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 The Tactile Guy
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 1
Taken In Hand RelationshipPage 1 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
I read a profile which stated she wanted this type of relationship. I'd never heard of it so Googled & came up with this:

http://www.takeninhand.com/taken.in.hand.in.a.nutshell

A Taken In Hand relationship is a wholehearted sexually exclusive marriage in which, to the delight of both spouses, the man actively controls the woman. The degree of control and the way the husband retains control vary from Taken In Hand couple to Taken In Hand couple, but in all cases both husband and wife actively want the husband to have the upper hand. No matter how strong, tough and forceful a Taken In Hand wife may be, and no matter how hard she might try to take control in their marriage, she would be aghast if her husband were to let her get the upper hand. Likewise, no matter how loving, kind and considerate the husband may be, he prefers to keep his wife firmly in hand.

IMHO dominance within any relationship is never a good thing (allowing for the obvious strengths & weaknesses we all have) so my questions to the audience are this:

Would a relationship of this type excite you?

Or does it fill with you dread?
 garyzac
Joined: 9/25/2008
Msg: 2
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Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 6/13/2010 4:14:51 AM

Would a relationship of this type excite you?


No.

It relies too much on 'rules'.

Relationships don't have 'rules'......

There are times when each partner will dominate the other, and not just sexually, and this is usually to the benefit of that relationship.
 ~nx~
Joined: 5/6/2010
Msg: 3
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 6/13/2010 4:24:38 AM
sounds like normal marriage to me... except the bit about the wife wanting it.. but i dont suppose that bothers most blokes anyway so at least 50% of the partnership will be happy, and, as we all know, as long as the bloke is happy, thats all that matters.
 Carm0n
Joined: 11/21/2009
Msg: 4
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 6/13/2010 4:28:33 AM
The idea of a man like that sickens me.
How old was this women? She must have no backbone, and did she have
any interests? She must be a barrel of laughs!
Its totally alien to me that anyone of either sex would want to live in
such conditions.
I prefer an equal partnership.
 Gagged
Joined: 1/30/2009
Msg: 5
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 6/13/2010 6:22:58 AM
Aren't they know as Surrendered Wives in the States, also?

I couldn't do it, not long term anyway!
My first husband was very controlling and I was very young, so allowed him to do it.
Unfortunately for both of us, it is not in my make-up to be meek. When I grew up a bit, he couldn't change his behaviour, so all hell was let loose.

Funnily enough, my second husband tried that on as well. God only knows why, because he'd seen me as an independent and assertive (OK, gobby and bolshy) before we got together. How he thought a bit of paper made him lord and master, I don't know.

TG, do you think the title glitch might be because it sounds a bit frisky?
 datetastic
Joined: 12/24/2009
Msg: 6
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 6/13/2010 9:18:03 AM
No decent man would want that sort of unequal relationship althought you can see where inadequate men and those sad control freaks all women meet all the time, in fact, generally all those men who secretly fear women would want it.

we shouldn't even be discussing it - don't give it the oxygen of publicity.
 tatt_erella
Joined: 12/8/2009
Msg: 7
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 6/13/2010 11:12:02 AM
Is this not the same sort of thing as the Stepford wives senario? Apart from those wives were brainwashed to 'obey' their spouses.
I can't understand how any woman could actually enjoy being totally
controlled(or man if you reverse rolls).
It demeans the person for being the person they are and I can't believe
that anyone would put up with this for too long!
If it was just down to sex..then there is fun to be had being sometimes
dominant and other times submissive.
It kind of makes me think that maybe women that want to be in a taken in hand relationship have lost their way and 'need' someone to control them,
rather than working on issues and a man that is happy to do this
needs to sort out his controlling nature and behaviour.
Having also been in a relationship where the man tried to control me,
I know this is is not for me..as said it should be based on equality and
doing things to please each other surely...
But each to their own I guess....
 ~nx~
Joined: 5/6/2010
Msg: 8
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 6/13/2010 11:48:55 AM

in all cases both husband and wife actively want the husband to have the upper hand.


she wants it, he wants it... i cant see the problem with it...

although its not really control is it... surely its only control if one is forcing the other against their will.
 Bob The Bleeder
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 9
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Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 6/13/2010 12:45:15 PM
I think if thats what she wants then thats what she wants :)

In modern times women and relationships have a lot more balance but some women prefer a man to be dominant and masculine and it probably makes them feel more feminine to be submissive. I knew of a woman who was into slavery and had a master and she said she was born to be a slave, its all she knew and what she was comfortable with.

I prefer balance and equality but there are also women who prefer to control and manipulate men thinking we are dumb or some who like the upper hand and being dominant. If someone tries to take the upper hand I may let them get away with it early on in a relationship seeing it as a joke but if they seriously take advantage of it I don't hesitate to dump them. Dominant women by their nature will get my back up same as dominant men
 OBird
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 10
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Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 6/13/2010 1:35:08 PM
I think the key phrase here is
"to the delight of both spouses".

What happens between consenting adults, and how they run their relationship, is nobodies business but theirs. So I wont comment or judge upon how it might suit others.

For me? I dont think there's a man on the planet who could completely dominate me. Well, not for longer than a couple of hours when I let him, anyway.
 indigovelvet
Joined: 5/9/2010
Msg: 11
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 6/13/2010 6:56:16 PM
The term "taken in hand" conjures up the idea of a D/S relationship. It's not for everyone but given that it's primarily based on trust and communication.....something which is often lacking from more traditional style relationships.... I don't see why some people are so critical of it. I don't believe it would work for me in the long run as I'm not the sort of person that could surrender myself to another to that extent without feeling I've lost myself somewhere along the way. It's a lifestyle that works for some but not for others and is really dependent on both partners mutual participation and so in that respect it is equal.
 aries074
Joined: 5/11/2009
Msg: 12
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 6/13/2010 11:12:41 PM
This would definitely not be a relationship for me.
Generally, one thing about such a relationship that
would trouble me is the thought of it stemming from
the "dominated" partner suffering from low self-esteem.
However, each to their own.
 Strider886
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 13
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Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 6/14/2010 1:08:34 AM
Personally I find that women are far happier, far more affectionate, have more self confidence and much higher libido when they have freedom to be themselves within a relationship.
So if for example she feels she can flirt with other men and not feel guilty for doing so, then your onto a real winner, because compliments from the same person over and over again don't have the same effect as those from a total stranger ;)
 Bitty Wanter
Joined: 5/13/2010
Msg: 14
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 6/14/2010 1:09:50 AM
yeh too much 'control' for me..just sounds like a marathon sub dom session !
Loads of rubber and latex, kinky whips and being spun round on dodgy pieces of furniture for weeks on end

I'd probably 'get off' over it for a few weeks but soon get cheesed off with someone constantly thwacking leather whips across my bare buttocks while I'm trying do the housework

Any takers (excuse the pun !)
 sallymw
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 15
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 6/14/2010 4:14:49 AM
Sounds like purgatory to me! Pass..
 Bob The Bleeder
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 16
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Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 6/14/2010 4:28:56 AM
I dunno, I think I could manage a bit of gentle spanking from time to time to put my woman in her place and order her to satisfy my every need and whim, a personal slave sounds much better than the "make it yerself" we normally hear these days. I think a submissive woman is far more appealing than a dominant b*tch who dont know how to look after her man :)
I find it interesting that I have seen a few profiles of women who are into kickboxing or martial arts, if they want to be dominant they are going to need it
 Softly~Softly
Joined: 11/12/2009
Msg: 17
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 6/14/2010 4:52:40 AM
Each to their own, if that's what she wants then that is her prerogative...
Not my scene, although I do find meek/submissive men a total turn off in every way ..

 sallymw
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 18
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 6/14/2010 4:56:38 AM
I think you could do with a bit of spanking at times...some of the things you come out with Jesus!

Personally I want equality in a relationship, with mutual respect and support, where it's give and take. We all need a shoulder sometimes, to lean or cry on, and be able to give the same in return, to feel valued. I don't expect everyone to feel the same, although I do believe everyone wants to feel special.
 Jo van
Joined: 5/23/2009
Msg: 19
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Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 6/14/2010 5:31:10 AM

A Taken In Hand relationship is a wholehearted sexually exclusive marriage in which, to the delight of both spouses,
the man actively controls the woman. The degree of control and the way the husband retains control vary from
Taken In Hand couple to Taken In Hand couple, but in all cases both husband and wife actively want the husband to have
the upper hand. No matter how strong, tough and forceful a Taken In Hand wife may be, and no matter how hard
she might try to take control in their marriage, she would be aghast if her husband were to let her get the upper hand.
Likewise, no matter how loving, kind and considerate the husband may be, he prefers to keep his wife firmly in hand.

IMHO dominance within any relationship is never a good thing (allowing for the obvious strengths & weaknesses we
all have)
so my questions to the audience are this:

Would a relationship of this type excite you?

Or does it fill with you dread?

Many relationships have a dominant partner, we all have different confidence levels and abilities, as you so rightly say OP.,
but a 'formalised' version of this does seem a bit strange to most of us, but if it works, and they're both in agreement,
as others have said, who am I to criticize what they both choose...?

But IMO., it smacks of the past, and the Victorian attitude, and there is a smattering of the patriarchal remnants of
religion in there too. (It's the kind of arrangement which the Old Testament and the Q'uran (sp?) advocate).
I thought 'we' had moved past the notion of "ownership" of a wife, and supposedly (legally anyway) we are 'equal'.

However, as the 'main breadwinner' in many relationships/marriages, the man often likes to feel "in charge",
And the 'trick' that women often 'play' very successfully, is to let the man think he's the dominant partner,
when the reality is the complete opposite!

For me, the ideal would be someone who's opinions I'd be very impressed by, and on occasion I would defer to their
better opinion.
A 'proper' partnership, with no "dominant" partner. (outside of the bedroom of course!)
JMO

 Bitty Wanter
Joined: 5/13/2010
Msg: 20
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 6/14/2010 7:26:12 AM
However, as the 'main breadwinner' in many relationships/marriages, the man often likes to feel "in charge",


One could argue that this is an 'old fashioned' statistic, there are many women who have became the main breadwinner nowadays with the onset of 'house-husbands' becoming quite the norm. Changes the goal posts slightly and one wonders who 'wears the trousers' now !
 Cheburashka
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 21
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Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 6/14/2010 12:11:56 PM
The first and often never seen rule is

The submissive is the one who is in charge of the relationship!

In a sexual (dom / sub) relationship there is always a trigger point, a key word, that once uttered by the sub they know it will end...

"Taken in hand" is no different.
she DECIDES to place herself into the position, and knows full well there is a way out of it.

it is the first rule, and almost never seen, and never mentioned, but it ever present in the mind.
 Bob The Bleeder
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 22
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Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 6/14/2010 12:31:23 PM

think you could do with a bit of spanking at times...some of the things you come out with Jesus!

Personally I want equality in a relationship, with mutual respect and support, where it's give and take.


OK fair enough, do u wanna be spanked first or second? I always knew sally was a bit kinky ;)

Im just standing in for Cargy and Jimmy til they return I always like their comments
 XxAbbiexX22
Joined: 8/6/2008
Msg: 23
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Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 6/14/2010 12:35:38 PM

Would a relationship of this type excite you?


Not at all. I'm very independent in my way of mind and I hated being told what to do when I was younger and now I'm an adult, I hate it even more so now, especially within a relationship. I believe that both partners should be equal, give a little, take a little.
Each to their own and all that but I honestly couldn't handle a relationship like that.
 sallymw
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 24
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 6/14/2010 12:42:30 PM
Im just standing in for Cargy and Jimmy til they return I always like their comments

So do I!! where've they gone?

First I think..so can get my own back! And be careful what you do with that didgeridoo!! (Just read yr other post) :@

Seriously tho', I don't get why anyone would want to live their life like that. Is it poor self-esteem as drummed into them as a child or something?
 minika
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 25
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 6/16/2010 2:13:57 PM
Reading the title, I thought this thread was going to be rude & more suited in the sex forum!

What if the woman makes the man think he has the upper hand? Does that count?


Would a relationship of this type excite you?
NO, I'd guess that answers your other question too.
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