 6 months in babycare is going too far.

I'm not sure what to suggest as I'm not familiar with the legislation in your country, but my first reaction reading the second sentence of your post says to me that, if it's totally impossible that a close relative of the baby (ie, who, apart from changing nappies and feeding, is going to give her some love) looks after her, to find a childcare person who can exclusively look after her.

In the UK, I private childcarer cannot look after more than two babies at the same time, for obvious reasons, and nurseries must staff themselves accordingly.

Lastly, I would like to say that I'm very sorry for this situation, as your granddaughter is obviously suffering and there doesn't seem to any quick or easy solution for it.
 faithfey
Joined: 2/16/2008
Msg: 18
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Child care provider cant watch baby because she cries too much?
Posted: 4/13/2010 2:51:49 PM
^^^ sadly not all families have the luxury of staying home with Mum for the early months, I was one of those who had to return to the workforce when my bubba was 6 weeks :( ^^^^

However I can't agree strongly enough about the importance of the emotional care aspect. Studies in orphanages as far apart as Romania and China have consistently shown that a lack of cuddles, coos, and just simple love have devasting effects on babies development in ALL areas from speech and social skills right through to walking and IQ. Anyone who works in any capacity with very young babies/children has to genuinely love the children in their care as a basic prerequisite. Sadly it's one of the hardest things, (along with common sense) to legislate for.

My own son still has a " bond" with the childminder who looked after him from 3-18 months even though he's now school age. They care about each other, even though he doesn't remember his day to day activities he did with her.
 ~§~
Joined: 10/3/2009
Msg: 19
Child care provider cant watch baby because she cries too much?
Posted: 4/13/2010 3:43:11 PM
I think many of the posts in this thread are extremely telling of what people expect from a care provider.
I think all of you are missing the point... that these people actually care. They do not.
Its a business.

Some people will be nicer than others cos they enjoy doing it... ofcourse... but they're ALL doing it for money... not the love of your child.

The caregiver that you are describing seems lacking in knowledge of infants and children and/or doesn't want to be bothered.

Couldnt be bothered IMO.

Lacking in knowledge? Nope.
She knew EXACTLY what she was talking about.
The baby was crying too much.
Seems she was right on the money and if she hadnt said anything... would have taken mommy longer to figure out there was a problem.

I'd thank the lady nicely and tell her her services were no longer required and mind that grandchild myself for the month or two it would take to find and observe a new carer in action.

Tell her her services are no longer required?
Heads up... she doesnt want the kid
Full stop.

She's running a business and one baby is causing distress to all the others.
Seems pretty smart on her part if she likes to run a peaceful business.

What exactly anyone intended to "report" her for... is a little beyond me.

Think about it.
They'll ask what happened.
Fact:
She was upfront in telling me my baby was crying too much.
She was upfront in telling me she doesnt like screaming babies (she's running a business) and that my crying baby was disrupting and distressing the other babies.
She was upfront in bringing to my attention there was a problem with my child.
Id like to report her... for ... umm... I dunno... let me think of something.
How about??... she didnt want my baby... and lets throw in ... the tone that she took with me.

sadly not all families have the luxury of staying home with Mum for the early months, I was one of those who had to return to the workforce when my bubba was 6 weeks :( ^^^^

However I can't agree strongly enough about the importance of the emotional care aspect. Studies in orphanages as far apart as Romania and China have consistently shown that a lack of cuddles, coos, and just simple love have devasting effects on babies development in ALL areas from speech and social skills right through to walking and IQ

Sorry for you and was a point I was about to bring up.
WHY women have children and then elect to put them into care is still beyond me.
I worked in the industry for awhile and am adamently against them.
Nothing to do with the facilities themselves. They did what they had to do and frankly... were pretty damn good.
It was the parents.... because in most instances from what I saw... THEY couldnt be bothered looking after their children.

IF its an unexpected consequence when all other avenues are lost after its been decided beforehand to stay at home with the children and extenuating circumstances arise.. fair enough.
Otherwise... Ive little empathy for people who do it by choice

Im not impressed by people who say Ive put my child in the "best" childcare I could find and afford.
The BEST childcare... is with YOU

With that said... sorry as well for your own situation OP... but kudos to you for stepping up to the plate with your grandbaby.
Thats what babies need. Not caregivers. Professional or homecare.
They need love and care of their mothers... and family.
 brown_eyed_woman
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 20
Child care provider cant watch baby because she cries too much?
Posted: 4/13/2010 3:45:38 PM
I only breatsfed...and pumped for my hubby to be able to feed our son sometimes. After a bottle, no matter what type...my son would show signs of colic, yet never if he ate from the breast. This is common. Baby is not used to ingesting air, as she does not get air from the breast, and it is painful when it happens, specially if baby has not grown accustomed to passing air. This is likely the reason for the crying and vomiting.

Anyone who takes childcare, early years should know this. The care provider must be dilegent to encourage lots of burps, during the feeding. It will take longer, but a trained person should already know this, and make the needed accomodations!

Sounds like the care provider has a schedule and doesnt want to veer from it.

Id fire that one.
 Arpeggia
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 21
Child care provider cant watch baby because she cries too much?
Posted: 4/13/2010 4:17:51 PM
*squiggle* I would suggest that the point of issue with the provider is.. She contracted herself out as a care provider for an infant and collected monies for 2-3 months to hold a spot for said infant then one week into the contract told the mother she could no longer provide for the infant from X hour to X hour which was agreed upon in the contract. There was also an issue of the cost of X hour to X hour being more then previously stated. It is 50 dollars a week more then indicated on the contract. This is reportable to the agency that gave her as an subsidized care provider as breach of contract.

Fact.. babies cry on average of 2 - 3 hours per day. The maximum amount should have been expected by the care provider.

Fact, the caregiver wanted her to see a doctor while the vomiting was not consistent nor habitual. The caregiver had had a child with reflux because she was scared it would cause SIDS. ie the caregiver is scared of infants and should not be caring for them. This too is reportable as she advertised herself as an infant provider.

Fact, she admitted she could not stand to hear a baby scream. I'm not even going into that one.. It is reportable.

If you even want to throw it out there.. emotional upheaval due to telling the parent a week into the contract she may not be able to care for the child because "she cries" as well as other days for varying reasons. Yes this is reportable to the agency that gave her name as a provider.

Whether you agree that career mom's should have children or not, this person was hired /contracted to do a job and provide loving, nurturing care for an infant. This person is clearly NOT providing according to her contract by virtue of not being able to cope with the job stressors.. ie a crying baby which is a HUGE component of being a child care provider. This is reportable.

Fact, my daughters work shift was from 2-11 pm. Daughter was able to leave early and pick up the child before 11 pm each day only to have the provider make her feel guilty for being "so late".

Fact.. to this child although I am related to her, I will just be "another care provider" in the temp while another care provider is found making it none the less of an upheaval for her.

In closing... Sometimes the loving care of a mother includes finding the right person to provide when she has to make the money to buy the bread and milk. Very few parents have the luxury of staying home.

Arpeggia
 ~§~
Joined: 10/3/2009
Msg: 22
Child care provider cant watch baby because she cries too much?
Posted: 4/13/2010 5:02:07 PM
^^^
Contracts can be renegotiated.

She contracted herself out as a care provider for an infant and collected monies for 2-3 months to hold a spot for said infant

Legal

then one week into the contract told the mother she could no longer provide for the infant from X hour to X hour which was agreed upon in the contract.

She gave fair reason (crying) and will be information lodged with her agency.
The visit to the doctor also supports the case of the CAREGIVER.
The diagnosis supports the case of the CAREGIVER.

Let me also point out...
Alteration of contract at your daughter's request
HER request. SHE renegotiated. Implemented contract by HER
The caregiver didnt contact the agency to then reschedule things with your daughter.
Your daughter did it.
VVV

My daughter called her next in command who changed her schedule to days. Office staff/co workers were understanding.

Regardless of what the caregiver had said or why your daughter did it...
...that was her time to complain and request to be issued with a new caregiver.

Fact.. babies cry on average of 2 - 3 hours per day. The maximum amount should have been expected by the care provider.

Your daughters baby was crying MORE.
She is not obligated to provide care beyond the basics and without interuption to HER emotional upheaval... and HER business.

Fact, the caregiver wanted her to see a doctor while the vomiting was not consistent nor habitual. The caregiver had had a child with reflux because she was scared it would cause SIDS. ie the caregiver is scared of infants and should not be caring for them. This too is reportable as she advertised herself as an infant provider.

Whether she's "scared" ... even if thats a direct quote or not... or just an assumption on your part as to her thoughts which is inadmissable btw... its fair reason if the child is suffering from reflux (as proven) and it disrupts her business.

If you even want to throw it out there.. emotional upheaval due to telling the parent a week into the contract she may not be able to care for the child because "she cries" as well as other days for varying reasons. Yes this is reportable to the agency that gave her name as a provider.

Emotional upheaval?
Hmm... your daughters child. This situation is the consequences of her choice.
Its what happens when you have kids. Situations like these.

Whether you agree that career mom's should have children or not, this person was hired /contracted to do a job and provide loving, nurturing care for an infant. This person is clearly NOT providing according to her contract by virtue of not being able to cope with the job stressors.. ie a crying baby which is a HUGE component of being a child ...

Sorry... disagree regardless of your emotional investment in this.
I sympathize with you... really do... and am glad the situation will be recitified... but
...remember... the people who are going to take the complaint will consider it the exact same way.

Her suspicions were grounded.
The reflux supports her case. The crying. The doctor's visit and diagnosis.
The facts will support the caregivers case.
Even quoting her "she doesnt like screaming babies"... proves zilch.
No case for you.

I know you love your daughter and grandbaby... and if what Ive said up there doesnt make sense to you... then consider this...

IF she or you lodges a complaint against that woman.
She had a good reputation... did she not?
Thats WHY you went to her in the first place.
Its difficult to get childcare there... is it not?

Well consider this... once she finds out it was your daughter that put in a complaint... and with her history and reputation...
... what do you think the chances are of your daughter being able to find people who are going to want to care for her child are?
Think they'll want to care for a child who's parent/s are going to run off and complain and get them into trouble over something thats merely a contract that hasnt worked to the agreement of both parties and wont accept it?

Sometimes the loving care of a mother includes finding the right person to provide when she has to make the money to buy the bread and milk. Very few parents have the luxury of staying home.

You cant bring home the bread and milk if you've shot yourself in the foot and nobody wants anything to do with you.

So if you dont keep your emotions and sense of offense in check about all this...
... she'll have NOBODY to help her... and she and the baby will have to come live in Ohio... with you.

Doesnt matter if you're right or not about this.
Play smart lady. Honestly...

Screw the caregiver... screw the money.
What you, your daughter and grandbaby need is... NOT more stress.

You're her mother... and she needs you right now... advise her wisely.
Sometimes you have to lose the battle to win the war... so to speak.
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 23
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Child care provider cant watch baby because she cries too much?
Posted: 4/13/2010 5:10:16 PM

to this child although I am related to her, I will just be "another care provider" in the temp while another care provider is found making it none the less of an upheaval for her.


That's a scary attitude from a Grandma. Let me tell you, loving family is NEVER "just another care provider in the temp." My daughter has spent time with my parents over the years and the time is treasured on both sides. It is not in any way remotely comparable to having a business look after your child (because whether you go to a home day care, daycare centre, or nanny, it is a business to them. They may love the children, but they're there to make a living just as I do when I go to work.)

Nutt
 Jayderaven
Joined: 7/16/2007
Msg: 24
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Child care provider cant watch baby because she cries too much?
Posted: 4/13/2010 6:18:23 PM

The OMS recommends that babies are breastfed exclusively for six months, for a number of reasons. I believe that maternity leave should never end before the first birthday of the child but, in any case, to put a baby under 6 months in babycare is going too far.


Um, well, in a perfect world...
My husband walked out three weeks before our son was born. I had a house (with the requisite mortgage and bills) and a ten year old son to care for financially and staying at home, unpaid (good old USA gives 12 weeks of UNPAID maternity leave maximum before they no longer hold your position for you) for a year was out of the question. I would have lost our home and not been able to feed and care for my children and myself. As a result, my younger son was in a home daycare from age ten weeks old. Granted, I knew the woman who ran the daycare from high school and made many "drop in" visits from my third trimester all the way up to when I returned to work at eight weeks post-partum (my mother took off two weeks to care for my infant son for his 8th and 9th weeks of life).

Going too far? In a perfect world, pitufina... in a perfect world.

(Just for the record and hopefully to encourage the OP's daughter, while working FT as a single mom, I breastfed and pumped milk for the entire first 25 months of his life, as advocated by the W.H.O.) :) It's not easy, but it can be done with a good, sturdy pump and lots of oatmeal!
 Arpeggia
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 25
Child care provider cant watch baby because she cries too much?
Posted: 4/13/2010 6:23:12 PM
Nutt... No not a scary attitude at all. It is just a very real summation of this child in its infancy that realistically does not know that I am "Granny". To her I am something she may or may not remember from her first 5 days of life. To her I am just another care provider in her life line. Babies are very egocentric and I realize this. It isn't good or bad.. it is just how things are. Do not take it to mean that there is no love or is something scary. Babies need what they need.. no matter who provides it. In a perfect world there is a stay home mom, dad who works and an extended family... so the world is not perfect but it does not mean that there is no love to be given. Do not even go there. (geez some cant stand to post unless they have a "dig" to get in).

Which makes me to say to *squiggle* I did not read all of your 2nd post. You seem to have an agenda about mom's that have to work. This thread is not about that. It simply is about asking advice about day care providers. I'm not going down the path of discontent with you. Too many well adjusted children have been raised as product of day care providers and while you want to pick apart every little item/issue.. I can do the same to no productive conclusion, so we will lay that argument to rest there. There is plenty of "wrongs" on the providers behalf that if my daughter chooses to file a complaint about will be taken into account. That is up to her. It is not about renegotiating a contract. My daughter gave her needs and expectations and the provider was found lacking and unprofessional. She is looking for an alternative source of care and will be leaving this provider.

Arpeggia
Brown eyed woman.. thank you for the encouragement.. do tell about oatmeal??? My daughter is military and she only had 6 weeks plus 1 week of personal vacation time. There is a husband very involved but his work demands (also usaf) are intense. I live full time in Canada (part time in Ohio )and child leave is 12 months "up" there and can be split between the parents. Oh how I wish the US of A would come up to world standards for this.
Arpeggia
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