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| | When a woman punches walls...{CLOSED Thread]Page 1 of 11 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11) | I've started many threads recently...see my history....but I would like some unput, especially from the guys, regarding the following issue:
A few years ago I was with a man for 18 months. (NOT the same person I've referred to in my recent threads.)
He was, and still is, a Security Guard.
As time went by he became possesive and aggressive and only HIS way was good enough.
He used to punch walls, the fridge, neighbours fences etc when he was in a rage and/or frustrated. Even punched his dog.
I began to do the same. He brought something out in me which I'd never experienced before. I'm 46, have a gentle nature and never in my wildest dreams thought I'd end up punching things aswell.
I began to slam doors, throw things and eventually started punching and kicking walls crying my heart out. It hurt like hell.
He screamed at me that I was psycho while he was busy punching the walls etc.
Soon he used me as a punching bag and I left with the help of the police.
My question is....why is it (generally speaking) accepted if a man goes round punching things but not a woman to do the same in the heat of temper? | |
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| When a woman punches walls...
Posted: 4/25/2010 10:45:53 PM | | because abusive men don't take responsibility for their own behavior and love to twist things around and make everything the womans fault. | |
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| When a woman punches walls...
Posted: 4/25/2010 10:51:58 PM | It is not acceptable for anyone, especially not a man, especially not for people in authority positions.
The more damage a person could do, the less acceptable that type of behavior. | |
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| When a woman punches walls...
Posted: 4/25/2010 10:55:45 PM |
He was, and still is, a Security Guard.
As time went by he became possesive and aggressive and only HIS way was good enough.
He used to punch walls, the fridge, neighbours fences etc when he was in a rage and/or frustrated. Even punched his dog.
I began to do the same. He brought something out in me which I'd never experienced before. I'm 46, have a gentle nature and never in my wildest dreams thought I'd end up punching things aswell.
I began to slam doors, throw things and eventually started punching and kicking walls crying my heart out. It hurt like hell.
He screamed at me that I was psycho while he was busy punching the walls etc.
Soon he used me as a punching bag and I left with the help of the police.
My question is....why is it (generally speaking) accepted if a man goes round punching things but not a woman to do the same in the heat of temper?
OP neither is acceptable! The reason is in your post if someone is punching things it is a short jump to people.
As you have found out being around people like this can effect you as well. I hope you have addressed this problem. | |
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| When a woman punches walls...
Posted: 4/25/2010 11:05:43 PM | Acting out anger in violent ways is not acceptable by anybody. If you have to punch something, make it a pillow. Once you start allowing yourself to behave in ways that can be destructive of people or property, it's easier and easier to allow yourself to do more.
If you have that much anger in you, you should see a counsellor to see what it's about. | |
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| When a woman punches walls...
Posted: 4/25/2010 11:13:48 PM | Unfortunately, it's tolerated, not accepted.
Often humans have a natural progression tendency.
So, hitting inanimate objects (walls) eventually isn't too big a leap from hitting animate objects (pets), which eventually isn't too big a leap from hitting each other.
If you never start drinking, you'll never become an alcoholic. | |
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| When a woman punches walls...
Posted: 4/26/2010 12:31:56 AM | I don't understand
Why is it accepted if a man goes round punching things
when it is prefaced with
he used me as a punching bag...I left with the help of the police
You didn't accept it.
If the police accepted it they wouldn't have been there.
not a woman to do the same in the heat of temper?
I've seen episodes of COPS where the woman has also been arrested for hitting her husband (starting it), or striking him back.
I've seen episodes where the guy went to jail and the woman didn't.
I don't remember seeing COPS where the woman went to jail and the guy didn't in a domestic disturbance call (unless she used a weapon and he didn't do anything to her at all).
I don't think it is accepted so much as more common for a man to hurt a woman by hitting her than a woman to hurt a man by hitting him.
I think it is more stereotypically believed men are more violent than women.
I've broken up with a fair share of women who thought playfully punching me, slapping me, and silly slaps upside the back of my head were okay, and thought I was being a "****" for saying anything or telling them to never hit me.
Personally I think it is far more "accepted" for women to hit men. For men to "man up" and take it. | |
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| When a woman punches walls...
Posted: 4/26/2010 12:36:02 AM | She did say generally speaking... I'll go with the view point (devil's advocate here) that aggressive behavior from men is more acceptable than from a woman simply because they are a man. Men are generally more agressive so them punching some inanimate object it is seen as a valid way to express anger / fustration more so than a woman. This is simply from the fact woman usually are not agreesive / that angry. However, violence to any living thing is a big indicator that domestic violence is not far behind. That punching his dog is just screaming get the hell out. He was probably in his mind showing dominance over the animal for whatever reasons and you weren't soon behind.
Someone in his state of mind seeing you punching things for no apparent reason in his mind is why he screamed psycho probably. He believes his violence is a show of masculinity probably because he has higher testosterone levels. This is another reason why at least in the past with some odd beliefs still carrying on now to todays world existed than men can act out. Don't you recall the times when a guy does something agressive and people will say boys will be boys? I think before guys who were angry / fustrated even today used to go shoot something. That is relatively much more violent than punching a wall or hitting a tree with a bat. However, some say shooting off a few rounds can be relaxing / acceptable.
I mean look at the world... Overly aggressive men who become relatively violent sport athletes are prized such as mma fighters, boxers, football, hockey, and such. While on the flip side overly aggressive women are seen as masculine, generally frowned upon, and such. We as a society pretty much idolize violent men when they can constructily put it toward we consider entertaining. We trivalize women who do the same thing because it's not big enough entertainment or seems abnormal. I don't hear professional women's football really gaining much public appeal.
Using anger and fustration toward some productive such as martial arts classes, working out, or whatever is much more useful than punching your walls which you'll have to fix later either way.  | |
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| When a woman punches walls...
Posted: 4/26/2010 12:36:51 AM |
why is it (generally speaking) accepted if a man goes round punching things but not a woman to do the same in the heat of temper?
BOTH are unacceptable and immature.
There are MANY ways to deal with anger, frustration, etc. A true punching bag is good for such things. Prayer, meditation, counseling, deep breathing, thinking (especially in advance), sex, exercise, proper nutrition, staying away from alcohol, drugs, caffeine, etc. . .
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| When a woman punches walls...
Posted: 4/26/2010 12:54:46 AM | Both are unacceptable in general life, but there are contexts in which it's seen as acceptable when men do it. Those contexts are usually in films or TV and not in real life.
A more important matter to consider is what it brought out in you. You can't do anything about him. That's over and he was never your responsibility anyway.
You can do something about what was brought to the fore in this, that's yours. You will probably never react this way again. The circumstances were unique. But that you did react this way remains important, to you, for your future. It is far easier to examine him, but the one you need to examine is you.
That's a hard thing to do. But you're the one who counts, here. This is your life. That you behaved this way, given this stimulus, is important. I strongly suggest talking to an abuse counselor. If cost is an issue, this is often a free service in many areas.
Please feel free to write me. I'm not the font of all knowledge, but I'm a good researcher, and I care. | |
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| When a woman punches walls...
Posted: 4/26/2010 1:02:32 AM |
My question is....why is it (generally speaking) accepted if a man goes round punching things but not a woman to do the same in the heat of temper?
are you saying women face more consequences than men for physical expressions of anger? that's a tough sell. while the guys are punching the walls, the women are breaking the dishes. | |
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| When a woman punches walls...
Posted: 4/26/2010 2:13:02 AM |
My question is....why is it (generally speaking) accepted if a man goes round punching things but not a woman to do the same in the heat of temper?
It's not. May be more common for men to manage anger through violence, but it's not more acceptable. And frankly, the second I saw him hit the dog, I would have been reporting him.
Nutt | |
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| When a woman punches walls...
Posted: 4/26/2010 2:17:17 AM | Even punched his dog. ^^^That would've been the absolute dealbreaker for me!
What a deranged lunatic.
Glad you're away from him,"Soft" !
why is it (generally speaking) accepted if a man goes round punching things but not a woman to do the same in the heat of temper?
Is it more prevalent in *SOME* mens' nature more than womens' *shrug*.................???
Either way,id be suggesting they go to the gym and 'attack' a real punching-bag.
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| When a woman punches walls...
Posted: 4/26/2010 3:26:27 AM | | wait a minute, he punched his dog?!? he punched his dog and you didn't pound his fukkin nuts into marmalade?!? what's wrong with you? oh wait, you both went psycho. or at least, you like psycho guys and then you let it rub off on you. yeah let's go around punching stuff that can't hit back! what makes you think it's acceptable for a man to "go around punching things"? i guess it's the same thing that should make it okay for you to do it to.... except for some sort of mysterious & unfair "double standard" alluded to in your question. but hey, i really like how you framed your question, because you're sitting there wondering why it's not acceptable for you to go around punching stuff because you have a vagina, but you show little concern about the kind of man who would actually punch a dog.... yeah why can't *you* do that? change your screen name to soft_in_the_head. you need serious therapy. | |
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| When a woman punches walls...
Posted: 4/26/2010 3:35:54 AM | | Men are, by nature, generally more physically aggressive than females due to their higher testosterone levels. It is never alright for either sex to throw punches, whether at walls or other people, but with men it is considered part of their nature and a masculine trait. Abuse begets abuse, as you have shown. When people, men or women, are in a violent environment, oftentimes they become abusive themselves. There are a surprisingly large number of men who are physically abused by their female partners though. Most people don't consider women to be anywhere near as physically aggressive as men. It depends on the person's nature and environment as to whether they are violent, not their sex. | |
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| When a woman punches walls...
Posted: 4/26/2010 3:40:29 AM | anger shouldn't lead up to things where your punching out your pets or your spouse, family, etc. That is NOT acceptable. My best friend and I used to get pissed off easily until we learned to handle the anger problems differently like calming down, or getting away from the person that you are having an argument with. Point is you have to own up to your shit and handle your problem.
If people want to go out and go on an anger piss, handle the anger differently, like going to martial arts, punch bagging at the local gym, work out, go running and be productive but not in a negative way. | |
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| When a woman punches walls...
Posted: 4/26/2010 4:05:30 AM | The DOG!?!?!?! You stayed with him after that? Then you deserved anything you got, since you have free choice. Too bad the dog is exposed to either one of you, since you have problems as well!
What kind of lame ass polarized thread is this? Poor women, we are so oppressed about our freedom to express anger and destroy personal property! We demand equal rights to be seen as the same irrational abusers as the male gender.
IT'S NOT MORE ACCEPTABLE! You are taking the input of a crazy man on which to base your plight? 
it is more common for men to lash out physically - that does NOT make it more acceptable!
Geez! I wonder about the poor dog!  Poor thing!
Gawd! | |
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| When a woman punches walls...
Posted: 4/26/2010 4:23:16 AM |
but I would like some unput, ....I suppose unput might be saying nothing.
But I'm thinking going around punching things all the time is not really accepted in either gender as the right way to handle things.
Maybe because men seem to do this more or excuse me..some men...its not as much as shock as to see a woman do this...which is seen less often.
I'm thinking his tantrums were deep down , and by your doing the same thing...you in a sense were stealing the show...maybe why he reacted the way he did....in truth you maybe should have left him earlier.
Some do this act from several reasons...one being it was the example set by a parent as how to handle things...and as you saw the example caused you to react the same way...though yours might have been frustration of him doing this...who knows? | |
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| When a woman punches walls...
Posted: 4/26/2010 4:38:17 AM |
Men are, by nature, generally more physically aggressive than females due to their higher testosterone levels. It is never alright for either sex to throw punches, whether at walls or other people, but with men it is considered part of their nature and a masculine trait
True to a point, but not necessarity so....men mostly thru the ages were taught to be tough, etc.....learn to defend, etc...but this trait of punching and braking is more an example set by a parent as seeing as a child how they handle things...or can be from a chemical imbalance, etc.
I've seen some women handle things by getting pissed off, and I suspect it was how one of their parents handled things, not because they have more testosterom than other women.
Not to say either gender has a harder time in life, but some of the things men do like working under a car to fix it or out in the hot sun, putting up a new roof, or whatever...can bring you near the brink of anger, if you hit your thumb with a hammer, etc...these are things most women you don't see doing...likely she is inside in the comfort of the home doing her chores, and if there is something she can't do, she calls him....in doing these things, it might put him closer to the brink, so to speak.
Being near the brink, at times they cross over...we see this, and its not as much a shock as seeing a woman do this....who might not get near the physical brink as often or even the case.
Don't get me wrong...there are things women do, that men don't do or rarely....and so there is balance, but in a different way....besides women can be emotional and cry as an option to frustration...men are not expected to do that, because of being tought to be tough...the result is showing anger instead...but if he is taught by example that is not the way to be..likely that will be the case. | |
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| When a woman punches walls...
Posted: 4/26/2010 4:40:38 AM | | And you stayed with this guy and picked up his punching habit too? Both of you need help. Not normal behavior for anyone. And leave the animals out of it. | |
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| When a woman punches walls...
Posted: 4/26/2010 4:52:19 AM |
The DOG!?!?!?! You stayed with him after that?
OMG no!! I had left way before that awful incident hapened. His children told me. Poor little thing.....
it is more common for men to lash out physically - that does NOT make it more acceptable!
I totally agree. That was the meaning behind my thread.
I know its more common for blokes and i know its unacceptable. My issue put forward is why it SEEMS to be more looked down upon if or when us girls display similar behaviour. | |
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| When a woman punches walls...
Posted: 4/26/2010 5:12:16 AM |
My question is....why is it (generally speaking) accepted if a man goes round punching things but not a woman to do the same in the heat of temper?
I'm sorry that happened to you. However, if you think it is accepted, you still have lingering effects from the abuse and are not thinking clearly.
I have to agree with the other posters you condoned and participated in the activity so the result was only natural. I'm not saying it is all your fault but it is an understandable out come. Why do these things happen? The reason is people can get away with it. Violence goes both ways in relationships, neither gender is immune to it and both can be prosecutors of it. It's true, more men are prone to this but women do it too.
People, IMO, are drawn to other people who appear strong. This is why the bully in the school yard goes unpunished, grows up and beats his/her SO. Is violence necessary sometimes? Yes, unfortunately, in our world sometimes it is but it is the person who shows restraint that is the stronger person.
It's also a cultural problem, older movies thought nothing of showing a man slapping a woman.
If it is accepted in the circle of people you are hanging around with, it might be better for you to find some better friends.
IMO, a lot of people, especially women are just drawn to the violence and are later consumed by it. And, it crosses all cultural boundaries from the football star to the James Dean types and this goes for women too. People shouldn't get a Pit Bull and then cry that it doesn't act like Labrador Retriever. | |
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| When a woman punches walls...
Posted: 4/26/2010 5:18:36 AM | Aggression is learned generally by a learend behaviour by you (anybody not you specifically) being exposed too a situation. Look at G.I.'s, most are not aggressive yet when they come back from combat they can and do lash out just as you described in your post when in highly emotional state. I have family members that have been that way and friends now that are like that but were not like that prior to seeing combat situations.
I myself have P.T.S.D. from a traumatic childhood and been in abusive relationships from my childhood and in marriages. I grew up in fight or flight, due to counseling and staying away from people that are abusive and negative I don't get into or live in that fight or flight. When my exhusband would become angry and punch the walls and doors. When my exhusband would that it scared the hell outta me, eventually the 5 year old I was living with beating on me had me living in fear. I started lashing out violently in my sleep and eventually started yelling. My exhusband told me it "All my fault and I had an anger problem" Darn right I did, I was pregnant and being yelled at and beaten on for no reason,,,.,well duh!!
Anyways. Point to all this is None of the aggression by anybody is acceptable. When a woman gets mad at her husband/boyfriend/SO for him coming home drunk or disappearing for days on end (or whatever pushes her buttons) and she tossess a plate at his head, my Aunt used to do this, it was always considered acceptable. That was my M.O.-I do not think it is whatsoever and I choose other ways to let someone know I'm upset. I think other people can use other ways to let it be known they are upset. I also believe that when someone is exposed to a traumatic situation and they are not emotionally or phychologically capable of expressing themselves they lash out violently like you posted. It is acceptable-hell no. Does it happen yes. Hopefully people get help nowadays to find better coping skills for their problems and emotions run amuck. There is a lot of information out there and doctors to help with that kinda stuff today.
Just my two-cents.
"If you never start drinking, you'll never become an alcoholic."
You don't know anything about alcoholism do you? That's for another thread though.
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| When a woman punches walls...
Posted: 4/26/2010 5:24:58 AM | | I have to be honest, I do not know to many men who act this way. Is it really more common for a male to lash out or are you thinking it is more acceptable? Maybe it is more the type of people you meet. What creeps me out is that you would start acting like him!! If I met some guy who acted that way I would sure as hell not start doing what he does! I still think maybe you need help as well. Not being mean I just do not see the justification in behavior because the person who started it is a male. I am glad you are no longer with him (right?) I will say when I used to be a Cop, I ran into a lot of people who were Security Guard with issues. NOT ALL of them but A LOT of the ones I met had major issues. They were people who never made it in the Police Department and had a lot of anger and control issues. I also met some really nice people in the Security Business who were retired and doing it for some extra income. Sounds like the guy you met had major problems. I hope he is not legally armed. Again, both of you should get some anger management help counseling and I hope things work out for you. Some anger is normal ~ that is just human. But the anger you are talking is not right. | |
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| When a woman punches walls...
Posted: 4/26/2010 5:42:31 AM | Generally speaking -- maybe a woman who throws a punch is the equivalent of a man who pulls hair and scratches with his nails
Specifically speaking -- were you basing your idea it's less accepted, partly on the guy punching walls who called you a psycho when you joined in?
THAT's whack.
If you found that punching and smashing things was fun and cathartic, I suggest you continue that behavior -- under controlled conditions, in a therapeutic way, where no living things can be harmed in any way.
Anger NOT bad. Anger GOOD. Anger natural part of human. Goes by other names, wears many disguises. Denying or suppressing it, VERY bad for you. Plenny ways to express it without taking hostages. | |
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