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 Eowyn1776
Joined: 11/15/2009
Msg: 1
Should I continue to ignore him? Page 1 of 1    
I recently was dating semi exclusivly (lol I know oxymoron) someone a little while back, untill I ended things, it was time to move on. I knew it wasn't going anywhere. He was there while my mom died a little while ago, and really helped me to get through some of that. We hooked up a few times after we ended it, and eventually I just stopped answering his calls, IM's and emails, untill my recently friend borrorowd my phone and was flirting with him via text. He hit me up on IM and was asking about her and trying to get more info on her, and since she was from out of town it was a moot point. I also told him I told her he was off limits, not because I was still into him, but I would have an issue with my friends dating someone I used to sleep with. (Plus he would still then be around). Ok rambling aside, he is still texting me, I have already told him I want nothing from him, thanks for the time we spent together, ect, but I have done moved on, and have been dating since I told him I didn't want to see him anymore.

My question is (yes you read all that for a simple question), how long should I just ignore him? Forever? It's become mildly annoying, but I don't want to flat out be a B*tch because I honestly do appreciate what he did for me, was a great rock to lean on in a really bad time for me, but that was then............. sigh......
Should I continue to ignore him?
Posted: 5/28/2010 1:31:51 PM
this guy has served your needs in a couple ways, and all you want to do is yell at him. nice.

he provided support and companionship when your mom was dying. and then when you chucked him aside, he was still willing to be your boy toy on call. sounds like he's a weenie, but that doesn't change that he gave you what you wanted.

and what YOU gave HIM was every reason to assume your 'breakups' are meaningless. THAT'S why he's still calling - not because he's some clueless jerk who needs to be put in his place.

'mildly annoying' - you've got to be kidding. the messages are nothing; they'll peter out after a while. is it really such a gross imposition on you to accept that, when the best alternative you can think of is to b|tch him out for following the pattern you set up?
 If you have to ask
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 3
Should I continue to ignore him?
Posted: 5/28/2010 2:03:03 PM
Semi-exclusively means nothing, bad term to use, but I understand what you mean: he was your primary lover but you had your eyes open for someone/something better. Nothing wrong with that, but did HE know that was your mindset?

After you end things, and still hook up, you've created a pattern, like David says, that he's still following. No biggie, but you're going to have to just lay it on the line, be a b!tch if that's what it takes, and just end it. That's what you want, right? If you want him out of your life, you're going to have to be very frank. Find out why he's still contacting you. Does he want sex? Does he want to exclusively date you? Finding out what's up with him should tell you almost all you need to know about how to proceed eradicating him from your life.

You must recognize though, that you messed this up so you don't repeat this situation; neither of you is a "winner" in this.
 MrFication
Joined: 5/6/2010
Msg: 4
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Should I continue to ignore him?
Posted: 5/28/2010 2:05:22 PM
Just tell him that there is no chance of anything happening with you. You can be an honest person or an honest ****, but as soon as he knows you are serious about not wanting anything--he will move on. Also by telling someone he is off limits, gives the impression that you somehow want him to be available, and that there may still be something else you will want from him. If you were indifferent about or encouraged other people to go for him, it would seem as though you are done with him. If he is occupied with someone else, he probably won't contact you.
 NarcissusTemple
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 5
Should I continue to ignore him?
Posted: 5/28/2010 2:10:35 PM
How is it that you get to control who he goes out with?
Why is that any of your business what he does after you break up with him?
If he's such an honorable man (a rock when your mom died) why wouldn't you want one of your friends to go out with him?
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 6
Should I continue to ignore him?
Posted: 5/28/2010 2:16:32 PM
Kudos David..

If you were a man posting this I think you would have been raked quite harshly.
You got what you wanted now you want him to f off and don't have the balls to tell him.

Sheesh.

This really sounds like some high school thing a low life guy would do to someone.

You should have told your GF to go for it..So me thinks you like the attention.

Please do him a favor and let him know you are done and let him find a good lady.



I want nothing from him

Not the same as "move on you are wasting your time" or not interested.
 MisterDynomite
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 7
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Should I continue to ignore him?
Posted: 5/28/2010 2:18:22 PM

I recently was dating semi exclusivly (lol I know oxymoron) someone a little while back, untill I ended things, it was time to move on. I knew it wasn't going anywhere. He was there while my mom died a little while ago, and really helped me to get through some of that. We hooked up a few times after we ended it, and eventually I just stopped answering his calls, IM's and emails, untill my recently friend borrorowd my phone and was flirting with him via text. He hit me up on IM and was asking about her and trying to get more info on her, and since she was from out of town it was a moot point. I also told him I told her he was off limits, not because I was still into him, but I would have an issue with my friends dating someone I used to sleep with.


Looks like the bad karma you sent out is coming back to you... and you would rather sweep it under the rug than to deal with it.

I say you just suck it up.. because if one of your friends wants to date him.. thats just tuff luck on you now isn't it?

You chucked him away.. so don't expect to have any remote control over who he chooses to date. It doesn't work that way. Honestly, you kinda are getting what you deserve back. Take that as a lesson.

 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 8
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Should I continue to ignore him?
Posted: 5/28/2010 2:32:39 PM
I'm sorry to tell you this, but it's too late. By deciding YOU are the arbiter of who both he AND your "friends" can date, you already ARE being a flat out etcetera. I think this MIGHT be about the most self-centered story and question I have seen, even here, where incredible selfishness is rampant.
I agree that by helping you through the death of your mother, he did NOT buy any credits for a future. However, by making what has proved to be the mistake of a lifetime by sleeping with you, he ALSO did not deserve to be forever sequestered from ever being permitted to interact with anyone ELSE on the planet you HAPPEN to associate with. And this particular female is only someone you RECENTLY met?
In my opinion, a nice, caring, friendly human being, would be happy to help two of their friends, or even acquaintances to get together.
How long should you ignore him? I don't understand. You've decided to place him in a relationship prison, and you've ALREADY rather rudely rebuffed his attempts to remain on friendly terms with you. How is "ignoring him" any special chore? I take it you are technologically inept as well, unable to manage to use blocking features on your phone, or for that matter to delete old numbers. Given all of that, I doubt ANYONE can help you out of this "nightmare." The only thing that might work is, GET A NEW PHONE, and maybe drop the new female friend as well. She might still find a way to talk to someone ELSE on the planet who you've discarded. Too dangerous to keep her around.
 Eowyn1776
Joined: 11/15/2009
Msg: 9
Should I continue to ignore him?
Posted: 5/28/2010 2:48:21 PM
'mildly annoying' - you've got to be kidding. the messages are nothing; they'll peter out after a while. is it really such a gross imposition on you to accept that, when the best alternative you can think of is to b|tch him out for following the pattern you set up?


It's annoying when yes I realized essentually I was stringing him along and wanted to end it completly. I could continue to ignore it, but not happy about that solution, because to me the past is the past, and I want away from it.


You must recognize though, that you messed this up so you don't repeat this situation; neither of you is a "winner" in this.


I do recognise this, I wasn't in the best of mindsets kinda hard to be given the cercumstances. Now I am working with a clearer head, and trying to deal with things I couldn't for a while.


Just tell him that there is no chance of anything happening with you. You can be an honest person or an honest ****, but as soon as he knows you are serious about not wanting anything--he will move on.

How is it that you get to control who he goes out with?


Am trying to avoid being a capitol B, but might try something strait forward again. I have absolutly no issues with him dating anyone, besides my friend, I want to move on from him, and my friend wouldn't want me dating her ex's either, as soon as she found out the person texting her was someone I was with before she wasn't interested. Would you want your ex to date a sister/brother? Not likely, you want to be away from them, regardless of a good or bad breakup.



You got what you wanted now you want him to f off and don't have the balls to tell him.
You should have told your GF to go for it..So me thinks you like the attention.
Please do him a favor and let him know you are done and let him find a good lady.
"I want nothing from him" Not the same as "move on you are wasting your time" or not interested.


I absolutly don't want the attn, I just want to sever all ties with it, including if he was talking to my friend, who isn't interested once she knew we used to date anyways. And hadn't though about telling him he was wasting his time, but have indeed said "not interested."

And Dynomite,

Essentually sure it's like sweeping under the rug, I just want to walk away from it. I get I set up a patern, I have tried to fix it. I don't contact him I don't answer his texts, I haven't made the best of choices with the whole thing, I understand, but shouldn't there be a timeframe as to when it all ends, and the world moves on? I might try to reiterate that, and believe me lesson learned. Sometimes you do need a clear head before you can deal with things, that's what I am trying now.


Edit:

Igor my friend isn't interesed, and we have been friends for years, his number was deleted, so that's why she was texting him back. She didn't know who he was, and he never told her that we used to date via text. He's free to do what he wants, dating wise, and if he meets an aquantance/friend of mine somewhere and they get along fine, but a few flirts via text on MY PHONE, isn't ok in my book, maybe selfish, we all have something, if I was selfish when my mom died so be it, I recognized it, and ended it.

Deb, completly understand, it's not easy, I did appreciate him around, eventually I realized it was false pretences, and that's when it ended. If he wants to holler @ you I am sure yall would get along great.

 deborah815
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 10
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Should I continue to ignore him?
Posted: 5/28/2010 2:59:15 PM
My mother died in December, the grieving process has been difficult, I would have loved to have had your friend around to comfort me. If you don't want him, send him over here. Meanwhile, you can't control your friends and who they want to date.
 MisterDynomite
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 11
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Should I continue to ignore him?
Posted: 5/28/2010 3:18:37 PM

And Dynomite,

Essentually sure it's like sweeping under the rug, I just want to walk away from it. I get I set up a patern, I have tried to fix it. I don't contact him I don't answer his texts, I haven't made the best of choices with the whole thing, I understand, but shouldn't there be a timeframe as to when it all ends, and the world moves on? I might try to reiterate that, and believe me lesson learned. Sometimes you do need a clear head before you can deal with things, that's what I am trying now.


Well then clear your head by all means.. but seriously.. don't fog other ppls heads in the process.

You have no right in making expectations of what others need to do to meet your comfort especially when you initiated the dump.... And no... there is no universal timeframe as to when it all ends. You already got your way by dumping him... you achieved that. Congrats for you... now let him date who he wants and steer clear of it if you feel it's wrong.

 pwinmd777
Joined: 5/6/2010
Msg: 12
Should I continue to ignore him?
Posted: 5/28/2010 3:57:20 PM

He's (not surprisingly) hoping you'll relent again... so what.
Tell him in a firm but polite way 'We're done' and block him if you have to.

Given your previous moves you're sort of past due on the kind ex of the year award...
The present dilemma is pretty trivial, as davidp says.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 13
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Should I continue to ignore him?
Posted: 5/28/2010 4:51:37 PM
first you wrote this:


I also told him I told her he was off limits

then you wrote this:


as soon as she found out the person texting her was someone I was with before she wasn't interested.

backtracking a bit now, since the thread isn't going your way? clearly, you don't like it when you don't get what you want.


Would you want your ex to date a sister/brother? Not likely, you want to be away from them, regardless of a good or bad breakup.

you really missed igor's boat, didn't you? again, it's all about what YOU want, as if your desires trump all other considerations. there are a few people, believe it or not, that would actually be willing to put their brother or sister's hopes for a satisfying relationship ahead of their own desire to avoid the petty difficulty of seeing an ex.

face it, thinking you have any business trying to manage the relationships of other adults is insupportable.
 E_keys
Joined: 10/3/2009
Msg: 14
Should I continue to ignore him?
Posted: 5/28/2010 4:53:13 PM
The part about "permission" to date your friend is a red herring. He knew it was your phone and was likely only interested in her to maintain some kind of connection with you. Your friend was right to stay out of that mess.

Guess my answer to "continue to ignore him?" is, say "it's DONE, wish you well, goodbye" one more time clearly if you haven't already - then ignore him.
 Eowyn1776
Joined: 11/15/2009
Msg: 15
Should I continue to ignore him?
Posted: 5/28/2010 6:16:13 PM
@DP

not back tracking, I never said in the OP that she was interested, he text my phone from a number that wasn't programed in and she continued on in the convo, when I told her who he was from my past as what we have always done, he is no longer an option, or off limits.

If I wanted a thread to be rubber stamped with something I might say, I wouldn't post on here. I certainly did want someone's unfiltered opinion regardless of if I liked what it was, hence the thread.

And maybe I missed the boat, and there are people who don't care if someone close to them dates an ex, I'm not one of them. Plus since when did flirting via text become a relationship?


face it, thinking you have any business trying to manage the relationships of other adults is insupportable.

that's ok I wasn't asking for support, just your .02.
 rainman12
Joined: 10/18/2007
Msg: 16
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Should I continue to ignore him?
Posted: 5/28/2010 8:25:33 PM
As for telling your friend he's off limits - don't get why people are making such a big fuss over that statement. Your friend knows you dated him, it's up to her now whether she wants to risk a friendship by dating this guy. While they're right in saying you can't tell your friends who they can/can't date, you still get to choose your friends, and if dating him is a friendship deal breaker, then so be it. That IS what you can control. From what you said in subsequent posts, it doesn't sound like she wants anything to do with the guy, I'll take that at face value.

Back to the question:

So you've told him you don't want to see him etc and he's still not getting the clue (or just plain ignoring it) then block his number and IM. Depending on your phone service provider it might cost a small fee but worth it IMO. Again, this IS one of those things that you get to choose, you don't want him calling/texting etc then block him. I'd give him one last chance to take the hint though, but be prepared to have him ignore it again.

As much of a "rock" as he may have been when you needed him, you've moved on and decided that he's not what you're looking for. That's your prerogative. Exercise it.
 KeyofLife05
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 17
Should I continue to ignore him?
Posted: 5/28/2010 9:12:32 PM
Another classic example of a post that (if submitted by a guy) would have been deleted immediately for reasons of being "whiny". Honestly, no guy would ever submit this because they would not want such a thing in their post history. Seriously, re-read it, imagining these words coming from a guy:
- - - - -
I recently was dating semi exclusively someone a little while back, until I ended things, it was time to move on. I knew it wasn't going anywhere. (S)he was there while my mom died a little while ago, and really helped me to get through some of that. We hooked up a few times after we ended it...

I have already told h(er) I want nothing from h(er), thanks for the time we spent together, ect...

how long should I just ignore h(er)? Forever? It's become mildly annoying.... sigh......
- - - - -
THIS WOULD COME OFF AS THE BIGGEST GUY JERK EVER! Am I right?? Yep...
 BlueEyesJ2013
Joined: 5/30/2009
Msg: 18
Should I continue to ignore him?
Posted: 5/29/2010 3:24:41 AM
With respect, I will be blunt here. You have no right to tell your friend or him that they cannot date each other. It is not your decision.

It would be best if you genuinely don't want to hear from him anymore to tell him straight. I regret that if he and your friend are serious about hooking up, it would best to be polite to him when telling him, because you might still have to have him in your life in some small way should they hook up.
 American-Boy
Joined: 5/24/2007
Msg: 19
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Should I continue to ignore him?
Posted: 5/29/2010 8:15:38 AM
Tell him it is over. Period. Be direct, to the point, and most importantly - NO OFFERING WIGGLE ROOM FOR MISINTERPRETATION.
 Sun_Devil_92
Joined: 11/16/2008
Msg: 20
Should I continue to ignore him?
Posted: 5/29/2010 10:45:17 AM
I recently was dating semi exclusivly (lol I know oxymoron) someone a little while back,

Ok, I'm on board with this ...

also told him I told her he was off limits, not because I was still into him, but I would have an issue with my friends dating someone I used to sleep with.

... and this is where I fall off. By your own definition, this guy wasn't "serious", so I frankly don't know why you would even care. However, if I had to guess, this is one of those scenarios of where the guy/gal says, "I'm not going to get into a serious relationship," where in fact they *always* get into serious relationships but just can't acknowledge it within themselves. Whatever ...

I just stopped answering his calls, IM's and emails,

Completely on-board here.

untill my recently friend borrorowd my phone and was flirting with him via text.

Ok, I'm going to ask since I must be really slow ... if you never were really in a relationship with this guy, whereas you had no feelings for him, and you had move on by eliminating contact with him - riddle me this, batman: how did your friend call him? Did she channel Psychic Cleo for his number? After all, having a guy's number in your phone for who you have no feelings for is really, really weird ...

With that aside, it was *you* (albeit through your friend's drunken texting) that initiated contact with the guy. So why are you disturbed that he's trying to contact you once again? Frankly, you have left enough clues in your life (contacting him through friend, still having your number in his phone, telling him you don't want your friends to date him) to hint that you truly still have feeling for him.

I'm sure that he is thoroughly confused about you ...
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