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 misspiggster
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 1
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Being a single parent in a long distance relationshipPage 1 of 1    
Hi,
I met a really great guy through here a while ago now-we are getting on really, really well and we both feel it has long term potential. However, the 400 mile distance isn't making things easy for us. I visit him once a month and he visits me once a month. He owns a house that he is currently renting out thats 200 miles away and told me he plans on moving up there next yea if things are as good as they are now. But whilst I am pleased he would be nearer, it would still mean we were in a long distance relationship.
I live at home with my duaghter at the moment as I am looking for somewhere to live in my area that my daughters school is in so when he comes up he has to stay at a hotel so its all in all quite an expensive relationship with all the travelling, biut worth it.
My mum thinks I am being selfish in continueing this relationship as he is so far away-what can I do?
 pitufina_77
Joined: 8/13/2009
Msg: 2
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Being a single parent in a long distance relationship
Posted: 7/6/2010 6:17:51 AM
Well, you would perhaps be selfish is HE was complaining and you still carried on.

If you both are ok with the arrangement, the frecuency of the visits, expense, etc. I see no reason to not continue with it. If things are going well, circumstances can change, and you can never project what's going on now too far into the future.

The important thing is that you both find it worth it. Don't get discouraged.

However, I'm also a single (divorced) mother, and I can tell you that my parents are opposed to me meeting somebody again. It's either for protection reasons or something else more complicated. As I say to them, they have each other, and their needs for romance are covered. Mine aren't, and I'm still relatively young. So be careful about advice from parents.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 3
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Being a single parent in a long distance relationship
Posted: 7/6/2010 6:22:14 AM
If you want someone nearer to home then this guy is not him. Why don't you see where it goes for now, unless you are planning on living in the same town for the rest of your life.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 4
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Being a single parent in a long distance relationship
Posted: 7/6/2010 6:29:23 AM
You both feel the relationship has longterm potential as a long distance relationship? Or longterm potential in that one of you will eventually move to the other's town in the future? If neither of you are planning on doing that and you're always going to have hundreds of miles between you (whether it's 200 or 400 miles), I guess I'd have to ask why you would want to persue this at all. But then again, sometimes this works for people who don't want anymore than that.

I don't get why your mom calls you "selfish" for being in a long distance relationship. What's selfish about it? That doesn't make sense.
 misspiggster
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 5
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Being a single parent in a long distance relationship
Posted: 7/6/2010 6:40:04 AM
Hi,
we feel our relationship is something special that could last-not long distance for ever though, that wouldn't work.
Thanks for all your replies so far-all great help x
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 6
Being a single parent in a long distance relationship
Posted: 7/6/2010 6:54:15 AM
Selfish? Nope. Not in the least bit. Even though you aren't content with being long distant, you also don't seem to be on the fast road to breaking things off.

Perhaps wait a while longer to see how things progress.

Good luck to you both.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 7
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Being a single parent in a long distance relationship
Posted: 7/6/2010 7:55:53 AM
How long is a 'while ago' ? A 200+ mile apart romance won't go far. How old is your child? Do you plan on never leaving your town?
 misspiggster
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 8
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Being a single parent in a long distance relationship
Posted: 7/6/2010 8:25:39 AM
we met end of Feb time, but actually met up March/April for the first time.
I think I need to sit down with him or talk about the idea of him moving nearer than that-or do you think it is too soon to ask him to consider moving to my town next year instead?
My daughteer is 4, nearly 5.
 rocketship51
Joined: 3/15/2010
Msg: 9
Being a single parent in a long distance relationship
Posted: 7/6/2010 9:23:06 AM
From the "been there, done that" peanut gallery: though you've been meeting in person since Mar/Apr, as you only see each other 2 x/month, you barely have a handful of "dates" behind you. Not only that, but these are "mini honeymoons" no doubt centered around fun, not on the practical day-to-day business of living. So, it seems to me you're in the very, very early stages of getting to know each other, and that talk of "LT potential" and of either of you moving is premature. If you're both happy w/ one another, and the time spent together is enjoyable...just proceed as is, and go easy on hopes and expectations. I'd be content w/ his moving 200 miles closer...while still a LD deal, certainly you can manage more frequent visits, and then be in a better position to make choices on future plans.

Good Luck!
 pitufina_77
Joined: 8/13/2009
Msg: 10
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Being a single parent in a long distance relationship
Posted: 7/6/2010 9:28:58 AM

we met end of Feb time, but actually met up March/April for the first time.
I think I need to sit down with him or talk about the idea of him moving nearer than that-or do you think it is too soon to ask him to consider moving to my town next year instead?
My daughteer is 4, nearly 5.


I would say that it's a bit early to "sit down with him and talk".

But you could, in normal conversation, let it drop that, as life develops for you, you would perhaps welcome the idea of relocating. Just so that he knows where you stand with regards to your level of attachment to your current location.

About your daughter, I tell you because I have been there. Children are tremendously resilient people, especially if their needs are being met. I know people who relocated (to another country) with a 12 year old daughter, and she is as happy as anything.

The important thing for you two is to ground your relationship well, then introduce him to your daughter, make sure the two of them love and respect each other, and then decide who will move where.
 Sassy_Lulu
Joined: 5/18/2010
Msg: 11
Being a single parent in a long distance relationship
Posted: 7/6/2010 1:30:22 PM
Everything rocketinflight says!
 salsamercie
Joined: 5/25/2009
Msg: 12
Being a single parent in a long distance relationship
Posted: 7/6/2010 3:34:28 PM
Long distance relationship can work...however is requires a lot of communication and effort on both parts. Its also difficult on those nights when you want to cuddle up and he is not around....Unless you deeply love this man- cut it short before you invest anymore more emotion into the relationship.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 13
Being a single parent in a long distance relationship
Posted: 7/6/2010 3:44:37 PM
OP your one of the very rare cases that long term relationships work.

I, too, think it's way too soon to be dicussing who should move where.
If both of you are happy with the way things are now, then just see
how it continues to progress.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 14
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Being a single parent in a long distance relationship
Posted: 7/8/2010 8:23:18 AM
4-5 months is far too quickly to uproot your life or ask someone else to uproot theirs. Continue to leave things as they are unless you decide it does not work for you anymore. Seeing my guy once a month would not be enough for me.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 15
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Being a single parent in a long distance relationship
Posted: 7/8/2010 8:42:16 AM
~OP~ I agree ^^^^^^^. 4-5 is too soon to be talking about anyone moving anywhere. Why not just enjoy things as they are and see what things look like in a year? Isn't that when you said he'd like to move, should things work out? (I've taught me a LOT about what true commitment is. Those relationships take a lot of patience and faith/trust in one another.) JMO
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