| | Is it fair to mePage 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | | I have an ex that I am good friends with, maybe even more than friends. I dont understand why he doesnt have the same feelings for me even for the things that he has told me in the past. "i should of stayed with you because you cared for me more than she ever did" well he broke up with his ex a little more than a week ago and started dating other girls, some hes found on pof. well after a few dates he seems to have feelings for this new girl. i am terribly jealous not of any girl but the fact i wanted to have time to have him for a few more weeks than just the week he gave me. i will move on, looks like i have no choice, but it is fair to me what he is doing? my birthday is a few days away and we had plans, i just wanted him for the night and he kinda cancelled half our plans for the fact hes already commiting himself to her when he agreed to my birthday. im disappointed. i dont have enough love for him to be with him but he goes ahead and dispointments me. Where do i go from here? | |
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| Is it fair to me
Posted: 5/16/2010 2:36:13 PM | I dont understand why he doesnt have the same feelings for me even for the things that he has told me in the past.
Key word: past. He's met someone else he's interested in.
i dont have enough love for him to be with him but he goes ahead and dispointments me.
What are you complaining about, if you don't want to be with him?
Yes, cancelling plans for your birthday is a lousy thing to do. But if you suddenly met a guy you really like, would you do the same thing? I have a feeling, based on what you've said, that you would. | |
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| Is it fair to me
Posted: 5/16/2010 2:36:56 PM | | Just get on with life. He doesn't really owe you anything. | |
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| Is it fair to me
Posted: 5/16/2010 2:45:01 PM | Sorry to say this but......
You are just the "in between GF" entertraining
Kind of like the half time show, in a superbowl, or maybe just the commercials.
He is not into you, unless he has no place to go.
Of course he is going to say nice things to you, when he is with you, he is getting "something" from you.
Get someone who likes you to celebrate your Birthday with. | |
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| Is it fair to me
Posted: 5/16/2010 2:55:22 PM | of course its fair for HIM to do that to you since YOUUUUU are doing it to yourself.
all this time you have been hanging around having this "thing" with your ex all the while he is with another woman you have sent him a VERY CLEAR message that its all cool with you. you accept being way down on his list of priorities. sooooo wahts the big deal? he is continuing to take care of his higher priorities.
now suddenly you wnat to get all bent outta shape about it?
you are not being honest or fair to yourself.
dont blame him for being unfair if you are also being unfair.
why do you think owes you?
ok true...he did say hed go out on your bday....but hes ONLY a friend and he has a gf so why are you making a big deal out of it?
i say you need to go get a life from here.
stop worrying about what former bfs are doing on your bday. | |
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| Is it fair to me
Posted: 5/16/2010 3:02:17 PM | Is it fair to you ? Your question is obliviously self-centered.
You can't control him. He may have said he's still your friend, but his actions say differently.
I dont understand why he doesnt have the same feelings for me .
i wanted to have time to have him for a few more weeks
he goes ahead and dispointments me
You should re-adjust your expectations of him. | |
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| Is it fair to me
Posted: 5/16/2010 3:12:05 PM | You aren't being fair to yourself. He obviously does not feel the same way about you. Cut your losses and move on. No more lusting after a man who is not worthy of your affections.
just keep 
Good Luck.
Let me be the first to tell you.........life isn't fair. | |
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| Is it fair to me
Posted: 5/16/2010 3:25:58 PM |
why do you think owes you?
ok true...he did say hed go out on your bday....but hes ONLY a friend and he has a gf so why are you making a big deal out of it?
stop worrying about what former bfs are doing on your bday.
he told me in the beginning that he would take me out for my birthday and we had really good plans and just yesterday he told me hell still take me out, but on friendly affairs. nothing that i wanted. the girl isnt even his gf yet and hes already replaced who he was with her, and they havent even known each other for a week. he cares for her more than he cares for me. i dont understand him. yet im still there for him. hes different when he has new girls in his life. my world is automatically replaced with theirs. | |
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| Is it fair to me
Posted: 5/16/2010 3:27:28 PM | There's an old saying "life's a b1tch, and then you die!"
Telling you he should have stayed with you, cause you cared more, is neither friendly or a ringing endorsement of your time together. I will azzume you made these b'day plans a while ago. Given that, the fact that he would rather be with a new "her", than you, again shows he has little feelings for you, nor is he a good friend, much less more.
Then you go on to say, "i don't have enough love for him to be with him", now THAT has me scratching my head! Why would you want to spend your special day with someone you don't have feelings for? Further by demonstrating his poor friendship, again why would you want to spen time, much less special time with him?
Lady, drop him, move on and stop complicating the simple. He's not into you, YOUR not into him, why bother? Lamenting the impossible, "being disappointed" is really all on you. Reread your own OP, it's all there in black and white.
"Where do i go from here?"
To a person who cares more about you than another woman hopefully. Get together with some REAL friends for your b'day and enjoy yourself. Put this guy clearly in the rearview mirror and stop trying to make something out of nothing. | |
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| Is it fair to me
Posted: 5/16/2010 3:35:28 PM |
but it is fair to me what he is doing?
lol, fair? I can say the "cliche" life is not fair, but you are "letting" him suck you in. Stop believing everything you hear.
Where do i go from here?
Do yourself a favor and cut all ties. That should do the trick, "no friends". | |
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| Is it fair to me
Posted: 5/16/2010 3:39:06 PM | It appears that you still have feelings for him. It's often best to make a clean break, there are many threads about problems trying to stay friends with an ex.
I'm not saying you have to cut him out of your life completely, but it may be healthy to not have any contact with him until your feelings for him subside. I agree with someone else, this is something you're doing for yourself. Noone's making you spend time with him, if the breakup is new, then hang out with your other friends, give yourself a chance to heal.
If he really wants to be friends with you, then it wouldn't be a problem to have no contact for a few months while you get your head together.
It's rarely a good idea to ask what's fair, that often leads to fault finding or assessing blame. That's a sign of hanging on, when it's a relationship that's done. It's definitely not productive, there's very few things in life that you will think may be fair. It's what you do about it that'll either keep you all wrought up with frustration or resolve it yourself and put it in your past.
I'm one for the totally clean break, and I'll tell you I've never regretted it. | |
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| Is it fair to me
Posted: 5/16/2010 3:48:26 PM | "he told me in the beginning that he would take me out for my birthday and we had really good plans and just yesterday he told me hell still take me out, but on friendly affairs. nothing that i wanted"
Hello?
He has a GF!
What you call "friendly affairs" is ALL you can get, from now on
You should be able to be OK with his schedule by now, righ?
He does this to you, over and over, what is so different this time?
Just wait until he is done with this GF and he'll come back to you
Then you can do things you want to do with him, whatever that means. | |
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| Is it fair to me
Posted: 5/16/2010 4:21:11 PM | sounding a bit self centered there OP
You said you don't have that kind of love for him so why are you wanting him all to yourself for your birthday? just to not spend it alone? Hell, I just turned 40 and spent my birthday ALONE......but I'm not whining about it.
Move on with your life and find someone who you can have that kind of love for. | |
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| Is it fair to me
Posted: 5/16/2010 4:34:48 PM | I have an exI have an exI have an exI have an exI have an exI have an exI have an exI have an exI have an exI have an exI have an exI have an exI have an exI have an exI have an exI have an exI have an exI have an exI have an exI have an exI have an exI have an exI have an exI have an exI have an exI have an exI have an exI have an exI have an ex
start with that and then forget about it.
live your life. | |
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| Is it fair to me
Posted: 5/16/2010 4:39:08 PM | my birthday is a few days away and we had plans, i just wanted him for the night and he kinda cancelled half our plans for the fact hes already commiting himself to her when he agreed to my birthday.
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So, what half did he cancel? You're friends, he has a GF, tell him to include her so you can meet your friend's GF. Sounds like you want a FWB and he doesn't, yet you say you are acceptable to being just friends even if for a few more weeks. Yet you want more than the week he gave you. If you don't want to spend your birthdays alone I think you should put more effort into your romantic relationships and find someone who does the same, or nurture friendships without the FWB thing going on. Otherwise, accept what you get as you can't always get what you want. | |
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| Is it fair to me
Posted: 5/16/2010 4:47:26 PM |
You aren't being fair to yourself.
 +1
Stop trying to be friends with him. You're not really friends, because you have feelings for him, and the continued contact only upsets you. You'll get over him a lot better and faster if you end contact, I promise. | |
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| Is it fair to me
Posted: 5/16/2010 4:55:30 PM |
I have an ex that I am good friends with, maybe even more than friends.
Friends don't have the expectation that the other will not cultivate other relationships and friends are happy when the other finds a relationship that makes them happy. You aren't really his friend.
I dont understand why he doesnt have the same feelings for me even for the things that he has told me in the past.
Because you aren't compatible otherwise he wouldn't be an ex. There is no why. He doesn't feel the same or you would be his girlfriend.
"i should of stayed with you because you cared for me more than she ever did"
There is absolutely nothing flattering about what he has said. Nothing. It simply means you flatter his ego to have around because you are so very much into him. It very, very clearly indicates that he has no feelings for you and will use you as inclined because you will let him.
but it is fair to me what he is doing?
There is nothing unfair about it. It's not very nice but it isn't unfair. If you don't like the situation then don't participate in it.
i just wanted him for the night and he kinda cancelled half our plans for the fact hes already commiting himself to her when he agreed to my birthday.
Sounds like he is the one here who is actually a friend because he didn't blow you off completely. He doesn't want to have sex with you and screw up the new relationship. As a friend you should understand and support this. You aren't his friend.
Where do i go from here?
How about pouring all of that energy and emotion into someone new who may actually reciprocate it. Perhaps you should be more concerned about what you are doing to yourself in this situation than what you erroneously assume someone else is doing to you. The only one being unfair here is you. | |
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| Is it fair to me
Posted: 5/16/2010 5:01:35 PM |
I have an ex that I am good friends with, maybe even more than friends. I dont understand why he doesnt have the same feelings for me even for the things that he has told me in the past. "i should of stayed with you because you cared for me more than she ever did" well he broke up with his ex a little more than a week ago and started dating other girls, some hes found on pof. well after a few dates he seems to have feelings for this new girl. i am terribly jealous not of any girl but the fact i wanted to have time to have him for a few more weeks than just the week he gave me. i will move on, looks like i have no choice, but it is fair to me what he is doing? my birthday is a few days away and we had plans, i just wanted him for the night and he kinda cancelled half our plans for the fact hes already commiting himself to her when he agreed to my birthday. im disappointed. i dont have enough love for him to be with him but he goes ahead and dispointments me. Where do i go from here?
I am going to nutshell this and then give a reply.
I don't want him but don't want anyone else to have him either.
No what do you do?
Get a life that does not involve him. Move on and find someone that you really want and let him do the same!!! | |
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| Is it fair to me
Posted: 5/16/2010 5:10:43 PM |
"i should of (have) stayed with you because you cared for me more than she ever did"
You both sound self-absorbed. His statement indicates he was only with you because of what you did for him.
Your thread title and this post say that you think that it's all about you. | |
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| Is it fair to me
Posted: 5/16/2010 5:13:21 PM |
he kinda cancelled half our plans
Did you "kinda" say that's OK????
You still got half and he "kinda" OWES you nothing.
You let him.
No what do you do? Get a life that does not involve him. Move on and find someone that you really want and let him do the same!!!
I agree to move on, but "kinda" don't think you
are being completely honest about how you feel or
You would not be coming on here crying about it not
being fair. Good Lord
Kinda..
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| Is it fair to me
Posted: 5/16/2010 5:13:33 PM | I have had always had a rule concerning women and that is I never go down the same street twice.
There will always be someone different to have a new fresh relationship with.
My marriage went wrong for numerous reasons and those reasons havent gone away so I would never go back to my ex wife. | |
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| Is it fair to me
Posted: 5/16/2010 5:26:38 PM | It's hurtful, but your relationship as a couple seems to be overAt least on his part.
He hasn't done anything unfair to you as far as I can tell from what you've written.
I hope you meet someone soon. Keep yourself busy.
You can also openly ask him if there's a chance that you two can get back together again. You will have to prepare yourself emotionally if he tells you something you don't want to hear.
Best Wishes for your future. | |
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| Is it fair to me
Posted: 5/16/2010 5:40:42 PM | i am terribly jealous not of any girl but the fact i wanted to have time to have him for a few more weeks than just the week he gave me. i will move on, looks like i have no choice, but it is fair to me what he is doing? WONDER HOW WOMEN WOULD FEEL ABOUT A MAN SAYING THIS.
i dont have enough love for him to be with him but he goes ahead and dispointments me. AWWWW, YOU'LL GET OVER YOUR DISAPPOINTMENT. | |
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| Is it fair to me
Posted: 5/16/2010 6:06:30 PM | You're mad because you wanted sex for your birthday and you're not going to get it because he wants to give his new relationship a chance.
Go buy yourself a toy and some batteries for your birthday and have a really good time without worrying whether it likes you or whether it's treating you well. Neither of you is really into the other and you're ticked because you'd like FWB with this guy. Forget him and learn to ring your own bell. | |
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| Is it fair to me
Posted: 5/16/2010 6:33:56 PM | | You want him “for the night” and he no longer wants to engage in the sexual aspect of the birthday outing, because he has set his romantic sights on someone else. He does care for you in a friendship capacity, or he would have canceled out completely. However, he does not like you in “that way”. He has no romantic interest in you, and this is why he always chooses (and will always choose) other women over you. You’re the friend he has sex with in between serious romantic pursuits; you will always be replaced the minute he meets someone with relationship potential; and when he eventually meets the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with, you will be completely out of the picture. You’re hanging on hoping he’ll see the light and he doesn’t even want to flip the switch. | |
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