| | my gf and her umm.. addiction...Page 1 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | my girlfriend and her addiction.
im 22 and my gf is 21 and she had an addiction...
this is not your typical addiction. my girlfriend is totally addicted to world of warcraft. i know i know hear me out tho....
we have been together for about 5 months now and until 2 weeks ago things were going great. we were in love and life was good. Are relationship was so strong that she decided to move all the way to Michigan with me (where i am going to school) from our home state of California. for the first week out hear we were fine. then we got internet and our relationship went to shit. she installed "WOW" and plays every day all day and most nights till dawn. its getting worse she played from 9am yesterday till 9pm when i dragged her out of the house. then got back on at 11pm till 9am and finally went to sleep at 10am today and i don't know what to do. its been like this every day. iv expressed that im not happy with her playing all the time. i even try and set up little "dates" to get us out of the house. like bike rides or trips to the mall. i dragged her to the bar last night and we had a ball once she was done throwing her fit. but as soon as we got home boom back on wow. every time i try and get her to do something other than play wow ends up starting a fight. i love her a lot but this addiction is driving us apart. sex, affection, everything has vanished from our life. what do i do?! im all by my self out hear and iv got nobody to turn to for help. so im turning to you. please help... | |
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| my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/1/2010 8:37:52 AM | Well I looked and this appears to be your first ever post. Now this whole story might be considered believable except.
Your profile says Stockton Ca and your looking for dating.
Worse yet from how you describe how on earth didn't you figure it out when you started dating.
Somone who plays WOW that much would have been doing it before you moved in together. You act like it's something new | |
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| my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/1/2010 8:41:04 AM | I've been waiting for this to come up. I'm from a different generation so video games are not a part of my existance. However, I've wondered how things will be going for you younger people as you get older.
Well, first, does she have a job? School?
Seriously does she sit all day, every day in front of the screen?
If so, I believe there's addiction counseling for this.
But I also think the best way to get it extricated from one's system, throw out the x-box, playstation, cancel the WOW. Done, gone.
For you, I think you'll have to become more hardlined with it.
Ask yourself, do you really want a relationship like this? It's really too bad, I know you love her. But this is what addiction is all about. You'll drive yourself nuts if you don't figure out what you'll deal with and what you won't. Convey this to her and stand by your guns (no pun intended). If she can't see what's happening to her "real life" than so be it. Tell her to leave. It''ll hurt and it can seem like a needless action to the unaddicted, but trust me, if she can't see what's happening you'll never get this gone.
It's the harsh reality of addiction.
You could agree to say 2 hours of this crap, but with addictions, it usually just grows and grows. And then the hiding starts....lying, resentments. It's a bad scene. | |
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| my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/1/2010 8:43:25 AM | Wow, sorry but moving her was a big mistake, its only been a short time and I believe you dont even know someone til after sharing a lot of time together in the beginning you only see the good as time goes by WOW, a lot can be overlooked but I feel for you bud, get rid on computer thats your only hope! at least for now or maybe get her to seek professional help only I think she will turn that on you. Good Luck sounds like you are going to need it!
Thru it all Keep Smiling! | |
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| my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/1/2010 8:43:47 AM | | WoW addiction can be death for a relationship. Both me and my now ex were badly hooked. I feel embarrassed to admit it today, being WoW free for three years - but in the thick of my WoW addiction, my husband and I would play for hours and hours - ignoring real life. It was pathetic. It is a real thing, and the only thing that saved me was getting a friend to change my pw and refusing to give it back to me ever. I wanted to quit so I never asked her what it was and I never used the password retrieval function. But I missed the camaraderie and fun terribly for a long while. Good luck my friend, my ex and I broke up (not just because of WoW - it just was a catalyst for a lot of trouble). | |
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| my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/1/2010 8:56:03 AM | | i've never understood people's online game obsessions, never interested me although i was kind of addicted to IM'ing for a while, lol. the only thing i could suggest is for you to get rid of the computer. not sure if anything else would work. but then i guess she could always borrow a computer or go to the library to use one. how about at work? does she play WOW at work?? i'd doubt she would have a job for long if that's all she did all day. | |
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| my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/1/2010 9:02:56 AM | havent been on because i found a gf
profile is now updated.
when we started dating she didn't have a pc or internet. my pc was broken with a virus
and i had the problem fixed a week before i came out. before my pc was broken she did try to install the game but her profile got hacked. and she said she didnt trust my pc.
unfortunately now that im reformatted and have windows 7 and a brand new anti virus she tried again. it worked fine... | |
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| my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/1/2010 9:25:25 AM | ts sad. my gf ignores real life. i find myself having to pull her everywhere. i had to take her to find a job. grabbed up 10 resumes from the mall and other stores. she hasn't filled out one yet. but then again i haven't asked her.. sigh... i think it is about the comradeship. working together to achieve an imaginary goal. complete with imaginary achievements. to placate oneself with a false sense of accomplishment. is this how so many of my generation will succumb to the harshness of real life? by escaping to an avatar in a fairytale realm? its sad. the torture of it is im stuck in this for a year. because we signed a lease together. my buddy will get hear in 2 weeks with my brother. maby we can have an intervention of sorts.
my buddy is my 3rd roommate on the lease. he will see how bad it is. | |
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| my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/1/2010 9:31:35 AM | I don't have any personal experience with a gaming addict but....
This addiction of hers could be the death of your relationship with her.
She moved to be with you and that is a huge leap. She has no friends where she is and no job. She may be depressed. Depression is a serious illness and you need to see that moving to be with you has good points and bad points. She may feel a bit lost and out of sorts and the game is giving her focus when everything else is overwhelming and scary. Sometimes we latch onto something that makes us feel safe when we are scared and feeling lost. WOW may be what she latched onto because she didn't know how to express what she is feeling after a life changing move.
Moving is more than a trip with a bunch of boxes.
Let her know you care about her and think the gaming is making her world very small. It will only keep getting smaller and smaller.Her excluding herself from the world is dangerous and unhealthy. let her know it is changing the nature of your relationship and you will be there to help her get a job and support her when she makes new friends off the computer.
No accusing, no name calling, no yelling and screaming, no threats. Let her know what you think and feel. let her know what you want from the relationship and what your fears are if she doesn't stop being obssesed by some silly game.
Now both of you should be out joining some groups and making new friends where you are. You can't be each others everything, it is too overwhelming for anyone. | |
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| my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/1/2010 9:36:02 AM | | You have talked to her about it and she knows how you feel. She has decided to continue on with her addiction so the only thing you can do now is too leave. She doesn't want a life outside of WOW obviously so find a woman who does.Why waste any of your life living in misery with a person who is bent on continuing the addiction.Life is short so get out there and start to live it again. | |
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| my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/1/2010 9:36:29 AM | | I just broke off a relationship with a wonderful woman because she has a gambling addiciton. To bad, but I just can't put up with that and think of a future together. | |
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| my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/1/2010 9:52:06 AM |
i love her a lot but this addiction is driving us apart. sex, affection, everything has vanished from our life. what do i do?! im all by my self out hear and iv got nobody to turn to for help. so im turning to you. please help...
Well if they don't have interventions and rehab for "WOW" then you are in for a long ride until this thing wears off. All of a sudden she just started obsessing over this game? I suggest you you "really talk" to her about it, because you probably just "glanced" over talking with her with a statement like this "Why do you play that game so much?" or "I really hate WOW", tell her everything. Then if you really feel that "neglected" this whole living together while you study may not be such a good idea. good luck. | |
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| my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/1/2010 9:58:03 AM | This addiction has only been going on for two weeks? Or was she playing WoW when you were in CA? I get the feeling this is a new game for her.
I play WoW, and have for awhile, but I still remember my initial preoccupation with the game. It is uber fun, and it did take me 3-4 weeks to return to a normal schedule. Give her a chance and see if she can find a balance on her own. Two weeks of obsessive gaming does not equal addiction, no matter how irritating it is to non-gamers to watch.
Meanwhile, go out on your own, but keep inviting her. No more forcing her to do anything! That will only make her cling to WoW even more tightly. Keep to your own schedule and do your own thing. Let her know you're living your life and you expect help with the rent. If there's been no effort to get back to life and act responsibly after another couple weeks-THEN worry about possible addiction, and if it's in your name and you're paying for it, drop your internet. If she was playing WoW like this in CA, then drop your internet now. Tell her, "you haven't got a job-we can't afford this." It might be enough to wake her up.
Good luck. Addiction stinks, and I seriously hope she is only going through the initial excitement and preoccupation that goes along with any new interest. | |
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Posted: 5/1/2010 10:03:45 AM | I understand your pain.
All 3 of my children play WOW. Luckily they can keep it in check, as they saw first hand how video addiction can destroy a relationship. Both my ex husbands were addicted to video games. After I did research I realized that it tied into their AD/HD behaviour. As soon as the video game was on, nothing else existed. Needless to say, I am no longer married to either of them. Video games was not the major reason for the demise of the relationships, however it was a very strong portion. If you can't live in the real world and do the tasks that are expected of you when you are in a relationship, how do you expect to survive?
You can't help her. She has to understand that she has a problem. Until that time, her problem is going to make your life a living hell. Best bet ... Get out now.
Good luck with that! | |
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| my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/1/2010 10:10:45 AM | | People that refuse to get out into the sunshine and do activities piss me off. I can already see her 'future'. Picture health issues......weight gain..... Tell her to keep at it. A real life is overrated! BTW I'm a long time PC gamer BUT I don't sit on my ass 24/7 playing them. Only on occasion do I play. | |
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Posted: 5/1/2010 10:18:17 AM | Excellent advices! Online gaming addiction is real, CAN be consuming, but it's only been TWO WEEKS. You've even had a great entry from an ex-addict!
I've also suffered various small psychological addictions, collecting things was the worst. I got over them all, so far. Two of my sons also went through long gaming addictions, but both overcame them after a while.
Were I in your position, I'd stick things out for a while longer, to be sure. You haven't described anything that indicated that her addiction is as yet causing living problems, like monetary shortages. Sometimes total immersion, with no one asking for something else from you will let you realize how much of your life you are wasting. In my addictions, that was part of what got ME out, was just getting deeply enough into them to begin to realize that what I was seeking from them, wasn't actually THERE to be found.
I actually read a study by a psychiatrist who was working with a guy who had a delusion that he was mentally in touch with advanced aliens somewhere, and was wasting his life away drafting city plans, wild machines drawings, cultural studies, and so forth. The psych knew he was not the first person to try to help the guy, and chose a different course: he put time and energy into helping the guy write it all down, and sketch everything out. After some time it worked, perhaps even a little too well...the psych got enthralled with the fun of it, and had to stop HIMSELF from continuing as the guy's interest waned. But total immersion did the trick: the guy spent enough time with no resistance from anyone to make him think "if only I could do MORE, I'd get the satisfaction I think is there to be had," that he finally saw that there really WAS nothing to be accomplished. | |
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| my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/1/2010 10:18:51 AM | I have been a gamer on and off for years, I completely understand how someone can be pulled into these games. There are a couple of things to understand here that may help you and your gf deal with this.
These games are truly addictive. They establish a sense of "being needed" in a person; a series of goals, rewards for achieving those goals, other people to socialize with and assist in their goals. These are all very real, basic human needs. We all have these needs, and usually they are being addressed in our lives. But sometimes they aren't, then people look to fill these needs in other ways.
Using myself as an example, when I look back at the times when I gamed more intensely, I see that the things going on in my real life were not properly addressing these needs (unhappy at work, feelings of no control over issues, etc). However, as I get these needs fulfilled in real life, my desire to game decreases (it's actually been months since I've logged on - simply do not have the desire). So there is hope for you and your girlfriend.
You say she just moved there from CA - well, she has no social network in place there (besides you) and that is one thing that can affect a person's sense of control and security. She may not even understand why she feels driven to be on there so much. I would not force her to stop cold turkey, instead I would get her to recognize that she is over the top with the gaming, let her know you are feeling ignored and neglected, and jointly work out a way where you both are happy (for a start). For example, gaming throughout the night is unacceptable, you two need to share the same sleeping/waking pattern to help with your relationship. Tell her that YOU need her, let her know that she is valuable to you and begin there. A little positive reinforcement works MUCH better than arguing and negativity in this case. Build her up, not down, and you should begin to see a change. Real life is always better than the games; it just is difficult to recognize sometimes that the reason for the gaming is that your real life isn't giving you what you need. As she gets established there, meets new people, starts working or taking classes or whatever, you should see her gaming activity decrease.
Good luck, remember you're not the only one who has dealt with this. | |
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| my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/1/2010 10:22:15 AM | | OP, in my opinion, I think it is an addiction as well. However, I think I'm going to go with the minority on this one: if I was you, I wouldn't leave her. As mentioned previously, over time people start getting bored of the games, and that it is due to other issues. (depression, living in a new city, not knowing people, etc.) Take her out and do stuff outside of the house - take up activities that take you away from the computer. However, to me, I think if you stick with her and help her through this addiction, it will be something that the both of you will look back fondly. After all, it would show that you were there for her when she needed it the most. I wish for you the best. | |
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| my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/1/2010 1:00:49 PM |
over time people start getting bored of the games,
My sister thought her husbands obsession would get better and that he would get bored of it too.Here we are a year later and he lives for the game.His world consist of WOW and that is all.He has no wife,no kids, no friends and no family anymore. He can barely tear himself away to work and as soon as the work day is over he runs as fast as he can back to the computer and his WOW. | |
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ohio07
| | Joined: 12/27/2008
Msg: 20 | |
| my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/1/2010 1:11:30 PM | | I know people who pay their WoW bill, and then buy food...if they have anything left over. I feel sorry not for these people, but for those who care about them, and have to watch the level of this kind of addiction, take over the person's whole life. It is tragic... | |
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| my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/1/2010 1:49:14 PM |
My sister thought her husbands obsession would get better and that he would get bored of it too.Here we are a year later and he lives for the game.His world consist of WOW and that is all.He has no wife,no kids, no friends and no family anymore. He can barely tear himself away to work and as soon as the work day is over he runs as fast as he can back to the computer and his WOW.
So your sister has naturally left her husband for this, right?
I did note that it can be an addiction. However, if you work with people during their toughest of times then that is where you show through actions that you love them. Now do you do that for *every* situation. No, if this was a first date or he noticed this over a week of dating, you're still getting to know one another.
However, he had her move in with him and actually move to where he lives. To me, there is a level of commitment that she showed by moving close to him, and I think that is worthy of his effort toward being for her as she handles this addiction. | |
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| my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/1/2010 2:06:55 PM |
Somone who plays WOW that much would have been doing it before you moved in together. You act like it's something new
If someone was dating someone who didn't have internet when they met or while dating, or only had a dial-up connection or not a computer to support the graphics, then it's very likely that they wouldn't have known about their partner's fascination with WOW. Been there, done that.
I also never thought to ask, as many friends asked me after the fact "but how could you not have known???" Gee...I'm an adult...guess it never crossed my "red flag radar" to ask a grown man "BTW, do you still play video/online games?" No adult that I am friends with plays games like WOW...so why would I ever have asked?
Since then...(also, since moving to the US from Canada) I have met people who have admitted, they have lost their jobs, due to their obsession with that silly game. It's an addiction, plain and simple. One which, as all addicts do, they try to "justify" by claiming it's "not as bad as drinking/smoking/drugging" etcetc. Pffft...an addiction is still an addiction.
Let me guess, OP...your g/f doesn't work? Why am I not surprised.  | |
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| my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/1/2010 3:07:12 PM | I've read/skimmed whats above (but some of these may be a repeat.)
1: WoW addiction (at least long term) is not gameplay, but rather the social network (which can be pretty intense, I don't think non-gamers understand how close you can get (so to speak) to other guild members/players. It is like Instant Messaging, or playing games with your friends - but constantly.
2: Their is a wow podcast called "The Instance" they talk about this a fair bit (seamingly i'd guess every other episode) - the two hosts both have families and busy jobs, and they often get letters in asking for tips on how to balance wow with Real life. - May be worth checking yourself (if you play wow), or at least maybe get the missus checking it out.
3: They often say on there is, WoW time isn't your typical alone time - when she's playing WoW you should think of it as if she's always out hanging/drinking with her friends. So you need to speak to her, say your ok with it, maybe let her at least have a few hours if not a night or two un-interrupted playing it (use it as an excuse to see your mates!) but tell her you want to spend time together too, and keep up with little romantic(ish) things, even if it is dvd and bottle of wine.
The peeps above prob give better advice as i'm still a Kiddo, but I go through stints of WoW addiction (used to piss off my ex, whom i lived with - until i got her to play just to show her why i played it so much, needless to say she got a bit hooked too.) Just reading the OP though - reminded me of that podcast alot, so thought I should drop it in for you. | |
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| my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/1/2010 3:13:15 PM | WOW...............mine logged 3542hours in 16 months................she stopped cooking, cleaning, played WOW and took pills.........ohhh man,
the horror of it all!!!! | |
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| my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/1/2010 4:33:15 PM | DO NOT
DO NOT
DO NOT
DO NOT
have sex with her again.
if you get her pregnant and you 2 end up with a helpless infant there is a decent chance the baby will starve to death.
that jsut really happend a couple months ago to some stupid azz dipshitz over in Korea.
They were both addicted to some idiotic computer game where they had to "take care of a stupid azz virtual baby".
that was jsut great........except one thing. those 2 bonehead shit-for-brains parents FORGOT they jsut had a REAL baby 2 months earlier.
their baby was found DEAD. starved.
but the virtual baby was thriving!!!
they were proud parents after all. | |
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