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 goatcheese45
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 1
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woman with rigid behaviorPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I was going out with a woman for sometime, we're just hanging out walking, dinner, movie. After sometime, she stopped seeing me. If I asked her out, she would say she had plans, and it would take me considerable efforts to ask her out. In say four out of five attempts she would cancel meeting. So I gave up for a few months and suddenly she called me and wanted to meet me, so I agreed. Her first impression was that I was dating someone else, which I did not. She asked me whether I am dating someone else, and I said I am not dating anyone. We went to dinner and movie and we had a good time together, and she would tell me to call her very often and we can go out to many more places. So I called her again and she said she was busy, and then I gave up, and she then called me after few weeks and we did meet. Again she was asking me whether I am dating anyone, and I said no. Now, this thing is continuing for a long time, if I call her, she would not agree to meet. And then she would suddenly call me and asks me if I am dating anyone. And everytime she would tell me to call her to meet again, but she would not agree to meet. Now, that I am going out with her, I was wondering whether I should continue to go out, as and when she calls me or give up.
 ManicMelanie
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 2
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woman with rigid behavior
Posted: 4/28/2010 3:36:06 PM

Huh?



 DiannaBall
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 3
woman with rigid behavior
Posted: 4/28/2010 3:38:21 PM
What is the issue besides the obvious one that she is stringing you along and you keep playing her game? And how do we know if you should still go out with her? This whole thing sounds like a waste of time.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 4
woman with rigid behavior
Posted: 4/28/2010 3:40:28 PM

I was wondering whether I should continue to go out, as and when she calls me or give up.


I wouldn't.

Sounds like when she wants a meal and some company you will do.

It will always be her terms.

When men she really wants to date don't call.

As far as her asking if you are dating someone..That's just to make sure you are available to take her out.

Move on while you still have something left on that Visa.

Next time she calls ask her for a walk in the park for a date..Hmmmmm
Sammiches..
 S.O.U.L
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 5
woman with rigid behavior
Posted: 4/28/2010 3:40:45 PM
Give up.

You already have a proven track record of her behavior. I have two strikes rule when it comes to dating. Strike one: you're warned and I tell you how EXACTLY how I feel about the stituation. Strike two: you're done...you know how I feel about the manner and you still choose to continue doing the same thing. Simple as that.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 6
woman with rigid behavior
Posted: 4/28/2010 3:53:33 PM
All the interactions you"ll ever have with her
Will be on HER terms, always!
If you don't mind that
Continue to go out with her
 katt_411
Joined: 3/22/2008
Msg: 7
woman with rigid behavior
Posted: 4/28/2010 3:53:45 PM
I thought only guys had "rigid" behaviours....... hmmmmm
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 8
woman with rigid behavior
Posted: 4/28/2010 3:54:03 PM

Now, that I am going out with her, I was wondering whether I should continue to go out, as and when she calls me or give up.

(1) You aren't ``going out with her;
(2) You should only continue pursuing her if you are a glutton for punishment.
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 9
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woman with rigid behavior
Posted: 4/28/2010 4:15:11 PM

I thought only guys had "rigid" behaviours....... hmmmmm


YEAH! And woman's behaviors were only "frig.." Ohhhh, I'm not even going to go there...
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 10
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woman with rigid behavior
Posted: 4/28/2010 4:16:33 PM
Well, its odd to me... you were "going out for sometime, walking, dinner, movie", and then suddenly she stops - and is virtually never available? But then expects to call you up out of the blue, asking if you're dating anyone?

Tell her "yes, I am - someone who has more time for me".
(even if you aren't - you are... *yourself*).
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 11
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woman with rigid behavior
Posted: 4/28/2010 4:54:15 PM
She's doing this because you're letting her do it. Why don't you ask her this? Seems to me you have absolutely nothing to lose.
Otherwise, have a little self-respect and tell her you're not going to play her games and you do not want to go out with her again.
 111Enigma
Joined: 2/6/2010
Msg: 12
woman with rigid behavior
Posted: 4/28/2010 5:24:14 PM
OP: Do you actually enjoy 'sitting on the back burner' while waiting for her to be ready to go out on a date with you?

I don't think you should be asking us if you should keep going or not.
You should ask yourself if you are comfortable with the situation or not.

If it's ok for you not to be this woman's priority...then continue.
If you are getting miffed at being at the bottom of her list...then drop her and find someone who will appreciate you more and actually want to spend time with you on a regular basis!

All the best.
P.A.
 Naganadoy
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 13
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woman with rigid behavior
Posted: 4/28/2010 5:25:04 PM
Sounds like shes looking for a 3-some and wants you to find the 3rd person.
 katt_411
Joined: 3/22/2008
Msg: 14
woman with rigid behavior
Posted: 4/28/2010 5:33:27 PM
YEAH! And woman's behaviors were only "frig.." Ohhhh, I'm not even going to go there...


See here mr monster.... Don't make me get all frig..... on you!!!

sigh.... life is good. :)

to the original poster.... four/five times? You're a trooper!! I'd say keep on doing what you're comfortable with.
 goatcheese45
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 15
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woman with rigid behavior
Posted: 4/28/2010 5:39:07 PM
@peppermint petunias : reg" Next time she calls ask her for a walk in the park for a date..Hmmmmm"

I did ask her to walk once, but this time she was already seated in the restaurant, and told me that I dont have to eat if I do not want to. Then she agreed to split the expense, but later told me to pay for the dinner and she will take the tab on the movie, which she did. But that was the only time she ever paid, all other times I had paid for everything.

Also one more thing, since she had busy work schedule would prefer to meet one day a week. However in the beginning would call or text which would not be same later.
 linguist73
Joined: 5/31/2009
Msg: 16
woman with rigid behavior
Posted: 4/28/2010 6:02:40 PM
It sounds like she has issues.

Maybe she wants you to pursue her more aggressively, she wants to play hard to catch.
She expects you to really go after her, but you give up to easy, (in her mind), so you don't hear from her. Then, after she gets tired of waiting, because I think she likes you, she calls you to go out. She even gives you the "instructions" for her, she actually tells you to keep calling her.
I think this is her pattern, it's messed up. She likes to play games, she wants to feel wanted and pursued. The problem is that it seems like you want her, and you are pursuing her, but it's just not enough for her.

I don't think anything healthy can come out of this.
But for sanity's sake - and I always like to have closure and clear communication - I would be open and honest with her about this situation. I would tell her that you were interested in her, but she's playing games, so it's going to stop now. This way she's not calling you up when she gets bored.
 wyndowlycker
Joined: 3/9/2010
Msg: 17
woman with rigid behavior
Posted: 4/28/2010 6:06:05 PM

I was wondering whether I should continue to go out, as and when she calls me or give up.

Do you have something better to do?

I mean

I gave up for a few months

And she keeps asking if you are dating anyone, and your reply is always "no."
And you go out with her again.
In those few months it seems like nothing else really happened for you.

At least with this girl you get to go out once in a while.
But I would look for someone else and stop chasing this one if it were me, but I'd still go out and do things with her when she asked and be honest about what I am doing in the meantime.
 goatcheese45
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 18
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woman with rigid behavior
Posted: 4/28/2010 6:11:25 PM
@linguist73:

Thanks for the wonderful explanation, it's awesome and I agree wholeheartedly.
Reg "She expects you to really go after her, but you give up to easy, (in her mind), so you don't hear from her. Then, after she gets tired of waiting, because I think she likes you, she calls you to go out. She even gives you the "instructions" for her, she actually tells you to keep calling her." - I have explained in the beginning that I would call and it would be on the 5th call or so that she would agree to meet me. So I have to give up.

Reg "I would be open and honest with her about this situation" - She made it appear like friendship rather than a date, but could have eventually translated into a date. Therefore, never talked abt interest and anticipated things will go on well when the time goes by, and one day would have discussed interest.
 BBQ Spider
Joined: 11/9/2009
Msg: 19
woman with rigid behavior
Posted: 4/28/2010 6:15:35 PM
You seem to be asking if you should wait for her to do the calling, since that's mostly only when she wants to really get together.

What I'm missing is the reason why you would consider dating in that fashion. Is she the only fish in town?
 Maesbaby763
Joined: 12/6/2009
Msg: 20
woman with rigid behavior
Posted: 4/28/2010 6:42:00 PM
Don't give her another chance.

She is playing you like a fiddle and she is a control freak. She is keeping you as plan B, a back up plan and you are on the bottom of the food chain.

Leave her be and the next time she calls you and wants to go out tell her ok sure the second Tuesday of next week.

Get some self respect and walk away with your dignity.
 goatcheese45
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 21
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woman with rigid behavior
Posted: 4/28/2010 6:44:02 PM
@ scurvy little spider: "What I'm missing is the reason why you would consider dating in that fashion. Is she the only fish in town?" - Well, she never gave me reason to leave and go out and look for someone else. If there is something positive comming out of this one, then I felt like wait and see. I did not feel like going out and looking for someone else, when you are already seeing one person. She did not appear to be flake, but there was possibilitly that she would be hanging out with many others (for sure). However, as time elapsed, I do feel like there is no further need to go out again.
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 22
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woman with rigid behavior
Posted: 4/28/2010 7:04:39 PM
This woman sounds like she's a drama queen. Or she's the type that validates her existence by socially putting herself in situations where she's "hard-to-get", believing that only men worthy of her enjoy "the chase". Or she's just seeking to put you into her rotation and drawing your card only when it suits her. In other words, ask yourself if this sort of deranged, insecure, high-maintenance behavior is a positive behavior trait for your potential partners. If it isn't, don't give her the time of day.
 cdnfinanceman
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 23
woman with rigid behavior
Posted: 4/28/2010 7:11:32 PM
Does the term " spring board" mean anything to you, she's a control freak and in case you didn't notice, she calls you when she needs to do something, let me guess you pay for dinner, the movies practically every time you go out.

She knows she can bounce off of you, It wouldn't surprise me if she has a another man like you on the horizon, as soon as she's bored of him she bounces back to you .

There is a old saying my grandmother used to say to me, Never make someone a priority that makes you option, you're her option not her priority and here you are making her a priority, kick her to the curb and find someone who doesn't play spring board games.
 Abbicci
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 24
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woman with rigid behavior
Posted: 4/28/2010 7:41:30 PM
You call it rigid behavior. I call it crazy. It may all be semantics.

Want to know the problem with crazy people? You can never tell what they are doing and why. Because it's crazy.

Want to know the best solution for dealing with crazy people? Scrape them off and don't give them a second thought.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 25
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woman with rigid behavior
Posted: 4/28/2010 8:34:55 PM
your thread title is a complete misnomer! Flighty, perhaps, but rigid? Not in the least.
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