| | much needed closurePage 1 of 1 | | I posted awhile ago asking about a crush and asking him to hang out..anyways I recently talked to someone who knows him and they mentioned that he has been seeing someone for about a month, that was roughly the time i mentioned that i liked him. When I told him I liked him he never mentioned he was seeing someone and also agreed to hang out with me when I asked. when i asked again he never bothered to reply. I am in no way thinking he is in to me and i know he hasn't led me on either. I am just curious to know why he didnt bother mentioning he was seeing someone to me in the first place, and why he even bothered to agree to hang out with me etc. it would have made me stop pursuing him earlier. why would a guy do that? thanks. | |
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Posted: 5/16/2010 10:56:25 PM | | He either just had a first date, or was about to have a first date with the woman he is now involved with. He didn't say he was involved because he WASN'T involved when you first talked to him. But I'm guessing that when you looked to firm up plans he was starting to get involved. | |
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Posted: 5/16/2010 11:09:38 PM | | more than likely he wanted to keep you on a back burner so if this one fell through, and you popped up again, he knows you dig him. | |
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Posted: 5/17/2010 1:02:03 AM | when you invite someone to do something, the less specific you are about the circumstances, the easier it is for someone to say yes when they may know the chances are remote. also, there's often a gap between what people want to say and what they actually say.
so if you say 'wanna hang out sometime?' to a guy, 999 times out of a thousand he'll say yes, both to be polite and because you're not asking him to DO anything. you're asking whether he's WILLING to do something. it's all hypothetical and requires not even the tiniest commitment, and so does his answer.
When I told him I liked him
you actually said these words? 'i like you'? or are you thinking 'wanna hang out' constitutes a clear expression of attraction? because it doesn't. what you probably meant was 'i'm interested in you; are you interested in me?' but what you actually asked was 'are you willing to interact with me in person?'
he answered what you SAID, but you probably concluded he answered what you MEANT. when you thought he'd said he liked you, you recalibrated your hopes and expectations, when he'd said nothing of the kind. thus your disappointment and frustration now.
next time, be specific. ask the guy if he wants to do specific activity at a specific time. if he says yes, you're golden. if he says no, ask when is better for him. if he makes excuses and offers no counterproposals, that's how you know he's not interested. | |
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Posted: 5/17/2010 1:12:39 AM | | Maybe he felt his dating affairs were none of your business. | |
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Posted: 5/17/2010 4:36:00 AM | | With all due respect, you have posted several times about this "crush". What kind of closure do you need? There's nothing to "close", you didn't have a relationship with him. This has happened to me at times, where I had a "crush" on someone only to discover that they just started seeing someone else. The only thing I could do is accept the situation and move on, and stay away from that person because it only brings up feelings of frustration. This man doesn't owe you an explanation. Sorry it didn't work out for you. | |
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Posted: 5/17/2010 4:58:50 AM | Well done David and Deborah!
OP, MOST people are not primarily focusing their energies on making YOUR life go more smoothly. It's hard enough in this world to get our OWN stuff on track, that you'll find it's rare indeed when someone puts your concerns ahead of theirs. It's not selfishness, it practical necessity. It's also why you should really appreciate it when someone DOES look out for you.
In addition, YOU may know what's inside your head while you are gadding about the planet, but no one else has that view. We all tend to have THIS problem, that we are as aware of our own inner dialogues as we are of the outside world, and can easily forget that the other people out there only hear the words we actually SAY OUT LOUD, not the stuff we thought about that made us say them. | |
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Posted: 5/17/2010 6:53:43 AM | Well, now you know what guys go through all the time! Just because you hang out, doesn't mean anything "special".
People simply need to STOP getting carried away with their feelings for another, keep a tighter leash on their emotions and become better detectives at reading an other's actions, when you ARE interested in someone. When another person isn't interested or attracted to one, conveying ones interest to that person, won't change anything except to make things awkward. I'm surprised that so few, understand this simple thing! | |
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Posted: 5/17/2010 12:43:41 PM | | You don't need ``closure.'' Get that psychobabble out of your head and take charge of your life instead of placing the burden for that on someone else. Move on and forget the closure nonsense. | |
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Posted: 5/17/2010 1:29:26 PM |
I am just curious to know why he didnt bother mentioning he was seeing someone to me in the first place, and why he even bothered to agree to hang out with me etc. it would have made me stop pursuing him earlier. why would a guy do that? thanks.
Try not dwell on "why" he agreed to hang. There is no rhyme or reason...........wait a minute sometimes dudes like to have "BACK UP PLANS". | |
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Posted: 5/21/2010 6:15:51 AM | | It's not as if anyone is going to cut off all contact to everyone they've met just because they agreed to "hang out" with you. He's obviously made his decision and decided to cut off contact with you. Best thing for it is a cup of cement to harden up. | |
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Posted: 5/21/2010 6:39:54 AM | Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?
Why have one free milk supply when you can have two, or more?
"In any given area 20% of the men are fvcking 80% of the women"
If a guy can attract women, why does he have to limit himself to just one?
Its astonishing to me the younger ladies out there apparently had no mothers or never listened to country music... ever heard "He's not the marrying kind" ? | |
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Posted: 5/21/2010 9:10:56 AM | Honestly *some* guys do that because they think they can find someone better, and sometimes don't want to offend or hurt your feelings, so they just don't say anything and let things drift apart.
I talk to several people, and yet have not met anyone yet. A lot of them have said we'll meet up, but none have followed through with an actual date, time, or place.
as others say, plenty of fish in the sea hopefully you'll find them. | |
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| | Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 15 | |
| much needed closure
Posted: 5/21/2010 11:16:55 AM | Having a "crush" is by it's very nature one-sided. You don't need closure for a crush.
I can't tell you how fast many of my "crushes" have ended simply because a man's availability has changed. Hundreds, maybe thousands of times. Depends on if I'm having a slow week.
No matter how attractive he is to me, if for some reason that I become aware of his inavailability, my interest in him does a dramatic nose dive. Doesn't really matter the reason, he could be with another woman, he could be gay, he could simply be incompatible to my lifestyle, but my interest in him will naturally plummet. Sometimes I can feel it happening when it is immediate. It's like one of those old cartoons where the coyote falls off a cliff.
OP you are young, you will learn to pay attention only to those who have something to share with you. | |
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Posted: 5/21/2010 12:37:42 PM | He didn't want to get into telling you he was seeing someone and just
took the easy way out to answer you when you said you liked him.
If he didn't even reply when you brought it up again he is not interested.
Guys take the easiest way out when a girl shows interest when they are not
interested. It leaves the girls confused. Guys just are not comfortible
turning girls down. They are immature cowards that way.
Never will they flat out say they are not interested, in any way. | |
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Posted: 5/21/2010 1:38:44 PM | Closure isn't what you need, as was mentioned there isn't anything to "close".
What you do need is a reality check and maturity. Mature people accept that not everyone they're crushing on is crushing back.  | |
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| much needed closure
Posted: 5/23/2010 9:01:55 AM | | I really don't think everyone is owed "closure" by every single person who's not interested in them. | |
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