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 yourthoughtsonthat
Joined: 3/21/2010
Msg: 1
Is my male FWB feeling more?Page 1 of 1    
Ok, guys. What do you make about these things (refer list below) or actions of a FWB/potential boyfriend? I posted here a few weeks back re a FWB relationship. Followed advice and played it light and easy. So, it’s been nearly x2 months now and I’ve been playing cool and quietly watching indications and wondering if he’s developing deeper feelings for me but some evidence conflicts and is confusing me. EG:
THINGS HE DOES/SAYS THAT MAKE ME THINK HE IS INTO ME: calls or text me every 2-3 days just to check in and ask how I am and what I’ve been up to. When I stay at his place he is up before me and making me breakfast. He asks for my opinions allot and discusses his life/work/thoughts openly with me. He’s interested in me, my taste, wants and background. He’s started to want to hug me more, touch me when we are together, stroke my hair and sleep close to me. Looks at me and smiles or laughs often when we are together. Often compliments me: you look hot, you don’t need make up etc. asked for sexually exclusive if we were seeing each other i.e. not interested if I was sleeping with other guys. Told me he is not seeing or communicating with any other woman. Is flat out busy with his business but still makes time to see me or at least check in.

THINGS HE DOES/SAYS THAT MAKE ME THINK HE’S NOT SO INTO ME: comments on woman on TV (e.g. news presenter) that he thinks is hot/cute. Often asks if I think a guy is cute (in the street, in a mag etc), said early on he didn’t want a serious relationship, doesn’t contact me daily and sometimes (albeit when he’s busy and working 16 hour days) I might not hear from him for 4 days. Only see him every 5-7 days even though this has been going on for nearly x2 months – he is a guy down at work so I know he’s been struggling. He hasn’t taken me out anywhere e.g. to dinner, movies etc. whilst I’m not bothered because I don’t expect to be wined and dined and wooed I do wonder if this is an indication he doesn’t’ think I’m worthy of more investment

So, my question is: Do you think it’s just FWB for him or there’s real feelings there and if so, are they strong enough/significant that I should be ramping it up a bit (presently I wait for him to call me and make suggestions as don’t want to pressure him). I would like a more regular thing though (maybe see each other more. Say x2 per week and do one fun thing (eat out, movie, adventure) once a week. I definitely don’t want to scare him or look demanding though, especially if he’s just thinking we are FWB

Thanks for any feedback :o)
 MikeAkaJB
Joined: 10/7/2008
Msg: 2
Is my male FWB feeling more?
Posted: 4/25/2010 9:41:31 PM
FWB becoming a boyfriend is an oxymoron. All that attention you are listing is there to keep you as a FWB to give something to him when he wants. I mean really he can't treat you like crap and expect you to want to have sex with him when he randomly is aching for some / lonely. Plus, that thing you listed asked for exclusiveness in terms of sex doesn't really mean much cause he could be lying on his part. Even if a guy doesn't want to date someone doesn't mean he won't get jealous over something between you and him. Basically if he wants you as just a FWB he still doesn't want to share you with some other random guy. Sharing you even remotely will encroach on his time with you that he could be having sex with you.

You defined what your relationship along time ago and he is just keeping enough strings attached to get you to give it up to him with no committment. This is like hanging out with a guy who tells you he doesn't want a relationship, but you think you can convince him to be in a relationship with you. It just doesn't usually happen like you want and this is a prime example of if you want to be in an actual bf/gf relationship with someone don't be in a FWB relationship with a guy plain and simple.
 Krebby2001
Joined: 6/12/2007
Msg: 3
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Is my male FWB feeling more?
Posted: 4/25/2010 10:01:42 PM
Doesn't look that promising, from indications that he's not doing much beyond the FWB activities. I can fully understand the long work days, hehe, but even then, when he gets a "breather," he ought to be doing things that are more meaningful to sustain a relationship. He said he didn't really want a relationship, that says something there, too. But guys can be convinced otherwise, so this might change.

The jealousy that he displays? Normal guy territorial behavior. What if you fall in love and he won't have any more free and easy poontang?

He could be really into you in a physical sense, but not into you in other "soulful" ways. I don't know, really, this is one of those cases where, with proper communication, it could go one way or the other. But to keep the relationship as it is now, at a sort of "stasis,' -- that might be what he wants, but not you. So, time to push for a bit more "significant movement" if you want to do it that way. Communicate, suggest some "outings" that he might be interested in, like a movie, a concert or something. Like my coach used to say at critical times, "Boys, it's time to sh*t or get off the pot."
 *~*ChardyGirl*~*
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 4
Is my male FWB feeling more?
Posted: 4/26/2010 12:38:38 AM

I would like a more regular thing though (maybe see each other more. Say x2 per week and do one fun thing (eat out, movie, adventure) once a week.


Fellow Aussie............
Sounds to me as though you'd like this to develop into something more serious/meaningful than just the FWB-thing which you have now.
If you've been seeing him for two months and he has the time to sleep with you,then,he can bloody well take you out somewhere on a proper date and enjoy your company OUTSIDE the bedroom.
If he cant/wont do this,id say you're "just" a FWB to him and its not likely to go anywhere.
You're a pretty girl. Id be looking further afield.
 yourthoughtsonthat
Joined: 3/21/2010
Msg: 5
Is my male FWB feeling more?
Posted: 4/26/2010 1:18:20 AM
Thanks for your replies guys and *~*ChardyGirl*~* : he has taken me out for take aways - does that count??!! thing is i said to him right at the start i didnt' want anything and if we were going to see each other i wanted it on the down low (long story but not long out of tricky situation with ex and i wasn't wanting to jump into anything - let alone with a mutual aquaintance). since then i've obviously back tracked but realise now (thanks to the feedback from guys on this site) that he's probably mroe than happy with an arrangement like that - no expectation or effort required! i do feel like he is increasingly attentive though and seams to be interested in me for more than just shagging. i suppose I'm a bit scared of asking for or sugesting more for fear of being fobbed off so trying to asertain how likly it is he is feeling/interested in more than FWB first

cheers! xx
Is my male FWB feeling more?
Posted: 4/26/2010 1:20:02 AM
don't have a take on your big question, but i wanted to address some of your interpretations.
first off, the guy sincerely likes you. you're not a booty call - he geniunely likes you as a person and he likes engaging with you outside the bedroom.

comments on woman on TV (e.g. news presenter) that he thinks is hot/cute. Often asks if I think a guy is cute (in the street, in a mag etc),
this is neither here not there. it's possible he simply has an interest in appearance and how people look, not an intent to bang them. the fact that he asks you your opinion of men's looks reinforces this.

He hasn’t taken me out anywhere e.g. to dinner, movies etc. whilst I’m not bothered because I don’t expect to be wined and dined and wooed I do wonder if this is an indication he doesn’t’ think I’m worthy of more investment
i know this will come as a shock, but most men really like sex, especially younger ones, and have a great deal of motivation to engage in it. he's a guy with limited time who only gets to see his lover once a week. you'd better believe he's gonna put sex at the top of the time budget. it sounds like you're equating entertainment expenditures with caring. if it were only about the sex he'd be making excuses not to spend time in conversation with you, not to spend time making you breakfast, and he'd be checking his messages rather than stroking your hair.
 yourthoughtsonthat
Joined: 3/21/2010
Msg: 7
Is my male FWB feeling more?
Posted: 4/26/2010 1:24:59 AM
thanks 'davidpiano0609' - some encouraging words there! yes, i think you are probably being quite fair and reasonable re his priorties given his schedual. so, he likes me sincerely as a person - as a person or a potential girlfriend though?! We are early 30's and whilst I tell myself I don't care I suopse I dont' want to waste my time if he's really just looking at me as a stop gap :o)
 wyndowlycker
Joined: 3/9/2010
Msg: 8
Is my male FWB feeling more?
Posted: 4/26/2010 1:33:36 AM

Do you think it’s just FWB for him or there’s real feelings there

I think you are simply a FWB and that he has feelings like a normal human being.


THINGS HE DOES/SAYS THAT MAKE ME THINK HE IS INTO ME:

So....he's acting like the F in FWB? Most likely (IMO) this is a social payment for the service you offer him.
Does he consider himself a "nice" or "good" guy? Then he has to exhibit behavior that shows he is a "nice" or "good" guy.

He can still act like your boyfriend without having any desire or intent to ever accept the responsibility, risk, or make the commitment to be so. It's emotionally satisfying without the calories.


THINGS HE DOES/SAYS THAT MAKE ME THINK HE’S NOT SO INTO ME

Most if not all of these things are simply indirect communication that he has no desire to commit to you or have the relationship be any more responsible, risky, or committed than it is now.
Comments of other women and men in a romantic or sexual sense are meant to "put you in your place" without a confrontation or attack.

Again, just because

he didn’t want a serious relationship

doesn't mean he wouldn't behave as though he were in one in the time you are together.
But your time together is the limit of that.


are they strong enough/significant that I should be ramping it up a bit

Does that mean you want more?
If so, then more than likely you are communicating that to him indirectly. Which in turn is affecting his behavior to give you a little bit more of what you want in order to maintain the status quo. If you push too much he is going to see it as too expensive.


I would like a more regular thing though (maybe see each other more. Say x2 per week and do one fun thing (eat out, movie, adventure) once a week.

You understand the F in FWB means you can talk to him like an F and express your needs, wants, and desires? That you get to define part of the relationship too?
 Elgalawaat
Joined: 11/24/2008
Msg: 9
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Is my male FWB feeling more?
Posted: 4/26/2010 1:54:56 AM
All he wants is the sex. He calls or text every 4 days, never took out for a dinner, movie or out of town trip. I am sorry to say you made to yourself with FBW thing hoping for a relationship. He is smart and doing enough to just keep you around. Hookers are very expensive.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 10
Is my male FWB feeling more?
Posted: 4/26/2010 2:20:00 AM
Good lord you have sex with this man and hear from him every few days.
Be happy with it or move on or Change the arrangement..


He is comfortable just the way things are and waiting on the right one..Another"You will do for NOW" until Ms or Mr perfect in their mind falls out of the sky.


Op..make some other plans for a few days..You need some options open if this is not what you want.


I would like a more regular thing though (maybe see each other more. Say x2 per week and do one fun thing (eat out, movie, adventure) once a week.

Well TELL HIM.

You have a say in this you know.
 DiannaBall
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 11
Is my male FWB feeling more?
Posted: 4/26/2010 7:24:23 AM
I knew a guy like this only I was not having sex with him. He wanted to but I cannot do the FWB thing. Anyway, he was just like this. Wanted to be close. And I think he did sincerely like me but the bottom line was he did not want more than friends and he wanted the Sex. So, since I did not screw him, we actually talked and I was somewhat able to figure him out. Really nice guy, he just did not want the commitment. He described many women he was with that were situations just like you explained. He is affectionate and touchy feely ~ yet he would talk about other women openly and ask the women he was with about other men. He said it was his way of keeping it open an honest that he did like what he had with the women ~ but he mentioned other women and asked them about other men to keep them from getting attached to him. And I can see how his manipulation worked. And he was sporatic as well with communication ~ talk to these women then boom ~ not talk to them for a few days. Basically, he was getting laid all the time. He and I were only able to be friends because I was NOT sleeping with him. And I am glad I did not. The things he would tell me made me really worry for him about STD's and just overall hurting people. I do not think he is at all falling for you or wanting a relationship ~ I think he is doing what works. Personally it is not how I could be with anyone. And these type of people do not change. So accept it for what it is. If you are okay with this type of thing; so be it. If not, cut your losses now. I learned a lot from my friend who did this. It just (to me) is not normal behavior. And for certain people on here calling you pathetic, pay no attention. Some on here web cam nude for people and do just as much if not more tragic things. At least you are getting it in person and are not all over the internet. That to me is worse than this situation. LOL I mean really ~ it is what it is. It is a matter of are you okay with it or not. Just be safe with this guy. Good luck and be careful.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 12
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Is my male FWB feeling more?
Posted: 4/26/2010 9:03:39 AM
If it were me, I'd say I'd be falling for you. In my case, and sometimes in general, it takes time for a guy to fully fall for someone. This is why is most cases guys don't know what they have until after it is gone.

Do you ever call him and initiate getting together? If you do the initiating a couple of times a week and he is receptive of that you will have attained one of the things your looking for, more time with him. Some women won't call guys at all. Also, since you are initiating you can pick the places to go. I doubt you'll scare the guy off. If he's getting it regularly and you are an attractive woman, he's not going anywhere.

If you like things the way it is and you don't want to change it that is fine too.

You're not pathetic OP, you have something good going on.
 Tim_in_NPR
Joined: 8/19/2007
Msg: 13
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Is my male FWB feeling more?
Posted: 4/26/2010 9:33:32 AM
OP ... I guess you need to decide what you need out of your situation. From where I sit .. "Friends" with "Benefits" hmmmmm ya got the benefits part right just maybe not as often as you might like but I guess I need to ask where is the "Friends" part? How often do you hear from your best frineds? Once a day? Twice a week? or once every couple of months? Again my opinion is that you need to redefine what FWB means and then decide if that is in fact what you want and need at this point in your life.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 14
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Is my male FWB feeling more?
Posted: 4/26/2010 9:35:21 AM
Unless you want an FWB and nothing more, I'm not sure why you'd agree to it. If you do hoping for more, then you end up analyzing everything he does and hoping he'll cave in and want more. Sounds like torture.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 15
Is my male FWB feeling more?
Posted: 4/26/2010 10:09:20 AM
OP: If you are not "getting" what you want out of this relationship, then maybe it's time to end it. Don't ever expect a FWB situation to turn into something more than what it is - a non-exclusive friendship with sex.

It is why I have never entertained that type of scenario. It works for many, but it would not work for me. I can't separate intimacy with an emotional connection. I want it ALL!



P.S. I purposely did not respond to your main inquiry "Is my male FWB feeling more?", as I'd be guessing. You'll either figure it out, talk with him or get tired of the relationship and eventually end it.
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