| | Single sexuality - how to deal with lack ofPage 1 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | I am 39 and I have been separated for 6 months...so no sex for 6 months...
I don't do casual sex, and I am not liking the options; toys or friends with benefits.
I have to admit some days are particularly tough.
I was separated from my ex before before for about a year and the urges eventually died down but that doesn't seem to be the case this time around.
Plus, when it happens, I get depressed for being alone, and I resent my ex for removing the lover in my life. (you know grieving losses, etc) not that I want him back, but there is no way for me to know when will I ever have an intimate partner again.
Any compassionate Words of wisdom? | |
|
| Single sexuality - how to deal with lack of
Posted: 5/16/2010 6:21:46 PM | First off I have a lot of respect for you.
Honestly all you can do is take care of it yourself. Women are more
mental than men so maybe 'those books' would be good for you as
opposed to porn... If you're hungry it doesn't go away untill you eat,
and even though it may not be the food you wanted, you're no longer
hungry. | |
|
| Single sexuality - how to deal with lack of
Posted: 5/16/2010 6:32:36 PM | Finally a suggestion I can use!!
It never came to mind.
I have never read that type of books...but it is ok by me to try them out.
Thanks TattoedGymrat! | |
|
| Single sexuality - how to deal with lack of
Posted: 5/16/2010 7:16:04 PM | | There is unlimited erotica available online, from very subtle to very explicit and everything in between. Literotica dot com is one site that has categories of stories and searching. Have fun! | |
|
| Single sexuality - how to deal with lack of
Posted: 5/16/2010 8:19:31 PM | Despite the post, I don't know what wisdom I could impart. You'll do whatever you decide whenever you decide it.
Following the demise of the relationship with, what I call, the love of my life, I mourned the loss of that relationship for 5 years... bizarre when you consider I did the ending. Then after a very lonely celibate 5 years, I met my now x. Makes me wonder if it was a case of shopping hungry or I really have poor judgement... I prefer the shop hungry theory...
I've had feast and I've had famine... courtesy of online, getting laid isn't a problem. Sex is easy, dating is torture... doesn't stop me from hoping... and from making bad choices. On the other hand, having a safe, steady friend is a good way to hold stupidity at bay. You're not hungry. You're not desperate. And I don't know about you, but I also function better when I've gotten laid... less stressed, more relaxed. Point is, don't discount anything - it's early days. What ever gets you through the night. And you'll do what you'll do when you're ready. | |
|
| |
| Single sexuality - how to deal with lack of
Posted: 5/16/2010 8:47:00 PM | Hey, great question! I struggle with how to do deal with that too. I wonder if men do as well. The men I know don't seem to have many qualms about grabbing it from wherever or whomever it's on offer just to satisfy their "needs". I'd rather know and have an emotional connection to my partner. But when nothing else is working for you, it's pretty damn tough. The books are an intriguing idea, but wouldn't they just make people (namely me) even more ramped up than before? Maybe I should just hang in till menopause hits in a few years. Then the urges may go down significantly.
At 39 I would not worry too much about getting more chances! Some wonderful new exciting partner may come along when you least expect it. Hope you find him soon! | |
|
| Single sexuality - how to deal with lack of
Posted: 5/16/2010 9:16:27 PM | Glad I could help discoveringself, lol.
Forummiss- Ofcourse men who don't screw everyone who offers and try with
those who don't struggle with the same thing. And yes the books should get
you ramped up more SO you can use it as part of a tool to satisfy the urge which
will temporarily get rid of the urge. I know it's not the same but missing sex
with someone you love comes partially from being horny and wanting sex.
| |
|
| Single sexuality - how to deal with lack of
Posted: 5/16/2010 11:27:52 PM | 've had feast and I've had famine... courtesy of online, getting laid isn't a problem. Sex is easy, dating is torture... doesn't stop me from hoping... and from making bad choices. On the other hand, having a safe, steady friend is a good way to hold stupidity at bay. You're not hungry. You're not desperate. And I don't know about you, but I also function better when I've gotten laid... less stressed, more relaxed. Point is, don't discount anything - it's early days. What ever gets you through the night. And you'll do what you'll do when you're ready.
aint that the truth...self gratification is a temporary fix, at best and i have found that for me, it tends to increase the need to have a lover, not decrease it. the only thing that will slow that libido down, as you stated, is time away from sexual activity....lots of time. problem is, imho, you are in the peak of your "activity phase" and it will be tough to give up cold turkey. the fb thing is also a difficult proposition though, for some, but it will take the edge off. this can help greatly in keeping a clear head when making decisions about dating and future relationships.
bumpy road ahead for sure, sorry i dont have any better advice, but it is what it is and most of us have been there...
-chip
p.s. and finding a good fb, has its own set off issues and pitfalls also.. | |
|
| Single sexuality - how to deal with lack of
Posted: 5/17/2010 4:06:01 AM | BOB
battery operated boyfriend...yes I see you don't like them but ummm...not sure what you think will be better.
And learn, if you don't know how already, the great art of masturbation.
6 months ain't as long as you might think...there are many who don't indulge in anything for years (I think I saw 5 listed?). The trick is to not deny your sexuality--that would be a huge mistake. You need to learn self-pleasure if you won't use a bob.
And if you read porno or watch it...isn't that going to make the itch even worse than it already is???? | |
|
| Single sexuality - how to deal with lack of
Posted: 5/17/2010 5:00:33 AM | Yes but masturbation can sometimes make the itch worse.??
It's all very well if you are in a relationship but if you aren't and you are not into casual sex then-well for me-it makes it worse. | |
|
| |
| Single sexuality - how to deal with lack of
Posted: 5/17/2010 5:47:25 AM | | Discoveringself maybe you're still going through the grief of losing the relationship. Our sexual feelings are very tied in with our emotional state of mind, so maybe if you're struggling with this all this time round it's because you've got some emotional ties to cut. I find when I'm fully emotionally independant DIY suffices nicely, but not so if there are more emotional attachments to intimacy. Just a thought. | |
|
| Single sexuality - how to deal with lack of
Posted: 5/17/2010 5:57:58 AM |
Yes but masturbation can sometimes make the itch worse.??
It's all very well if you are in a relationship but if you aren't and you are not into casual sex then-well for me-it makes it worse.
Very true. The more you masturbate the greater the itch.
Unfortunately I don't have any sound advice for you. I would go crazy after 6 months of no sex.
The only relief is to actually do the deed.
I would say find lots of hobbies to keep you occupied, but that never worked well for me! | |
|
| |
| Single sexuality - how to deal with lack of
Posted: 5/17/2010 6:04:18 AM | I take care of myself, often, I wasn't counting that...ooops
I think books will get me high enough to get enough release
on my own. I have an easy and very powerful imagination.
I know If I don't do something I will be hungry and my judgement will be blurred.
Dating someone I like would be a dangerous proposition this way. | |
|
| Single sexuality - how to deal with lack of
Posted: 5/17/2010 6:57:54 AM | I am going to recommend the total opposite of what others are suggesting. The more you think about sex, the more you find substitutes, placibos, or whatever, the more you are going to want it. And quite frankly, there's no substitute for the real thing. So my advice is to rather than thinking about sex, think about your physical well being. For instance, begin training for a marathon, or a tri event, or pick up cycling. Actually this activities make you release a lot of calming endorphins. Also your body is going to get so toned, that you are going to look and feel very hot. So, when it's time to turn the sex radar on, you will attract and even better specimen of the male species.
Oh, and one more thing. Finalize your divorce, then when you decide to have sex, you will feel a lot better. | |
|
| |
| Single sexuality - how to deal with lack of
Posted: 5/17/2010 7:18:59 AM | Wanting sex is a natural instinct. You CAN'T not want sex. The desire will be
there no matter what. So when you're wanting some but don't have anyone,
you take care of it yourself and put the fire out. This is WHY humans (and dolphins)
masturbate. | |
|
| Single sexuality - how to deal with lack of
Posted: 5/17/2010 7:38:40 AM | | I know there are many complications why people stay separated and don't finalize the divorce ...but for your own peace of mind ...I would expedite it as much as possible ... also I don't like the concept of FWB or Fb s....that just contrives that its only sex .... I like the boyfriend /girlfriend relationship much more .... I don't have to be madly in love or engaged ...or even in what I consider a LONG term relationship ..in order to have and enjoy a sexual relationship ... find you a boyfriend ...even if either or neither of you are ready to commit to being in love ... commit to... being in like... commit to being in lust with each other ... its ok if you both date others ...or not....I have known several couples who have had this kind of relationship for a time ...and in all cases it turned into much more ...I recommend this at first in any relationship ...It gives for getting use to being a couple without the feeling of giving up all your freedom .... It shows your SO is with you because he/she wants to be .... not because they are committed to be.... and it gives people time to file old baggage while still getting laid on a regular bases | |
|
| |
| Single sexuality - how to deal with lack of
Posted: 5/17/2010 9:39:46 AM |  Well, if you really want things too change you will need to change. Make some attitude adjustments, for instance not being so particular. It puzzles me why so many women get so high on themselves that their bothered by the idea of having casual sex Just try it!You may really like what comes from it. If not, chalk it up to experience and move on. | |
|
| Single sexuality - how to deal with lack of
Posted: 5/17/2010 10:54:11 AM | Dolphins masturbate?! I cannot imagine how..
But back to topic. Every person is different.
I know that working out does not have any effect on my sex drive, if anything I feel more sexy after a good cardio.
Masturbating helps over not doing anything. I tried for weeks to wean it down. It does not work I just get worse, plus cranky and it is just funny how everything seems to have a sexual innuendo when I go cold turkey
so, ill give the books a try and see what happens. The only one touching me will be, well me. And that is what I want. If I see me building up on urges for the real thing, ill have to review the strategy. | |
|
| Single sexuality - how to deal with lack of
Posted: 5/17/2010 12:09:57 PM | so, ill give the books a try and see what happens. The only one touching me will be, well me. And that is what I want. If I see me building up on urges for the real thing, ill have to review the strategy.
I'm having some trouble understanding the problem. You seem to have a high sex drive. You're 39 and seperated. You've obviously had sex before and you've already had sex with at least one Mr. Wrong. This is the year 2010, not 1910, so I think the only people who expect you to be a saint are the socially maladjusted. If you really want to have sex, why not just have sex? At least you could sleep with another Mr. Wrong without marrying him and satisfy your desire to have sex. Seriously, if you have this much difficulty going six months without sex, you in a heep of trouble.
| |
|
| Single sexuality - how to deal with lack of
Posted: 5/17/2010 1:02:48 PM | Casual sex is just not me. I have had some casual kissing and heavy touching and I didn't like it because it was loveless. I just don't like it. I want to be able to say I love you. I want to look into the persons eye and feel something.
When I take care of myself it is always imagining it is with a boyfriend...wouldnjt that be nice!
I am not judging, just not what I want.
P.s. I am currently in the process of filling out the 14 forms in the divorce package. I am going pro se. So far all uncontested. | |
|
Home
login 
