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 sassy_scorpio
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 1
Sex for women in their 50'sPage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I have a great guy in my life. He is very willing to do anything I want to please me. He feels bad when I don't orgasm.

I had no problems orgasming when I was younger. Back then I could have multiple orgasms. Now, it's really difficult. I get plenty turned on and plenty of foreplay. I am not nervous. I am very comfortable with him. It just doesn't happen. I am pretty sure it has to do with lowered hormones. I am on HRT because I got really tired of how lousy I felt when I went through menopause.

I am just curious if other women find it a lot more difficult at this age. Believe me when I say it's not him. He's very patient and I get very turned on but still can't seem to even feeling close to having one. Just looking for some feedback.
 wine expert
Joined: 10/12/2007
Msg: 2
Sex for women in their 50's
Posted: 4/16/2010 9:22:26 PM
Hi ! I just started dating a Scorpio woman in her 50's. You said that you have a great guy in your life . If this is true , then you must do your best to keep him !! First of all make him feel like a man and never let him know that you don't orgasm . My advice is to discover yourself. You are a Scorpio and your most sensitive part is your gentiles and you must teach him to foreplay on this area. Also you mentioned that you felt lousy and you are now taking HRT . Are you taking Testosterone capsules ??? I would explore that also. Tell this great guy that he turns you on and dwell on his positive features . Always be positive when you are together. I am dating a Scorpio and I did my homework . He is a lucky guy !!
 sassy_scorpio
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 3
Sex for women in their 50's
Posted: 4/16/2010 9:30:32 PM
Thanks for your reply. I tried to message you but I don't live close enough to send you a message.

Where do I get these testosterone capsules? I have a feeling my dr. is not going to be very willing to give these to me. I have testosterone cream that I am supposed to apply to the genital area but it does not seem to be doing a thing! I know it comes in a stronger dose, but this doctor acts like she is doing me a huge favor prescribing it at all, let alone strong enough to actually do some good.

I do tell him it has nothing to do with him and that he is doing everything right. As far as not letting him know that I am not having an orgasm, I don't even have a clue how to fake one!
I am sure he would know anyway, because he is very in tune to me.
 LostChord
Joined: 6/20/2009
Msg: 4
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Sex for women in their 50's
Posted: 4/16/2010 9:47:21 PM
Can you masturbate to orgasm?
 wine expert
Joined: 10/12/2007
Msg: 5
Sex for women in their 50's
Posted: 4/16/2010 9:52:56 PM
Hi ! Sassy Scorpio .... You must be tested to see where your levels are at . What sign is he ?? I really think that have to make your fella feel like a man / lover . It sure would make the both of you into each other and that could be the difference . Scorpio women are extremely sensual and you again should explore yourself . I am dating a Scorpio and she is very sensual. Again what sign is he ?? You are very lucky to have a nice guy . Try harder as they are rare !!
 sassy_scorpio
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 6
Sex for women in their 50's
Posted: 4/16/2010 10:26:39 PM
He is a Virgo. Yes, I can give myself an orgasm but I haven't been trying lately because I would rather be more ready for him. I don't think I could do it myself with him there though.

I don't know if any of you are familiar with Dave who used to post and maybe still does post on the Sex and Dating thread. He talked a lot about the G spot and from his posts I decided to buy a G spot vibrator. I honestly thought before that maybe I had one, but it didn't work for me the way it did for other people. Well that G spot vibrator proved me wrong.

That doesn't seem to be the problem though. The problem now is it seems like my clitoris has no feeling and I HATE IT!
 LostChord
Joined: 6/20/2009
Msg: 7
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Sex for women in their 50's
Posted: 4/16/2010 11:00:34 PM
Well, sex is 90% mental. If you can give yourself an orgasm, it's not a physical problem. For some reason, you do not feel comfortable letting yourself go in his presence. Typical therapy for this problem involves getting both parties involved in non orgasmic intimacy. That is, you attempt to be intimate without any expectation of orgasm. After you become comfortable with this relationship, you escalate to greater and greater stimulation without orgasm until your comfort level grows to the point where you can achieve orgasm. Another approach is to become comfortable masturbating to orgasm in his presence. This shows him what you need. Take it slow and keep your sexual demands low. This will create a greater sense of intimacy that should lead to orgasm. Good luck!
 Jazzzy7
Joined: 1/24/2009
Msg: 8
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Sex for women in their 50's
Posted: 4/17/2010 8:31:53 AM

First of all make him feel like a man and never let him know that you don't orgasm .


What a way to have an honest fulfilling relationship!

OP, please do not listen to this garbage. I am sorry to say that I don't have a solution for you, but I do recognize bad advise when I see it. A new doctor may be able to suggest some alternatives that your current doctor hasn't.

Good Luck!
 QUIET WHISPERS
Joined: 3/22/2010
Msg: 9
Sex for women in their 50's
Posted: 4/17/2010 9:30:01 AM
Dear OP I am glad you were lucky enough to meet a man that was sex-worthy...Although I am a little bit younger than you, I found once I was in my late 30's that I needed a respectful, intelligent man in the context of an emotionally satisfying relationship to get off
needless to say, I've been sexless way too long because of that.

For me, I know once I meet a man who is both physically & emotionally attractive, I'll have no problem
 Free-At-Last
Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 10
Sex for women in their 50's
Posted: 4/17/2010 10:33:08 AM

First of all make him feel like a man and never let him know that you don't orgasm

Ya right....gawd forbid you hurt his EGO.
Maybe she should take some acting lessons so that she can pull off a scene like Meg Ryan did in "Harry Met Sally"
 sassy_scorpio
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 11
Sex for women in their 50's
Posted: 4/17/2010 11:51:54 AM
Thanks. Maybe I will look around for another dr. If testosterone is the answer, I want some!
 wine expert
Joined: 10/12/2007
Msg: 12
Sex for women in their 50's
Posted: 4/17/2010 12:45:59 PM
What I meant was to give encouragement. It was mentioned that her boyfriend felt bad . I know that I would be more willing with encouragement. After reading what I wrote , I can see why you took it that way and you are right and you win !!! It was bad advise.
 freedomagn
Joined: 2/17/2009
Msg: 13
Sex for women in their 50's
Posted: 4/17/2010 3:46:08 PM
Felitio! Maybe that is your answer!
 SensualVixenX
Joined: 1/29/2010
Msg: 14
Sex for women in their 50's
Posted: 4/17/2010 5:31:10 PM
^^^^^Felitio......I saw him in concert last year. Was so great I bought his CD and he got a standing O......................vation!
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 15
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Sex for women in their 50's
Posted: 4/17/2010 6:31:53 PM
Last time I checked testosterone wasn't available in capsules (doesn't work well via the digestive track). (see quote/link below) You *should* get your levels tested before supplementing. Which will then likey be a shot, cream, or patch.


While oral tablets may be easy to use, they are not natural, physiologic or healthy. Oral testosterone may dramatically raise the testosterone level, only to have it drop a few hours later. The major drawback to oral testosterone is the "first pass effect." This means that the oral testosterone is absorbed and sent directly to the liver. In the liver, the testosterone effects many enzyme systems and raise the potential for liver dysfunction and even tumors. Most of the oral testosterone is deactivated by liver cells. Oral testosterone raises 'bad' cholesterol and lowers 'good.' It is banned in all modern countries except Canada and the United States. However, much research and development is going on at this time.

http://www.usdoctor.com/testtwo.htm (good information at this link)

DHEA is available over the counter, and will boost your own system ~~ google it, and read up: dumb to go in blind when google's provided a free college education, lol!

Don't lie, but do find a way to relax you both. Orgasm is *not* a command performance!!

 p_jonesy
Joined: 12/15/2008
Msg: 16
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Sex for women in their 50's
Posted: 4/18/2010 9:28:08 AM
Felitio.........that's so funny, sexual vixen.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 17
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Sex for women in their 50's
Posted: 4/18/2010 11:58:47 AM
shiraz wine;
Thank you for enlightening me that zodiac signs has something to do with good sex and achieving the point of no return so called orgasms...If I've read your feedback earlier in my life,I've not gone to the hard life excercises of belly dancing , to awaken that" feeling "in my crotch and practicing that indepth feeling of sensuality by rubbing lotion to my body. And asking some of my friends gays or hookers how they rated high on that department..
It is true that sexual is 99 % it is individual choicest to enjoy and achieve orgasm or not. But it takes an effort to get intune of a person sexuality specially if they have physical and emotional problem..

Well, I wonder about this zodiac signs , I am a Taurus I was told that I am compatible with Capricorn,if I don't approve the personality and background of this person I don't care what the GOD said...

For sure ,I don't intend to FUK every Capricorn in this world for orgasm...
And I am sure I will FUK for love with any zodiac signs.<img src=http://www.plentyoffish.com/smiles/icon_201.gif border=0>
 serenityCW
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 18
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Sex for women in their 50's
Posted: 4/18/2010 3:48:47 PM
shiraz, lay off the wine! you say her most sensitive part is her "gentiles"?!* well, who cares if she is jewish or not? oh, did you mean genitals, lol.

OP, get your hormones balanced and you will do fine. for some, additional testosterone cream (a tiny dab) is in order. however, for others (myself included), it's about the balance between the estrogen and the progesterone. a lot depends not only on what is "in" your body--but also how well, your body is converting. also, i'd check out the thyroid hormones while you are at it. they tend to operate somewhat like a symphony. that is, provided that you've landed a good "conductor"! note, there are three different estrogens. short of looking at my notes, i forget which is which. but, one is noted for cancer findings. some only test for that one and one other. you may want to test for all three and find someone who will balance the remaining two. one is better for lubrication and the other for the quality of your skin, aka wrinkling, etc. at least, that is what i was told, experimented with and can now affirm. also get natural hormones, even if you have to have compounded at a compounding pharmacy. although, many of the rx companies are now also providing. most of the estrogen/cancer studies are based on synthetic hormones. i usually ask my dr. (assuming she is female and around menopausal age) to give me the standard "rap" and then tell me what "she" is taking. most female docs in my circles are taking natural hormone replacement.

ps watch it! dhea can also give you a beard!
 captain puck
Joined: 12/14/2009
Msg: 19
Sex for women in their 50's
Posted: 4/18/2010 6:08:43 PM
Why Why Why do we have to put so much emphasis on sex in a relationship when in our 50's. There are sensitive 20 year olds (both sexes) who don't feel right when their partner doesn't orgasm. It's the worrying about it at our age that really causes the problems I believe. Maybe your body is talking to you. After all it's not as though you are in your 20's and your body wants to make babies. You could always take a second run at it if it doesn't get you there the first time. No? Ok maybe not. I am no doctor either.

So you are not so young any more. Everyone and everything ages and changes. It's all good still. Just relax and don't pressure yourself.
Maybe go at it at a slower rate. Who knows.
 mz taken
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 20
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Sex for women in their 50's
Posted: 4/18/2010 6:14:14 PM
I never went on HRT meds, but I would imagine they would have some effect on the libido, but so does the natural progression called "aging" lol.;I
've always had an active libido, but when I hit my early 50's I had a delicious and unnerving spike of randiness and loved every minute of it. I was also then divorced and riding solo.

as far as not masturbating to "save up" for him--hogwash! try staying in a slight state of sexual inebriation, not from liquor, from masturbating when aroused and with anticipation for the next chance to get off again...staying horny, as it were. when you know that you'll be seeing him again, rub one off the night before or the morning of that date. feel sexy about yourself, feel confident in your womanhood.
consider toys for yourself ... and to share that interest with him.
also, there are good lubes out there without fancy special effects (KY Intrigue for one) that really enhance an "intimate" massage from your partner.

btw, does it always have to be about how many, if any, times each partner orgasms??? for me, it's the action of the play more than the score that counts.
enjoy! try not to go in with a defeatist attitude--both of you.

edited to add:
saw your mention of a numb clit. was it because of the vibe you used? that can desensitize our clits over time.
time to shift back into manual gear.
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 21
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Sex for women in their 50's
Posted: 4/18/2010 6:58:31 PM
I do not agree with lying about having an orgasm because then you are cheating yourself. You and your partner can have a blast trying to help you get there and sometimes you might, sometimes you might not. However, lying to make him feel like a man is not authentic at all.

Hope this all works out!
 sassy_scorpio
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 22
Sex for women in their 50's
Posted: 4/18/2010 9:33:41 PM
Thanks all. I appreciate all your suggestions. LOL on the Scorpio posts. I don't think my zodiac sign or his has anything to do with this....

We haven't been together all that long and I know we have time to work on this. BTW, I am on bioidentical hormones, but will talk to the dr. about adding testosterone.


I do not agree with lying about having an orgasm because then you are cheating yourself.
I completely agree! And I would have no idea how to fake one anyway. It's pretty hard to fake ecstasy!
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 23
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Sex for women in their 50's
Posted: 4/18/2010 9:54:34 PM
I completely agree! And I would have no idea how to fake one anyway. It's pretty hard to fake ecstasy!



...Not really....after a while it just becomes second nature.

The devil made me say that (lol)


...mae
 daffie
Joined: 8/1/2007
Msg: 24
Sex for women in their 50's
Posted: 4/18/2010 11:28:00 PM
there's only one thing that "awakes that feeling in my crotch"...
and that's a sexy man who knows what he's doing when we're making love...

i've been taking hrt since my early forties and i intend doing so for the rest of my life..
it's never harmed my sexuality...

it's probably more a mental block...
maybe the op needs to relax more and not try so hard to please the new lover,
therefore foregoing her own successful climax...
the operative word here is "relax"...
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 25
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Sex for women in their 50's
Posted: 4/19/2010 5:39:18 AM
There are so many commonly spread stories about women "faking it", even although I routinely observe what I perceive to be the signs of female orgasm, I am always left wondering whether she actually got off or whether she is just being polite. On the other hand, its a bit much to believe that every woman I ever bedded has suffered from difficulty reaching orgasm. Also, age does not appear to me to be a factor, other than older women appear to me to be somewhat more difficult to seduce than did their younger counterparts.

Of course, I myself are more difficult to seduce than when I was younger.......
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