| | Am I a prude?Page 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | Is there something wrong with me? I love my boyfriend for many reasons and on many levels. He is a wonderful man and I am impressed with him for many reasons, but I have a problem. During sex he constantly wants to talk about and fantasize about my "eating ****." He wants me to try it, to SAY I have tried it, to describe it, to watch it on porn, not necessarily actually do it, but talk about it.
I love him so I have gone a long with it to the point of trying to describe it, trying to act like I would really love doing it, etc. And it is not that I don't get it, I do. I can see what he likes about it.
But the truth is, it makes me kind of jealous. Am I crazy? I want my man to be into ME for ME. I want to believe that he is turned on by me and doesn't need to fatasize about me eating some woman to get off. It really bugs me and today I asked him how he would like it if I asked him if he liked to "suck**** the whole time we are fxxking. He said point taken, but we have had this conversation before.
Am I just a total prude? He is a wonderful man. Should I just drop it and continue the acting if it pleases him? | |
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| Am I a prude?
Posted: 5/9/2010 12:55:28 PM | You're not prudish, you are sticking your values and what your comfort zone is, as in for your boyfriend he needs to either shut the phuck up about it or kick him to the curb.
Most people have fantasies and if you have the type of relationship where you can talk about it is one thing, acting out on it and forcing ( notice the word FORCING) the partner to act upon against their will for fear of losing them is WRONG.
That is not compromising , IT was a good come back about him Sucking a guy's chicken so to speak, its amazing with people like him as soon as you put the shoe on the other foot he quickly dismisses it and Im betting if you keep bringing it up he would eventually run.
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| Am I a prude?
Posted: 5/9/2010 1:03:10 PM |
Am I just a total prude? He is a wonderful man.
No, you're not a prude, but you and your bf definitely need to decide which of you is going to give in. You obviously aren't interested in women, so I can imagine that his fantasizing is real turn off. My guess is that if you were to keep facillitating his fantasy, he would begin wanting to realize it.
I asked him how he would like it if I asked him if he liked to "suck**** the whole time we are fxxking. He said point taken, but we have had this conversation before.
Instead of asking how he'd like that, why don't you actually DO that and drive the point home? | |
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| Am I a prude?
Posted: 5/9/2010 1:06:59 PM | Thank you for your support. It makes me sad to think he might run. Scared even. He is the best thing that has come into my life in a long time. But I just can't fake liking something I don't.
I feel so pressured to act like I like it. He likes it so much and I want to please him. I'm really torn about it. So much so that I keep pretending - which has made the situation worse.
As a woman I want to feel like just the look of ME or my touch or something about me - anything - is enough. You know what I mean? | |
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| Am I a prude?
Posted: 5/9/2010 1:08:19 PM | | Why don't I actually suck cxxk? OMG - please. Oral is not a problem for me. | |
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| Am I a prude?
Posted: 5/9/2010 1:09:58 PM | | You do make a good point though. I could do more of other things. | |
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| Am I a prude?
Posted: 5/9/2010 1:16:40 PM |
Am I just a total prude?
NOPE.
I like men. Period. Any request to accomodate/please a woman, ESPECIALLY repeatedly, would be a TOTAL turn-OFF. Eventually, it would be a deal-breaker for me as well. Our days together would be numbered at that point. . .
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| Am I a prude?
Posted: 5/9/2010 1:29:07 PM | Thank you for your comments. I was beginning to think that there is something wrong with me because I am really only attracted to men. There is a lot of pressure for women to be "bi" or at least say they are to be considered sexy.
For me, there is nothing more sensual than the weight of my man on top of me. His strength, his shoulders, his hands on my skin....I need and desire the opposite of myself. You know, good old fashioned heterosexual NORMAL sex. | |
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| Am I a prude?
Posted: 5/9/2010 1:40:09 PM | If it turns you off...don't do it. It's kind of selfish of him to enjoy himself at the expense of you not fully enjoying yourself.
You've never done it. You don't plan on doing it. So...it's all just a big fantasy. Why don't you tell him just to fantasize about you pretending to be doing it?
Everybody wins | |
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| Am I a prude?
Posted: 5/9/2010 1:40:27 PM |
Why don't I actually suck cxxk? OMG - please. Oral is not a problem for me.
Uh, no. That's not what I said. Reread what you wrote and reread my reply. | |
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| Am I a prude?
Posted: 5/9/2010 2:46:56 PM | | it would seem sexually your morals dont align. if you view this guy as so great maybe theres something wrong with you. you sound like you love him. he sounds like hes still in the sexual escapades, fetish checklist part of his life, and he will probably persist in these and other request that make you uncomfortable. if he felt the way you did, he wouldnt want to share and degrade you. sounds like a douche. | |
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| Am I a prude?
Posted: 5/9/2010 3:37:11 PM | From life experience and having one bi-sexual daughter that is married to a man I will say this-
Desire is desire and he will always want what you wont give him until he finds it some where else. Question is could you live with that? Reality bites and it will become a huge problem sooner or later. | |
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| Am I a prude?
Posted: 5/9/2010 3:39:12 PM |
it would seem sexually your morals dont align
More of sexual preferences. I don't see the moral standpoint here. | |
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| Am I a prude?
Posted: 5/9/2010 3:49:29 PM | there are alot of ways to look at this.
I'd be put off if my man wanted me to fantise about a woman while we were having sex. It certainly wouldnt do anything for me.
Having said that, if I loved him, I'd accept that part of his character, just as I'd expect him to accept the part of me that finds it off putting. Then I'd try to find a point of compromise.
If it was a once every six month thing, would it be so bad? That would be a compromise, you pull out your best porn star impersonation once in while. But if its something he wants ALL the time, then its just not gonna work. In the end you'd just stop wanting to have sex with him.
OH and I dont think Im a prude, so I certainly dont believe that you are.
I hope that you guys can work it out and find a middle ground.
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| Am I a prude?
Posted: 5/9/2010 5:19:54 PM | Yep, you are being a prude!
Do what ever your man wants in the bedroom | |
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| Am I a prude?
Posted: 5/9/2010 5:49:15 PM | I know of a situation where a man kept going on and on about his FMF fantasy and talked his woman into going online to find a woman to make this fantasy a reality. Well she did go online...and she ended up finding a fabulous guy instead of this other woman. Just sayin'...
Be true to yourself. | |
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| Am I a prude?
Posted: 5/9/2010 6:04:17 PM |
Yep, you are being a prude!
Do what ever your man wants in the bedroom so its okay for her to lick some woman cooch even though she doesn't want to just to please him? that is the dumbest thing Ive read today, congrats. | |
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| Am I a prude?
Posted: 5/9/2010 6:29:26 PM | ^Thanks!
besides, he didn't tell her to lick it, he said talk about it.
I am referring strictly to what she said
so, her not wanting to talk dirty in the bedroom with what her man wants to hear is being a prude | |
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| Am I a prude?
Posted: 5/9/2010 7:00:43 PM |
that is the dumbest thing Ive read today
I 2nd that!
OP, relationships are about 2 people. When BOTH people are happy, it will work well. ONLY do what you're comfortable with. Period.
He's supposed to be thinking about himself AND you.
*Be honest, open and tell him you don't want to "pretend" to like women, anymore. Let the chips fall. . .
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| Am I a prude?
Posted: 5/9/2010 7:10:10 PM |
But the truth is, it makes me kind of jealous. Am I crazy? I want my man to be into ME for ME. I want to believe that he is turned on by me and doesn't need to fatasize about me eating some woman to get off. It really bugs me and today I asked him how he would like it if I asked him if he liked to "suck**** the whole time we are fxxking. He said point taken, but we have had this conversation before.
Not prude... no. He's taken something that could be fun and turned it into something that isn't. He's concentrating so much on something HE wants, he's ignoring the things YOU want.
I had a partner who did something similar based on something I'd said to him once. He ran with it and was damned hot the first time. The 18th time it was like.. omg.. again? Seriously?? UGH...
Tell him that you are willing to indulge him in this fantasy of his, as long as he allows you the control to do it when YOU are feeling into it. Then you actually have to do it now and then.
Either that or tell him you're done and don't want to discuss it again. | |
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| Am I a prude?
Posted: 5/9/2010 8:27:19 PM | Sounds to me as though you've got a point of basic incompatibility here. If I were trying to be with a women who wanted me to pretend to be into homosexuality while we were having sex together, it would put a screeching halt to MY libido. That's just me, though. I am completely confident that I could NOT fake that, no matter how much I cared for the woman.
I would not classify this as relating to "prudishness," either. I think of prudishness as being uncomfortable about all sexuality. Each to their own is my thought about it, which brings me back again to the thought that if this is THAT important to him that's it's coming up again and again, then (as someone else said) it means he'll look for someone who wants to do that for him, sooner or later. | |
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| Am I a prude?
Posted: 5/9/2010 8:41:37 PM | Ugh......been through it too.
Like no 1 bby said.....really hot the first time we "fantasy talked"
alright the 2nd time....
and got damn old after that.
I understand how it can make you feel like your not "enough" to satisfy him.
You've been honest with him about it......if he brings it up again......
tell him you have a new fantasy to live out.......and it involves a man that actually cares about your needs in the bedroom too. | |
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Ependa
| | Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 23 | |
| Am I a prude?
Posted: 5/9/2010 9:22:36 PM | hmm..So , you're not a prude nor is there any reason to label. Thing is, sex is supposed to be fun. So, if you are that uncomfortable with it , then there is nothing wrong with you not wanting to do it. Also though..going outside of your comfort zone *can be* extremely sexy and a turn-on. Communication really is the key..talking openly and maybe there is a compromise in there somewhere. Which you won't know about until you talk.
Something that would serve you very, very well. Not just with this guy, but any guy you are with..is being able to release that jealousy. You need to take it out and examine it , very objectively. If you are secure with yourself and happy with you, your sexuality, this won't be very difficult. If you aren't, that's okay..just maybe work on you a bit. It's worth it. And you aren't doing that for this guy (or any guy) , you're doing it for you. And you'd be amazed at all of the possibilities sexually (and otherwise) this can open up to you. Even just through talk, movies,fantasy. Which is fine if that's where you want to take it to. Can't do that til you lose that jealousy thing. Socrates said 'jealousy is the ulcer of the soul' I believe that it works in exactly the same way that an ulcer does. And of course , sex is only one area it invades. | |
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| Am I a prude?
Posted: 5/9/2010 9:37:37 PM | OP, you are NOT a prude. I wouldn't be enthused about my guy requesting that kind of running dialogue at all! I wouldn't have gone as far as you have. You are absolutely correct... the next time he wants you to talk about going down on a woman, tell him you will after he gives a play-by-play description of giving a guy a BJ. And stick to it. Don't let him browbeat you into doing something that makes you uncomfortable. When two people care about each other they respect the other person's limits. Tell him to spend more time going down on you and he won't have time to think about you going down on another woman.
And you are perfectly fine the way you are. Most women, contrary to popular belief, are heterosexual and have no desire to be with another woman. Not all, or even most, of us are bi-sexual. I've told every man I've been involved with that if he is interested in my being with another woman or fantasizing about it that needs to find someone else because it isn't going to happen with me. That, to me, is a deal breaker. | |
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| Am I a prude?
Posted: 5/9/2010 9:37:50 PM | | Just let him know that it bothers you. You should be comfortable with what is going on. To me it is one thing to talk about your fantasies when it is general talk, but quite another to try and push them on you when you are in the middle of sex. If you haven't talked to him about your discomfort, you really do. | |
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